Chapter 22

Graham

It’s Christmas Day, and we’re still stuck at the cabin. Britney is still next door to my place in town, and I’m not there to take care of her. I feel a little guilty that Sarah was the only one on my mind.

When I call, Britney takes long enough to answer for me to get nervous.

“Sorry,” she says. “I was outside with the kids.”

I relax a little. “Merry Christmas,” I say, smiling.

“And to you, too,” Britney says. “Are we seeing you later?”

“I don’t think so. I’m still stuck here. The snow is too deep to get the car out, and it might take a while to melt.”

“At least you’re not alone,” Britney says, and I can just picture her face, amused and grinning.

“There is that,” I say, because I don’t know what else to say.

Sarah walks into the room, and my eyes follow her for a moment.

“Are you going to tell me about her, or are you going to keep her a snowed-in secret forever?” Britney asks.

Sarah glances at me, and I’m suddenly worried she can hear Brit’s voice over the speaker.

“I can’t really talk about that now,” I say.

“Right, she’s there,” Britney says, putting two and two together. My sister is ridiculously sharp when it comes to women in my life. If she was this sharp about men in hers… but that’s not fair, and I push the thought away.

“I’m sorry I can’t see you later. We’ll have to do Christmas on a different day so that I can see the kids. I got gifts for everyone. And you too.”

“You didn’t need to do that,” Britney says. “After everything you’ve done for us, with the move and the new place right next…”

Britney keeps talking, but I can barely focus on her words. Sarah is close by, and if she hears what Britney is saying, she’ll know everything. My stomach sinks to my shoes.

“Of course, I had to get you all gifts, it’s Christmas,” I interrupt Britney. When Sarah glances at me again, I wink. Too much? Maybe. “I think we should do Christmas as soon as I’m back, with a dinner and presents and everything.”

Britney laughs, and I’m relieved I can change the topic. I don’t want Sarah finding out that Britney and her kids are living next door. She’ll figure it out — she’s not dumb. I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me, not if she finds out like this. I know I’ll have to tell her at some point, but then, at least, it will have come from me, and maybe I can soften the blow somehow.

“Give my love to the kids,” I say. “I’ll call you again, tomorrow.” We end the conversation, and I tuck my phone into my pocket.

“Is your sister doing all right now?” Sarah asks. “With her issues?”

I nod. “Yes, I think she’ll be okay. At least, it sounds like she’ll enjoy this Christmas, which is all I wanted for her in the short term.”

Sarah nods. At least none of what I just said is a lie. Yes, the reasons are a little different than I’m letting Sarah believe, but it’s once again the lesser of two evils. It seems that two evils are the only choices I have every time.

The up side about still being snowed in is that I get to spend more time with Sarah. We’re stuck in a bubble, a fantasy that would never happen in normal life, and if we’re stuck here together, we can keep doing this. I can keep pretending that I’m not hiding a terrible secret from her, and she can keep thinking I’m the perfect guy for her. Once we return to reality — even if she doesn’t find out the truth right away, or even ever — the fantasy will be shattered, and we’ll go back to life as usual where I don’t see her all the time.

At least, for now, I’m happy right where I am.

“Do you think we’ll have enough food to last us if we’re stuck here for longer?” Sarah asks, standing by the open fridge. Our supplies have dwindled a bit. I bought her a lot of things, but it was all with one person in mind, not two.

“I think we should be all right,” I say. “The forecast says it’s heating up a little, and I think in a day or two it will be warm enough for the snow to have melted.”

“I hope so. So far, everything has been great, and I don’t want us to get stuck with some kind of emergency.”

I nod. I know it will be all right.

“I’ll be happy when the snow melts,” Sarah says.

“Why?” I ask, walking closer to her. “Don’t you like being stuck here with me?”

She smiles when I’m right in front of her and put my hands on her arms.

“I do,” she says. “But I like having the choice to leave or stay. So that, you know, it’s my decision when I don’t leave the house.”

Her dark eyes are large and beautiful, and her little speech is cute. God, I’m really starting to like this woman. She makes me feel like there’s hope for a man like me, that I could find real love after all. I didn’t think it was out there for me, not after getting my heart shattered into a million pieces. Now, I’m starting to see things differently.

“I’m glad you feel that way,” I say, stepping even closer to her so that my body is pressed against hers. I put my finger under her chin and tip her head up. “Because I feel the same.”

I lower my lips to hers and kiss her. She sighs when our lips make contact, and she melts against my body. I want to take her again, right now. I want to get her naked and underneath me. I want to be inside of her. But I am determined to take it slowly with her. I settle for holding her against my body and kissing her.

I’ve been with a lot of women, fucking whoever was willing so that I could take the edge off and find a quick release. It was easy — there are so many women out there — and I was starting to think that decent women just don’t exist. Not if there were so many of them who were willing to have a one-night stand. I was willing to take what they offered, of course, but for the long haul? I was quite happy being alone.

Since Sarah came along, I started thinking about long term again, about being with someone and getting serious. I never thought I was lonely, but I’m starting to think now that I was. I was just so good at hiding it that it didn’t matter. But with Sarah, I feel like I don’t want to be good at it anymore. I want to try something different, something new.

Because when I’m kissing her, when I’m holding her, I’m home.