Prologue
England, Autumn 1805 (or a variation thereof)
As she climbed the small slope north of the village she had grown up in, Meagan Dunning felt as though each agonising step took her farther away from the life she had loved. Dragging her feet, she forced herself onward until she reached the top, a small mount, which overlooked the tiny village.
Gazing down at the handful of homes clustered around a market square, Meagan could not help but remember the many times she had come up here with her husband. How often had they stood like this, in this very spot, and gazed down at the sleepy village? How often had they spoken of a future spent away from here, out in the world? How often had she looked at him and believed that−like her−he was merely daydreaming?
At least, until the day he had enlisted.
Before Meagan knew what was happening, her husband had shipped out, following a call she could not understand. And yet, she had seen the sense of adventure in his eyes that had always been there when they had spoken of a different future. A future different from that of their parents, living and dying in the same small village, never to see anything further away than a few miles.
Now, her husband was dead.
Closing her eyes, Meagan inhaled a deep breath, willing her tears away. After all, she had already cried a lifetime’s worth of tears upon learning the news. Was there any use in weeping day in and day out? Would it do her any good? Did she not have two small children to think of?
Unbidden, a sob tore from Meagan’s throat at the thought of her now fatherless children. Never would Matthew ride on his father’s shoulders again. Never would little Erin be cooed to sleep by the sound of his voice. Would she even remember him? After all, she had only been a babe.
Wiping a sleeve over her eyes, Meagan refocused her gaze onto the small houses down in the valley, her gaze gliding from one to the other. How often had she spotted her husband walking toward her from up here as she sat in the grass, holding her little daughter, her son playing beside her?
Two years had passed since then.
And yet, it seemed like yesterday.
Her heart still ached whenever she thought of her husband. Tears would sting her eyes, and sobs rose in her throat, and her heart would hurt in a way that she sometimes believed it must surely break in half.
But it didn’t.
The wound was not fatal. It pained her every day, but she continued on, doomed to live the life that had been theirs by herself.
Meagan shook her head. No, that wasn’t true. She wasn’t alone. She had her children, and she could not deny that they brought her much joy. However, no matter what they did−having supper, playing in the fields or whispering to each other at nighttime−she always felt her husband’s absence. As though his loss had torn a hole into her life, that was simply always there.
Always reminding her of what she had lost.
Of what could have been…if he had stayed.
“Meagan!”
At the sound of his voice, her heart froze and her inner eye conjured an image of her smiling husband, his eyes aglow with mischief as he chased her through the tall-stemmed grass.
Although her mind knew that it could not be, Meagan had come to realise that her heart had not yet fully accepted the loss of her other half. Often she found herself waking from dreams that seemed so real that she reached out a hand across the pillow, expecting to find her husband beside her. Only when the dream slowly faded away did reality reclaim her, bringing with it excruciating pain that spread through her entire being.
Closing her eyes for but a moment, Meagan took a deep breath before turning to face reality once more. As expected, it was not Edward, not her husband, who came walking toward her, but his best friend Derek McKnight.
And still, her heart ached at having its hopes disappointed once more.
“I’ve been looking for you,” Derek addressed her, his long legs carrying him closer as he watched her through slightly narrowed eyes. Although they had never been close−he had merely been her husband’s best friend−she could tell that he was concerned for her, for his best friend’s wife.
No, not wife.
Widow.
Meagan swallowed. “I needed…some time to think.”
As he came to stand before her, his dark gaze held hers, searching. Then he nodded. “I understand,” was all he said, and from the look in his eyes, Meagan knew it to be true.
Derek McKnight, a farmer’s son, had always possessed the ability to read those around him. Nothing and no one could hide from his scrutinising gaze, and it had been that sharp-mindedness that had guided him through the war unscathed.
Unlike Edward, Derek had found glory and triumph in his deeds and had even been awarded the title of a baron and given his own estate. Now, he was Lord Ainsworth.
And yet, he was here, staying true to the promise he had made her husband.
To look after her.
When Derek had returned, Meagan hadn’t been able to help herself to gaze past his shoulder, her eyes immediately searching for her husband. They had always been close, and it had seemed natural that Edward would be by Derek’s side. Had it not always been thus?
“I need your answer,” Derek reminded her, his shoulders tense as he waited.
Meagan knew she ought to accept his offer. And yet, she hesitated.
Once more she turned to the small village at her feet, her eyes seeking out the small home she had shared with her husband. “I don’t know if I can,” she spoke as a soft breeze brushed over her cheeks, carrying her words into the world. “This place holds all our memories. If I leave it, what do I have left?”
Behind her, Derek drew in a slow breath. “He will never leave you, no matter where you are. His memory is not tied to a place, but to you and your children.”
Meagan nodded. “Ye’re right, and still, I feel as though I’d betray him by leavin’.” She turned to face Derek, fresh tears streaming down her face. “My mind knows that he’s dead. But my heart still has hope. What am I to do?”
“Think of your children.”
Shifting her gaze, Meagan looked over Derek’s shoulder at his mother’s kind face. With sure steps, Bessy approached them, Meagan’s children, Matthew and Erin, trailing in her wake.
“Mama!” her daughter squealed and threw herself into Meagan’s arms.
Hugging her tightly, Meagan smiled at her son, his dark brown eyes so much like his father’s.
“Your husband,” Bessy began, her kind eyes holding Meagan’s, “was very dear to me.” Nodding, she smiled, but it was a smile full of sadness and sorrow. “I know that ye don’t have any family left here, but I…,” she glanced at her son, “we want ye to know that we will always be here for ye and your children. Come with us. We will look after ye if ye let us. I promise that ye and your children will never be alone.”
Touched, Meagan sighed, feeling her daughter snuggle into her shoulder as her son came to stand beside her, slipping his little hand into hers. “Thank ye,” she whispered before turning her gaze to Derek. “We shall go with ye then.”
The corners of his mouth twitched, but he did not say a word. Instead, he turned to Matthew and drew the boy away as his mother stepped forward to take Erin from Meagan’s arms.
As she watched them walk down the hill, Meagan once more turned to face the small village. “Goodbye,” she whispered as tears streamed down her face. “I shall never forget ye. I promise to carry ye with me wherever I go.”
Then she turned and followed the others toward a new life.
A life without her husband.
Coming May 29, 2018