PROTECTOR #2
The next morning, slowly emerging from sleep, I was confused by my unfamiliar surroundings. As I lazily stretched my arms, my hand touched the body next to me and panic set in. What did I do? It all came flooding into my brain as I remembered the way I’d confessed everything to Brian. I’d told him all my secrets and shared all of my shame about my relationship with Dominic, and then I replayed the kiss and everything that followed.
Oh no! I flipped over and looked at him sleeping so peacefully next to me, and was horrified that I’d let him so far into my life. Now he had all the information he needed about what happened between me and Dominic, and he would tell my father everything! I’d spent the past year figuring out how to get away from a man who had so totally controlled my life that he’d almost killed me, and then I’d let the man that my father hired to control my life into my bed and here I was again, right back to where I started. Plus, he didn’t even know me. I’d spent one day with him, and look where this had ended up. I was making bad choices again, and I needed to eliminate these men from my life, not allow them more access. I was disgusted with myself for being so weak and needy.
I rolled over and watched Brian as he slept. He was restless, and his face never seemed to stop moving. He looked as if he were acting out his dreams, and occasionally he’d yelp or mumble something unintelligible. He obviously had issues, but what they were was not my problem. My issue was to get rid of the bodyguard and not have my father prying into every area of my life when all he cared about was his own reputation.
I’m going to have to cut this off as quickly and painlessly as possible, I thought as I watched Brian sleep. The memory of his hands on my body and the careful way he’d touched my skin made me shiver, but I knew that if I got too attached to him now, it would just make it harder to let go later. I had to do it; for both of us. He didn’t need me to complicate his life any more than I needed him to complicate mine. I braced myself and set the plan in motion. First thing first, I grabbed my discarded clothes from the floor and put them on before sitting back down on the edge of the bed farthest away from where he was sleeping.
“Brian,” I said softly as I shook him. “Brian, wake up.”
It only took a few seconds for him to hear my wakeup call, and when he did, he bolted up out of bed, poised for attack. “Ready, SIR!” he yelled.
“Brian, it’s me, Ava,” I said quietly—and a little shocked. I was afraid that he wasn’t fully awake yet, and in this state of readiness, I was worried that he’d mistake me for someone else. “Good morning, Mr. Bodyguard.”
“Huh?” he rubbed his eyes and shook his head before looking over at me, and in a voice still groggy with sleep, he said, “Wait, what?”
“It’s time to get up. I’ve got class,” I said in an all-business tone. “We need to get going.”
“Ava, are you okay?” he said in a tone that conveyed extreme concern. “Is something wrong?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied. “I just need to get going. I’ve got a big day on campus and I need to pick up my books before we head over to the quad.”
When he reached across the bed and grabbed my hand, I quickly withdrew and got up off the bed. I began anxiously pacing the floor as I tried not to lose my cool.
“Ava,” he began.
“No, don’t,” I said stopping him cold. “It’s fine. Last night was nice, but it was a big mistake. We should not have done that. You work for my father, and I need to focus on my schoolwork, not on being romanced by my personal protection agent.”
“But I don’t think —” he interrupted.
“You might not, but I do,” I replied. “Last night was a mistake that we should both forget. You are here to protect me from that whacko, Dominic, and I need to focus on my classes.”
Brian started to object, then stopped and looked away. “Fine,” he mumbled. “I’ll stay on my side of the suite and maintain constant vigilance.”
I couldn’t tell if he was mocking me or being serious, but for the time being, I didn’t care. I’d dealt with the situation, and now it was time to get to class.
“Get dressed,” I said. “I don’t want to be late to class.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he replied with a snappy salute before quickly pulling on his clothes and heading out to the main room.
I felt a twinge of sadness as I watched him walk through the door, but I took a deep breath and pushed it aside.
*****
On the ride back to the dorm, Brian rolled down the window and let the breeze blow through the SUV. He fiddled with the stereo for a while before turning it off and plunging the interior into silence. I looked out the passenger side window at the buildings flying by and wondered how I’d wound up here. I’d made some poor decisions, for certain, but somehow, it didn’t all add up.
“You know, Ava, what we did last night isn’t something to be ashamed of,” Brian’s voice cut through my silent thoughts.
“I know,” I replied.
“It’s totally normal for people who’ve been abused to transfer feelings from one situation to another,” he continued. “It’s perfectly understandable if you feel uncomfortable, but I promise you that I didn’t use you last night.”
“What are you talking about?” I snapped.
“I’m saying that I didn’t use you,” he continued. “And it wasn’t my intent to make you feel used.”
“I don’t feel used in the least.” I was getting progressively more irritated with his attempt at playing therapist. “In fact, I don’t feel anything.”
“Oh, I see.” His voice sounded both hurt and patronizing, and I wondered how that was possible.
“Look, I’m not saying it was bad or that I think you did anything wrong,” I backpedaled, and tried to soothe his obviously hurt feelings. “I’m just saying that I appreciate you being there for me last night. It was kind of you, and I’m grateful that you were there, but I don’t feel more than that and I’d like to keep it professional from now on.”
“Sure,” came the terse reply.
“But really, thank you,” I said quietly. “You were really great.”
My backhanded compliment was met with a stony silence that lasted until we arrived at the dorm.
*****
After I’d stopped in my room to change my clothes and grab my books, Brian and I walked toward the quad in silence. I felt bad that I’d basically shot him down in the car when he was trying so hard to be nice, but I couldn’t see any good coming of us continuing down the path of some fake romance that was brought about by my situation. All I wanted was to let him do his job so I could walk around campus safe from the fear of being attacked by Dominic and his illusions about our future.
I looked over my shoulder for the third time, and caught Brian doing what he had been doing for the past 24 hours; scanning the landscape, looking for threats to my safety. I sighed as I looked ahead, trying to find Lara and Jessie in the crowd on the quad. When I finally located them, I waved and walked quickly towards the spot where the two of them had camped out with their books and computers. Neither one was studying, but they’d managed to set a very convincing scene.
“What are you two doing?” I demanded to know.
“We’re studying,” Jessie whined as she sipped a diet soda as her textbook lay open on the ground, well out of reach.
“Oh, really?” I laughed. “It doesn’t exactly look like A+ central here with all your stuff spread out across the quad.”
“Hey, we’re taking it all in and thinking about the most efficient method of processing the information,” Lara said as she looked at me with wide, innocent eyes.
“You’re so full of it!” I laughed harder as I dropped down and sat next to her. “Do you have the Psych study guide?”
“Yeah, it’s somewhere here,” Lara dug into her backpack and searched for the guide, triumphantly holding it over her head once she’d found it.
“Where’s the hottie?” Jessie asked as she sat up and leaned on one elbow, scanning the quad for Brian.
“Dunno, somewhere around here,” I said as I waved my hand distractedly. “I’m sure he’s casing the quad, making sure I won’t trip over an errant blade of grass or a soda can or something.”
“Oh, there he is!” Jessie yelled excitedly. “Brian! Hi! How are you today?”
“Jessie!” I hissed. “Shut the hell up, would you? Jeez, he’s supposed to be stealth!”
“Oh, I’m sorry. My bad,” Jessie looked genuinely contrite as she took another sip of her soda and then lay back down with her face toward the late morning sun.
“You’re a piece of work, you know that, don’t you?” I laughed. No one could stay made at Jessie for long.
“Hey, did you do any studying last night?” Lara asked.
“Um, no, not really,” I stammered. “I was…um…a little busy.”
“With the hottie bodyguard?” Jessie piped up.
“My God, would you drop it with the hottie bodyguard thing?” I said in exasperation. “I mean, seriously!”
“Sorry, Ava,” Jessie again offered her requisite apologetic pout.
“So, is it all okay, then?” Lara asked.
“Yeah, he’s fine,” I replied as I turned and looked to see where Brian was stationed. He was sitting on a bench not too far away from where the girls were sprawled out. He looked like he was just another college student enjoying the sunny day, but I could see him constantly scanning the area as he made sure I wasn’t in any danger. “He’s kind of growing on me, you know?”
“Sure, sure,” Lara said as she stared at Brian. “Maybe my dad will hire him to follow me around next! I’d love to have him protecting my assets!”
“Lara!” I scolded as I laughed at her horrible euphemism. “You’re terrible!”
“I know,” she shrugged. “But it’s so much fun! Now, let’s get on with this study guide, shall we?”
The three of us settled in and quizzed each other for over an hour. By the end of the study session, I felt like I had a pretty good handle on the exam material, and was confident that I’d pass with at least a B. As we packed up our books, I over at Brian just in time to see an attractive coed in super short shorts approach him and began to flirt. He smiled and chatted with her for a moment, but then made an excuse and moved away as if he saw someone he knew. I followed his line of sight, and for a moment, my breath caught in my throat. Dominic?
Brian walked by the guy and then turned and shook his head enough for me to be able to exhale. He really was looking out for me on so many levels I wasn’t aware of, and although it had only been one day, I was now acutely aware of his presence. And I actually kind of liked it, but I wasn’t about to tell him that.
“Do you want to go grab some lunch?” Jessie was asking as I came back to earth.
“No, I’m really tired. I did a late night run last night, and then I didn’t sleep very well,” I said, only half-lying. “I’m going to go grab a nap.”
“Okay, well, don’t forget about the Chem study group tonight,” Lara reminded me.
“Oh crap, that’s right!” I’d forgotten all about it, partly because of the drama with Dominic, but partly because I already had an A in the class and wasn’t too worried about passing the exam. “I’ll see how I feel later. I might not make it if I’m too tired.”
“Mmmmm hmmm,” Lara said as she raised an eyebrow. “Too tired for Chem? That’s a new one.”
“Oh Lara, will you please shut up about the bodyguard?” I laughed, but in the back of my mind I was wondering about him, too.
*****
Brian maintained his distance on the walk back to my dorm room, but my brain was racing as I tried to think of what I could say to bridge the distance that I’d created. I knew he had been genuinely trying to help when he’d brought up the issue of abuse, but I didn’t think of myself as the typical abused woman —as if there was one in the first place. I just thought of my problems with Dominic as the problems that most couples faced, and when Brian shed light on them, my sense of who I was and who I’d become had been shaken. As we walked, I recited in my head what I would say once we were back in my dorm room.
“Come on in,” I said as I unlocked the door and pushed it open.
“Nah, I’ll just hang out here in the hallway,” Brian casually replied as he glanced down at his phone.
“Seriously?” Exasperation tinged my voice. “Just come inside and hang out. I’m not going to do anything except study, and hanging out in the hall will just creep out my floormates.”
“Fine,” he grumbled as he entered the room and dropped down in the big chair by the window.
I looked at him for a moment, and then rolled my eyes before I sat down at my desk and pulled out my books. The room was so silent that I could hear my thoughts much too clearly, and after 15 minutes I gave up on the books and turned toward Brian.
“Look, I’m sorry about this morning,” I started.
“It’s no big deal,” he shrugged as he looked out the window.
“Yeah, it kind of is; well, to me, anyway,” I continued. “I didn’t mean to shut you out when you were trying to help me, and I didn’t mean to shut you down after last night.”
“It’s not a big deal, I’ve been through worse,” he mumbled.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he replied.
“I’m just saying, it was silly of me to shut you out when you were only trying to help me.” I was desperately struggling to find a way to explain how important he’d already become to me, and I was making a mess of it. “I like you, Brian.”
“I like you, too, Ava,” he parroted back.
“Are you mocking me?” I asked incredulously.
“Whatever gave you that idea?” he grinned.
“Oh, you are so maddening!” I laughed as I balled up a piece of paper and threw it at him.
“I’m maddening? I’m maddening, you say?” he retorted. “I’ve got nothing on you, lady.”
“Oh! Is that right?” I laughed harder as I wadded up another piece of paper and threw it at him.
“Hey, hey, hey! Watch it, would ya?” he laughed as he pitched the paper ball back at me.
“Listen —” I began and was interrupted by the sound of my phone ringing in my purse. I quickly dug it out and looked at the screen. I didn’t recognize the number, but something told me to answer it, so I did. “Hello?”
“Are you alone?” the voice on the other end slithered into my ear, causing me to almost drop the phone.
“I’m—” I stammered as I looked across the room at Brian. He tipped his head in confusion, and then seeing the terrified look on my face, mouthed a single word, Dominic? I nodded frantically as I continued to listen.
“Why are you dating that meathead, Ava?” he demanded. “You know that those kinds of guys are not at all your type. They can’t do the things I can do for you.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Dominic?” I said as the anger rose in my chest. “It’s none of your business!”
“Oh, but it is my business,” he hissed. “Everything about you is my business, if I’m going to get you back. Tell me, Kitten, why do you let such a boring gym rat follow you around? What’s he got that I don’t?”
“Well, manners and a brain, for one!” I shouted. The laughter that came from the other end of the line pissed me off, but Brian motioned to me to cool down while he texted into headquarters to have them figure out where the call was coming from.
“You’re hilarious, Kitten; absolutely hilarious!” he laughed. “That frat boy has nothing that I couldn’t give you 10 times over, and yet, you keep him around. Don’t you remember how our life used to be? How you spent your days and nights in luxury and wanted for nothing? Now you’re trapped in a tiny little dorm room with a guy who probably makes minimum wage bagging groceries. How far you’ve fallen.”
“Listen, you jerk, stop calling me that,” I growled in to the phone. “He’s a hundred times the man you could ever hope to be, so shut the hell up and leave me alone! Don’t you get it, Dominic? We are done! I don’t want you; not now, and not ever! Leave. Me. Alone!”
“I told you, darling,” he purred. “I will never leave you alone. You and I are meant to be together, and I won’t allow that steroid-sipping numbskull to get in our way. I will get rid of him; by any means necessary.”
“Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” I screamed into the phone as Dominic’s sinister voice dragged me back to a place I was sure I’d left long ago. “Leave me alone! Leave me alone! Leave me alone! Leave me alone!”
Brian frantically gestured for me not to hang up, but I was so far beyond angry that I didn’t see him until it was too late and I’d already slammed the phone down on the couch. I wrapped my arms around my upper body and tried to hold back the tears as I sat shaking and tried to remember to breathe. Am I ever going to be free of him? Am I ever going to feel safe again?
*****
“Are you okay?” Brian asked as he frowned at his phone. I hadn’t kept Dominic on the line long enough to give them a good idea of where he was calling from, but in my mind, that was the least of our problems.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I sighed. “But you might want to rethink this whole bodyguard thing. He’s going to go after you, you know.”
“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes and waved me off.
“I’m serious, Brian,” I pleaded. “Dominic is coming unglued and I’m afraid of what he’s going to do next.”
“I’m not afraid of him, Ava,” he replied. The look on his face was one of determination mixed with good old-fashioned annoyance. “Men like Dominic are cowards. They think that if they control people through fear, they’ll make up for their own self-loathing and insecurity.”
“It sounds like you know something about these kinds of guys,” I observed.
“Yeah, well—” he trailed off as his phone buzzed with a text from headquarters. “Shoot, they didn’t get him this time.”
“I’m sure he’ll be back,” I sighed. I wondered why I was so intent on playing up the danger of the situation. I didn’t know any more if I wanted to get rid of Brian or if I really was concerned about his safety. “I just don’t like this at all. And your nonchalant attitude doesn’t give me confidence that you’re taking this seriously. He could hurt you.”
“Ava, he is not going to hurt me,” he said. “And I resent the fact that you’re questioning my skills as a bodyguard. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
“I’m not questioning you,” I said defensively. “I’m just saying that he’s not going to play by the rules and that makes him dangerous.”
“I’ve known a lot worse danger,” he muttered. “And I’m definitely not going to let that little weasel get to me. Happy now?”
“Weasel, is he?” I laughed weakly as I tried to break the tension between us. “Yeah, he’s kind of low to the ground and slippery, although I think that calling him a weasel is kind of an insult to weasels, don’t you think?”
As Brian flashed me a grim grin, I caught a glimpse of him dropping his hand to check the gun concealed under his hoodie. Maybe he wasn’t as unconcerned as he said he was.
*****
“So, what are you going to do about him?” I asked as I began pacing the small room. The realization that Dominic might truly be a threat to my safety and that of those around me was sinking in, and it made me anxious.
“We’re going to try and figure out where he is, and then neutralize the threat,” Brian replied.
“But how are you going to find him if I can’t keep him on the phone long enough for you to locate him?” I countered. My anxiety was starting to ramp up as I started thinking about all of the things that Dominic had done during our relationship and the ways in which I’d been lulled into believing that they were for my own good. Who was acting in my interests now? Sure, Brian was there to protect me, but he had been hired by my father, whose number one interest was himself and his own reputation, not me or mine.
“Look, chill out will you?” Brian’s aggravation was apparent, but it didn’t stop me from wanting answers.
“Chill out? You chill out!” I shouted. “This is my life we’re talking about! Dominic is a psycho who is going to do whatever he needs to do to get me back! You have no idea how insane he is!”
“Oh, I think I’ve got a pretty good idea,” he mumbled.
“What?” I had worked myself up into a frenzy as I pictured all of the awful things Dominic would do to get to me as all the awful things he had done loomed over me like a dark cloud. Would he hurt Lara or Jessie? The panic was rising to a new level when Brian crossed the room and grabbed me by my shoulders and shook me lightly.
“Ava! Stop!” he commanded. “Dammit, I’m here to protect you, and nothing is going to harm either one of us. Now, would you please drop it?”
With wide eyes, I stared up at him, trying to make sense of his words so that I could stop myself from panicking. He lightly shook me again, and as I gazed up into his eyes, I leaned forward as I raised a hand to touch his cheek. His eyes softened for a moment, and then he pulled back and shook his head.
“No,” he said. “You said there isn’t going to be anymore sex. I respect that, and you’re right, Ava. I’ve been hired to protect you from Dominic, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do, but beyond that, it’s a no-go.”
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled as I dropped my head and stared at the floor. I was embarrassed that I’d tried to cross the line that I’d drawn, but it didn’t change the fact that I still wanted him. Images from the night before flashed through my mind, and my cheeks burned with both shame and desire. I looked up at him, searching for some recognition of what we’d shared the night before, but there was none in his eyes.
“I need to be vigilant about protecting you, and in order to do that, I need to be on my A game,” he looked up at me and pointedly said, “and there’s really no room for mistakes.”
I nodded as I dropped my eyes to the floor again. How could he say this after what we’d done last night? How could he be so businesslike and not be torn up about wanting and not wanting? And then I remembered, Oh, that’s right. This is a job for him. I swallowed hard, looked up, smiled and said in the brightest voice I could muster, “Then do you want to go to dinner?”
“Well, sure. Whatever you want,” he responded. “Do we need to stop and pick up Lara and Jessie?”
“No, I mean, how about you and I go have dinner together? Sit at the same table and talk?” I suggested. “I just don’t feel like having to explain myself to other people and you already know the situation, so…”
“Okay, then dinner it is,” he agreed. “What are you in the mood for tonight?”
“I’m thinking Italian,” I said. “I could go for a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs to wipe the memory of today out of my mind.”
“That sounds good to me,” he nodded, though I realized that he would have agreed to go anywhere I’d suggested even if it didn’t sound good; after all, it was his job.
*****
“Belissima, Ava!” Gina, the owner, cried as she welcomed me with open arms. “I have not seen you all school year! Where are you hiding yourself these days?”
“I’ve been…um…busy,” I smiled. “Gina, this is Brian. Brian, this is Gina.”
“Ah, bella, this explains why you’re so busy,” Gina smiled knowingly and winked.
“Gina! No!” I laughed. “He’s not the reason why!”
“Well, shame, bellissima,” the older woman pouted. “I was hoping that you’d finally replaced that good-for-nothing loser you used to come in here with! But it’s nice to meet you, Brian. You’re welcome here anytime!”
Gina chatted about her daughters and the restaurant as she escorted us to a table tucked back in a far corner, then winked at me and left us to enjoy our meal.
“How do you know her?” Brian asked as he picked up the menu and began examining its offerings.
“I’ve known her since I was a small child,” I explained. “She owned a restaurant around the corner from my parents’ brownstone, and we used to walk over for dinner or gelato on hot summer nights. Gina always exclaimed, ‘Bellissima!’ when she spied me, so it became a tradition. The restaurant was a success and when her kids got older, she started opening up new locations. Then her youngest daughter, Gabby, got in to the university, and Gina decided to move here and open another place. Gabby always said it was because her mother wanted to keep an eye on her, but Gina insisted that she liked the pace of a smaller town. Anyway…”
Across the table, Brian continued to examine the menu as he nodded and mumbled, “Mmm hmm,” and “I see.” I wasn’t sure he was actually listening to me, so I stopped talking and looked down at the menu. I already knew what I wanted, a big plate of Gina’s homemade spaghetti topped with three huge meatballs. It was comfort food, but I had never ordered it when I came in with Dominic. He hadn’t approved of my non-vegetarian status, so I had always tried to appease him by ordering the Pasta Primavera or some all-vegetable creation. I cringed as I recalled the way in which I used to look over at him for approval after I’d placed my order, and the way in which he’d always make slight changes telling the waiter, “Go light on the olive oil. She’s watching her calorie intake,” or “That’s good, Ava, but next time you might want to lay off the bread before we place our order.” Eating with Dominic became a field of emotional landmines, and after we’d been together a few months, I’d found myself trying to find ways to avoid having to go out to eat with him. I shook my head to clear the memories, looked up, and smiled.
“Have you decided what you’re going to have?” I asked too brightly.
“Are you okay?” Brian looked concerned.
“Yeah, I’m fine, just…” I trailed off. “What are you having?”
“I think I’m going to go with your choice and have the spaghetti and meatballs,” he said, and then smiled a little. “That way if I don’t like it, it’ll be all your fault.”
“Oh no, that’s all on you, Mr. Flynn!” I laughed. “Freedom! Isn’t that what you military people fight for? The right to choose your own dinner?”
A dark look flitted across Brian’s face, and I knew I’d gone too far. “I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “I didn’t mean—“
“No, it’s fine,” he replied. “It’s all good.”
Across the restaurant a loud clatter caused Brian to jerk his chair out, and pop up out of it anxiously, looking around. He scanned the place until he found the culprit; a clumsy busboy had dropped a basket full of silverware and was now on his knees cleaning up the mess. I watched with a concerned look on my face until he sat back down and faced me, one hand still under his hoodie holding the handle of his gun.
*****
For a few moments we sat in uncomfortable silence, then Brian asked, “So, what’s it like growing up so rich?”
“Well, it’s okay, I guess,” I didn’t know how to answer his question without sounding like I was pitying myself. I mean, who wants to hear about a poor little rich girl who feels ignored? “I don’t know. I got to do a lot of things, and I know I had a whole bunch of advantages.”
“But what about your parents?” he pushed. “I’m curious how that works because your dad seems like a pretty focused guy.”
“You have no idea,” I said as I rolled my eyes. “He’s single-minded when it comes to the family business and the family name.”
“Sounds like it was rough,” he noted.
“I don’t know, I spent a lot of time in boarding schools, so I wasn’t really around him or my mother much,” I tried to sound casual about it, but the pain seeped into my voice and I fought to eliminate it. “On the other hand, I got to see a whole lot of things that other people only dream about!”
“Like what?” he asked. “What did you get to see that was so wonderful, Ava?”
The tone of his voice caught me off guard. For a moment I couldn’t tell whether he was mocking me or being genuinely kind, but when I looked up into his eyes, I saw a softness and quickly looked down and began messing with the napkin in my lap as I fought back the tears that threatened to spill over. It was true that I’d had an easy upbringing in terms of financial support. I’d never wanted for a single thing, and, in fact, had sometimes had to turn down things that were given to me before I even knew that I might want them. I wasn’t high and mighty, I just knew that there was more to life than clothes and cars and champagne.
“I got to see great works of art when I was 14. My grandmother and I traveled to Europe for a few months and we saw them all. We saw the Louvre in France, the Vatican in Italy, the Prado in Spain, the National Gallery in London, the Guggenheim, and the Bodemuseum in Berlin,” I recalled with a smile, and then quietly added, “It was the most amazing trip I’ve ever taken, and the last one that my grandmother ever took.”
“What happened to her? If you don’t mind me asking,” he asked.
“Why do people always say that?” I looked up at him as I spoke. “Why do they ask if they can ask you a question after they’ve already asked it?”
“I’m sorry,” he offered as he looked away embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to pry.”
“No, it’s fine,” I replied, brusquely heading towards an explanation. “About three months after we returned from our trip, she fell in her bathroom and hit her head on the counter. One of the staff found her and called an ambulance, but by that time she’d been out for who knows how long. She was on life support for a week until my father and his sister could make a decision to let her go. They fought about it for days. My aunt wanted to hold off and see if she would improve, but my father did what he usually does and made the decision on his own. And as most people do with my father, my aunt finally gave in and agreed to take my grandmother off life support. They did an autopsy, and it turned out that she’d had a massive stroke, so my father’s decision was the right one in the end.”
“It sounds like your father is a decisive man,” Brian murmured.
“Yeah, well, that’s one way of looking at it,” I flashed him a wry grin as the waiter set our plates in front of us. As the smell from the steaming spaghetti drifted upward, I inhaled deeply and, for the first time in two days, felt ravenously hungry. I looked over at Brian and chirped, “Bon appetite!”
Despite the fact that we’d stuffed ourselves so full that neither one of us thought we’d ever want to eat again, Gina insisted that we take dessert with us, and boxed up a selection of tiramisu, cannoli, and something her pastry chef called Lemon Ricotta Surprise Cake. I hugged Gina tightly as Brian went to get the car.
“He likes you, Bella,” she smiled as she pushed my bangs out of my eyes. “He’s got that look that a man gets when he likes a woman more than he’s saying.”
“Oh, Gina!” I cried as I grabbed her and hugged her again. I wasn’t sure she knew what she was talking about since she didn’t know the situation, but then, I wasn’t entirely sure that she didn’t know either. I decided to hold back and see how things went rather than rush into something I was unsure of. It seemed like the smarter choice after the debacle that had become Dominic. “I’ll be back soon, okay?”
“Yes, you come back, Bella!” she smiled. “And bring that nice young man with you.”
Outside Brian tapped the horn letting me know the coat was clear. I turned to go, and then turned back and said, “You’re sure he likes me, Gina?”
“Oh my beautiful girl, yes, he definitely likes you!” she laughed. “Now go to him!”
I ran out and climbed into the front seat, carefully setting the bag of Italian goodies in my lap before Brian shifted into drive and took us back to the dorm.
*****
A few hours later, we were sprawled across the couch watching a movie. I was barely paying attention to it because having Brian so near was incredibly distracting, and I kept turning Gina’s words over in my head. Does he like me? Or is this just another job? I looked over at him and realized that it had been ages since I’d had such a good time with, well, anyone. Brian was easy to be around and his sense of humor combined with his intelligence made him really good company; the personal protection part aside.
“You’re really a good man,” I said as I stared at the television.
“What?” he asked in a distracted tone. “Did you say something?”
“Yeah, I said that I think you’re a really good man.”
“What brought that on?” he questioned as he reached for the remote and turned the volume down.
“I don’t know, I was just thinking about stuff,” I said quietly. I wasn’t sure I wanted him to know anything about what I was thinking, but then, I wasn’t sure that I didn’t. “My whole dating life seems to have been a way of getting back at my parents for expecting me to be their perfect little daughter.”
“Well, you’re not alone in that endeavor, in case you’re feeling guilty,” Brian laughed.
“No, I’m serious,” I said as I looked up at him. “I’ve always picked guys who were jerks so that my father would pay attention, but he never did. He just waved me off like I was one of his employees. The only difference was that he’d always give me a credit card to ease the pain of being dismissed. Or at least that was my interpretation of it.”
“That sucks,” Brian replied. “My old man never gave me anything, but on the upside, I didn’t expect him to, so I guess we were even.”
“What is your father like?” I asked. I’d been looking for a way into Brian’s personal life, and here it was.
“Dunno,” he said. “I never met him. My mom said he was a good guy who was torn apart by the war and just couldn’t recover from it.”
“Your dad was a veteran?”
“Yeah, Vietnam,” he replied. “He was a door gunner, you know, the guys who sat by the door on the helicopters and fired at the enemy.”
“Whoa, that’s some job,” I was awed by this revelation, and wondered if that’s why Brian had entered the military. “Is that why you joined the Navy?”
“Nah, I did it because I couldn’t afford college and I didn’t want to work as a fry cook,” he admitted with a shrug. “My mom begged me not to do it, but I didn’t feel like I had many options, you know?”
I nodded, not knowing what to say because I didn’t know. I had no idea what it was like to feel like I had no options in life. My parents had provided me with every opportunity I had ever wanted, and then made the choice as to whether I would take it or not. Until I left Dominic, I’d really never had to make any difficult decisions, and the fact that it had taken me so long to make that decision was the result of it. I wiggled a little closer to Brian, and stared at his profile. He tried to ignore me as he pretended to watch the movie, but after a minute he turned and said, “What’s on your mind?”
“I don’t know, I just keep trying to picture you in the Navy,” I said, as a small smile played on my lips.
“Oh, please do,” he laughed. “It was all debutante balls and afternoon teas. Except with buzz cuts, no sleep, and totally torn up feet. That’s the glamour of the U.S. military!”
“Don’t mock me, Mr. Flynn!” I laughed as I threw a punch against his shoulder. “My life has been more than debutante balls and high tea!”
“Oh yes, I can definitely tell that it has been!” he laughed. “What with that powerhouse punch you throw there.”
“Are you saying I’m weak?” I was now pummeling his shoulder as I laughed harder and harder with every soft punch.
“Who? Me?” his wide-eyed disbelief put me over the edge. “Oh no, I’d never call you weak, Ms. Klein! Not with those powerhouse punches you’re throwing!”
“Oh my God!” I was laughing so hard there were tears running down the sides of my face. When he caught my wrists and held them for a moment, I straddled the line between laughter and panic as I struggled to pull away.
“Ava! Ava!” he called my name as he held my wrists and watched me struggle. “Hey! Stop, stop!”
“Let go of me!” I cried as I fought to free myself from his grasp.
“Ava, stop fighting,” he said quietly. His voice cut through the fear in my brain and, for a moment, I stopped trying to pull away. “There you go now. That’s it.”
“What are you doing?” I demanded.
“I was trying to show you that you need to learn how to protect yourself,” he offered. “The more you struggled, the easier it was for me to maintain my hold on you because you weren’t thinking about getting free, you were thinking about the struggle and the fear.”
“I don’t see the difference,” I said as I pulled the sleeves of my shirt up to look at my wrists. Brian took one of my hands and gently massaged my wrist as he looked at me.
“C’mon, you’re a smart girl, you’ve studied physics,” he chided me. “What’s Newton’s Third Law of physics?”
“What the heck are you talking about?” I blurted.
“I know you know this one, it’s so easy,” he coaxed. “For every action…”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, there is an equal and opposite reaction,” I impatiently recited the law. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Well, if I grab you and you pull away, Newton’s Law means that the equal and opposite reaction will allow me to keep my hold on you,” he offered. “Assuming I have a strong enough grip, that is.”
“So, I need to give in and let you do whatever you want so that I don’t spark the equal and opposite reaction?” I said sarcastically.
“Hey, there’s no need to get nasty,” he smiled. “I’m just saying that when you’re the size you are, and I’m the size I am, you need to look for other ways to get yourself out of a situation like this.”
“Like how?” I said as I eyed him suspiciously.
“Like think about all the other ways you could get me to drop your wrists that don’t involve force,” he said quietly.
I sat staring at him for a moment, considering everything he’d said, and then I leaned forward and softly kissed his lips.
“That’s not quite what I had in mind when I suggested you think up other ways, Ava,” he gently scolded me.
“I know,” I whispered. “But it works, doesn’t it?”
He nodded almost imperceptibly as I leaned back in and brushed my lips against his again. His mouth was so soft and it fit so perfectly against mine that I sighed as I ran my tongue over his bottom lip. I reached up and wound my arms around his neck as I pulled him closer to me. He wrapped one arm around my lower back as he lifted his other hand to softly stroke my cheek. Those lips. I was lost in the feeling of his lips teasing mine as he flicked his tongue between them, urging me to part them so he could slip his tongue inside my mouth. I parted my lips and our tongues began a tantalizingly slow dance. His tongue darted in and out of my mouth before languidly tangling with mine. It was a kiss so deep, for a moment, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
As we devoured one another’s mouths, our hands traced fiery paths across our clothed bodies, feeling the curves and lines that led to places we both wanted the other to explore. I lightly trailed my fingers across his upper back and felt him shiver as he slipped his fingers into my hair and grabbed a handful of it. He gently but firmly pulled down, forcing me to raise my chin toward the ceiling as he trailed a line of kisses down my neck. With his tongue he teased the sensitive skin at the base of my throat, forcing a soft moan from my lips.
“Are you okay?” he whispered into my ear as he ran his tongue lightly around the edge, sending shivers up my spine.
“Mmm hmmm,” I sighed as I pressed my body against his, hoping that he wouldn’t stop the way he was running his hand up and down my back.
“I know it’s wrong and I shouldn’t, but I want you, Ava,” he continued whispering. “I have wanted you all day.”
“I want you, too,” I moaned a little louder. “Brian, I’m sorry I pushed you away, I need this. I need you.”
Hearing my words, Brian reached down and grabbed the hem of my shirt, pulling it up over my head only seconds before he stripped off his own shirt and pulled me onto his lap. He dipped his head to kiss my lips as he began slowly running his fingers across my bare skin. His light touch set every one of my nerves on fire and made me pull him closer and kiss him harder. With one hand, he undid the hooks holding my bra together and as he exposed my breasts, he whispered, “Oh, yes.”
He bent his head and captured one of my nipples with his lips and softly licked and sucked it until I was arching my back and begging him to suck harder. He ignored my pleas as he carefully traced circles around my other nipple, and when it was as erect as the one in his mouth, he switched sides and began teasing it, too. The electrical jolts that ran from my nipples to my clit were excruciating, and I urgently pushed my hips up as I begged him to go lower.
“Oh please, Brian! Please! Please? Please?” I cried as he continued to tease my breasts with his mouth. He looked up for a moment, shook his head and then continued the delicious torture. He cradled my head in one of his large hands while the other roamed my upper body, lightly tracing patterns on my skin as he licked and sucked, sucked and licked. I thought it might be possible that I’d orgasm without him touching anything below my waist, but that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted so much more.
What had he said about Newton’s Law? I wracked my overly aroused brain for a memory of the conversation we’d been having not five minutes before. Equal and opposite… My brain spun from all of the colliding sensations. I felt like I was melting under his touch, but I struggled to pull myself back from the edge, and as I did, I reached down between his legs and pressed lightly on the growing bulge in his pants. Running my hand down his thigh and then back up again. And as I did, I felt him groan into my breast. I’d gotten the equal and opposite reaction!
As he lifted his head and moved to kiss me, I pushed myself up and quickly straddled his lap so that I could look down into his eyes as I started a tease of my own. I bent down and kissed him lightly as pressed my panty-covered pussy against his now rock-hard cock, and then slowly shifted my weight so that he could feel the heat through his jeans. That elicited a tortured moan from both of us as I pulled his head back to my chest and begged him to suck my nipples again. He quickly obliged, and soon we were both groaning from the torturous foreplay.
“Ava…” Brian gasped. “Please? I need to be inside you.”
“Oh, Brian,” I moaned into his mouth. “Yes! Yes, I need you inside me!”
Brian pushed a hand up under my short skirt and looped a finger under the crotch of my panties, and pulled them aside as he undid his jeans and freed the turgid cock trapped inside. I whimpered as I felt him slide between my pussy lips, covering his cock in my wetness before pushing it up to the edge of my throbbing entrance. He kissed me deeply, and before he could push up into me, I slammed myself down on his cock; crying out as I felt the long, thick shaft fill me. Brian groaned as I took charge of the rhythm so that both of us felt the long, slow strokes up and the hard, fast thrusts down; over and over and over again.
His mouth was still attached to one of my nipples, and I could feel every flick of his tongue radiate down to my clit as I rode his cock. Rocking and grinding on him, I listened to him moan as I drove us both toward the edge. The moment Brian slipped a hand between us and began rubbing my clit, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold out much longer. I leaned down and kissed him hard as I spread my legs wider to give him enough room to stroke me, and then threw my head back and gripped his shoulders as I felt the waves of orgasm begin crashing through my body. Brian wasn’t far behind me as he thrust his hips up, driving his cock deep inside me while he let go of his own pleasure. I could feel him pulsing inside me as he released, and I fell forward, my arms wrapped around his shoulders and his wrapped around my waist, as we both tried to catch our breath.
I could feel Brian slowly running his hands up and down my back, and I relaxed into his touch as I buried my face in his neck. He smelled of leather and cut grass, two of my favorite smells, and it made me feel safe. I inhaled deeply and then let out a satisfied sigh right before I felt my right leg go to sleep. “Uh oh,” I mumbled.
“What’s wrong,” he whispered.
“Leg’s asleep,” I groaned. “This is going to suck!”
Brian laughed as he slid to the edge of the couch and gently pulled me off of him, flipping me over so that I landed softly on my back with my legs propped on the couch. “It won’t be too bad,” he reassured me. “Just stay there until the circulation returns and you can stand up.”
“I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to stand again in my life,” I said softly.
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll recover very nicely,” he chuckled.
“You’re not me,” I pouted playfully. “You have no idea.”
“Oh, I think I’ve got a pretty good idea of what it feels like,” he grinned as he turned and headed toward the bathroom, looking over his shoulder to add, “Now if you’ll excuse me for a moment.”
*****
As I was waiting for my leg to wake up, I heard my phone signal an incoming text. I reached over my head and grabbed the phone off of the side table and checked the screen to find a message from Lara. “Parteeeeeee at Fiji house! R U coming? Pleeeeeeze!!” I laughed at the silly little emoji she attached and thought about it for a moment. As I was thinking, a second text arrived. This one was from Jessie. “We never have fun N E MORE! Come to party. U no U wanna! Bring the hottie!” I laughed out loud at this one and quickly texted back, “On my way in a bit. Hottie in tow!”
“Brian!” I called into the bathroom as I tested my leg and winced as the pins and needles started. “Brian? Did you fall in?”
“Ha ha, very funny,” he said as he exited the bathroom with a big wet spot on the front of his jeans. “No, I did not fall in. I was just cleaning up a bit.”
“What happened?” I asked genuinely perplexed. “Do you not know how to use a sink?”
“Yes, Miss Smart Ass,” he replied drily. “I know how to use a sink, but apparently you know how to let loose with some moisture of your own, so I needed to clean up a bit.”
I blushed deeply as I dropped my eyes to the floor and mumbled, “Oh, sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he moved around in front of me and put a hand under my chin and lifted it so that I was staring up into his beautiful blue eyes. “Don’t ever be sorry for enjoying sex — or for having it with me.”
I laughed as he playfully brushed a finger down my nose and then bent over to kiss me. My legs were both awake and ready to go, so I popped up off the couch and announced, “We’re going to a party!”
“We’re what?” he asked.
“We’re going to a party!” I said in an excited voice. “I’m taking you out with me. Jessie and Lara are over at the Fiji house and they want me to bring you along. See?” I held up my phone for him to see the messages. He looked at them, then back at me and shrugged.
“Fine.” His suddenly morose response took me by surprise. What just happened? I wondered.
“You don’t want to go?” I asked, genuinely concerned about his lack of enthusiasm.
“It’s not up to me, now is it?” he replied. “I’m the bodyguard, I go where you go. End of discussion.”
“Brian? What’s wrong?” I reached out to touch his arm, but he pulled away.
“There is nothing wrong, Ava!” he shouted. “Go get ready and I’ll drive you to the party!”
I turned and walked to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me. I had no idea what had just happened, but if he was going to act like a jerk, then it wasn’t my problem. His moodiness wasn’t going to ruin a night of fun with my best friends. I quickly decided on a short skirt and a midriff-baring top in two soft shades of blue and, having been to the Fiji house before, I chose a pair of flat silver Gladiator sandals that would stay on my feet no matter how much dancing I did. I dressed quickly, and then grabbed a crossbody bag off of the dresser and put my ID, lipstick, and room key in it, along with some cash in case I needed it. I checked myself in the mirror one more time, and then headed out to the front room.
“You ready?” I asked as I stood by the door. Brian was lounging on the couch watching the rest of our forgotten movie.
“Yeah, whatever,” he said without looking up.
“Then let’s get a move on, sailor!” I chirped half-heartedly. Not having him on board with this plan was taking some of the fun out of it.
“Oh, wow,” he breathed as he stood up and caught a glimpse of me.
“What? Is something wrong?” I asked as I ran a hand through my hair, hoping to tame any flyaway ends.
“No, nothing’s wrong at all,” he muttered as he grabbed his keys and stalked to the door. “Let’s go get this over with.”
“You don’t have to be such a grump!” I teased.
“Ava, go get in the car,” he said seriously. “We have a party to get to.”
*****
When we arrived at the Fiji house, the party was in full swing. All the lights in the place were on, and the music was blaring so loudly that the windows were pulsing to the beat, and for a moment, I was afraid they would break. On the porch, a group of Fiji brothers were playing beer pong with a group of Kappa Kappa Gamma sisters, and it looked like the Kappas were actually winning; either that, or the Fiji boys were so far gone that they had lost sight of the purpose of the game. I walked up the steps with Brian in tow, and the game players all yelled their welcome before turning back to the table and enthusiastically urging the next Kappa to put the ball in the cup.
Inside the house, we had to navigate through a maze of people dancing to the pounding bass that seemed to be coming from the far corner of the living room. People were dancing everywhere; on the stairs, in the hallway, in the kitchen, and on the kitchen counter was a girl in go-go boots and a bikini dancing for an audience of one while the rest twisted and writhed to the beat. I grabbed Brian’s hand and pulled him toward the backyard where Jessie and Lara had said they’d be.
The Fijis had, at some point in their illustrious history, build an in-ground pool in the backyard of the fraternity house, and tonight, the pool was lit up by hundreds (maybe even thousands) of strings of chili pepper lights, which made the yard glow an ominous shade of red. I scanned the large yard as several drunk frat brothers pushed each other into the pool yelling, “Cannonball!” before they did. From the looks of their soaking clothes, they’d been doing this for a while. I shook my head and then jumped up and down as I spotted the girls in the far corner of the yard.
“Jessie! Lara!” I yelled as I made a dash for them. “I’m here!”
“Ava!” Jessie shouted. “Did you bring the hottie?”
“Jessie!” I scolded. “He has a name. Shame on you!”
“Awww, I’m sorry,” she said as she hung her head shamefully. “Hi Brian, I’m sorry I called you the hottie. No offense.”
“None taken,” he replied with a bit of a smile creeping across his lips. No one could stay mad at Jessie for very long, not even a tough bodyguard.
“What’s going on, girls?” I asked.
“Well, James here is showing us how he can beer bong, but I’m not buying the whole setup,” Lara said as she grabbed James’ apparatus and turned it over to examine it. “I’ve never seen anything like this, and he’s managed to pour more beer on himself than into his mouth thus far.”
I looked at James and wondered if it was the beer bong that was the problem or the fact that he was about 12 sheets to the wind already. I said as much to Lara and she laughed it off, telling me that I was overanalyzing and that I should lighten up. I shrugged and asked where I could get a drink. Jessie walked me over to the table and ordered a couple of punches for us both. I turned to ask Brian if he wanted anything, but he’d moved over to the corner of the yard where he could observe with his back against the fence. I waved to get his attention, but he didn’t see me, so after I got my glass, I walked over to him.
“Do you want something to drink?” I asked.
“No, I’m fine,” he replied as he scanned the crowd.
“Are you sure?” I asked again.
“Yes! I’m fine, dammit!” he shouted impatiently. “Now will you drop it?”
“Jeez, I was just trying to be polite. You don’t have to bite my head off,” I grumbled. “Sorry I asked.”
“It’s fine,” he said as he waved me off. “Go have fun. I’ll be over here if you need me.”
I walked away feeling frustrated because I knew I’d been dismissed. Why is he so angry? What had I been expecting? Did I think he was going to act like my boyfriend around all of these people? The tryst on the couch and the one in the hotel room kept playing in my head and I couldn’t get them out of my mind. That changed as Jessie brought me a second cup of punch and pulled me into a crowd of dancers, and I lost myself in the alcohol and the beat of the pounding music that blared from the speakers. Soon I was having a wonderful time and had forgotten the sting of Brian’s dismissal.
*****
Jessie, Lara, and I walked to the other end of the yard and watched the Fiji boys cannonball into the pool over and over again as we drank our punch. Admittedly, I drank too much, too fast, and soon, I found myself slurring my words and laughing more loudly that I normally would, but I was having fun and for once, I wasn’t worried about anything. The alcohol gave me a warm, fuzzy sense of confidence, and I began openly flirting with a boy they called “Cheese.”
“So how on earth did you get the nickname Cheese?” I laughed.
“Oh, it’s not a nickname,” he solemnly informed me. “Cheese is my given name. My parents were hippies who really wanted to buck the system, but they were on welfare when I was born because my dad had lost his job when he refused to sign up for the draft on the grounds that he was a contentious objector. My mom said that they named me Cheese because the day I was born that’s all they had left to eat until the next month’s allotment of food stamps were issued.”
“You are kidding me.” I had stopped laughing and was staring at him in disbelief.
“Nope, not kidding at all,” Cheese replied. “I was fortunate that my parents also thought about the future ramifications of their choice and gave me a normal middle name on the off chance that someday I’d be elected president or something.”
“And what is your middle name?” I asked breathlessly.
“It’s,” he responded.
“It’s what?” I begged. “Tell me!”
“That’s it. My middle name is It’s,” he said, with a serious look on his face.
“So you are telling me that your parents named you Cheese It’s?” I asked with wide eyes full of confusion and disbelief.
“Yep, that’s my full name,” he proudly announced.
“Wait, what’s your last name?” I drunkenly asked.
“Rock,” he replied.
“Your full name is Cheese It’s Rock?” I said as I bit my tongue to keep from laughing out loud at the poor guy’s misfortune.
Suddenly we were interrupted by a group of human cannonballs running toward us and as we stepped apart, one of the ballers looked at me and yelled, “Is he telling you his name?”
“Yeah!” I hollered. “It’s unbelievable!”
“Did he tell you it’s Cheese It’s Rock?” the baller shouted over the thundering sound of bodies hitting the water.
“He did! Can you even believe it?” I laughed.
“No!” yelled the baller as he ran toward the edge of the pool and yelled, “Dude’s name is Christopher Michael Jackson! But we call him Jackass!” And with that he turned and yelled “Cannonball!” as he splashed into the pool with the rest of the ballers.
“Christopher Michael Jackson!” I shouted.
“What?” Cheese looked over at me expectantly.
“You are a jackass!” I laughed. “You had me going!”
“I know,” he laughed. “But you were so earnest and trusting, I couldn’t help myself!”
“Jackass!” I laughed as I walked over to him and punched his shoulder.
“You hit like a girl,” he observed as he grabbed my wrist and pushed my fingers into a proper fist for punching. “Never tuck your thumb inside your hand when you make a fist. That’s a good way to get it broken. Now, punch me again. This time like you mean it.”
I pulled back, checked my fist, and then landed a drunken punch that nearly knocked me off my feet. If it hadn’t been for Cheese (or was it Christopher?) catching me, I would have fallen forward into the pool with the rest of the drunken idiots. As he set me on my feet, I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“Are you okay, Ava?” Brian asked.
“I’m fine!” I cheerfully shouted. “Cheese is throwing me how to pack a punch! I mean, showing me!”
“You seem a little drunk,” he said quietly. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine!” I shouted a little too loudly. “I’m having fun for a change!”
“Ava,” Brian spoke quietly in my ear. “Don’t you think that given the current situation and the fact that we don’t know where Dominic is, that it would be smart if you stayed a little more sober tonight?”
“What are you, my father?” I belligerently protested. “I’m not a child! I can do what I want, and what I want is another drink!”
“Ava,” he warned. “I’m not your father, I’m your bodyguard and I’m just saying that I think you should stay a little more in control of yourself tonight.”
“Back off, SEAL!” I slurred as I pushed him away. “I’m in charge of things, and what I go says! I mean, what I say goes! I’m not afraid of that coward and I’m going to prove it by having a damn good time tonight!”
“Dude, I think the lady has expressed her wishes and it’s time for you to step down,” Cheese advised Brian.
“Fine,” Brian nodded, but from his expression it was easy to see that his ego had been bruised by the frat boy’s enforcement of my decision. “I’ll be over here if you need me, Ava. Let me know when you’re ready to go home.”
“I will,” I cheerily tossed off as I linked my arm through Cheese’s arm and skipped over to the table, where they quickly refilled my punch glass. Soon I was dancing up a storm with several of the now-dry cannonballers who had latched onto Lara and Jessie. We sang along with every song the DJ played and made up new dances that we had little hope of remembering the next day, all the while laughing and drinking. The guys kept refilling our glasses as we emptied them, and I lost count of how many I’d had, and then I felt the floor begin to undulate. It was like I was standing on a ship’s deck during an ocean storm. I staggered to the nearest couch and landed with a thud right on Cheese’s lap.
“Uf!” he grunted as my elbow hit his chest. “Ouch!”
“I’m so sorry Mr. Cheese It!” I slurred. “I didn’t mean to…mean to…what did I do again?” I was way over the legal limit and in danger of losing control of all of my faculties, and Cheese seemed to be more than willing to help me cross the line.
“No, baby, you’re fine,” he purred as he stroked the offending elbow. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need me to kiss any boo-boos?”
“Oh Cheesey, you’re so funny!” I laughed as I swatted and missed his shoulder. “I’m fine. No boo-boos.”
“Are you sure?” he whispered in my ear. “There are a lot of places I could kiss, you know.”
“I’m going to get up now, Mr. Cheese,” I slurred as I attempted to push myself up off of his lap, but the Cheese Man had other ideas and he pulled me back down, which, admittedly, wasn’t terribly difficult to do.
“Just stay, baby,” his tone was a little more urgent and I could feel the beginning of something stirring, and it was more than I wanted to encourage.
“Nope, I’m gonna get up and find the ladies’ room,” I laughed as I pushed up again. This time Cheese had a firm grasp on my arm and pulled me down hard.
“I said, stay,” he ordered in a quiet voice.
“No!” I yelled. “Let me go, Mr. Cheese! Let go! Let go! Let go!” An instant later three of the Fijis surrounded us; one pulled me off of Cheese’s lap and the other two pulled the offender up off the couch. Brian had quickly crossed the yard and now had an arm around me as he watched the fraternity brothers deal with their loose cannon member.
“Listen, Jackass,” one of the brothers said in a serious tone. “What the hell is wrong with you? Do you want to get us shut down? We’ve warned you about this kind of behavior and we have told you that we do not tolerate any kind of abuse or stupidity when it comes to women in this frat house. If they say no, they mean no, and you stop whatever you are doing and get them to a safe place. Under no circumstances do you ever use force. You’re such a screw-up. Get the hell out of the house!”
“Wait, guys! No!” Cheese yelled. “I can explain!”
“No, you can’t,” said the taller brother. “You’re done. We’ll have a meeting tomorrow and decide whether to eject you or not. Now, go find somewhere else to sleep tonight.”
Cheese shot Brian and I a dirty look as he slunk out of the house. Brian nodded at the brothers who’d evicted their offending member, and said, “Thanks, guys. I’m going to get her home. I think she’s had a good enough time tonight.”
“Hey, no problem,” the tall brother said. “Sorry about our idiot friend. He’s not a bad guy, just a little clueless.”
“Yeah, well, you’d better watch out that that cluelessness doesn’t get you guys suspended,” Brian warned. “You know how they’re cracking down on misconduct.”
“Yeah, we know. That’s why we’re policing it ourselves,” the brother replied. “All it takes is one idiot to ruin it all.”
“Well, thanks for intervening,” Brian said as he began walking me toward the car. I could barely stand up anymore, so he reached down and scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the car. He gently put me in the passenger’s seat and attached my seatbelt and then added, “And for God’s sake, if you have to throw up, warn me!”
I looked up at him and whispered, “Promise I will,” before I passed out cold.
*****
The whole ride home I leaned against the door with my head halfway out the window. I felt sick and wasn’t entirely sure that I wouldn’t throw up all over the dashboard. My mind was racing through hundreds of thoughts as we sped back to the dorm. What happened? Why is he so mad? Why aren’t I more worried about Dominic? Did I study for my Psych exam? Does he like me or am I just a work fling? Why do I care? Did I study for that Psych exam?
By the time we got back to the dorm, I was drunkenly grilling Brian about my Psych exam. “Did I study for that exam?” I slurred. “I think I need to study for the exam.”
“You can study as soon as you’ve sobered up,” he grimly informed me as he helped me out of the car and put an arm around my waist, and I leaned heavily on him as we made our way back to my room.
Once inside, I collapsed on the couch in a drunken lump, and felt the room begin to spin counterclockwise as I held my head with one hand and my stomach with the other. I moaned softly as I desperately tried to fix my gaze on something that would stop the dizzying speed with which the room was turning, but after a few minutes, I knew this was not going to end well. Weakly, I pushed myself up to a sitting position and then tried to stand. I fell back and began to cry because I knew I couldn’t make it to the bathroom on my own. The next thing I knew, Brian had swept me up in his arms and carried me to the toilet, where I immediately bent over and emptied what few contents my stomach still contained. It was painful and I cried as the waves of nausea rolled in over and over. Brian stood behind me, silently holding my hair off of my face and rubbing my back until the violent spasms subsided and I sunk to the floor and rested my cheek on the cool tile. Brian left the bathroom and then returned a few minutes later.
“C’mon princess,” he said as he gently shook me back to awareness. “Let’s get you into bed.”
“No!” I cried weakly. “I don’t want to go to bed! It will spin and I’ll throw up again!”
“No you won’t,” he assured me. “You’ve gotten rid of the bad stuff, now it’s time to sleep the rest off.”
“I don’t wanna,” I whined as he lifted me off of the floor and carried me to the bed. He gently removed my clothes and pulled a T-shirt he’d found on the dresser over my head, then he pulled back the covers and slid me under them before pulling them back up to my shoulders.
“You sleep now, okay?” he said softly. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Only half-aware of his presence, I nodded before I passed out.
*****
I squinted as the sun shined through the curtains covering my dorm window, and then groaned as I moved my head. The effects of the party and my overindulging had left me with a splitting headache and a mouth that was as dry as desert sand. I groaned again as I rolled over and found that the other side of the bed was empty. My memories of the night before were fuzzy, but I did remember that Brian and I had had some hot sex on the couch before everything had gone south. What happened last night? Where is he? I wondered.
As I lifted myself off of the pillow and tried to sit up, the sharp pain in my head took my breath away, and I lay back down as I tried to breathe the pain out of my head. Bits and pieces of the party came trickling back into my memory, but I couldn’t quite grasp the whole picture. Did I make a fool of myself? I knew I’d gotten really drunk, thus the splitting headache and queasy stomach that were now at war with one another, but what else had happened? And where was Brian?
I took a deep breath, pushed myself up into a sitting position, and immediately rested my elbows on my knees as I held my throbbing head. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe, I chanted to myself as I tried to get the pain under control. After a few minutes, I felt steady enough to look up and scan the room. Brian was sound asleep on the couch with his arm tucked under his head as a pillow and his hand on his gun. Even in his sleep he looked serious and ready to wake up and fight, and as I watched him, he shifted and made soft noises that sounded almost like barking. He didn’t seem to be someone who rested easily.
I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and felt the soles of my feet soak up the coolness of the tile floor. It helped soothe the ache and the rolling waves of nausea, so I tested my legs and stood up. Major mistake, I thought as my legs gave out and I tumbled to the ground. I cried out as my head hit the floor, and in an instant, Brian was by my side hauling me back up into the bed.
“What the hell were you doing?” he demanded in an angry but still sleepy voice.
“I needed to go to the bathroom,” I replied, irritated that he was mad at me for wanting to get up and move around.
“Well, you should have woken me up so I could get you there safely,” he lectured.
“I have never once in my life woken anyone up in order to ensure my safe travel to or from a bathroom,” I shot back. “I didn’t know that this was a new rule on the list of the millions you have already devised for me.”
“I didn’t devise any rules for you, sunshine,” his voice rose as he continued. “I’m not here for my health, you know. I’m here to ensure that your psycho ex-boyfriend doesn’t do anything that will harm even one precious hair on your little head.”
“Well, I’m not a child!” I yelled. “I can take care of myself! I don’t need you watching my every move or monitoring my bathroom visits!”
“I would argue differently, sunshine,” he said drily. “Especially after last night’s activities.”
“So I drank a little too much and got sick,” I said with a petulant frown. “Lots of college students do that and they don’t get reprimanded by their bodyguards the next morning! It’s part of college life!”
“You really don’t remember what happened, do you?” he shook his head in disbelief. “You don’t remember how it all went down.”
“What went down?” I shouted. “I remember that I was having fun with my friends drinking punch and dancing, and you were standing in the corner like a stick in the mud watching everything and creeping everyone out! That’s what I remember!”
“So, you don’t remember Cheese and his groping hands?” he asked.
“No. What?” I demanded. “What in the hell are you talking about? All I remember is how damn boring you were while every other person at the party was relaxing, having a drink, and enjoying themselves. You acted like someone’s grandfather. No, I take that back. You acted like someone’s boring old judgmental brother!”
“Bravo!” he laughed as he clapped his hands together slowly. “Bravo! What a wonderful performance by Ms. Klein. You really are brilliant, you know?”
“What in the hell are you even talking about?” I was utterly confused now.
“I’m talking about the fact that you’ve conveniently forgotten that you got so drunk that you wound up in the lap of the most lecherous frat boy on campus. The guy that is so bad, even his frat brothers don’t like him and are meeting today to decide whether to sanction him or expel him from the fraternity for good,” he explained. “I’m talking about the fact that you didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting away from him because you were too drunk to even stand on your own two feet. I’m talking about the fact that you spent an hour vomiting in the bathroom after I brought you back here last night, and I’m talking about the fact that you are so self-absorbed that you don’t even stop to think about the fact that I wasn’t at the party to have fun, I was there to protect your precious little ass!”
By this point, Brian was pacing the room as he barked at me. Anxious and angry, he looked down at the floor as he paced; one hand on his head and the other on his gun.
“Don’t you think I would have loved to have a drink last night? To kick back and have fun with you after what we did before the party? Did you ever think of that?” he continued, then he stopped pacing and looked at me as he quietly asked, “Did you ever think of that, Ava?”
“No, I didn’t think of any of that,” I admitted as I felt the flush of shame rising in my cheeks. “I just thought you were uptight and boring and you didn’t want me to have any fun. I mean, you didn’t even have one beer!”
“I can’t have one beer!” he roared.
“Of course you can!” I yelled back in exasperation. “Good lord, it’s just one beer, not a whole brewery!”
“I can’t have even one beer because I’m an alcoholic!” he blurted. “There, are you happy now?”
We stared at each other for what felt like an eternity as I considered what to say. I owed him an apology, for sure, but he owed me one for keeping such a huge secret. I was certain of that, but I didn’t know how to say it so that he wouldn’t start yelling again.
“I’m sorry, Brian,” I offered. “I had no idea.”
“Why would you?” he asked defensively. “I’m your employee, not your friend. You know nothing about me.”
“Now that’s not fair!” I cried. “I think we’ve crossed over the employee/employer boundary and are something a bit more than that, don’t you think?”
“Whatever,” he grumbled as he resumed his pacing.
“And if I know nothing about you, then that’s your fault,” I asserted.
“What the hell are you talking about?” he asked incredulously. “You don’t ask me any questions about myself!”
“Well, that’s because you’re not particularly inviting, now are you?” I said flippantly. “Not exactly the warm and fuzzy guy who invites people to get all cozy and engage in chit chat, are you?”
“I have my reasons,” he grumbled.
“I’m sure you do,” I replied. “But it still doesn’t make you easy to get to know, now does it? And if I don’t know you because you choose not to let me in, then it’s really not my fault, now is it?”
He shrugged and walked toward the window. He pushed back the curtains and stood staring out the window for a long time. I said nothing, partly because I had no idea what to say, but also because I figured that if we were going to change the course of this relationship, right now was as good a time as any to begin.