Chapter Ten
Leo
I was heading to the faculty parking lot when I heard someone yelling my name. I turned and saw Jack, hurrying after me, his Timbuk2 messenger bag stuffed full of books and papers, bouncing off his side as he jogged.
“Hey, what’s up man?” I said when he caught up with me. He stood there for a moment, trying to get his breath back. I eyed his bag. “What the hell do you have in that thing, anyway?”
He waved a hand. “Oh, you know. The essentials. What are you doing right now? You want to go grab a drink later?”
“I can’t,” I said. “I’ve got plans.”
His face lit up. “With Colette? It was really good seeing her the other night.”
“No, not with Colette. Why don’t you call Colette?”
Jack tried to hide his disappointment. “No, I’m not going to do that.” Jack had been very heartbroken to hear that Colette and I had broken up. At first, I thought he had liked her himself and would have been thrilled that he could have waited a few months and then made a move, but so far, that wasn’t happening, and I was beginning to believe that what Jack really enjoyed was getting to hang out with Colette and me as a couple.
“I’m sure she’d be thrilled to hear from you.”
“No, she wouldn’t, because I’d remind her of you. So it would probably just depress her. What are you doing tonight?”
I paused. I hadn’t decided on whether or not I was going to share the latest developments with Tessa with Jack, but since he was asking, I decided I might as well.
“Tessa’s coming over,” I said. “She decided to take me up on my offer for extra credit.”
Jack laughed. “Ha, ha, that’s a good one. What are you really doing?”
“That. I’m doing that.”
“I thought you were going to apologize to her.”
“You know, I was. I really was. I had full intentions of saying I was sorry and I was a dirty rotten scoundrel, but then she said she wanted to take me up on the offer. And you know what? I decided to go for it.”
Jack shook his head. Now he really looked disappointed. “I can’t believe that you’re going to actually do something like this. It’s not going to end well. It might be all fun and exciting now, but it’s going to turn into a shitshow, and not the good sort of kind.”
“Who knows? Maybe she’s the love of my life.”
“Stop it, Leo. This is wrong. You shouldn’t be doing it. You’re abusing your position of power. You’re taking advantage of a student who is in a desperate situation. It isn’t right, and I know that you’re not the sort of person who would do something like this.”
“See, I’m not really looking at it that way,” I said. “I don’t see myself as this person in power, taking advantage of anything. If anything, I think this is going to be a mutually beneficial thing.”
“You really think that?”
“Yeah, I do. It’s kind of hard to describe, but I just got this feeling that this isn’t something she’s doing out of desperation.”
“Or that’s just what you’re telling yourself.”
But I did have that feeling, especially after our almost-rendezvous in my office earlier. I didn’t feel like this was something that she was being forced to do—she wanted to do it.
“It’s not,” I said. “It’s not just what I’m telling myself. But even if it was, I don’t really care.”
“I’m worried about you,” Jack said. “You don’t really do any of the same stuff you used to do.”
“You’re right—I’m no longer a journalist, but a journalism professor.”
“That’s not what I mean. And you know as well as I do that you could get back into it very easily, if you wanted to. I mean, you don’t go fishing or ride your bike or play disc golf anymore. When was the last time you did anything like that? You can go ahead and tell me that you’re too busy with work, but that’s total bullshit, and you know it. And so yeah, when I say that I’m concerned, I am, because it seems like you’re not really that happy with the way your life is going right now, and I don’t think that getting involved with a student is going to improve that.”
I had to hold back my laughter. He really did have a concerned look on his face, like he thought I was going to go home and take a razor blade to my wrists. “This whole thing sort of seems like some kind of cry for help, if you want to know the truth.”
“Cry for help? Are you kidding me? This sort of thing is what most guys dream about. Don’t tell me for a second that if some hot little thing came up and propositioned you that you wouldn’t at least consider it.”
“I would never do anything like that.” Jack shook his head. “No way. I would never do anything that would jeopardize my position here.”
“Well, I guess that’s the difference between the two of us. And I don’t believe you. I don’t believe that you wouldn’t at least consider it. Or, if not consider it, think about it later and wonder just what it would be like.”
“I would put it out of my mind and not think about it again,” Jack said.
Okay. I could see that we could stand here debating this for the rest of the night if we wanted to, which I sure as hell did not.
“Why don’t we go do something? Go out to eat, go check out a movie or something. Why don’t you do that with me tonight, and then see how you feel about getting involved with a student. I think it might just be something that you need to give yourself a little time to think about, and realize how bad of an idea it is.”
“Sorry; I’m not choosing dinner and a movie with you over seeing Tessa tonight. But I will let you know how it goes.”
I lived in an apartment that overlooked the Financial District. It was rent-controlled, which was the only way I’d ever be able to afford a place like it, and for that, I was grateful. In the past, though, this apartment had really been like a home base, a place that I’d live in a few weeks at a time before heading off to some new location I’d never been to, to write up a story.
The magazine that I’d previously worked at had sent me all over the globe to cover all sorts of stories, though my niche had eventually evolved into extreme sports. So I’d go to Rotorua, New Zealand for Crankworx, do a feature on diving at Shark Cave in Bali, and my last assignment before I’d gotten canned was to go out to Leogang, Austria, to do a write-up on freeskiing.
Now, it would be fair to say that had I not made the decision to sleep with the boss’s wife, I’d still be gainfully employed, getting paid to travel around the world and write up stories. I get it. And was it worth it? If I could go back and do it again, would I do anything differently? Of course I fucking would, but I couldn’t let myself think like that. There was no point, because as far as I knew, no one had created a time machine that would let you go back and fix your mistakes like that.
Was I making a mistake here with Tessa? Maybe. But at this point, it didn’t matter to me either way if I got fired. Life had suddenly become interesting again, and I didn’t want to do anything to fuck with that. It had been too long.