Chapter Sixteen
Gabrielle
The words in the textbook propped open on the library table blurred and swam together as I entered my fourth straight hour of studying. I had a lot of work to catch up on, but I enjoyed the challenge. When I could see straight, that is.
I had struggled for a long time that morning to get into it. I sat twisting my mother’s old wedding band that I wore on my index finger. It was a comforting feeling, and as absurd as it sounded, it made me feel like she was guiding me, in a way.
James’s revelations from the day before kept playing in my head. I have a daughter. Her name is Harper. She just turned 2.
I didn’t know the whole story yet, only that he was a single father. The mother wasn’t in the picture. James hadn’t seen her since she’d dropped the baby bomb on him and left him with a little girl who was only a few months old.
We had stayed on my towel for a long time talking. He gave me what he had referred to as the “headlines.” It was kind of cute how nervous he’d become before he’d told me, how he had looked at me like I was a deer that he approached with caution, so as not to spook me away.
Not that I could tell him that I thought he was cute. His head would probably explode, though his ego could handle it.
I wasn’t saying that his confession hadn’t shocked me to my core, but I felt kind of honored that he’d told me. Almost like I was special to him.
It was hard to imagine him as a father, especially to a baby girl, but he’d shown me some pictures on his phone. From what I’d been able to tell, he was a big softie when it came to her.
A private smile played on my face as I closed my eyes and basked in the rays of mid- afternoon sunlight filtering in through the stained glass windows. It was almost the exact same time of day that James had come by the other day. The memories of what we’d done just a few yards from where I sat made an ache rise between my thighs.
Heather’s voice yanked me from my dirty memories. I tried to smooth my features before she got too close to me. I still hadn’t come clean to her about James.
“Gabbi,” she gushed. “It’s so good to see you in here again. I’ve missed your clutter!”
We exchanged a quick hug; then she dropped the bulging bag she’d lugged up the stairs. I nodded towards it and laughed. “Yeah, me too.”
“Who needs a good back later in life anyway?” It was a joke we’d often shared as we dragged our books back and forth on campus in college.
“Not us, apparently.” I returned her grin and helped her unpack her haul, growing envious of how organized she already was. Her textbooks were flagged and marked with hundreds of colorful Post-its, and her summaries already had summaries.
“I think I might be crazy for trying to catch up on all of this lost time.”
She spread her things out into her own brand of organized chaos and then squinted up at me. “You’ll catch up fast if you keep going like you have been. There is no doubt in my mind about that. You’ve made your final decision, then?”
When I’d first rejoined the study groups, I had explained to Heather that it was all part of keeping my options open and that I hadn’t made a final decision yet.
“Yeah, I think I have.” My last conversation with James about it had strengthened my resolve.
She squealed softly, then furiously looked around so as to apologize to anyone she might have disturbed. “Have you noticed that there is, like, not a single other soul in here except for us and old Mrs. Dunn downstairs? It’s kind of creepy.”
“I noticed the other day, yeah.” I looked away so that she wouldn’t see the blush spreading on my cheeks.
“You know what would be so fucking hot? To have sex in here.” She wriggled her eyebrows at me and giggled. “Do you think anyone has?”
Oh God. Where was a good old earthquake when you needed one? Or a sinkhole that opened up to Middle-earth? I wasn’t about to be picky.
I sank back into my seat and tried to hide behind the curtain of my hair, pretending to study my textbook intently. “I wouldn’t know. I haven’t been around for a while.”
“Hmm, I guess so. It would be seriously exhilarating though.” She sighed dreamily as her eyes swept to the very row that James and I had disappeared into just a few days ago.
My heart stammered in my chest. I reminded myself there was no way she could know. Absolutely no way.
“Yeah, I’m sure it’s pretty damn hot, probably.” It absolutely was.
I didn’t know what I was freaking out about anyway. Heather and I had talked about sex and the guys we dated plenty. She’d been my best friend for years, for Christ’s sake. At this point, I should be able to tell her anything.
Something about whatever was going on between James and me made me want to keep it to myself. To keep him to myself. And I wasn’t entirely convinced that it was all about my father’s rules anymore, either.
“So, back to the point,” Heather said. “What did you decide?” She looked so hopeful; I couldn’t help but give her my brightest smile.
“I’m back in the game, baby!” I pumped my fist into the air. Heather launched herself at me and pulled me into what could only be described as a clumsy jump hug.
“Oh, honey! I’m so happy for you!” She finally released me. “And for me, but mostly for you. Are you sure about this? Doing this for your father?”
“I’m not doing it for him. I’m doing this for me. I’m sure about that now.” The best thing about it was that I really was sure I was doing it for the right reasons. It was truly the right thing for me.
Heather’s eyes welled up with unshed tears, and she blinked them away. Absolute joy shined back at me. “I’m just so happy for you, friend. I was so worried about you for a minute or so back there.”
Well, that was news to me. “Really? Why?”
“You seemed so unhappy. So lost. I didn’t want to push you, but you were made to do this. You’ve been the most passionate person since the day that I met you. Then all that shit went down with your father, and I was afraid it was going to push you away from the thing you loved most.”
My heart softened, and my resolve strengthened even more. It occurred to me that I’d never asked Heather for her honest opinion on what I should do. I should have. “It almost did, but I came around. The more I got back into it, the more I realized how much I missed it.”
James had been instrumental in getting me back into it, but I kept that bit of information to myself. Although I still couldn’t quite figure out why I would.
Heather nodded. “However it happened, I’m just happy that it did.”
“So, without any further ado, should we get to it?” The books called to me from my desk. I really did have a lot of catching up to do.
“Absolutely, let’s do it.”
For the next couple of hours, that was exactly what we did. It was easy to fall back into my old routine with Heather. We’d study by ourselves for a while. Then, we’d do a couple of case studies together from practice questions and make notes as we identified areas we needed to revisit.
We collapsed into giggles about some of the sets of facts the professors had come up with. We devised elaborate defense strategies that would never hold up in court.
As the lights in the library flickered on and the sun started setting on the horizon, we packed it up for the day. Studying with Heather that afternoon had energized me in a way that I’d been missing like a lost limb. I was buzzing with it as my phone chimed in my bag.
James smiled at me from the display. I had snapped the picture that first day that we’d been on the beach. He wore the confident smirk of a man who knew exactly how much the camera loved him.
I silenced the phone, not wanting to answer in front of Heather. When I looked back at her, she studied me with a curious expression on her face. “Who was that?”
“Just some guy that I’ve been talking to lately.” I played it cool, even though my heart raced as it always did when he called. My phone dinged with an incoming text, arousing her interest even further.
James: How are you still studying?? When you’re ready for a break, I happen to be a great distraction ;-)
That he was. I stashed my phone back in my bag. I would text him back later.
A deep flush spread on my cheeks, and Heather had taken an intense interest. “Oh my, you’ve been holding out on me. Haven’t you?”
“We’re just having fun. It’s nothing serious.” I wasn’t so sure that was entirely true anymore, though. Not for me, anyway. I had no idea what to think about what James might or might not be thinking about our situation.
“Judging by the way you just blushed, you took me up on my idea of getting a sexy guy to distract you while you figured things out. Aside from Mr. Harry Potter, that is.” Her eyes sparkled, and her grin spread wide across her face. “And it seems he successfully managed to get you out of that brain of yours.”
“Come on, Heather. Stop it, what are we? Sixteen?” I couldn’t hold back my laughter completely, though.
“Okay, okay.” She threw her hands up in mock surrender. “For the record, I’m really happy that you met someone who can make you blush like that.”
“The record shall reflect that you enjoy my embarrassment.”
“It’s not embarrassment though; not only that, anyway. At this point of our friendship, I have no idea why you would be embarrassed about this sort of stuff unless…wait. Is he like, really ugly? Or really stupid?” Amusement shone in her wide eyes.
“He is definitely neither of those things. I guarantee it.” I was kind of smug as I said it. James was seriously hot, and he was really intelligent.
“Of course, he wouldn’t be. You would never hook up with a guy like that. I don’t know why you’re being so skittish about the details, but I trust you enough to tell me about it when you’re ready.”
If I was being honest, I didn’t know why either. “Thanks, Heather. You’re the best.” I hugged her goodbye, and we loaded our books into our cars.
“I know. Have you cooked him dinner yet?”
I was mildly confused by her question. I wasn’t a bad cook, by any means, but I was no chef. “No, why?”
Heather’s face lit up. “You know that old saying, that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach? Men love a woman who cooks for them.”
I bit back a slightly sarcastic, possibly dirty retort, but then I realized that her advice actually made at least a little bit of sense.
“That’s not a bad idea, Heather. Thanks, maybe I’ll do that.”
“Let me know how it goes. Ciao, bella.” Heather was not Italian, not even a quarter or a fifth. Not at all. But every once in a while, she’d break out the farewell. It was one of the little quirks that I loved about her.
“Thanks, I will.” A plan was already forming in my mind as I fastened my seat belt.