Chapter Ten
Veronica
I held the necklace above my face, lying on my back. The crystal swung back and forth. The little light in the room warmed the pink and reflected off its edges. The gold chain shone, concentrating and reflecting little rays of light.
I would have worn it the night before, but I didn't think the pink would be good with the dress. No, that wasn't it, not the whole reason. I also didn't feel right wearing this thing that my ex gave me to see another man. I sighed and put it back on my nightstand. Tiff had gotten me good, both of us.
The worst part was that he looked so great. And that he was still so funny, and handsome, and I still felt warm and happy around him. I could still see the guy who I had been crazy in love with in him after all this time and after what he did. I threw my covers off and went to the bathroom, washing my face and brushing my teeth. I had gone to sleep thinking about dinner and going to bed hadn't hit the reset button in my brain last night.
It was like this past year hadn't even happened. The more I thought about it, the more I went round in circles.
It had been a shock seeing him. I had been nervous and honestly, had had half a mind not to go back to the table after going into the ladies' room. I hadn't called Tiffany when I had been in there. I had wanted to – I had almost done it, too – but then I thought about what was happening and how it was the thing I had longed for so much when he was gone: just for him to come back and for everything to be normal.
He had broken my heart, and after feeling sad and hurt, I had been angry at him. But then a month had passed, then two, then six. I had gotten my shit together and rallied. I couldn't turn my love for him off as easily as he seemed to have been able to, but I had gotten on with my life.
I’d thought I was over him, and now that I had seen him and spent time with him again, gotten to get back a piece of what had been an incredible relationship, I was all over the place again. When it had happened, I had thought that I never wanted to see him again. Now I had and it didn't feel that simple anymore.
I heard my phone ringing and got back into my room too late to pick it up. It was Sean. He called again right away, but I silenced the phone and let it keep ringing. He had wanted me to call him after the date, but I wasn't really in the mood to deal with him and his bullshit right now. What the hell did he want, anyway? He shouldn't have cared since he had basically pushed me to do it in the first place. Did that mean I could blame seeing Roman again on him?
I went to the kitchen and made coffee. There was a knock on the door, and I hesitated before going to answer it because of the person who had ended up on the other side of it last time I had had a visitor this early. Would he really show up here after I ignored his phone calls? If Sean was anything, it was lazy, and I was counting on that, unlocking my door and swinging it open.
"Thank God it's you," I sighed, leaning against the door.
"Good morning to you, too," Tiffany said, shooting me a crooked smile. She walked in, her heels clacking against the floor. "Guess someone had fun last night."
"I gotta hand it to you," I said, "I was a little worried about who it was going to end up being waiting for me at that restaurant."
"You're welcome," she said smugly.
"I didn't say it was a good surprise," I said, shutting the door behind her.
"What? What happened last night?"
"What happened was you tricked me into going on a date with the guy who dumped me. With my ex! Tiffany, what the hell?"
"We were right on that couch when you told me that you missed what you and Roman had and have been trying to get it back," she said, pointing at my couch.
"I didn't say that I wanted to get back together with him, I said I just wanted what we had. We were talking about Sean, anyway. I didn't even know Roman was back in town."
"Well, now you do. Nothing's standing in your way."
"No, Tiff," I said shaking my head. "That ship has sailed. He ended it, and it's been over for a year. I'm not going back."
"Why not? Was it a bad date? Was he rude? Did you fight?"
"No," I said, truthfully.
"Then, I don't get it. Why don’t you want to reconnect?"
"It’s called a breakup for a reason," I told her.
"He only did it because he thought what he was doing was right. It wasn't the right decision to make, but he was thinking of you when he did."
"That doesn't change that he did it, Tiff. He devastated me when he dumped me. He made a decision for me, instead of talking to me about it first. He didn't even respect me enough to treat me like his decision was going to affect me, too," I said. Tiffany sighed, looking defeated.
"He asked me whether you were happy the first night that he got back. He wanted to know how you were. He said he still cared about you, despite what happened."
"And, I do, too," I admitted, "but that isn't enough to change what he decided to do. He still left, and I can't pretend it wasn't the worst thing he could have done to me."
"I'm sorry. I thought I was... It doesn't matter what I thought I was doing, it was still wrong."
"I get it. You're not the only one who's thought about the two of us getting back together," I said sadly.
"Then why don't you give it a shot?"
"Because it's more complicated than that. He left knowing what it would do to me, and he did it anyway. He hurt me on purpose – I don't know that I can let that go." She sighed again, coming forward to hug me.
"I understand. I won't get in the way," she said, letting me go.
"I know you were just trying to help. I just don't think this one can be fixed." She looked a little sad about it. I knew how she felt about the relationship her brother and I had had, but he had changed something when he did what he did. He let me know that we weren't in it together. He could make decisions about things that would affect us both, and he would rather get rid of me than talk to me about stuff.
That was the real problem. That was the thing that would have gotten in between us sooner or later, even if we had stayed together. I suddenly felt resentful. Not towards Tiff, but towards Roman for coming back. For what he said last night about it being a date and trying to defend himself when I called him out. I had been doing great; why did he have to come back and confuse the hell out of me now?
That old feeling came back. I wanted him gone again. You know what? No, he could stay, I wanted out.
She hung out for a while, and we ended up going out to eat. When I got back to the apartment, I went online and signed up for summer courses. If I could graduate early, I would; then I'd get out of here. I'd never even look back.