To say the past few months have been a whirlwind would be a gross understatement. I went from being happily married, to finding out my husband was cheating on me, to meeting the most amazing man and his children, to falling in love with them.

I’ve been in love with Levi for some time now, but falling in maternal love with his daughters has taken me to a whole other level. It’s because of the girls I haven’t gone back to Los Angeles as planned. I was going to stay a month in Nashville and then head home, back to my life, my music and whatever else waited for me.

Levi and I even sat down and discussed how our relationship would work long distance. No more than two weeks apart, and with the girls out of school, they would travel to me. We even talked about taking vacations together. On paper, it’s a fail-safe way minus the part where we wouldn’t be together. That part didn’t sit well with me, and I have yet to leave Nashville.

I’m comfortable here. I love sitting on the deck and listening to the birds sing, watching Stormy race, reading with Willow, and of course watching Levi do his chores. Who would’ve thought that chores would be so sexy? Not me. I can’t recall the last time I saw Van lift a finger. Everything in our lives was contracted out. With Levi, he likes to get his hands dirty and even though he has a crew that works for him daily, he’s still outside busting his ass.

And while he’s working, I’m inside making lunch for everyone or preparing dinner. I have found that I love to cook and bake, and the girls love it too. We’ve made it a game of who can come up with the craziest recipe because we know that Levi will try anything, and he loves it all, even when it’s the grossest thing ever.

But we laugh, all of us. It’s the best sound in the world. And from what I can tell, the girls are happy. Stormy is dancing and barrel racing, which makes her father very happy. Willow has decided that she’ll start dance in the fall, but also wants to play sports. Both girls love to shop, like crazy mall shopping once every other day.

That is where we are now because Willow has to have the new something or other that just came out, and of course, I jumped at the opportunity to bring her because we get to bond more. The first time we ventured to the mall, it was crazy. Fans were immediately upon me, scaring Stormy and Willow. That was the last time we went without a bodyguard. There’s nothing like a giant three hundred plus man walking behind you, glaring at anyone that might look in your direction. Big Joe, as he likes to be called, drew the line at carrying our bags though. We tried.

“What do you think of this?” Stormy comes out, dressed similarly to the way I dress. I like what she’s wearing, but not sure her father would approve, but then again, he loves me so he might not care.

“I like it, but do you? It’s one thing to dress like that every day, but to change back and forth might give you whiplash.”

She shrugs while looking in the mirror. Her head is slanted with her toes turned inward. She looks every bit a rocker chick with the combat boots she’s wearing that are similar to mine, a short skirt and a shirt that has already been cut. I think she looks cute. Adorable even.

“Let me take your picture.”

Stormy turns around and poses while I snap the photo and send it off to her dad. She disappears into the dressing room, telling me she has another outfit to try on.

As soon as I see that Levi has read the message, I text him: Do you like it?

I don’t mean to hound him, but if Stormy asks if she can get it, I need to be able to tell her yes or no. Almost instantly, Levi’s face appears on my screen.

“Hello.”

“Hey, babe,” he says, breathlessly. The way he sounds, his voice, it makes me melt. “Stormy looks cute in that outfit.”

“I thought so, too.”

“She can get it if she wants. I think it’d be pretty messed up for me to tell her that she can’t dress like my girlfriend.”

Once again, I’m smiling like a fool. I love the label, even more, when I see it plastered all over the web. Those are some of my favorite headlines. The ones I don’t appreciate are the ones that talk about Van, me cheating, Levi and I being engaged or when they circle my belly and announce that I’m pregnant and don’t know who the baby daddy is. It’s that shit that really sets me off and makes me despise the media.

“I’ll be sure to tell her if she asks.”

“I trust your judgment, Zara.”

“I’m just afraid the girls might take advantage.”

“They won’t,” he tells me. “They love you.”

And I love you, but neither of us has had the courage to say those words to each other.

“I love them, too.”

“What time will you be home?”

Home. Aside from Levi saying love, home is my next favorite word. There is another four-letter word that I like, but I like saving that for special occasions.

“I think in an hour or so. The girls are trying on clothes, and we talked about getting a treat someplace.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

We hang up in time for Willow to come out of the dressing room dressed in an extravagant ball gown.

“Wow, Willow. Are you going to some ball that your father isn’t aware of?”

She giggles and twirls in front of the mirror. “Nope. I thought I could wear this to your wedding.”

“My wedding?” I try to laugh off what she says.

“Yeah, I saw that you and daddy were gettin’ married.”

“Oh… you don’t think I’d pick out a dress for you if that was the case?”

Willow spins again, this time knocking into her sister. Stormy glares at her and Willow sticks her tongue out in retaliation.

“I told you that daddy and Zara aren’t gettin’ married, Willow. You can’t believe everything you read on the web.”

Willow is far too young to be reading anything about her father on the web, and honestly, Stormy shouldn’t be either. As much as I want to say something about their reading habits, I don’t. I know for a fact that Levi has talked to them in the past about how the media will misrepresent things so they can make money.

“Well she’s having a baby, and that means they’re getting’ married,” Willow says with her hands on her hips.

My mouth drops at her statement, and I slowly look around to see if anyone could hear her. Sure enough, there’s a group of women, some young, typing away on their phones. As soon as I stand, Big Joe is right behind me.

“Girls, I think it’s time to go.” I usher them back into the dressing room and ask them to change quickly. I turn to find Big Joe blocking the doorway so no one can get in right now.

“I really wanted to buy some clothes,” Stormy says from behind her door.

“I know. We’ll come back. Right now I just really want to get out of here, okay?”

“Okay,” Stormy says. I hate feeling like I’m disappointing her and Willow, but right now I’m just not comfortable being out in the open.

As soon as they’re changed, Big Joe clears the doorway so we can leave. He follows closely behind and isn’t afraid to push people who are trying to get our picture, out of the way. The girls walk with their heads down, clearly used to being in the limelight. I feel bad for them, sorry even. They didn’t ask to be born into this life, but it’s the one they lead with their father, and now me. Maybe bringing them to the mall wasn’t such a great idea.

We pile into the SUV that Levi has rented, with Big Joe behind the wheel. Thankfully the windows are tinted, but the damage is done. Our photos are up on every social media platform with the headline: Zara Phillips confirms pregnancy. Part of me wishes it were true, while the other part is completely disgusted that this conversation even took place among the girls.

I’m tempted to remind Willow that personal family business needs to stay between the walls of our home and because of her loud mouth people think it’s true that I’m pregnant. I’m not. Nor do I intend to be, at least while my divorce is still proceeding. That would be a complication that I don’t need.

Half way to Levi’s, Laura’s face lights up my phone. I haven’t fully fired her yet and know that if I don’t answer her call, she’ll keep calling until I do.

“Laura,” I say, spitefully.

“You need to come home, Zara.”

I close my eyes and count to ten. Her idea of home and mine are two completely different things. The last thing I need is to go home.

“This isn’t anything I can’t handle,” I tell her, knowing that Barbara will issue a joint statement regarding the situation.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Zara. Gabe and Rusty were in an accident, and things don’t look good.”

My heart drops. I haven’t spoken to them since the video shoot. Mostly because they sided with Van and I felt like they were looking down on me for filing for divorce.

“Um…”

“I took the liberty of booking you on the next flight, which leaves at three. I’ll have a car waiting for you when you arrive at the airport.”

“Okay.” My words are barely above a whisper, not knowing what to say. I have known Rusty and Gabe since we were kids, and they were the first guys that Darian and I thought about when we started our band. We had all been band geeks together.

The rest of the ride is fairly quiet, aside from the radio. I cringe when I hear that I’m knocked up with Austin’s kid as if these people at the station know him so well to be crass about the situation.

I try to call Darian, but my call goes to voicemail. I try again, with the same result. His phone is off, which means he’s probably holding vigil by his best friends’ bedside.

By the time we pull into Levi’s driveway tears are streaming down my face. I can’t control them anymore. Levi greets us at the door, and his face falls as soon as he sees mine.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, holding onto my shoulders with his strong hands. I shake my head, and he pulls me into his arms before leading me down the hall and into his bedroom. “What’s going on?”

“Rusty and Gabe… they were in an accident. I need to go home.”

Levi nods and goes to his closet, returning with my suitcase. “Do you know what you want to take? I can help you pack.”

I cry harder, knowing that my heart is breaking for my two friends and because I’m leaving this man behind. I’d give anything to have him come back with me, but it’d be unfair for him to be holed up, waiting for me to come home.

“You’re so good to me,” I say as I collapse into his arms. He rubs his hands up and down my arms and slightly pushes me away so I can look at him.

“I love you, Zara. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.”

I hiccup and manage to smile. “I love you too, Levi.”

“Answer me this, before you go. Are you pregnant?”

I shake my head and see a bit of life dull in his eyes. He wants another baby or at least one with me. “Just a rumor.” Levi pulls me into his arms again and holds me until my tears have dried.