Chapter 10

Saturday

We were a mess of knotted limbs. I couldn't keep my hands off of him. I let my fingers trace the contours of his six pack as I stared into his eyes. There was this peace settled around us, but I still had questions. He probably did too.

"Why didn't you just tell me who you really were?" I finally said, breaking the silence.

"Honestly, I thought you'd be upset. This wasn't the reaction I was expecting at all."

Upset? "I'm definitely not upset. I'm thankful that you trusted me to know the truth."

He reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "And I'm thankful that you're giving me a second chance."

I moved my hand to the side of his face and let his stubble tickle my palm. "I'm falling for you." It fell out of my mouth before I even knew what I was saying.

He smiled. "Last time we talked about this, I'm pretty sure you had a panic attack."

"Because I knew you were holding something back. But I get it now. I know why you didn't want to tell me. We don't have to hold anything else back now, though."

He smiled.

"You know," I said as I propped my head up on my hand, "this is definitely going to make our psychology project easier."

"Now that we're not fighting?" He smiled. "Absolutely."

I laughed as he rolled onto his back and pulled me against his chest.

"You smell different." I thought about the expensive cologne that his vigilante clothes always carried. "Not in a bad way or anything." I placed a gentle kiss on his chest. "I love the way you smell. It reminds me of sunshine."

"Well, you smell perfectly the same." He touched the bottom of my chin so that my eyes would meet his.

"I do have more questions for you. A ton of questions. But I could seriously just stay like this forever."

"You know, I was thinking." He intertwined his fingers with mine and kissed the back of my hand. "What if we just put a pause on all the questions. What if we just acted like two normal college students for one day."

I smiled. "What do you have in mind?"

"Hmm." A smile formed on his lips. "What do normal college students do on a Saturday afternoon?"

"Study?"

He squeezed my hand. "I said normal, not nerdy."

"Hey!" I lightly swatted his arm.

I laughed as he rolled on top of me, pressing my back against the mattress.

"I was leaning more toward staying in bed all day."

I wrapped my legs around his waist. I'd give up anything to be normal for just one day. And staying in bed with Eli sounded like the best afternoon ever.

 

***

 

It was easy to forget my problems when I was with him. I didn't feel like I was out of my mind. I didn't feel like I was in danger. I stabbed at the rice with my chopsticks as I stared at him out of the corner of my eye.

"You're missing the best part." He gestured to the TV screen.

I looked back at the TV. We were watching a rerun of The Office. Jim had just played an epic prank on Dwight. Even though I loved the show, I couldn't pay attention. Not when I could stare at the corners of Eli's lips turning up into a smile. Or hear him laughing. God, I had been so stupid to push him away. I was lucky that he was willing to give me a second chance.

The afternoon had been great. It was just what I needed. I felt calmer and more centered. But now I wanted to sort out the huge mess that was my life. I couldn't just hide in this room forever. He had promised me he'd help me learn how to defend myself. And we needed to sit down with Liza and figure all of this out together. I didn't know when Don would be back, but I had to be prepared. A day off from everything was what I wanted. What I needed was a whole different thing.

I set aside my Chinese takeout container. "How long have you been watching me?" I needed to know exactly how much of my past he knew about.

He tilted his head down toward mine. "We said we weren't going to talk about this today."

"I'm not going to be mad or anything if that's what you're worried about. I just need to know how much I need to fill you in about."

"Seeing something and understanding it are two completely different things."

I nodded. "That doesn't exactly answer my question though."

"I mean, I want you to tell me everything. From the beginning. I want to know." His hand drifted to my thigh as he stared into my eyes. "But I want to talk about it tomorrow. Just one normal day. That's all I'm asking." He lifted his hand and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"No matter how much we want to, we can't exactly freeze time." My life was on the line and Eli was acting like it wasn't an emergency.

"I promise that nothing bad is going to happen to you tonight. I'm right here. Just try to relax." He kissed the side of my neck. "Or do you need me to make you relax again?"

"Hey lovebirds," Kins said as she stepped into the room with Patrick. "Who's ready to party?" She threw her arms up in the air.

I would have bet all the money sitting in my bank account that Kins was wasted. "We were just going to hang out here tonight," I said.

"Actually, it might be fun," Eli whispered. "We've been holed up in here all day."

Because I'm scared to leave.

"Actually I just needed to change," Kins said. "But it would be more fun if you two came." She gave me an exaggerated wink.

I wasn't sure what she was winking about. Really, she should have been winking if she left us alone in the room.

"Don't mind me," she said as she turned around and started to take off her shirt.

"Whoa, babe," Patrick said and immediately stepped in front of Kins at the same time I covered Eli's eyes with my hand.

Eli laughed. "I promise I won't look."

I removed my hand from his face and he was smiling at me, not caring at all about Kins' striptease.

He had the cutest smile on his face. "I think we should go."

"I really don't feel comfortable going out tonight."

"And a little alcohol never made anyone feel more comfortable?" He smiled. "You can't stay locked up in here forever." He jumped off the bed and stretched.

"You really want to go?"

"Yeah, it'll be fun."

"Yay!" Kins said. "It's about time we had a proper double date. Tonight is going to be epic. Put this on." She tossed a dress at me.

It was similar to the blue one I had liked when we went shopping together. It was light weight and short, perfect for the weather. Normally I would protest about being forced to take off my sweatshirt. But my bruises were healed. I wanted to look nice for Eli. And wearing something like this would make me blend in better.

"Give me one sec." I slipped out of room and went to the bathroom. I quickly changed into the dress and stared at my reflection in the mirror. It would have matched my blue eyes perfectly if I wasn't wearing colored contact lenses. I pressed my hand in the middle of my chest. It still felt like a part of me was missing. For most of my life, my pendant had almost been an anchor. I wondered if that feeling would ever go away. Trying not to overthink anything, I made my way back into my dorm room.

"And how about these shoes?" Kins said and held up a pair of stilettos. They were the exact kind of heels you'd see some woman in a movie trip in while running down a dark alleyway.

I looked down at the Converses that I was still wearing. "No, that's okay, I'll stick with these."

"But...they don't match."

"I think they look cute." I looked up at Eli.

He shrugged and put his arm around my shoulders.

Apparently I was the only one that thought my shoes looked okay with the dress. But I didn't care. If I needed to run, I wanted to be able to go as fast as possible. Eli should understand that.

My heart seemed to race more the farther and farther we walked away from the dorm. "Where are we going exactly?" I asked.

"A friend from my Econ class invited me to their house party," Patrick said. "It should be fun."

"God my feet hurt," Kins said. "I should have worn ugly sneakers too."

Kins usually didn't have much of a filter. But apparently when she was drunk it was nonexistent.

"Hold on, babe." Patrick leaned over and lifted Kins into his arms.

She squealed with delight. "To the party!" she yelled and pointed down the sidewalk.

Patrick sprinted off with her in his arms.

"Maybe if I get on her level I won't be worried about anything at all."

Eli laughed. "I would probably avoid the blackout level if I were you."

I had never been blackout drunk. I just laughed, pretending I knew it all too well. In a few minutes, I started to feel the ground vibrating. We had reached a row of townhouses. "Their poor neighbors," I said.

"Come on, let's check it out for at least a few minutes." He pulled me inside.

The music seemed to pulse through me. The rhythm echoing in my head. I felt frantic. I wouldn't be able to hear if someone snuck up behind me.

I clung to Eli like he was my lifeline as we wound our way through the crowd.

I drank each shot that was pushed into my hand, trying to stifle the panic rising in my chest.

"Can we go?" I tried to yell over the music.

"Just try to relax."

His hands were on my hips. People kept bumping into me. My whole body felt like it was on fire.

But I had learned how to dance among the flames a long time ago.