Chapter 13

Sunday

The terrible headache from my hangover was making me act insane. I knew it, but I couldn't seem to stop it from happening. It was like I had a taste for blood in my mouth. But now I wasn't sure if it was Don's or my own that I was about to see. I peered around the lamppost at the Corner Diner.

I knew perfectly well that the lamppost wasn't hiding me. But for some reason it made me feel safer. My eyes were glued on the window. The diner was as busy as any regular Sunday. The only difference was that Joan wasn't posted at the hostess stand. Or talking to customers. Or anywhere in sight. Where was she?

I wanted a fight. I wanted to scream and punch and throw things. There was an electricity coursing through me and I needed to unleash it. I bounced on the balls of my feet and clenched my hands into fists. I could take Joan. She was an old lady. I could get her to tell me what Don was planning.

My phone buzzed in the pocket of my jean shorts. I pulled it out and opened up a text from V.

"Roof. Now."

Fuck you. I wasn't even sure why I was so angry at Eli. I stuffed the phone back in my pocket. But why did he have to be so vague? It was like the mask messed with the circulation to his brain. Couldn't he see that I was busy doing surveillance?

I continued to stare inside the Corner Diner. Seriously, where was she?

My phone buzzed again. I yanked it back out and looked at the new text. "She's gone too. Roof. Now." I looked up at the top of the buildings. He was standing on the ledge of one nearby the diner. Why couldn't he just take off his mask and come talk to me like a normal person? I walked down the street until I came to a rickety emergency escape ladder. The bottom of it was already pulled down, like he had been expecting me to show up here. As if he could read my thoughts. For some reason that just made me even madder, because I couldn't read his thoughts at all.

I climbed up the steps, being careful not to look down. All I could seem to focus on was the pounding in my head anyway. I stepped up onto the roof and stared at him.

"Do you have a death sentence?" His voice rumbled.

"What does it matter if I do?" Tears bit at the inside corners of my eyes. "No one would miss me. I'm already dead."

"Sadie..."

That's not my name! He knew that. Why was he still calling me Sadie? I put my hands over my ears. It was like my name was echoing around me, teasing me. Stop.

He took a step toward me and grabbed my wrists, removing my hands from my ears. "I'd miss you."

"Well, you're the only one."

"You said you were ready to train. You don't seem ready."

Was he seriously insulting me for being hung-over? My current state of mind was his fault. "It's your fault that I'm not ready." I put my hand on my forehead. It felt like I was freefalling off the building. My emotions were all over the place. God, I didn't want to burst into tears in front of him.

He put his arms around me, silencing me, and I melted into him. How could he so easily absorb my pain? "All I want to do is turn back time," I mumbled into his chest. "But I can't undo what's already been done. And I can't keep going like this. It hurts too much. Everything hurts. I can't do this. I thought that falling for you would make everything easier, but I can't move on. I can't just keep living like my past means nothing."

His hands tensed on my back. "You're falling for me?"

I wasn't going to repeat myself. We had already talked about this. Besides, the truth was that I was mad at him. Furious, really. "And you know what? You can't just show up whenever it's opportune for you. How do you think that makes me feel?" I unwound his arms from me and took a step back. "And I'm...I'm really mad at you. You completely ditched me last night."

"What? Where were you yesterday?"

He wasn't allowed to be upset about what I did after the party. I would have been perfectly happy spending the night with him but he didn't exactly leave that as an option. My head was pounding. "I'm not even sure you really care."

"Of course I care. I told you to stay with Liza or to go home." He sounded pissed.

"I was with Liza. Until she kicked me out. You didn't exactly ask her if it was okay if I stayed with her. So I went back to my dorm and you were there. Sitting on my bed. With all your apologies and then you just ditched me again."

"What are you talking about?"

"You left me at the party without even saying goodbye."

"What party?"

"The party last night!" God, was he seriously playing innocent? "The one you dragged me to even though I was terrified to leave my room."

His hands clenched into fists. "Who do you think I am?"

I was about to punch him in the face. "Eli, stop messing around."

He shook his head. "I'm not Eli."

"But you're...Eli said..."

"I told you to trust no one."

It felt like my heart stopped beating. "You're not..."

"Your abusive boyfriend?"

"He's not abusive. And he's not technically my boyfriend." God, what the hell have I done? I told Eli I was falling for him. I fucking slept with him. And he lied about everything. He let me believe he was the vigilante. I felt like I was going to be sick. My stomach churned.

"You could have fooled me," said the vigilante.

I took a step away from him. "Who are you?"

He just stared back at me.

"Tell me who you are. Or I'm leaving." There was nothing keeping me in New York now. I hadn't gotten on that bus because I wanted to find my pendant, but it was long gone. I had stayed because I at least thought I could trust the vigilante. I shook my head. There was no way I could trust someone who wouldn't even give me a real first name.

His silence was unnerving.

"How do you know about my relationship with Eli? How do you know so much?"

"Because I've been watching you."

Goosebumps rose on my skin. It was the same thing Eli had said to me. Right after he told me he knew my real name. And lied about being the vigilante. "Why are you doing all this? Just tell me who you are."

"I need a little more time." He reached out and gently ran his fingers down my forearm.

"Don't touch me." I took a step back from him. "I don't know what I was thinking staying here. This is insane." I'm insane. "I don't know how to fight. I don't know what any of this is about. I'm getting the hell out of this city." I turned around and walked toward the stairs.

"You're not going anywhere," he called after me.

Fuck you.

"I have something that you're looking for. And I know you won't leave without it."

My pendant. I turned around, but he was gone. "V!" I ran to the opposite end of the building. He was nowhere in sight. "Damn it!" Tears started streaming down my cheeks. I was exhausted. And hung-over. But that wasn't why I was crying. I was crying because I was furious. V was blackmailing me into staying. Why would he do that when he kept telling me to go home? What was I missing? What didn't I understand?

I put my hands on the ledge and stared out at the busy city street. A city that I loathed. A city that was making my sanity slip away. And this small part of me wanted the pain to go away. I wanted the memories to stop replaying in my mind. I wanted to see my mom and dad.

I could do it. I could end it all right now. I wiped my tears away with my fingertips. How satisfying would that be for Don? That he was capable of killing me from another state? I wasn't going to give him that.

So instead, I screamed at the top of my lungs. I tried to scream away the pain of losing my parents. The pain that Don put me through. The pain of all the lies I'd been fed. And the pain of having to let Miles go.

Not a single person looked up from the street below. Not a single person heard me. Not a single person cared. I let my knees collapse, put my face in my hands, and cried uncontrollable, ugly tears. It could have been for hours for all I knew. I couldn't seem to stop.

A whooshing noise made my eyelids fly open.

An arrow was sticking out of the concrete in front of me, pierced directly in the middle of a handwritten note.

 

Have Eli meet you in front of the diner at 8. I'll take care of him. And then I'll give you what you want.

-V

 

I glanced over my shoulder. There was no one there. And I had this overwhelming feeling that the vigilante didn't exist. That I had made the whole thing up in my head.

It didn't matter either way. I was done playing other people's games. I grabbed the arrow and tried to pull it out of the concrete, but it wouldn't budge. Instead, I gripped the edge of the note, tore it from the arrow, and crumpled it up in my fist. It was about time I was the one calling the shots.