CHAPTER ELEVEN

Owen

Walking outside McDonalds, Ella grabs onto Grace’s hand as we walk to our cars. “I don’t want Gwace to go.” Ella whine and Grace looks at me.

“I have to sweetie. I have lots to do today. I’ve got washing and I need to clean my flat.”

“Hab you not got a house?” She opens her arms wide.

“No, it’s like a smaller house but with no stairs.”

“Ahh.” I smile as she takes in what I say. “Daddy, can we go Nanna’s?”

“Yes, sweet pea.” We walk a little further on down to my car, I get Ella strapped into the seat and shut the door, Ella bangs the window and waves to Grace.

“Well. Thanks for joining us, Ella’s enjoyed herself.”

She nods. “Anytime, I should be thanking you two, maybe I can return the favour one day.” The thought of seeing her without Ella around is appealing, this is a bit different though to going out with friends, what if I mess it up... I realise I still haven’t answered when she frowns and dips head and looks at the floor. “It’s okay, obviously you don’t have to, it was just an idea.” She looks at her watch. “I better get going, look at the time….”

Cutting off her rambling. “Grace?” she looks back at me. “I’d love to.” A slow smile forms on her face. God, I hope I can do this. This is the first time I’ve been on a date with a woman in four years. “Are you busy next Saturday night?” I ask shutting out the voice in my head.

“I am now. I’d like that.” some strands of hair blow into her face as our gazes hold each other to the spot. I lift my hand to move her hair from her pretty face but stop and push it into my pocket instead.

“Daddy, let’s go.” Ella shouts, banging on the window.

“You’d better go.” She smiles wide as she watches Ella. Her smile is so pretty, she bites her lip and gets her keys from her bag. Well, I’ll see you both Monday.”

“Erm...yeah. B... bye.” She smiles at the bumbling fool that I am and gets in her car. Her car pulls away and off the car park while I’m still standing there. My head shakes, I open the door and start the engine. “Ready for Nanna’s baby girl?”

“Yeahhh.”

 

 

 

“So, Owen. Ella’s been telling me all about Grace.” Mum says fishing for information.

“Oh yeah?” Acting nonchalant.

“Yeah, that you went to Donald’s today after dance.”

“We always go to McDonalds after dance on a Saturday, it’s her treat.” I shrug.

“Does Grace always go too?” I look across at her ...

“Whatever you’re trying to ask, just ask it. Look you’re the one who keeps telling me I need to meet new people and I should try dating. Ugh.” Standing up from the chair I walk into the kitchen.

“Son, don’t get defensive.” She answers in a soft voice as she follows me in. “I was just asking. Ella seems to like her.”

“She does - a lot.” I look at her and decide to put her out of her misery. “Will you have Ella next Saturday night? I’m... I’m taking her out.” I shrug.

“Owen that’s great.” I feel the frown forming on my brow, “what’s wrong?”

“What if I forget her Mum. What if everything goes well with Grace and we get together - then what, what if I forget all the things I loved about Vic?”

“Oh sweetheart. You’re never going to forget the little things. It’s what made her Victoria.”              

Shutting down that part of my memories just for a little while, I think about Grace. “She’s really sweet and pretty, she’s good with Ella, not just with her dancing either, she talks to her. She makes me smile, she rambles on all the time at like ten words per second.”

“Hang on?” she cuts me off, “I thought you only met her at Ella’s dance class?”

“Oh, when I went out with Tom last week, she was there with her friend. Her best friend is seeing one of his friends…”

“Ahh, so you’ve had a part date then?”

“No Mother. This is why I didn’t want to tell you, you look further into things.”

“Okay, I won’t anymore. Does Ella know?”

“Mum,” I say on a sigh, “She’s four, she doesn’t need to know. Zip it.” I place my finger against her lips as she looks innocently at me. “I noticed today - it’s easy with Ella around, she’s a chatterbox, I don’t get stuck for words.” I look around the door and see her playing with my Dad, she’s climbing all over him, smiling I turn back to Mum. “I have so many conflicted feelings all the time. Should I, shouldn’t I? Is it fair on Ella for someone else to be around - I mean apart from all the photo’s she doesn’t know her Mum, it’s my memories - my feelings. Is that fair on her?” I see the glassy look in her eyes and realise all this isn’t fair on Mum either. Her arms wrap around my waist as she rests her head against my chest, I look down as she swipes at her eyes.

“I’m sorry son.”

“It’s not your fault. I need to find a way of getting it over it myself. My heart is empty apart from Ella and she can only hold so much of it, the rest of it isn’t even Vic’s anymore apart from another fraction of it.” Shrugging… “It’s not like I’m being pushed into taking out Grace - I’m not. I want to do this for myself. It’s just so hard, Mum.” She pulls me down by my head and kisses my cheek. Hearing Ella chuckling from playing with her Grandad makes me smile. We both look around the door.

“Maybe you should give Grandad a break now.” I shout to my daughter as she climbs off his back and runs to me. I hold my arms open and she jumps into them.

“What the matter, Daddy. You look sad?”

“I have you, don’t I?” She nods. “I’m not sad then.” I kiss her then hold her tight to me.

“Daddy, you queezing me.” She giggles. I lose my hold on her. “Daddy, when we get home, can I dweth up?”

Hearing her lisp, I smile. It only comes out every now and again. “Of course, you can.” She jumps down from my arms and goes back to tormenting her grandad while he’s trying to read the newspaper.

 

The week drags by at the slowest pace ever! I’m not sure why, I wasn’t able to pick up Ella from nursery or dance this week because of clients. Works picking up and I’m struggling with the juggling of it all. It’s as if all of a sudden, companies have heard of me, want advice and to try me out for their accounts. I’ve got too much work for just me but not enough to bring someone else in. At three thirty I pack up my desk and head out of the door, as I pass Jenny’s desk I stop. “I’m off Jenny, I’ve had enough this week.”

“Okay. Are you and Ella doing anything nice this weekend?”

“She has dance in the morning but then she’ll be staying the night at my parents.”

“Oh nice. You going anywhere nice?”

“I know what you’re up to, you’re like my mother.” I smirk. “I’ll let you know Monday, how’s that.” Smirking knowing I’ve caught her out, she nods. “Hm. Okay. Have a good time.” The smirk turns into a full-blown smile as I shake my head and walk away.

 

 

Dinner’s been cooked. Ella has had her bath, the evidence all over me and she’s now in bed. My t-shirt is wet from where she’s splashed me. I pull it off over my head and sit in just my joggers. I wonder if Tom’s out tonight. These times are the loneliest, when it’s quiet. Ella is like a tribe all on her own some days but it’s way too quiet right now.

Grabbing my phone, I pull up my contacts, as I scroll through for Tom’s number, I pass Grace’s. Stopping, I open up the information. I click on the message box. Do I text her? What do I say, hi? What the fuck - how lame is that! I place it back down but within minutes I’m picking it back up. Looking again at the same contact name, wondering again what to write. What if she’s out? I put it back down and go into the kitchen. Opening the fridge door, I grab a beer from the fridge. Opening the can, I sit back down in front of the telly and flick through for a film. Taken - Liam Neeson, that’ll do. Twenty minutes into the film I’m restless, I pick the phone up again but this time go straight to Tom’s number.

 

Me: Hi mate are you out tonight or with a hot date?

 

I wait for ten minutes but no answer. Trying to concentrate on the film yet again, my mind strays. I think I’ve unlocked this phone five times since I first thought of sending Grace a text. Fuck it! Man up!

 

Me: Hi

Me: How are you?

 

I wait again - nothing. Shit, I’m popular. I grab my can and lie back into the corner of the settee, get comfy and watch the film, I’m sure she’s busy with her friend.