CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Owen

After seeing Rachel at the graveyard, she kind of put my mind at ease, I felt really awkward talking to her if the truth be known, especially when I know it was Vic’s Mum but she was probably the best person to talk to about this. My Mum just doesn’t want to see me on my own anymore, I get that, I do, but she has no idea just how hard this has been. I’ve known Grace around six, eight weeks and we’ve been out twice but she’s like takes over my whole headspace when I’m with her - maybe she is what I need, who knows...all I can do is see how it goes. I really like her and so does Ella so that has to be something.

I’ve been here the last couple of hours. Grace and I are lying together on the couch, her cuddled up beside me. “I’m going to have to get going soon to pick up Ella.” She nods but doesn’t move off me. My phone rings in my pocket, I manoeuvre my phone from my pocket and see it’s Mum. Putting my finger to my lips I slide across to answer. “Hi Mum.”

“DADDY!”

“Hey baby girl, you okay?”

“When will you be here?”

“I’ll be there soon, I just had some things to do first.” Grace looks up at me, her eyes happy. She smiles when she hears Ella’s voice.

“Okay Daddy. See later.”

“Bye sweetheart.” I hear my Mum’s voice asking if she’s happy now then speaks into the phone.

“Hello darling. Do you want some lunch?”

“Yeah, why not. I’ll be back in around half an hour, is that okay?”

“Yes, of course. See you soon.” Clicking off the phone I lay it down on the floor.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, she just wanted to be know when I would be back, that’s all.”

She smiles and leans up towards me. Her lips press against mine. My hand cups her head as I kiss her one last time, my tongue tangling with hers - tasting her, remembering her in case I don’t get to kiss her again this week.

 

 

I’m stuffed after my roast beef lunch. My Mum never does small portions. “I went to the graveyard today.”

“Oh yeah. Everything okay?” She asks on a frown.

“Yeah... well I had a reason for going, I suppose. “

“Owen you’re not talking sense.”

I sigh heavily. “Remember I told you about Grace?” I add quietly so Ella doesn’t hear me. Mum tips her head towards the kitchen. I get up and Ella looks up, I tell her I’ll only be a few minutes and she goes back to her jigsaw.

“Go on.” Mum tells me as we enter the room and shut the door.

“I know this is probably going to cheer you up but I’m seeing Grace.”

“What do you mean?”

“Mum honestly?” I launch into telling her about last night and going full exposure to Grace on regards to my life, then feeling like shit this morning, seeing Rachel at the graveyard and her giving me advice on how to go about stuff.

“Do you feel better after talking to Rachel though?”

“I do, yeah. A little, well enough to go back around there, apologise and work some stuff out between us anyway.”

“I’m proud of you, son. There’s not many that lose someone like you did and pick up the pieces to look after a baby. I know that was hard…. some people can’t cope after a death let alone a baby too.”

“You think I coped? I was a mess most days but Vic and Ella were counting on me to do the right thing and I had you to kick me up the arse. I don’t what will happen or even if it goes that far - I want it too, I just don’t know…” she hugs me around the waist because she can’t reach my neck as I kiss the top of her head. “Thanks Mum.”

“When do I meet her officially?”

“You’ve met her.”

“Officially. Owen. I’ve met her as Grace’s dance teacher, not as your girlfriend.”

“Mum, we’re taking it slowly.”

“Okay.” she sighs. She grins as she flips the switch on the kettle and waits for it to boil. “Coffee?”

“Go on then, then I’m taking Ella home.”

 

This last few weeks has flew by in a mountain of work, drop off to dance classes and phone calls with Grace. We’ve spent a bit of time together at weekends, I feel like a teenager again. When I see Grace, I try to keep it professional but it’s so hard not to grab her, kiss her and say fuck it in front of everyone. My emotions are still working against me but I refuse to let them ruin this. I’ve tried to keep Ella out of this as much as I can, I know she likes Grace and I don’t want her to get too emotionally involved. It’s hard enough for me but I have to let go of her - just like Mum and Rachel said. I have been letting go slowly.

I get in from picking up Ella from dance class, drop our bags and get something quick on for dinner. “Ella, what do you want for your dinner sweetheart?”

“Nuggets!” I take the nuggets and Donald’s fries as she calls them from the freezer and turn on the oven.

“Ella can you come here a minute please?”

She comes running back into the kitchen. “What Daddy?”

I pick her up and sit her on the kitchen table. Pushing the hair out of her face, she blows at the loose strands of hair. “How would you like if Grace came here?”

“Gwace... my Gwace?” I nod as she points to her chest.

“Yeahhh, when? Can she Daddy, can she... peeaaase?”

“I’m not sure yet, I’ll ask her.” I tell her laughing at her excitement.

She glances up looking thoughtful before speaking again. “Daddy, does that mean I’ll be like other childwen and have a Mummy?” My heart skips a beat as I realise just how much my grief has affected her. The lump in my throat expands to the size of my whole throat and I struggle to breathe. How do I explain this to her? I pull her into me and hold her, stroking her hair.

“Princess, you have a Mummy, she’s just not here like the other children, yours watches you from heaven and keeps you safe. I know you never met her but she loves you very much.”

“Okay. Can I go now?” And like that the conversation is over. She looks at me with her big blue eyes. Vic’s eyes. Blowing out a shaky breath I lift her from the table, place her on the floor and watch her run back to the living room. I shake the sadness off, cook her dinner while I drink a cup of coffee and decide to ask Grace when I ring her next.

 

 

“I told Ella you would have dinner with us.” I tell Grace as I’m lying on the couch after Ella has gone to bed.

“How did she take that?” She asks with caution in her tone.

“How do you think? She was over the moon. She’s taken to calling you her Grace. I think I have a fight on my hands with my four-year-old daughter.”

“Ohh, well if it helps I really like her too.”

“So tomorrow then? After class or we can do Friday, if that’s better?”

“Can we do Friday? Meaghan is going away for a little bit to get her head on straight and to decide what she’s going to do about the baby. Ross keeps texting her all the time so I just want to spend tomorrow night with her is that okay?”

“Yeah of course it is.” I chuckle. “Friday probably works better anyway, gives us all more time.”

“How do you think she’ll be when we tell her we’re a couple?”

“I don’t think she’ll be too concerned it’ll be like water off a duck’s back.”

“Good I don’t want her to hate me for taking you away.”

“She’s four she won’t think that I promise.” She sighs down the receiver, it makes me smile, her little quirks are adorable. We’ve been talking on the phone a lot recently, I feel comfortable around her which surprises me a little bit. She tells me about her day and she asks me about work, we leave it there as I tell her I’ll see her tomorrow when I drop off Ella.

 

I’m nervous. Again! What the fuck, I’m a man. Why am I nervous - she’s just coming for dinner? Man up, you sap! Mum brings the lasagne around and I take the garlic bread from the fridge ready to cook in the oven. I was going to cook but Mum offered to cook her lasagne so I accepted, who am I to argue with the woman if she wants to cook and anyway it’s much better than my cooking. I know what Mum’s game is though, I’ve clocked on to the fact she just wants to be nosy; I should’ve known really.

There is a knock on the door as I put the garlic bread in and Ella runs to the it, “Ella don’t open the door on your own.”

“It’s okay I’m with her.” Mum shouts back. I breathe in deeply and turn to face the door. Grace is talking to my Mum, smiling as Ella is wrapped around her legs. She’s got dark blue jeans in with rips in the legs, a white round neck top that hangs longer at the back and shorter at the front just sitting on her waistline. She has her wedges on and her dark hair is down, sitting against the bare skin of her back where her top has a low V. My mouth begins to water. She must feel me looking at her, her gaze settles on mine and smiles softly at me. Shaking out of the trance she has me under, I smile back.

She picks up Ella and walks further in and I don’t take my eyes off her until I remember the garlic bread is in the oven. I check on that then go over to greet her.

“Hey.” I guess this the time she should probably meet my mother, “Grace this is my Mum, Sue. I know you’ve met but you know, I thought you should do it officially. Mum this is Grace.”

“It’s lovely to meet you Grace, officially. Well, I’ll be off then. Have a good night and Ella I’ll see you tomorrow. Give Nanna a kiss.” She jumps into her arms and kisses her. Mum winks as she leaves.” Shaking my head, I close the door after her and tell Grace to take a seat.

 

 

“Dinner was really nice thank you.” She says taking the plates to the kitchen.

“You don’t have to do that, I’ll clean up in a bit.”

“It’s fine, I want to.” She puts the plates on the side as Ella runs upstairs to get a princess dress on to show Grace. I stop her as she’s walking back to her chair and grip her wrist lightly to pull her towards me. She stands between my legs and rests her forearms on my shoulders as she dips her head and gives me a small kiss on the lips, it feels strange especially being here. My hands rest at the back of her thighs as she does it again.

Hearing Ella’s voice makes us break apart quickly. "Why are you kisthin Gwace, Daddy?” Busted! I didn’t her come back down the stairs. She watches me for an answer with her hands over her mouth giggling.

“Erm...because I like her?” I tell her eyes wide as she stands in her Belle dress complete with tiara in her hair and twirls around. Kissing forgotten.

“Look, Gwace. I’m a pwincess.”

“You sure are. That’s beautiful.”

“Ella. Ten minutes and bath time.” I tell her as she beams from Grace’s compliment.

“Really Daddy do I have to?” She sulks.

I crook my finger and call her to me, turning away from Grace for a minute. “Yes, really.” I kiss her forehead, “now go play for ten minutes while I talk to Grace.”

“Alright Daddy.” She runs into the living room again and carries on playing, so I take advantage of the peace for a little while. Grace sits next to me at the table as I hold her hand on my leg.

“Sorry.”

“What for? It was quite funny seeing you be told off by a four-year-old.”

“I better go and run her bubble bath, I’ll be back in five.” She nods and smiles as I kiss her again then walk away.