CHAPTER FIVE

Owen

Ella is full of excitement after dancing. Her dance teacher seems nice if not a bit on the talkative side, but Ella seems to like her. I’ve promised to buy her a McDonald’s for her dinner. She doesn’t each much junk food so it’ll be a nice little treat for her.

While I was in that viewing room trying to watch my daughter, I felt like I was being fed to the wolves. There were two women - the whole hour they sniggered like teenagers. Ugh, if that’s what I’ve got to look forward to I’m so glad I’m out of the dating game.

Pulling up on the car park, I park the car then unclip Ella’s belt and we walk inside the restaurant. Picking her up onto my hip I ask her what she wants. “Nuggets.” I don’t even need to ask what drink, it’ll be a chocolate milkshake. When it’s our turn I step up to the counter and sit Ella on the side. I order a big mac meal for myself and a chicken nuggets Happy meal for Ella. I put Ella on the ground and tell her to find a table, I grab straws, napkins and of course tomato sauce.

As we eat Ella begins to tell me about her dance session. “We did twirls and kicks and we diiiiid jumping. And Gwace said I was weally good.” I smile wide. There’s only one female that will make me smile this big and she totally has my heart in her hands.

 

We arrive home a little later, she’s yawning her little head off. “Come on sweet pea, bath then bedtime for you.” I go upstairs to run her a bubble bath, once it’s ready I call her upstairs. She strips down and gets in the bath. I leave her to play for ten minutes while I grab her pj’s and a clean towel. I drop the pj's on the bed and take the towel with me into the bathroom. “Have you had enough of playing now.” She yawns again. “I think you have.” I smile and grab the jug to wet her hair and start the bathing routine.

I wrap her in a towel, dry her hair and put on her clean pyjamas, then pull back the duvet for her to jump in. “Daddy, can I have some juice pease.”

“Yeah you jump in and I’ll get some.” I go into the kitchen and grab her some juice.

By the time I go back into the room she’s almost asleep. I place the juice at the side of her and sit on the floor. I stroke her hair with one hand as she reaches out for my other hand. She holds it tight. “Love you Daddy.”

“Love you too, Angel.” I whisper to her.

 

Stripping out of my suit, I step inside the shower. I’d been in that poxy suit since seven am this morning it’s now eight pm. Standing under the spray I hold my head back and close my eyes.

 

“Make love to me, Owen.”

Her body slides against mine as the water falls between us.

“I love you so much, Vic.”

 

Opening my eyes slowly that same heartbreak takes over me and my tears mix in with the water hiding them. It’s times like this when I miss her the most, on an evening when there’s nothing to do and no one to speak with. I step from the shower and dress in some shorts then start my daily chores.

 

I’ve had a busy week at work and I’m knackered. Mix that in with taking and picking up Ella from nursery, then there’s dance, she’s already been to twice this week; all I want to do is have a lie in. The house is quiet, I look at my watch and see it’s only seven am. I turn over on my side and close my eyes trying to get ten more minutes before my whirlwind gets up and then it’s all over.

I’m just drifting back off when I hear the creak of the door opening. I feel a little tap my shoulder. Not answering her, she taps again. She climbs on the bed and lies over me, “Daddy, are you wake?” She lies her cheek against my shoulder, then hangs over, she tries to open my eyes.

“Raahhhh.” I growl as she squeals.

“Daddy, you fwightened me.” She giggles. I pull her into bed with me and tickle her until she’s belly chuckling. I love that sound. “Stop. I’m hungwy.”

“Okay then. Let’s get up.”

“Yeahhh! Can I have pops pease?” I carry down the stairs on my back and stand her on the chair at the table.

She sits down as I go back into the kitchen. Pressing down the switch on the kettle first, I let it boil while I get the coco pops, the milk out of the fridge and do Ella’s breakfast. Taking it into her, I place it in front of her then kiss the top of her head.

I place two pieces of bread in the toaster and make my coffee. Once the toast is ready, I slather some butter on, I place it on the plate and join Ella at the table.

 

Pulling up at the studio, the car park is empty all but for one car. I’m sure she said Saturday, but then again, she rambled so much I may have misunderstood. I park up, get out and look around. I hold my hand out for Ella to take and we make our way around the side to the entrance door. Before we walk in I hear music. We push through the door and walk towards the studio door.

Looking in through the window I see her. Grace. She’s dancing. She’s so agile as she bends and twirls, her leg lifts higher than her head. Shit, I pick Ella up so she can see too.

“Ah,” She gasps. “That’s Gwace, Daddy.”

“I know.” Placing my finger against her lips, I whisper, ‘shh’. I don’t want to startle her and then have her hurt herself. She finishes her routine then switches off the music. I feel like a right stalker, I watch her do her cool down exercises then I knock on the door.

She looks at us through the window, her eyes widen but Ella opens the door and runs through straight to her.

“Ello Gwace.”

“Hello Ella. Are you ready for your lesson today?”

“Morning.” I say being polite.

“Good morning.” She smiles, her face flushed from dancing and beads of sweat sit on the bridge of her nose.

“Sorry we're early. Ella couldn't wait to leave.”

“Oh no it's fine, really!” She answers out of breath as she pats her face with a towel.

“We didn't want to disturb you.” She looks at me a little confused.

“Oh, the dancing. Nah, I train twice a day on the days I teach the kids, otherwise it would mean me going backwards and forwards all the time and it's just... easier.” She tells me not coming up for breath. She gives me a tight-lipped smile and turns away.

When she turns around she doesn't look at me but instead looks at Ella with a smile. “Right then little lady. Shall we start warming up until the others get here?”

“Yessss!” Ella sits on the floor taking off her socks and trainers again. With her back to me, Grace changes the CD.

“Sweetheart, I'll be upstairs.”

“Bye Daddy,” I blow her a kiss and walk towards the door, stopping to look back at my daughter and the petite dancer that seems to have caught my eye by surprise, I grab a cup of coffee on the way.

 

I take my seat by the window so I can see my little lady, as my phone sounds with a text.

 

Tom: Hey do you fancy a pint tonight?

 

I've known Tom for a while now, he started as my client, but we seemed to get on and have the same interests, we had a couple of drinks to discuss his work and hit it off. Every now and again he'll send me a text wanting to catch up.

 

Me: Not sure, I have Ella.

 

I get a text straight back…

 

Tom: Could you get a babysitter?

 

I read his message but feel bad about going out. I hate leaving her.

 

Me: I'm not sure I'll see what I can do and let you know

 

I turn off the screen and slide the phone back into my pocket. I know I should probably get out more but I feel guilty about leaving her with anyone if I have to work let alone to go out drinking. I know I’m only thirty, but still.

I watch Ella’s face as she dances, she looks so happy. Her little face beams with happiness, just seeing her like this makes me happy but sad at the same time. I’ve forgot the last time I was that happy. Victoria should be here to see this, to watch her become the dancer she wanted her to be. My heart aches for my wife still and it probably always will. Maybe it is time I went out. Is that what Vic would want?

How would I even know?

We never had that type of discussion, I mean, why would we? She was 26 years of age. We didn’t have an inkling that there was something wrong with her.

She was the love of my life and I lost her way too soon.

 

I pick her up and swing her around then kiss her, pouring everything I have into her. “I can’t believe I’m going to be a Dad. I love you so much, Vic.” Every emotion shows on her face, lighting it up. “I’m so happy. Thank you.”

 

I shake myself from the memory before I tear up like a sap, in a room full of women that can’t be good. Swigging back the rest of my cold coffee I throw the empty cup in the bin in the corner of the room.

Feeling eyes on me, I smile tightly, politely. I turn my head back to the window to watch Ella. I smile proudly as I watch her twist and turn.

“How old’s your daughter?” The woman who’s staring at me asks.

“She’s four.”

“She’s very good for her age.”

“Thank you.” I smile proudly again. “She’s always dancing. I thought I’d get her into a class instead.” I shrug.

“Aww, that’s so sweet. I wish my daughter’s Dad was as thoughtful. Scumbag.”

Okay then. “Well, she’s my whole life. I couldn’t dream of being without her.”

She places a hand on my arm. “Your wife is a very lucky woman.” she winks.

The smile slips from my face and the lump that formed earlier has grown bigger. “Yeah… excuse me ladies.” I get up from seat and leave the room quickly. I need some air. I make my way down the side stairs and out of the main door. As soon as the fresh air hits my face, I breathe it in with my hands on my hips, I hang my head back and close my eyes.