Chapter Six
Kendall hadn’t planned the kiss. She merely wanted Julian to know he was forgiven, that he deserved to put the past behind him just like she had. But she also needed to be close to him. And so she acted on impulse, but not the dangerous kind that led her into trouble, the kind that was born of deep need. If temptation did cause her trouble, only time would tell.
She’d meant to comfort, but the fire between them was still there, burning strong. Their mouths fused and desire burst free. Their sexual relationship had been hot, and clearly that hadn’t changed.
He grasped her hair, winding his hand through the long strands, and tilted her head to one side. Her mouth opened, and his tongue slid inside, tangling with his, her entire body softening. Her breasts, full and heavy, pressed against his hard chest, but he was focused on her mouth.
He held her head in place and kissed her, over and over, lips gliding over hers, his thumb caressing her cheek. She moaned, and he broke the kiss, sliding his finger across her damp bottom lip.
Feeling naughty, she slicked her tongue out and licked his thumb.
“That’s my kitten.”
A full-body shiver took hold at the endearment, her nipples puckering into hardened peaks. The old Kendall, the brazen, brave, un-medicated Kendall, would have had her shirt off in an instant, her own hands cupping her breasts, offering herself to him. But now she was more sober and, it seemed, more thoughtful. The notion of playing that way embarrassed her more than anything. Sex didn’t feel as wild and free.
“Hey. Where did you go?” He trailed his wet finger down her cheek, over her jaw, nudging her head up to look at him.
“I was thinking about us. Before. I’m not the same person. I don’t feel the same. I don’t act the same. It’s the meds,” she felt compelled to explain.
Maybe he wouldn’t want her this way.
Maybe he expected the wild, uninhibited version of Kendall Parker. She ducked her head, not wanting to see the disappointment in his face.
“One question,” he said, nudging her chin up so she had to meet his gaze.
She blinked up at him, waiting.
“Do you feel? When I kiss you?” He brushed his lips over hers, nipping at her bottom lip.
Sensation shot from the sting of his bite to her swollen sex. “Yes,” she murmured.
A satisfied smile lifted his lips into a seductive grin. “How about this?” He reached out and tweaked her nipple through her shirt.
Once again, sweet pain reverberated to her clit, and she answered with a soft groan.
“You do feel. You want me. That’s what matters. Not the past. We’re getting to know each other again and everything is new.”
“You aren’t… disappointed that I’m not jumping you where we stand?” she asked.
He cupped her face in his hand. “We’re both different people, baby.”
“Not kitten?” She didn’t know whether to be sad or not that he’d let the nickname go.
“Starting fresh, remember?”
It was her turn to smile. “I do.”
He swept her hair off one shoulder, bent down and kissed her jaw, licked his way upward, until he nibbled her ear, causing ripples of awareness to shoot through her veins. He worked his way back toward her mouth with soft, gentle kisses that felt like butterflies’ wings against her skin. Arousal hummed low in her belly, and every whisper of his mouth, each lick of his tongue helped her insecurities and worry to flee under his attentiveness.
She pulled his shirt out from the waistband of his pants and slid her hands onto his bare skin, reveling in the feel of his warm flesh against hers. He shivered beneath her touch, building her courage along with her desire.
And when he lifted the hem of her dress, skimming his roughened palms over her thighs, she was ready for that step. He raised her dress and pulled it up and over her head, leaving her clad in a light blue lace bra and matching panties.
He let out a low whistle. “You take my breath away.”
She felt his lust and approval everywhere and reached for his shirt, removing it and baring his muscular chest. She leaned forward and brushed her lips over his hair-roughened skin, inhaling his masculine scent, letting it settle inside her and wrap her in desire.
He sucked in a shallow breath and tugged her panties down her legs. She kicked them off and her bra came next. A flick of his wrist and she was removing the garment and adding it to the pile on the floor.
He turned her so her back was against the floor-to-ceiling window, easing her against the cool glass. The rush of cold against her skin was in stark contrast to the heat of desire flushing her from the inside out.
“Don’t move.”
She eagerly waited while he stripped off what remained of his clothing, his dark jeans and boxer briefs ending up on the floor. She took in his lean, muscular body, her gaze traveling from the chest she’d kissed down to the thick, solid erection.
He grasped her arms and placed them above her head, holding both in one strong hand. Her heart pounded hard in her chest, anticipation welling as she realized he wouldn’t be taking her to the bed but taking her right here.
She drew her tongue over her lips. “I like your version of starting fresh.” Her breasts ached, and her sex felt both full and empty at the same time, but her need wasn’t just for physical fulfillment. She needed him.
“I missed you.” He cupped a hand against her hip, then ran his palm up her side, following her curves, ending at the slope of her breast, his thumb stroking the full flesh of one globe, inching closer to her nipple.
She trembled with desire. Instinct had her reaching for him, her fingers itching to curl in his hair, but he held on tight to her wrists, keeping her in place.
“This is about you. Your pleasure. Your desire.” He rubbed his finger back and forth across one nipple.
Shockwaves of need darted between her thighs. Dampness moistened her sex, and she arched her hips forward, a shameless plea for more. For his touch, his fingers, his cock… she’d take them all.
Dipping his head, he remained focused on her breasts. He released her arms and pushed them together, suckling on her nipples, first one, then the other, then back again. Alternating between light nips of his teeth and soothing strokes of his tongue. Her hips began to gyrate, to move in circles, desperate for the hard pressure of his cock against her sex, anything to relieve the ache he created.
He knew. He reacted, sliding his hand over her stomach, his fingers smoothly moving down her sex, to her slick lips, but he avoided her clit, the place where she needed his touch the most.
“You’re teasing me,” she said, frustrated.
“No, I’m pleasuring you.” He swiped his tongue over her nipple once more, at the same time sliding a finger deep inside her. Her core contracted around him, and he added one more.
A small whimper released from the back of her throat. As he pumped his fingers in and out, sensual waves of desire built higher, and when he pressed hard on her clit, she shattered, coming apart in his talented hands. She was shocked at how quickly she’d reacted, how long the orgasm went on, and he maintained contact with her throughout, drawing out the sensual pleasure he gave.
As she came back to herself, he held her upright, nuzzling her neck, patiently caring for her until she was on solid ground.
“Condom,” he said, taking a step back and disappearing into the other room before returning quickly, packet in hand.
She was still catching her breath from her first orgasm when he returned and rolled the condom onto his thick shaft. He braced her face between his hands and kissed her hard, letting her know without a doubt how much he wanted her. Her body responded, desire beginning another slow, simmering build inside her.
He broke the kiss and her lips felt used and swollen.
“I didn’t think we’d be back together like this,” he said in a gruff voice. One that held a hint of gratitude, too.
“Me, either.” She sunk her hands into his hair at last.
“I won’t take it for granted.”
She felt his words for the promise they were. And then she felt him, the head of his cock slipping between her thighs.
He lifted her easily, and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he pulled her down on his waiting shaft. As he slid inside her, her inner walls clamped tight around him. He was thick and full inside her, providing a respite from the ache he caused, but not complete relief.
“Move,” she whispered, kissing from his jaw to his mouth, razor stubble abrading her lips as she glided across his skin.
“Whatever you want, baby.” He braced her against the window and began to thrust.
She gasped and placed her hands on his shoulders, absorbing the impact with every muscle, every fiber of her being wrapped up in the sensual onslaught taking over her body. He picked up a rhythm she quickly became attuned to, hitting all the right spots, causing her desire and need to spike higher.
“Julian.” She said his name on a moan, her body trembling, on the edge of release.
Without warning, he shifted position, lifting her leg higher, and his cock hit deeper inside her.
“God, Julian!” She cried out his name once more, lost to sensation.
He continued to thrust into her until white dots of light sparkled behind her eyes and her entire being was consumed by an explosive orgasm that shook her to the depths of her soul. “Oh, oh, oh!”
“That’s it, baby, come hard for me.”
She dug her nails into his back, holding on as she came, the shuddering waves seeming to go on forever. Just as the contractions racking her body began to subside, Julian thrust one last time and came with a groan.
“Kendall, baby. Fuck.” He pounded inside her once, then twice more before stilling, his big body shaking against hers.
Dampness slickened his skin, and hers, as he finally separated them. She felt the loss of his body heat and thickness inside her.
“Come on.” He bent and swept her into his arms, carrying her from the living room through the apartment and into his bedroom, depositing her onto his bed.
He walked to the bathroom, returning a few minutes later, and grabbed her naked body, pulling her into his arms. Without warning, the bed dipped, and she realized Steve had settled on the corner of the mattress along with them.
She grinned and snuggled against Julian, realizing he had never been a cuddler. Not before. But this was now, and they were starting fresh. And with that reality, her mind began to work again, and her thoughts came too fast and furiously for her liking.
Kendall had had a lot of sex in her past, more than she liked to think about, even if she now understood why she’d sought out that particular high. And this was the first time in her life she felt deeper emotions to go along with the physical act.
Even when she’d been with Julian before, it’d been quick and fun, and any feelings she’d begun to develop for him had been separate from sex. Sex and sentiment were new to her, and she acknowledged the lump in her throat now as something serious. She’d recognized it during sex with Julian a little while ago. Even as her body had taken over and passion had overcome thought, she’d been aware that her emotions were engaged on a whole different level.
It hadn’t taken long for him to work his way back into her heart in some way. And knowing the complications that came with any kind of relationship with this man, fear nearly paralyzed her. Instead she pushed herself away from him, nearly jumping off the bed in an attempt to escape.
* * *
One minute Julian had Kendall in his arms, feeling satisfied and on the verge of dozing off. For a few blissful minutes, all had been right in his world. Then she’d stiffened, and he assumed her brain function had returned and panic had set in. He’d been prepared when she’d bolted from bed. Ready to grab her around the waist and pull her back down to the mattress.
He braced himself over her, his arms on either side of her shoulders.
Her eyes were wide, her breathing shallow.
“Kendall, look at me.”
Big blue eyes settled on his face. “I can’t do this. Don’t you understand? Everything I’ve built, everything I need for stability could come crashing down around me.”
Her words stabbed at his heart, but he understood where the fear was coming from. He’d always known if he ever wanted back into her life, he’d have some big dragons to slay in the form of his ex-best friend and Kendall’s twin sister.
“I can’t…”
He silenced her frantic panic with a soft, slow kiss, giving her something else to focus on. And for a few precious seconds, he could pretend they were two people with no ugly past.
He broke this kiss and touched his nose to hers. “Hear me out, okay?
She nodded. “Okay. I’m sorry. I just freaked out.”
“I get it. But let’s make some decisions right here, right now.”
She nodded. He rolled to the side, and she sat up beside him. They paused to pull down the comforter and climb under. Which meant she wasn’t running.
“I take it you want to be here. You just are worried about the complications I bring to your life.”
She bit down on her lush bottom lip. “Here’s the thing. You might not realize this, but I don’t have a lot of friends. What I have is my sister, who gave up most of her life to fix my messes. And that means I also have Kade and, by extension, the guys at Blink and their wives.”
She drew a deep breath before continuing. “Now I’m not saying I don’t want or intend to carve out my own place in life, but it would kill me to hurt the people who stood by me.”
He couldn’t argue with that. But he was just selfish enough to not want to let her go without seeing what could develop between them. He had a hunch she wanted the same thing or he wouldn’t be so insistent now.
“Don’t they want you to be happy?”
“Of course they do. They just won’t think you’re the one to make me that way. And up until a few days ago, neither did I.”
He took that, accepted it, because he’d earned those feelings. “How about this. You give us time to explore what this”—he gestured between them—“is. For all we know, it’ll fizzle out.”
He doubted it.
But he went with it anyway. Anything to keep her calm. “Maybe you won’t like my bad habits.” Not that he intended to have any while he was convincing her they belonged together.
To his relief, her breathing had evened out. She was calmer.
“So what do you say?” His goal was to bind them close, so they could face her sister and his one-time friend together.
“I can do that,” she murmured.
He let out a long breath, relieved he didn’t have to fight her, too.
* * *
Kendall arrived at work Monday morning to find daisies in a vase on her desk. She looked around for Josie, but she was obviously in the back with the dogs, so Kendall put her bag on the desk and searched for a card on the flowers. She found a small envelope taped to the back of the glass container.
She pulled out the paper and read the note. “Pretty flowers for my pretty girl. Julian.” A warm fluttering took up residence in her stomach. This wasn’t the same man she’d known. At least, she didn’t think so.
He was attentive in a way he hadn’t been before, and so much more caring. She felt awful for freaking out on him after the first time they’d had sex and, worse, for admitting she was afraid of the family conflict that would ensue if Kade and Lexie found out she was seeing him.
But it was her life, and she had to make her own choices and figure things out on her own. And she wanted to see where things with Julian could go.
She grabbed her phone and texted Julian. Thank you for the flowers. XO She bit the inside of her cheek and backspaced over the XO. Not yet.
Two seconds later, his answer came. My pleasure. Thinking of you while busy in boring conference calls.
She smiled and put the phone aside. She tucked the card into her handbag and settled in at her desk, getting lost in paperwork for a while before Josie came back.
They talked for a bit, then Josie made phone calls and Kendall returned to the never-ending forms and filing the job entailed.
Her iPhone rang, and she glanced down to see Lexie’s name on the screen. She picked it up on the first ring. “Hi,” she said to her twin.
“Hi yourself. How are you?”
“I’m good. Just working. You?”
“The same. I didn’t speak to you this weekend. Is everything all right?” her sister asked.
Guilt rose up in her throat. “Yes. I was just busy. I had some clients who were away, and I walked a few more dogs than usual. I was tired so I fell asleep early. Nothing major,” she said, glancing at the flowers from Julian and hating the benign lies.
Lexie was obviously calling to check up on her, and while Kendall understood it, she really wanted to have just one conversation where how are you wasn’t code for are you taking your meds and feeling okay?
A part of her knew maybe she hadn’t earned that yet, but another part of her felt that she had—and deserved that right more and more with every day that passed.
“Kendall? Are you there? I asked if you wanted to have lunch today,” her twin said.
“Yes, that sounds good.”
“I could come by the shelter. You know I love to see the dogs.”
Kendall glanced at the flowers again and cringed. “Umm, okay,” she said, not wanting to change their routine because her sister might wonder what Kendall was hiding.
Lexie did love to come by and see the dogs before their weekly lunches. “See you at twelve?” she asked.
“Sounds great!” Lexie disconnected the call.
And Kendall pressed her iPhone against her forehead.
“Problems?” Josie asked.
Kendall drew a deep breath. “Can I ask a favor?”
“Of course!” her boss said. She studied her, concerned. “What is it?”
“Can we put the flowers on your desk and, if my sister comments, just make like they’re yours? I’m really sorry but… Oh God. It’s a long story, but she wouldn’t approve of Julian, and I’m trying to see if he’s changed, and we need time before Lexie finds out about him being back in my life.”
Josie nodded in understanding. “Of course I’ll do it. It’s not like you’re asking me to commit murder or something.” She smiled, rose, and picked up the vase, placing it on her desk. “They’re so pretty. Not your usual flower. Just a sweet gesture,” she said.
“I know.” When Kendall pushed aside the concerns and let herself just be, she really enjoyed and appreciated the sentiment.
She felt a silly grin lift her mouth.
“Someone has it bad.”
She blushed and shook her head. “I need to get back to work.”
Josie laughed. And they dug into another hour’s worth of phone calls and forms before the front door opened and Lexie walked in.
“Kendall!” Her twin walked straight to her and pulled her into a hug.
“Hi, Lex.” She embraced her back.
“You two really are identical,” Josie murmured. “Every time I see you, I can’t get over it.”
They laughed, used to people’s reactions since they were little girls.
“Can I see the puppies?” Lexie asked.
Kendall gestured to the back door. “Of course.”
Together they headed to the pens, pausing by each so Lexie could bend down and talk to the dogs.
They reached the third pen from the end, and Lexie paused. “Where’s Steve?”
She hesitated, then said, “He finally got a new owner. One I know will take good care of him.” And no need to elaborate on who that owner just happened to be.
“I’m glad. I’ll miss seeing him, but he’s so much better off. I just wish I could have taken him,” Lexie said, sounding sad. She’d always, like Kendall, had a soft spot for the gray pooch.
“Eventually Kade will give in,” Kendall said of her brother-in-law’s insistence that they couldn’t have a dog because of the pet hair. Kade was a touch OCD. “You can get a mix that has poodle in it. Or go to a breeder if you must, and get a non-shedding breed.”
Despite them being alone, Lexie leaned in close and whispered in Kendall’s ear. “I think he’s going to have to get used to a baby, first.”
“What? You’re kidding! Oh my God!” Kendall threw her arms around her sister, genuinely thrilled. “You’re going to be a mom and I’m going to be an aunt!”
Her sister hugged her back. “You’re going to be an awesome aunt. Now how about we feed me? I’m starving and I’m eating for two.”
Kendall paused, taking a long look at her sister’s so similar features. “I love you, Lex.” She knew part of her sentimentality came from the guilt of keeping secrets from the one person she’d always told the truth.
Still, the warmth and high from her time with Julian remained, and she couldn’t deny how badly she wanted things between them to be real this time. And if it meant keeping the truth from her sister for a little while, she’d just have to live with the deception.