Chapter Eight
Kendall spent her day off from the shelter walking dogs and enjoying both the sunshine and the change in her life. Julian had risen early, kissing her into wakefulness, rolling her over and sliding inside her before she’d even processed his intent.
She’d gone from a lonely woman seeking friendship and fulfillment to the beginnings of finding those very things. She wasn’t silly enough to think she had all the answers, but she’d made a start. A man who cared, who believed in her ability to start over with a new career. She could do these things if she put her mind to it. And she didn’t have to do it alone.
Today she had the day off, so she planned on doing laundry and straightening up. Later that evening, Kendall, Lexie, and Kade descended on Kendall’s parents’ house to celebrate her father’s birthday.
Kendall knew it was too much to hope that her mother, Addy, would come down to the kitchen for dinner and cake. And she arrived to find her mother was holed up upstairs. Basically she didn’t leave the bedroom, and it was only in the last year that Kendall’s dad, Wade, had hired a live-in nurse to help him with his wife’s situation. He didn’t want to put her in a treatment facility or assisted living, and Kendall respected his decision. But nothing changed the fact that Kendall hadn’t had a real mother for the better part of her life.
She’d already gone upstairs to say hello and kiss her mother’s cheek, but she’d been in her rocking chair and hadn’t responded. From past experience, Kendall knew it would take awhile for the pit that had lodged in her stomach to go away.
Her father always brought in dinner from a local restaurant, and tonight they’d eaten roast chicken, red potatoes, and green beans. Lexie had offered to pick up the cake, and Kendall had taken care of a joint gift, which was an Apple TV for him to stream new shows. He certainly had the time on his hands to watch.
They moved into the family room after cake and coffee, and Kade began the process of hooking up the Apple TV, leaving Lexie and Kendall talking with their father.
“Okay, enough about me. Tell me what’s going on with each of you,” Wade asked. “Kendall?”
She glanced at him. “Actually, I was thinking of going back to school.” Thanks to Julian’s positive reaction, she had the courage to share her news. “I want to be a vet tech.”
“That’s fabulous,” Lexie said. “You’d be a perfect fit!”
“I agree,” Kade said, approval and admiration in his gaze.
She was used to seeing compassion in Kade’s expression, but his admiration filled her with pleasure and pride.
“I would love for you to go back to school!” her father said. “Can I help?”
Kendall smiled. “I’ll let you know if and when I need anything, Dad. Thank you. For everything. All of you. I’m so grateful for your support. I can’t tell you what it means to me to know I have you in my corner.” She smiled, knowing how very fortunate she was.
“We love you, K.”
“We do,” her father added. “And now you, Lexie. What’s going on? You seemed preoccupied at dinner.”
“Well, now that you mention it… Kade and I have news,” Lexie said.
Personally, Kendall didn’t know how she’d held the exciting revelation in during dinner.
“What is it?” Wade asked.
“Lexie’s having my baby,” Kade said from behind the television set. He rose and strode out to where Wade was hugging Lexie.
“That’s such wonderful news!” their father said, stepping back and studying his daughter with pride. “I can’t wait to be a grandfather.”
“It’s awesome,” Kendall agreed.
“I wish your mother… Never mind,” her father said.
Lexie met his gaze. “I told her, Dad. When I went upstairs before dinner. No reaction,” Lexie said, her voice cracking.
And that explained why Lexie had needed time to compose herself over dinner before telling their father the same news.
Kade pulled Lexie into his arms. “I’m over the moon.” His voice was rough, and he couldn’t take his gaze off his wife.
And not for the first time tonight, she was envious of her sister. Lexie had the ability to bring her husband around her friends and family without worrying about what anyone would say. Or think. Kendall longed for the same freedom. To go where she wanted, to bring Julian around her family. To just be who and what she was without judgment or condemnation.
As much as she understood why Lexie and Kade would lose their minds if they found out Kendall was seeing Julian, they didn’t know him now. They didn’t know what he’d been through in the past, how far he had come. How hard he was trying to be a better man. If she told them, would they care?
“So, Kendall…” Her father turned his attention to her. “Any special man in your life?” he asked, as if on cue.
She swallowed hard. This was her chance. “No, no one in particular,” she lied.
Not because she was a coward but because she didn’t want to ruin Lexie’s news with an argument, and because she wanted to talk to Julian before she took such a big step.
She’d have to keep her secret awhile longer and hope when her sister did discover the truth, she’d find it in her heart to understand and agree that people had the ability to change. And to want Kendall’s happiness above anything else.
As for Kade, Kendall would have to rely on Lexie to persuade her husband to leave the past where it belonged and embrace the future.
* * *
After leaving her father’s house, Kendall had planned to go straight home and spend the night alone. She had things to do at her apartment, like bookkeeping for her dog-walking business that she hadn’t had time to finish this afternoon, and there was unfinished laundry to be folded. And as much as she loved being with Julian, she figured it was a smart idea to spend time alone, too.
Except after an evening with happily married, expecting-a-baby Kade and Lexie, Kendall had the urge to show up on Julian’s doorstep and spend time with her own man. She also couldn’t wait to share the positive response she’d gotten about her school plans from her family. It was a novel experience, to have someone other than Lexie to turn to when she had news.
Instead of heading home, she took a cab from Penn Station to Julian’s apartment. She’d have to go home later because Waffles was alone, but she had time to stop for a visit.
She knocked on his apartment door, and he answered right away, wearing an old pair of sweats riding low on his hips and a gray tee shirt, his delectable forearms on display. Steve ran up by his side but waited politely behind the door. Julian had obviously been working on training, and she was impressed.
“Kendall!” he said, his shock evident in his voice and expression.
“Surprise!” She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close, inhaling his seductive masculine scent.
After an evening of watching her sister and her husband be all cuddly and lovey-dovey celebrating her pregnancy, after not being able to share the real news she had of her own, that she and Julian had found… well, not love, not yet, but something real and with potential, she wanted to be as close to him as possible.
She braced her hands on his cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss, covering his mouth with hers and sliding her tongue between his parted lips. She was feeling particularly brazen and braver than she’d been in a while.
She broke the kiss, and he brushed her hair off her face. “Kendall, we need to talk.”
“Later. I want you and I’m in no mood for conversation.” She ran her hands over his shirt-covered chest, starting at his nipples, which puckered beneath her hands, then slid her palms to the waistband of his sweats.
His cock was thick, bulging behind the heavy cotton material, and her mouth watered at the thought of getting her mouth on him at last.
“Kendall—”
She pulled on the white tie holding up his sweats when he grasped her wrist.
“Are you playing hard to get?” she asked, leaning in to lick his bare chest.
“Is this your girlfriend?” a female voice asked.
“Who is that?” Kendall glanced behind Julian to see a young woman studying her with curiosity. “Is that your sister?” As Kendall asked, she started toward the girl.
“No, it’s not. Look, like I said, we need to talk.”
Kendall stiffened, suddenly unsure of herself and her place here. After all, she’d shown up unexpectedly, and she and Julian hadn’t discussed exclusivity, but this girl was so young, and things between Kendall and Julian were so intense.
Trust.
Don’t jump to conclusions, she warned herself, despite the fact that their rocky past was running through her mind and warning her to be careful.
“Okay… talk. Or introduce us.” She gestured to the brunette watching them intently.
“Alex, can you give us some privacy?” he asked.
“Fine.” She raised her hands in defeat and headed back toward… the bedrooms. Steve trotted after her.
“Where is she going? Better yet, what is she doing here? And who is she?” Kendall asked.
Julian placed his hand against the small of her back and led her toward the couch in the den. “Let’s sit.”
She stepped away and settled into the far corner of the sofa. Distance would enable her to hear what he had to say and process it without being distracted by his sexy nearness.
Julian sat down, twisting his hands. “Back in my drug days, I was friends with a guy named Billy Walker. Alex is his sister.”
He looked to her for some reaction, but Kendall remained silent.
“Okay, well, as I was saying, I was friends with Billy. We used to… get high together… and he was my dealer. That was the extent of it for me but Billy was in deeper. Anything for a quick buck.”
Kendall swallowed hard. “Go on.”
“One afternoon, I met up with him to score. I had the shit in my pocket and all of a sudden, the cops came out of nowhere. I took off but the cops couldn’t catch me. Billy got popped for dealing and possession. I skated and he went to jail.” Julian shook his head.
Kendall blew out a sharp breath.
Julian went on. “Alex was left as a ward of the state. That was my wakeup call to get clean. Except… I was so wrapped up in withdrawal and my own problems I didn’t give a thought to what happened to Alex.”
Kendall tried to process his words and her feelings. Of course, she felt for the girl who’d lost her brother and ended up in foster care. “What’s going on now?”
“She aged out of foster care and has nowhere to go. She was staying with some kids who got out before her, but it was a bad situation, a rough crowd. They stole the money she’d saved from working. And I don’t think she’s been eating much, either,” he said, lowering his voice.
“She came here?”
He nodded. “I couldn’t very well turn her out on the street or send her back to where she came from, could I?”
“No,” she breathed out, taking in the story and feeling sorry for the young girl.
She also saw yet another side to Julian. A caring, sensitive, selfless side. So opposite of the man who’d callously used her last year. More proof that he really had changed. Was different. More self-aware.
The man she used to know would never have taken in a young girl who had nothing to do with him today. He wouldn’t feel guilty for leaving her behind to beat his addiction. This was the man she cared about.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“That I admire what you’re doing for her.” She felt the smile lift her lips. “That I admire you.”
He blinked in surprise. “You’re not upset that she’s here?”
“What would it say about me if I was?” Kendall asked.
It was his turn to grin. “Thank you.” He reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tight.
“For what?” she asked.
“For believing in me.” He met her gaze. “I’m not sure I remember the last time someone told me I did good.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him close. Everyone should have someone who believed in them, she thought. Even at her worst, she’d had her twin. “You’re doing the same for that girl. Let’s call her back in so I can meet her.”
Julian gazed at Kendall appreciatively, as if she’d hung the moon. “Alex!” he called. “There’s someone I want you to meet.”
An hour later, she’d spent time with the girl who, despite a crappy set of life circumstances, had managed to come out with a positive attitude and a good work ethic. She wanted to make something of herself, did well in school, and held down a part-time job in the afternoons. She’d kept her head down in foster care and lived with a decent enough family—at least until she no longer brought money in from the government.
And she definitely trusted Julian, while he clearly had a soft spot for her, too. He treated her like a little sister, which made Kendall even more eager to meet his real sibling and check out their dynamic for herself.
“I want to meet the dogs at your shelter,” Alex said as Kendall was getting ready to go home.
“Everyone does.” Kendall grinned. “As soon as I tell people where I work, they want to come see.”
“Do you have a day you don’t work after school?” Julian asked.
Alex nodded.
“Then please come by,” Kendall said. “I’ll give you a tour.”
“Thank you.” Alex’s eyes had been sad when Kendall first met her, but now they sparkled with excitement.
Mission accomplished.
“I need to get home to my dog.” Kendall rose to her feet.
“I’ll walk you out,” Julian said. He led her to the door, his big hand on the small of her back.
Whenever he touched her that way, he never failed to make her feel delicate and important.
He stepped into the hall and shut the door behind them, pulling her into his arms and sealing his lips over hers. He kissed her, his tongue sliding inside. She moaned, threading her fingers into his hair and holding him tight, fully aware of every glide of his mouth over hers and the meeting of their tongues.
He pressed her against the wall, his body aligning with hers, his erection grinding against her stomach.
The sound of a door slamming penetrated her consciousness.
“Take it inside,” a male voice said, sounding annoyed.
Kendall’s cheeks heated as the neighbor walked by.
“Sorry,” Julian muttered, one arm braced over her shoulder, against the wall behind her.
“Are you?” she asked, her body still buzzing from that heated, sensual kiss.
“No.” He grinned and brushed his lips over hers once more.
She laughed.
“I’ll walk you down to get a taxi,” he said, grabbing her ass for a quick squeeze.
She blushed and shot him a faux dirty look. And wondered when the last time was that she’d been this happy. The answer came to her immediately.
Never.
* * *
For someone who spent life spiraling between highs and lows, regular old everyday happiness was a scary thing to face. Kendall woke up in the mornings excited for the day but not soaring and in search of another, bigger high. In the normal scheme of things, she was working, planning for the future, and learning she could live a fulfilling life. Julian had added a dimension she hadn’t considered, and she definitely spent a good amount of her therapy time discussing his return.
Her doctor, true to form, didn’t offer an opinion one way or another, but asked probing questions that led her to look at all sides of her own behavior and choices, that she thought about as she spent the morning at work cleaning up the cages.
And there was a lot to clean. It seemed if one dog got sick, another did, too, even if the illnesses were unrelated. The local vet who volunteered came by and checked everyone out, administering medication and fluids where needed.
She hadn’t planned on a boyfriend. A man who was willing to integrate his life with hers, to accept her, flaws and all… just as she was accepting him. But for every minute of happiness, she had a few moments of can this be real? She realized that he’d contributed to that fear and the fact that she now trusted him scared her.
She washed her hands well with a lavender-scented antibacterial wash and returned to the front room to find Lauren Cantone talking to Josie.
“Lauren!” Kendall walked over, and Lauren gave her a hug.
“I told you I’d be by.”
Kendall smiled. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Don’t tell Brian. If he knew I didn’t bring him along with me, he’d be so upset. But if I brought him, he’d fall in love, and be begging me to bring a dog home tonight.”
“I totally understand.”
“You aren’t looking for a dog?” Josie asked from her seat at her desk.
“We were waiting until we sold our apartment, and this past weekend we got an offer and accepted! We also found a house we love. It’s all moving so fast, but we’ve been ready for a long time.” Excitement shone in her brown eyes. “I thought I’d come say hi to you and look at the dogs.”
“My favorite thing.” And at least it was all clean inside, Kendall thought wryly.
She took Lauren into the back, and they strode down the walk with the cages on either side. She stopped at each crate, paying attention to the individual dogs. Most were mixed breeds, some fluffy, others flat-haired, all sweet and looking for homes.
“As soon as we’re in our new house, I’ll bring Brian back,” Lauren promised.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” Lauren paused, leaning against the metal grating.
“You’ve known Julian for a while now. Nick said he’s changed a lot in the last year, and I see it, too. But do you think it can last? That I can trust the man I see now?” Kendall bit the inside of her cheek.
On the one hand, it seemed like a betrayal to talk about Julian to his friend’s wife. On the other hand, who knew him better than his sponsor’s family? And ever since she’d considered confiding the truth to her sister about her relationship with Julian, one thing nagged at her. Trusting her own instincts. They’d betrayed her in the past. And it wasn’t just her instincts involved now, it was her heart. Much more than before.
Lauren met her gaze. “You care about him a lot.”
There was no point in denying it. “I do. And honestly he hurt me before. I’m afraid I’m listening to my heart too much.” But her head was telling her she could believe in him, too.
“Here’s what I know, from someone who’s dealt with an addict their whole lives. The man you’re seeing now, the sober, in control man who has learned his lessons, he’s real.”
“But he was sober when he hurt me last.”
Lauren inclined her head. “I know. I think everyone’s rock bottom is different. For some it happens when their family walks out and they realize they have to get sober because they’ve lost everything. For others it happens because they end up hurting someone else. A drunk driver can kill or injure someone in an accident.”
Kendall winced at the realities and nodded her understanding.
Lauren went on. “In Julian’s case, he held on to bad behaviors that probably preexisted the addiction. It took hurting and losing you for him to see who he’d become. He didn’t like that man and he decided to change.”
“Just because of me?” she asked.
“You were the catalyst that forced him to see himself.” She shrugged. “Is it that simple? I guess in his case it was.”
That, along with his life events that had shaped the man he was today, Kendall thought.
“Thank you, Lauren. I’m so glad you came by.”
Lauren pulled her into a hug. “Me, too. Maybe we can get lunch one day?”
For other people, the offer might not mean much, but for Kendall, it meant she had something precious. It meant she had a friend.