Shit, what the hell did I say all of that for? What was wrong with me? For some reason I decided to take my temper out on exactly the wrong person, it was a classic case of shooting the messenger and I felt terrible for it. It was just all the alcohol speaking for me. I was fucking furious with Carson, I couldn’t believe that he would even be here, never mind with other women, and instead of doing the sensible thing and taking it up with him... I called Parker names.

I needed to chase after Parker, to say sorry for being such a cold hearted bitch, and I had to do it now before he left. I needed to explain to him in times of heartache I always pushed the ones away that I felt closest to. I had to make him understand that my rage had nothing to do with him and absolutely everything to do with me.

It was truly ironic, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to get Parker to quit, but now that he had I felt absolutely awful about it. It was wrong, all wrong, and I needed to make it right.

I’ve sobered up a little bit, due to the massive shock, but it clearly wasn’t enough as my feet wouldn’t quite walk in the straight line that I needed them to. People were looking at me, I could feel their eyes prickling into my skin, but I didn’t give a shit. Well, maybe I did a little bit, I was still human after all, but my focus was mainly just on Parker.

“No, I mean it. She deserves so much better than you, so you’re going to set her free to allow her to find someone who really deserves her love.”

Was that Parker? I could hear a voice that sounded very much like him but it had much more venom in it than I was used to. It had me wincing with fear. What the hell was he yelling about as well? If that was him then I had to know more...

As I dared to peer around the corner, with my heart racing frantically in my chest, I found myself looking at the back of Parker’s head. My body yearned for him, I ached painfully, all I wanted to do was run my fingers through his hair. I spent so much time wishing that I could grab hold of him it took me far too long to realize who he was talking to. I probably should’ve guessed from his words, but my brain wasn’t exactly thinking straight.

Carson... it was Carson, here, and he had two women wrapped around him. Parker hadn’t been lying, he had seen everything he’s told me. I just hadn’t wanted to accept it when he told me. My blood ran ice cold, a sickness swirled in my stomach, I wanted a hole to open up in the ground to swallow me up. Just as I’ve decided to work harder, to make things work with Carson I found out this. I knew that he was a bit of an insensitive douchebag, but I never thought this would happen. He was a lot of things, but to add cheat to the list was very insulting.

“Oh my God!” I was stunned from my comatose state by Parker’s fist connecting very hard with Carson’s face. I watched as everything seemed to happen in slow motion; Carson’s body slammed backward, blood spurted from his nose, I was pretty sure I heard an audible crack coming from his nose. “Oh shit!”

I wanted to run forward to comfort someone, but I wasn’t sure quite who’s side I needed to be by. Was it the man who was supposedly my boyfriend, who I’ve just seen cheating on me, or was it the man who stood up for me despite the fact that I was a bitch to him only a moment before? Oh shit, I knew who I wanted to see, but it didn’t feel quite right. I felt like I would just escalate things so much further.

“No you keep away from Hannah,” Parker exploded. “I don’t ever want to catch you hurting her again.”

“Fuck off,” Carson shot back weakly, clutching onto his nose. He no longer looked like the powerful, intimidating man I always assumed he was. The first sign of anything physical happening and he resorted back into a small child. It was pathetic. It wasn’t like I approved of violence or anything, but I kinda liked the idea of being protected.

Before Parker could say anything else, a burly looking security guard grabbed hold of his arm, but he shook him off like it was nothing more than an irritating fly creeping up and down his skin. “Don’t worry, I’m going. You don’t need to take me anywhere, I can get out of here quick enough.”

As he took off, I found my feet following him. Carson hadn’t yet noticed me which gave me plenty of time to go and speak to Parker. I didn’t know what I wanted to do about him just yet, my head was absolutely all over the place, but I did know that I still owed Parker an apology. Whatever was going on, that was still my priority.

“Parker!” I screamed out in the parking lot. “Parker, please wait up. I need to talk to you.” I wasn’t sure if he was ignoring me, or if he couldn’t hear me, so I started running. “Parker, come on, stop please.”

“What?” he wheeled around, frustration dripping off his tongue. “Come on, Hannah, what do you want?”

“I just...” I broke off panting, grabbing onto my knees. This was a bad day to get drunk, I should’ve laid off the cocktails so much sooner. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I didn’t mean it.”

“Which bit? The bit where you told me that you were too good for me? The part where you said I don’t mean anything to you, that I’m just your guardian?”

Oh God, this was bad. Hearing my own words said back to me made me feel dreadful, even worse than before if that was possible. “No, I was just... I took my temper out on you, and I shouldn’t have. I just...” Where were all the words I planned out earlier? I thought I had a good excuse for my shitty behavior, but now my brain was frustratingly blank. “I’m sorry, okay?”

I stared pleadingly up at Parker, hunting desperately for some forgiveness there. After the way that he defended my honor in there, I had to believe that he still liked me. He wouldn’t have done all of that if he hated me... would he?

His eyes looked conflicted, the warmth was still there but so was an ice cold gaze too. So, to try and counteract that I reached my hand forward and slowly stroked his cheek. This could be it, this could be our moment. Sure it wasn’t ideal, I would’ve much rather this romantic connection overflow into a real physical connection at a nicer time, not when I still had so much emotional baggage still clinging onto me, but the buzzing was back and I just couldn’t ignore it.

I moved slightly up onto my tiptoes, and pursed my lips in Parker’s direction. Love wasn’t the sort of thing that happened perfectly, there were no fairy tales, this was as close as it was going to get. Parker was my hero after all...

His chest pressed up against mine, I could feel his heart beating, but his body language remained very stiff. He wanted to relax, I could tell that there was a part of him that wanted to fall into this abyss, but he was scared. I just needed to reassure him that I was in this wholeheartedly.

But just as I was about to brush my lips lightly against his, a coldness swept over my body. He was gone. It’d ended before it’d even begun.

“What are you...?” I murmured sadly.

“I can’t do this.” He was gone now, he stepped right out of my way. I couldn’t reach out and grab him however hard I tried. “I can’t get involved with you, Hannah, you know as much. You are too good for me.”

“No,” I shook my head vigorously. “No, I didn’t mean anything I said. I was pissed off with Carson, I didn’t want to lose the life I’ve built up...”

“I know you didn’t mean it, but it is true. You live this whole other life to me, our backgrounds couldn’t be more different, our lives right now couldn’t be more different.” He sighed morosely, leaving me totally stunned and confused. There was a large ball of emotion lodged firmly in my throat, which I couldn’t seem to shift however hard I swallowed. What the hell was going on here? “You have your money, your luxuries, The Oasis... I spend most of my life in a war zone, you know? I don’t even understand this life, it doesn’t mean anything to me. I don’t even get it. We’re too different, and I’m very sorry to leave you like this, of course I will apologize to your father, but this is the way that it has to be.”

“No, I don’t know,” I rasped desperately. “It doesn’t need to be that way.”

“You have a lot to sort out. You need to work out what’s happening with Carson, you also have a lot of stuff going on with your family. And I have my stuff too. It’s just the way it is I’m afraid.”

“Don’t do this,” I begged, tears filling my eyes. “Don’t do this right now. I know things are bad, but they don’t always have to be this way. I can change...”

“I don’t want you to change, that isn’t it. It just... it isn’t our time.”

Not our time... it was never my time. Story of my God damn life.