Chapter 5
I open my eyes and look around. It takes me a moment to register where I am. The weight of Isaac’s arm on my waist is comforting and terrifying. I stretch and he pulls me closer and buries his face in my hair. He sighs contentedly and kisses my neck.
“What was that you said about breakfast?”
“I said I’d make it, woman!”
I laugh and he tickles my side. I try to squirm away. He climbs on top of me and continues to attack my ribs. I try to slap his hands away but he grabs my arms and pins them down. Isaac is now straddling me and holding my arms above my head. My heart is beating fast as he leans down, arms resting on either side of my head.
“I’d better get up or we’ll be here awhile.”
I lean up and kiss him deeply. He returns the passion I put behind the kiss but ends it gently.
“I would love nothing more than to stay in bed with you all day.”
“But, I’m hungry.”
Isaac kisses me again before getting up and heading downstairs. I get up and gather my clothes from the closet floor. I dress quickly and do my best to make myself presentable. My hair is a mess so I pull it up on top of my head and finish it in a bun. I make my way to the kitchen where I can smell breakfast. I come up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist.
“You said you were hungry. I made plenty of eggs. With extra cheese.”
We eat breakfast in silence. I worry that things are going to get awkward so I tell him I have to leave. I’m sure CeCe is wondering where I am and I don’t want to overstay my welcome. I know we’re both interested in more but I don’t know if he’s regretting last night.
“What do you have planned for today?” He sounds hopeful.
“I’m going shopping with CeCe.”
“Damn. Dinner later?”
“It’s a deal.”
I give him my number and head back to my apartment. As soon as I walk in the door, I’m ambushed by CeCe. While she starts her concerned tirade, I plug my phone in and power it on. I interrupt her by holding my hand up.
“Wait, you have to hear where I’ve been before you rip me a new one.”
I tell her everything. Every detail. She makes excited noises at all the right moments. I finish my tale and she has her hands over her mouth.
“Oh, my fucking god. You’ve had a fucking three-year dry spell and suddenly you do it twice in one night. With a hot old guy? Holy shit.”
“He’s not old. He’s older. It’s totally different.”
“What aren’t you telling me, Olivia?”
CeCe only uses my full name when she thinks I’m hiding something from her.
“You better sit down,” I tell CeCe who my mystery guy is.
“Holy shit. Olivia Lea Hanover! I cannot believe you are letting him use you as his latest conquest. What the hell is wrong with you?”
“It’s not like that,” I tell her his story.
“Sounds like a line of bull shit to me, but if you’re happy, I’ll support you. Just don’t forget that I spent a night in jail the last time you had a relationship that didn’t end well.”
My phone vibrates. I pick it up and grin. I gave Isaac my number to give him a chance to back out of our dinner plans, but here he is texting me that he misses me already. CeCe lunges for my phone and pries it from my fingers.
“Oh, my fucking god, he already misses you?”
I roll my eyes and take the phone back. While we shop, CeCe makes me go over the story at least two more times pointing out things she missed the first time. We reflect on what happened with Jeremy compared to what happened with Isaac. The feelings were very different. When I was with Isaac I felt safe, I wanted to be with him. The connection I feel with him could turn into something real. But when I was dating Jeremy, I felt pressured to be someone I’m not.
By the time we finish our excursion and get back home, it’s time for CeCe to leave for work. I’m exhausted. Isaac wants to meet for dinner, but I need to sort through my feelings. So much has happened in the last 48 hours and I’m not sure I’ve processed it all. I send a text to Isaac and let him know I don’t feel like going out. He doesn’t answer for a while and I start to drift off to sleep. My phone buzzes and I know it’s a phone call, so I answer it.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Liv,” Isaac says on the other end of the line
I know I sound groggy when I ask, “What’s up?”
“Did I wake you?”
“Yeah, but it’s alright.”
“Is everything okay, Liv?”
I tell him that it is, but I don’t say anything else.
“I knew it,” he says, “You’re totally freaked out. I understand if you regret what happened between us.”
I feel my stomach tighten at the pain in his voice. I feel terrible for letting him think he was the source of my hesitation.
“No, Isaac! It’s not that at all. I was surprised by last night, but it was perfect. I just need some time to process things a little. I just didn’t have the greatest experience in my last relationship and I just feel a bit overwhelmed.”
“What do you mean?”
“My ex-boyfriend was bad news. I haven’t seen him since my statement put him in jail.”
“What? Oh my god, Liv. I’m coming over.”
He hangs up the phone and within moments he’s knocking on the door. I get up from the couch and let him in. He walks in and starts pacing the living room.
“When did this happen?”
“Towards the end of my sophomore year.”
“Jesus, Liv! What happened?”
I sigh and launch into my story, I decide to tell him every gory detail. How else will he know just how screwed up I am?
“When I met Jeremy, I was still getting over the sting of my first love deciding to go to college in New York instead of here with me. Jeremy seemed like a sweetheart. I really liked him. He made me laugh. But, after we’d been together for a few months he started to change. I didn’t really see it because I’d built him up to god status in my mind, just like he wanted me to.
“He started making fun of me for being a klutz, for enjoying school, for studying instead of partying. He convinced me that I needed him in order to be happy. He destroyed my confidence by making me feel like I was nothing before him and would be nothing after him. When I wouldn’t sleep with him. . .”
Isaac was holding both of my hands and listening intently to every word I said. Other than my parents, CeCe was the only other person in my life who knew what I’d been through with Jeremy. I didn’t know how showing Isaac this vulnerability would help, but he had to know why I was skittish.
“What did he do to you?”
I don’t know if I should tell him the details. I don’t want him to think I’m a damsel in distress. I can take care of myself. I take a deep breath and tell him, “He came to my dorm while CeCe was working. He said he wanted to cuddle and watch a movie. Funny thing is, I had actually let him convince me that I was so stupid that I actually started acting like it. We were kissing and he started trying to take my clothes off. I resisted. It was like I suddenly remembered who I was before him, the strong girl who didn’t take crap from anyone. He was stronger than me, though.
“He beat the tar out of me and was in the process of trying to rape me when CeCe came in. It was like my friend had been replaced by an MMA fighter. She took one look at my bruised and bleeding body and went batshit crazy. She beat him to a bloody pulp and spent a night in jail for her efforts.”
“If I knew I wouldn’t have been so forward with you. You must think all men are only after one thing.”
“That’s not fair. I wasn’t exactly expecting, well, any of it. The difference here is how I feel. Jeremy tried to take what he wanted. I chose to be with you, you chose to be with me. The situations are incomparable.”
He gently pulls me into his arms and tenderly kisses the top of my head.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” I ask into his chest.
“Yes, you pick.”
We snuggle into watch Jane Eyre. He chuckles and pulls me closer to him.