Joss
I turned to Hattie, busting her giving me the side-eye for at least the tenth time today.
“What?” I demanded. “Do I have something on my face?” I swiped at my cheeks with my fingers.
She smiled. “No. You just look different. You’re kinda glowing. Are you . . . ?”
“No!” I looked over each of my shoulders to make sure no one was listening, then lowered my brows. “Absolutely not. That’s how rumors get started, Hattie.”
“Wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.” She shrugged and looked down at her cell phone screen, breaking out in a grin. “Oh, this man . . . he won’t take no for an answer.”
I rolled my eyes and stood up from my seat at the counter, where I’d been reading an article in a medical journal. Hattie attracted men like flies to honey, and she enjoyed every second of it. I’d always admired her confidence and wished some of it would rub off on me.
Carson and I had been back in a really good place for a few weeks now. He’d become the most important person in my life—not just my boyfriend but also my best friend. I’d never known a better listener.
I was thinking about waking up this afternoon to his head on my bare chest as he snored like a chainsaw. It wasn’t annoying to me at all, though. He was sleeping peacefully, and he was overdue for that.
One of my patients tonight, a sixteen-year-old girl, was sobbing hysterically when I walked into her room.
“I can’t,” she cried, her eyes wide and pleading as she looked at a woman I assumed was her mother. “It’s so awful. It hurts so bad.”
“Hi, Sara,” I said, sliding on a pair of latex gloves.
“Help me.” She turned her imploring gaze on me. “I can’t—” Her mouth dropped open in a silent shriek as she doubled over onto the bed, half standing and half lying.
“I want you in the bed to stay,” I said, walking over to her.
She was curled in on herself, motionless.
“Breathe, Sara. You need to breathe.”
Her mother rubbed her hand in circles on her back, looking pained.
Sara shook her head, resisting me. She squeezed her hands into fists.
“Breathe,” I said more firmly. “Come on. You are your baby’s lifeline. I know it hurts, and I can give you something for that, but you have to breathe.”
She exhaled with an anguished moan and then took in a breath.
“Good. Come on, baby, breathe with me,” her mother said, leaning down next to Sara on the bed.
“I can’t do this,” Sara said frantically.
She breathed in and out, tears dripping from her face to the sheet on the bed. When the door opened and her nurse, Ella, walked in, I exchanged a look with her.
It was tough to be in labor when you were still a kid yourself. Sara had gotten an epidural, but it didn’t seem to be working. There wasn’t a lot I could do to ease her pain, but it was best if I didn’t mention that right now.
Ella, Sara’s mom, and I worked together to get her into the bed, Sara wailing the entire time.
“Hey, listen to me, Sara,” I said, talking loudly so she could hear me over herself. “You can do this. I know you can.”
She shook her head and reached for her mother’s hand, squeezing it so hard her mother cringed.
“I’m checking your cervix,” I said, patting her knee. “Let’s see . . . it’s . . . almost an eight.”
The monitor registered a new contraction, and Sara screamed.
“I’m dying,” she sobbed. “I’m being ripped in half! This is gonna kill me.”
“I promise you’re not dying,” I said, meeting her eyes. “It just actually hurts this bad.”
She looked at her mom, going quiet for a second. “Did it hurt this bad when you had me?”
Her mom laughed lightly and nodded. “Oh yeah.”
Ella gave Sara a sympathetic smile. “I’ve had three. You don’t remember the pain once you see that little face for the first time. Or maybe you remember it but know it was worth it.”
I felt an unexpected twinge of envy for Ella. She had three beautiful kids, and her face lit up every time she talked about them, just like it was lit up right now. I’d never been sure I wanted kids until recently, but now that I knew, I knew for sure.
What I didn’t know was whether I should keep falling deeper in love with a man who had said he didn’t think he wanted them.
Sara let out an inhuman wail, tears streaming down her cheeks. Another nurse came into the room, turning on the bright lights I’d need for the delivery.
It was time to switch my mind into delivery mode. I focused and coached Sara, who still seemed to think she could change her mind about having this baby.
“You have to push now,” I told her.
She shook her head decisively. “I don’t want to.”
“You have to. Come on, Sara. You can do this. Give it everything you’ve got, and I promise it’ll be over soon. Your baby wants to meet you.”
She squeezed her eyes shut and pushed. It only took a few pushes for her to deliver a healthy eight-pound, six-ounce baby boy. She sobbed when it was over, collapsing onto the hospital bed.
“Oh, Sara.” Her mom cried tears of joy as she cradled her new grandson. “He’s perfect, honey.”
I examined the baby, who was, in fact, perfect. And as I checked over his little fingers and toes, I longed for one of my own. Perfect or not. Boy or girl. Hell, both. I didn’t care. I just wanted to be a mother.
Once I left Sara and the baby in the care of the nurses to begin breastfeeding, I took off my gloves, threw them away, and headed down to the second-level doctor’s lounge for a break. Carson was working on a big rewiring job in another building of the hospital, so I couldn’t see him tonight.
I was trying to decide if I wanted to lie on a couch in the lounge and send Carson some sexy texts or have something to eat as I opened the door to the lounge and saw Dean sitting alone at a table.
Dammit.
I held my breath, planning to back out of the doorway and go to the cafeteria unnoticed. But Dean turned to me with a surprised smile.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey.” I gave him a tight smile and stepped into the room.
How long did I need to stay before it was acceptable to leave? Also, why did I care? This was the man who’d publicly humiliated me, broken his marriage vows, and taken my beloved coffee maker, and I cared about hurting his feelings? I was way too nice.
“You hungry?” Dean pushed a plastic container with a half-eaten sandwich in it toward me.
“No, thanks.” I went over to the coffeepot and poured myself a cup, wishing there was someone else in here to ease the tension. “So how’s Amanda doing?”
She was more than halfway through her pregnancy now, and visibly showing. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to talk to her since our conversation that day in the cafeteria, because it was just too awkward.
“I’ve, uh . . . been hoping we could talk about that,” Dean said.
I turned from the coffeepot to face him. “Talk about what?”
“Amanda.” He cleared his throat.
Oh shit. From his sheepish expression, I knew what was coming. He was going to apologize. Tell me he hadn’t meant to fall in love with someone else. But I was past all that, and I didn’t want to hear any of it.
“I’m happy for you guys,” I blurted, hoping to preempt his apology. “I think things happened the way they were meant to. And I’m happy now, too. So . . . it’s all good.”
“With the maintenance guy?”
“Carson.” I narrowed my eyes.
“Yeah, that’s right.” Dean cleared his throat again. “I, uh, wanted to tell you that . . . I asked Amanda to move out a few nights ago.”
I almost dropped my mug of coffee. “You what?”
He shrugged and gave me a sheepish look. “It’s not working out. I’ve known for . . .” He sighed heavily. “Joss, I made a huge mistake.”
Leaning against the counter to steady myself, I said, “What do you mean?”
“I should have talked to you.”
“Talked to me?” I shook my head, confused. “About Amanda?’
“Before. When we were still together. Instead of trying to find happiness outside our marriage, I should have come to you.”
I sighed softly. “That’s all behind us now. It’s got nothing to do with you and Amanda. Dean, she’s pregnant, and she needs—”
“I’m still in love with you.”
He held my gaze, hope flickering in his eyes.
“You’re . . . what?” My heart raced with sick awareness as his words sank in.
“I miss you. I knew from the first time I saw you with . . . Carson that I’d made a huge mistake.”
“You are with someone else now.” My tone was low and admonishing. “And she is having your child.”
“That should be you having my baby, but I was an asshole.” He gave me an imploring look. “Joss, if I wasn’t with someone else, would—”
I cut him off. “No. This is crazy. I can’t believe you—even you—would do this.”
He opened his mouth to respond, but the door to the doctor’s lounge was pushed open, and two surgeons came strolling in, deep in conversation. One of them looked between us.
“Are we interrupting?” she asked.
I shook my head and bolted for the door. “Absolutely not. We were done a long time ago.”
Angry tears blurred my vision as I speed-walked down the hallway to get as far away from Dean as possible.
It just never ended. Now he’d left Amanda, and if he’d told her it was because he wanted me back, I’d become the talk of this place yet again. Only this time, I’d be the unwitting homewrecker.
I wanted nothing to do with Dean. Not now or ever again. Carson and I were only a couple of months into our relationship, but it was the best thing I’d ever had in my life.
Dean had taken enough from me—I wasn’t letting him take the happiness I’d finally found.