Carson
I opened my front door and met Joss’s warm brown eyes, my blood pumping hard at the sight of her. She wore sea-green scrubs, and her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. The dark circles beneath her eyes spoke of her long night and day at the hospital.
“Hey,” she said softly, not even getting the word all the way out before I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against me.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I said, resting my cheek against her soft hair.
“Me too.” She held on to me tightly. “I’m sorry I lied to you, Carson.”
“I’m sorry I lost my shit.”
We stood in the open doorway like that for a couple of minutes because I couldn’t bring myself to let her go. Then she lifted her cheek from my chest and looked up at me.
Having Joss in my arms again made my emotions run wild. I wanted to hold her and whisper tender words in her ear, but I also wanted to take her to bed and show her how crazy she made me for her. No man would ever worship her in bed the way I did, because no man would ever love her as fiercely.
Dean had more money than me. He’d been married to Joss, and they had a long history. But he would never want her, and he’d never love her, as hard as I had since our first night together.
Joss wasn’t just a woman to me. She was the only woman. She made me want to fight back against all my demons and disappointments. She made me want to believe.
My physical desire won out. I bent slightly to pick her up, kicking the front door closed as I turned to carry her to my bedroom.
She wrapped her legs around my waist and buried her face in my neck. The brush of her soft lips on my skin made me groan.
I set her down on the bed, grabbing the back of my shirt to pull it off over my head as I climbed over her. For a few seconds, we were a tangle of limbs, our breathing the only sound in the room as we both tore off our clothes.
My hunger for her drove me to thrust inside her without warning. It was more than physical. I wasn’t good with words, but this, I was good at. I could show Joss how much I loved her.
I covered her mouth with mine, swallowing up her moans of pleasure as I plowed into her. The scrape of her nails down my back fueled my fire for her, and I hooked an arm behind her knee and hiked her leg up to get deeper.
Her nails sank into my skin, and she cried out, her hips moving in time with mine. We were a perfect symphony of motion and breathing until she started to tense around my cock and come.
I wanted to hold on until she came again, but the desperation in her tone—followed immediately by a cry of satisfaction—undid me. The whole neighborhood had to hear my groan as I buried my face in her neck and came inside her.
We stayed like that for a minute or so, her nails tracing feather-light up my back. I’d missed this so much—the warmth of our skin pressed together, a sheen of sweat between us.
Her tone was half-sated, half-amused when she said, “I’m not saying we should fight more often, but if this is how we’re gonna make up, I may want to piss you off more often.”
I smiled, lifting my head to kiss her. “Doesn’t take a fight to have amazing sex, babe.”
Her eyes were misty as she said, “I know, but that was . . . more for me. The feelings.”
“For me, too.” I kissed her again. “But let’s find a way to get there without fighting, all right?”
“Yeah.” She smiled, running her hand from my neck into my hair.
It took all my strength to move away from her and sit up. I met her eyes, forcing myself not to look at her body, because it would distract me from the conversation we needed to have.
“Tell me what happened with Dean,” I said. “I promise not to get pissed. I just need to know.”
After a beat of silence, she said, “He sent the cookies and a fruity drink up to my floor with a note. He says he wants another chance.”
“What about Amanda?”
Joss cringed. “I know. She blames me, but honestly, I’ve done nothing to encourage him. I’ve told him no.”
“And he keeps pursuing you?” My skin prickled with anger. There was nothing that got me going like men who didn’t listen when a woman said no.
“Yes.” She took my hand. “I only want you, Carson. Let’s not let him come between us ever again, please.”
I squeezed her hand. “Deal. But I’m gonna need to have a conversation with Dean.”
“I think you should. He’s not listening to me.”
“He’s a fucking narcissist.” I shook my head. “What kind of an asshole would dump a woman who’s about to give birth to his kid?”
Joss’s face fell. “I know. And even though some people would say Amanda is getting what she deserves, I just can’t get on board with that. No woman deserves this. She’s mowing her own lawn, for fuck’s sake. I called a lawn service, and I’m paying them to mow it weekly. Anonymously, so don’t say a word, because she’ll turn it down if she knows it’s me.”
The tension in my muscles relaxed as I let my eyes wander over Joss. God, she was beautiful, both inside and out. I loved the way her long blonde hair curled at the ends, a section of it brushing across one of her round, firm breasts.
“You’re an amazing person,” I said, bringing her hand to my lips to kiss.
She smiled. “So are you. One of these days you’re going to figure out you’re permanently stuck with me.”
Damn, did I like the sound of that. But I wanted to be worthy of her, and a man who would lose his shit like I had at that fundraiser, and in front of her coworkers over the cookies, wasn’t worthy.
I cleared my throat. “I have shit to work on, Joss. So I can be good for you. And I am. I started going to counseling.”
Her eyes brightened. “You did? How was it?”
I shrugged. “Okay. Better than I expected. But I have to go back. I’m not fixed yet.”
She reached out and cupped my cheeks in her hands. “Don’t say that, Carson. You are not broken. It takes strength to get help, and you’ve been through a lot. I’m proud of you.”
My eyes burned with the sting of tears. I’d never heard those words from someone I loved.
“I want this, Joss.” My voice was thick with emotion. “You and me. I really do, and I’m willing to do the work to be good for you.”
She leaned forward and kissed me softly. “Do the work for you, Carson. For peace. I’m already yours. Never doubt that.”
“I’m afraid of losing you,” I admitted, averting her gaze.
“I know that feeling. I get it, too, sometimes. Dean was fucking around on me, and I had no idea. Now I worry that—”
I cut in. “I’d never, ever be unfaithful to you. Never, Joss. I swear it.”
She rested her forehead against mine. “I know. Because you’re you, and you’ve never let me down. I just have to remind myself of that sometimes. And with time, you’ll see that I love you too much to ever leave. I never thought I’d have this . . . what you’ve made me feel. And I never want to lose it.”
I relaxed and reached for her hips, pulling her into my lap, where she wrapped her legs around my waist.
She’d said she wanted me to have peace. I’d never felt more peaceful than I did with her. But she was right. There were other things I needed to make peace with, if it was possible.
It wouldn’t happen overnight. Nothing worthwhile did, though. I’d have to fight for my peace, and I would. The life I wanted for myself was worth it.
Joss was falling asleep against me. She was exhausted. I untangled myself from her, and she curled up on her side, snoring softly within a couple of minutes. I pulled a light blanket over both of us and wrapped my arm around her.
I’d missed her warmth beside me and her soft, sweet scent. I’d even missed the way she talked in her sleep, usually ordering medications for patients or encouraging them to breathe and push.
For the first time in a while, I quickly fell into a restful sleep, too.