Chapter 1

 

 

DUNCAN MASTERS was bored out of his mind and going stir-crazy.

“Mom,” he called again, then waited, hoping she heard him this time.

Helpless. Everything else paled in comparison to being totally helpless and completely useless to anyone and everyone, including himself.

“Mom!” he yelled at the top of his lungs.

A door closed outside his room and she came in, a slip of toilet paper under her shoe. “What is it, honey?” she asked, ignoring the fact that Duncan had just yelled at her while she was in the bathroom taking a few minutes for herself. Once again, a wave of total helplessness washed over him.

“I need help getting in the chair so I can go.” Somehow the chair had gotten moved away from the bed overnight, and that meant he was stuck where he was until someone came to help him get out of bed before he wet himself.

“I’m sorry. I came in during the night because you were talking in your sleep again and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” She went to the chair, brought it back, and locked it next to the bed. “I must have forgotten to move it back.”

Duncan sat up and worked his legs off the bed, using his arms and the bar overhead to maneuver into the chair. His mother itched to help, he could tell, but he had to learn to do things like this for himself.

With a sigh, he settled into his chair and wheeled himself out of the room and toward the bathroom. His chair barely fit through the door, but he had learned to maneuver it. His mother was already talking about remodeling the house for him, but Duncan knew that was a pipe dream. She didn’t have the funds for that, and Duncan wasn’t going to be making money anytime soon. His dreams had been dashed all to hell, and so had his chances of rising to the top and standing on that podium in front of the world with a gold medal around his neck. But he still had all the debt that came with the pursuit of that dream, and he’d spent a lot of long nights staring at the ceiling—first in the hospital, then at the rehab center, and now in his old bedroom—wondering how he was ever going to be able to make things right.

He managed to make it onto the toilet and was able to relieve himself. What once had been so simple…. Guys could pee anywhere. Not him, not anymore. Now even going to the bathroom was a huge production. His mom kept a bottle for him in his room, but using that only made him feel even more self-conscious and like an invalid.

He got back into the chair, flushed the toilet, and washed his hands before turning in the limited space and exiting the bathroom.

“You’re doing so well,” his mother said when he came out. She pushed him down the hall and into the kitchen, right to the table.

“Mom, I can do it myself.” He knew she was trying to help, but her pushing him when she hadn’t asked if it was all right was her way of taking control and getting him exactly where she wanted him, which only added to his sense of uselessness.

“I know you can.” She brought over his laptop for him, and Duncan shifted it into position. At least through the computer he could pretend he had some semblance of his own life.

He opened his email and answered the ones that were new. He checked a few news sites and then Facebook, where he stared openmouthed. “Did you know about this?” he asked, turning the computer so his mom could see it. “Todd created a GoFundMe campaign for me.”

“What’s that?” she asked.

“Basically he’s asking people to donate money to help me with medical bills and other expenses.” Duncan wasn’t sure if he was insulted or not.

“Is that what has been donated?” his mother asked, leaning over his shoulder, pointing to the screen. The campaign said it had a goal of ten thousand dollars, and now the goal read fifty thousand, with almost forty thousand pledged in just a week. Duncan was floored.

Olympic skeleton racer Duncan Masters was injured just three months ago while on a training run. We are all hopeful that Duncan will eventually be able to walk again, but with hospital stays and months of rehabilitation ahead, he needs everyone’s help. Duncan gave everything he had to the sport so he could represent our country in the Olympics. We miss our friend out on the runs just as much as we’re sure he misses us. Please donate to someone who has already given so much to fulfill the dream of representing our country.

There was a picture of him with his skeleton at the top of a run, taken a short time before the fateful run that had left him in a chair.

“That’s so kind,” his mother whispered, and Duncan knew she was near tears. Hell, Duncan was as well. “There’s another note. ‘The US Olympic Committee has agreed that for every dollar contributed, they will match it, up to fifty thousand dollars.’” Duncan huffed. Now they decide to help him out, once he couldn’t race any longer. They sure as hell didn’t do much to help the athletes who competed to represent the country on the world stage. “That’s very good of them.” He kept his opinion to himself. There was no need to go over what was already a very sore subject.

“Yes, it is.” She turned to look at the clock, wiping her eyes. “I’m going to make some breakfast, and you need to get dressed and cleaned up properly.”

“Why?” Duncan humphed. He didn’t leave the house much, so who cared what he looked like? And he certainly wasn’t in the mood to go out and meet people. God, that thought sent a chill running through him.

Two weeks ago, he’d let his mother take him to the grocery store. He felt like everyone was looking at him the entire time. And to top it off, one lady who’d stopped to talk to his mother didn’t bother to speak to him, or even acknowledge him, until she was getting ready to leave. Then she’d turned to Duncan, and the look in her eyes… nothing but pity. Duncan had wanted to get the hell out of there as fast as he could, so he’d wheeled himself to the front of the store, but he knew that lady—Margie something—probably talked to his mom about how sorry she was for her…. He knew people felt sorry for his mom. Duncan heard them talking at church.

“I’m taking you.” She smiled, went over to the stove, and cracked the eggs sitting there in a bowl.

“I don’t think so.” Yeah, he was bored, but he could spend the rest of his life staying away. “I’m going to watch a movie. You go on out and do something. I’ll be fine on my own.”

“Nope,” his mother said in her usual gentle voice that held a rod of steel. “You and I are going out for a while. The doctors said that you need to go out, and so did Pastor Greg when I talked to him last Sunday.” His mom turned away, probably to hide the blush in her cheeks. His mother had a thing with one of the men at church. It was cute, in an almost sitcom sort of way.

Duncan sighed. “Great. You’re taking me to church.” He closed the laptop and set it aside. “Wonderful. Maybe Henrietta Blodgett will be there, and she can tell everyone again what a shame it is that I got hurt and how you got stuck caring for me.” The old lady had been running her mouth in the community center kitchen when Duncan had gone out there to use the restroom because it was bigger and easier for him to get into.

His mother whirled around, her hands coming to her hips. “First thing, that woman is a menace and an old battle-ax. She can go to church all she wants, but her gossiping is going to send her straight to hell. And no matter what happens, you can’t let people like her get to you. There will always be folks who talk and give you the ‘poor little thing’ face. You think I haven’t seen it a million times since your father died?” She plated the eggs, set them in front of him, sat down, and patted his hand. “No matter what, you have to go on.”

Duncan took a bite and set his fork down. “If we aren’t going to church, then what are we doing?” It was Wednesday, and his mom usually had her ladies circle prayer group at lunch. She’d gone for years.

“Just finish your breakfast and clean up. Shave too. You’re all scruffy, and that isn’t a good look for you.”

She went about straightening up the kitchen as Duncan ate slowly. His appetite had been hit or miss for weeks, and it looked like today was one of those days where nothing seemed to taste very good. Not that he said anything to his mom. The eggs she made were good usually, but just not right now, not to him. Still, he finished them and put his plate on his lap to carry it over to the sink.

“Thanks, Mom.” He rolled out of the room and back to the bathroom. In the mirror, he saw he did look awful, his spotty red beard only adding to the disappointment in his eyes and demonstrating the fact that he didn’t really care about anything.

Ten minutes later, after washing up and brushing his teeth, he wheeled himself to his room and went about the daunting task of getting dressed. He was determined to do it on his own, dammit, and he did it. Granted, it was only sweatpants and a T-shirt, but they were on correctly. Duncan even managed shoes and socks, though that took a little more doing. Finally ready to go, he glided back into the living room, where his mother was dusting. “Let’s get this over with.”

His mom ignored the comment and picked up her purse.

Duncan left the house, rolling down the ramp and out to the car. He would have liked to be able to get a van that was equipped with a lift so he could get into the car and drive it himself, but that was way outside their budget. His mom had put in for one, but it was taking a lot of time to get approved. There were grants and things that would help with the cost, but they hadn’t come through yet.

He got into the passenger seat with help from his mom, and she put the chair in the back. Then she climbed in and pulled away from their small ranch-style house in the Milwaukee suburb of Brown Deer, heading out toward the main road.

“Mom, what’s the big secret?” he asked, turning toward her.

“No secret. I thought you could use some time to visit some friends.” She slowed as they approached a light and then turned into the drive of an auto repair garage.

Todd stepped out of one of the bays, smiling brightly.

As soon as she came to a stop, he hurried to his side of the car and pulled open the door. Todd leaned right in, hugging Duncan tightly even with the odd angles. “I came to see you after you were hurt, but they wouldn’t let me in. And then I had to go out on tour and to competitions and….”

Duncan returned the embrace, inhaling deeply as Todd’s rich scent, tinged with work and a touch of grease, filled his nose. Heat washed through him, and Duncan’s breath hitched for a second. He almost didn’t know what to make of his reaction. They stayed that way for longer than was necessary before Todd pulled back.

“I know. But you called, and that meant a lot.”

His mom, who had already opened her door and gotten out, came around the car and pulled Duncan’s chair out.

“What’s the deal?” Duncan asked.

“You remember when you and I used to work together on those old cars I brought home in high school? Well, I still work on them, you know that, and I was hoping you’d help me.”

Duncan looked around. “But isn’t this where you work?”

“Yeah. Brent, my boss, is really cool, and he’s pretty keen to meet you. So get in your seat, and I’ll take you inside so you can meet the rest of the guys.” He grinned excitedly and helped him into the chair. Then Todd took control, and Duncan turned in time to see his mom drive away. “Don’t worry. She’ll be back in a few hours.” Todd rolled him inside, and the familiar scent of grease and men washed over him.

“So how long have you and Mom been conspiring?”

Todd stopped the forward motion and walked over where Duncan could see him. “When she brought her car in last week, I asked about you. She said you needed to get out of the house, and I asked Brent if you could spend a few hours here. You know your way around a car, and your mom thought it would be good for you to get out, so here you are.” Todd stepped back as an older man, handsome, in jeans and a button-down shirt, hurried over. “This is my boss, Brent.”

“It’s good to meet you,” Brent said, shaking his hand firmly. “Todd said that you were really good with cars.”

“I was. He and I used to tinker a lot back in the day. I haven’t worked on any in a while, with school and then training and trying to pay my way. Though I’m not going to be training anymore, unless I decide to take part in the Paralympics.” He wasn’t so sure that he was ready for that, at least not now.

“Well, we have some cars that we’re working on. So Todd is going to show you around, and if you want, you can help him out for a few hours. We’ve been really busy lately, and next week the construction starts on our expansion, so everything has to be done before then.”

“That’s awesome,” Duncan said as he looked around. The garage was exceedingly clean and seemed organized, if somewhat cramped.

A man came over to stand next to Brent and signed to him.

“This is Scott,” Brent said with a smile, and signed back to him.

“It’s nice to meet you, Duncan,” Scott said, extending his hand.

Duncan took it and nodded as he smiled.

“Scott is Brent’s partner. He isn’t able to hear.” Todd pointed to a man who stood next to a car, his hands flat on the fender. “That’s Lee. He works with Scott. Lee isn’t able to see.” Todd gestured, and Duncan wheeled over. “Lee, this is Duncan. He and I were on the Olympic skeleton team together.”

Lee extended his hand to where Duncan would be if he were standing. Duncan reached up and took Lee’s hand.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were in a chair.” Lee’s expression remained a little blank even as his voice conveyed sincerity. “Are you going to work here?”

“Duncan went to college for marketing and promotion, and I’m hoping I can get the owner to talk to him. Trevor needs some help with advertising for the overall business.” Todd placed his hand on Duncan’s shoulder, heating the skin beneath his shirt.

Todd looked toward him and their eyes locked for just a second, sending an unexpected zing through Duncan. He turned away in surprise, giving himself a chance to think. Duncan looked back at Todd, and damn if he wasn’t watching him still. They’d been friends for quite a while, training and traveling together. But there hadn’t been heat between them. Hell, this was probably his imagination. He stilled his breathing and willed his heart to settle down. It was likely that his reaction was just because he hadn’t been touched in anything but a medical way by anyone in months.

“That would be nice.” Lee didn’t move until Scott came over and wrapped an arm around his waist. No words were spoken and ASL was out for obvious reasons, but Scott gently guided Lee back under the hood of the car, the two of them in constant contact.

“How do they do that?” Duncan asked, watching them.

“They have their own language of touch.” Todd motioned to another work area, and Duncan rolled over behind him. “I used to think there was something going on between them, but Scott and Brent are amazing together. Scott and Lee have this work connection, though, that’s uncanny. Lee is Scott’s ears, and Scott is Lee’s eyes. They constantly touch each other.” Todd leaned close. “You know, it’s almost sexy to watch them together, and yet it isn’t like that at all because they’re just working and best friends.”

“Is Lee dating anyone?” Duncan asked.

“No. Though there is a friend of Trevor and Brent’s who comes in here sometimes. His name’s Dean, and whenever he’s here, he watches every move Lee makes.” Todd kept his voice to a whisper. “I don’t think Lee knows, and Dean is a little older than him and hasn’t made a move. I heard Dean tell Brent once that he thinks Lee is too young for him.” Todd shrugged.

“You don’t think so?” Duncan asked.

“Lee is a young guy with an old soul. He’s seen a lot of hurt in his life, and he’s learned to deal with it and move on.” Todd popped the hood on the Cutlass in the service bay and propped it up. “I think he understands things most of us don’t yet.”

Duncan wheeled himself up to the car. “What do you want me to do?” He could just see over the fender and into the engine.

“Listen to this,” Todd said. He walked around and leaned into the car to start the engine. “It’s just not quite right.” He turned it over, and Duncan heard what Todd was talking about. He motioned to Todd, who turned off the engine. “What do you think?”

“It’s the timing. It’s off just a little bit. Not enough to really affect performance, but just enough that you’re hearing it.” Duncan sat back, wishing he could do more as Todd leaned over the side of the car to get a little deeper into the engine. “How are your training plans coming for the upcoming season?”

“Pretty decent. I’m supposed to go to Lake Placid in November. They arranged for me to train there a few weeks early on. I’m hoping that will help me with some of the issues I’m having with my timing. I think if I can get those down, I might be able to actually shave a few seconds off my times.” He grunted and stood back up. “That ought to do it.” Todd started the car up again, and the old engine purred like a kitten. He checked that everything else seemed okay before shutting off the engine and lowering the hood.

“You done?” Brent called, and Todd waved to him. One of the guys backed the car out of the bay while Todd cleaned his tools and put everything away where it belonged.

“What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know what the hell I can do,” Duncan answered with more venom than he intended. “I spent my life doing what you’re going to be doing. I worked for years and finally made the national team, only to have the whole thing blow up in my face.” He clutched the arm of his chair. “It was what I always wanted and what I’d planned to do. Now I don’t know shit and I’m trying to get used to being in this damned chair.” He banged the arm. “My mom feels like she has to take care of me all the time.”

“Yeah.” Todd slid the drawer of the tool cabinet closed. “I got that impression from you.”

“The thing is, I need help with some things, but I can do most stuff for myself. Mom never goes anywhere, except church and the grocery store, and she calls me eight times while she’s gone, like I’m going to tip my chair over and end up lying on the floor until she gets back. I need to figure out a way to build a life of my own.” Duncan wanted to feel useful, be useful, again.

“You will,” Todd told him after turning back to him. “What you have to do is give yourself some time. Everything got turned upside down by the accident, and you need to give yourself a chance to figure some shit out.” Another car was brought into the bay, this one being pushed by a couple of the guys. Todd sighed, and as soon as they stopped, he popped the hood and got to work. “What other things do you want to do besides fly down tubes of ice and snow at breakneck speed?”

Duncan tried to come up with an answer, but failed.

“What were your plans for that college degree of yours?”

Todd bent farther into the engine, his butt and legs visible. Granted, it was a handsome butt, with Todd’s work pants pulled tight over it. Duncan knew he shouldn’t be looking at his friend’s backside. Who he found attractive—or not, for that matter—was irrelevant. No one was going to look at him twice in the chair. Still, his gaze kept returning to the view in front of him, and heat spread to his groin. Not that anything there perked up or took notice. Things hadn’t been working down south lately… and that was another source of anxiety and, quite frankly, shame.

The doctors told him that things could improve for him as his injuries continued to heal. He had gotten some feeling back in his legs. When he touched them, it felt like they were miles away, but he could feel something. That had come back over time, so maybe his dick would too. That wasn’t as important to anyone but him. But if he could get a stiffy once again, he could feel a little more like himself… at least in some way.

“What is it?” Todd asked, and Duncan suddenly realized he’d sunk into himself and his emotions and fears had gotten the better of him again. To his horror, Todd grabbed a tissue from the box at the back of the bench. “Whatever is bothering you… it’s okay. This may look like a garage, but it’s also a safe place for everyone.” Todd handed him the tissue and squeezed his shoulder once again, his hand lingering for longer than was necessary.

“That seems strange,” Duncan commented. “Garages are usually temples of testosterone and bluster. At least that’s my experience.”

“We have our testosterone gods here. If you saw Trevor, you’d understand.” Todd grinned. “The first time I met him, I thought someone had given life to my fantasy man. The guy is hot as hell. But he only has eyes for James. Not that I was ever that interested… I guess.” Sometimes Todd could get a conversation off track faster than a world-class luge run.

“You were saying about the safe place…?” Duncan said, trying to steer the conversation back to topic.

“Oh yeah,” Todd said, his voice muffled as he talked while still working on the car. “Could you hand me the small ratchet set? It’s in the second drawer.”

Duncan got it for him and placed it in Todd’s waiting hand.

Todd set it on the pad he’d thrown over the fender and found the one he wanted. “Trevor is pretty adamant that he won’t accept any sort of harassment from any of his employees or customers. He’s told people to their face that they need to take their cars elsewhere.” He grunted and humphed before the ratchet clicked regularly, and he set the bolt he’d loosened on the pan. “I really like working here, and I wish I could do it full-time, but with training half the year and then competitions and tryouts, I end up gone too much.”

“So you work here when you can?”

“Yeah. Trevor is really good like that. I get my insurance through the USOC, so I don’t need that, but you know how it is.” Todd stood up straight, his deep blue eyes as hard as granite. “They don’t help us for shit with anything else. The big-name glamour sports get support, but not the guys like you and me.” He put his head back under the hood. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to go off like that, but it frosts my ass.”

“You could get sponsorships,” Duncan offered, his mind whirling.

Todd continued working. “Yeah, but how do you make it pay? You can’t put individual sponsorship logos on any of the uniforms—that’s against the USOC rules. I even thought of offering to get a tattoo, but that’s against the rules too. They decide just about everything and who all the sponsors are and get all the damn money, and a pittance makes it down to us.” He grunted again.

“What can I do to help?”

“Try to start this mother….” He cleared his throat and pulled his head from the hood. “See if it will turn over now.”

Duncan wheeled himself around, opened the door, and positioned himself so he could lean into the car. He turned the key, and the engine rolled over, finally catching after five seconds. It sounded rough as hell, but it was running again, which was probably some sort of miracle.

“Awesome. Shut it down,” Todd called, and Duncan switched it off. The engine ran on for a few seconds before stopping. Obviously there was quite a bit more to do.

“Todd, you got it running?” A tall man—who had to be Trevor—came over. Duncan recognized him from Todd’s descriptions. “That’s great. Mrs. Claremont is going to be so pleased.” He patted Todd on the back and came over to Duncan, who was getting himself comfortable in his chair again. “You must be Duncan. It’s good to meet you. I’m Trevor.” He held out his hand, and Duncan shook it. “Todd tells me that you might be able to help me with some marketing and promotion.” He smiled what was undoubtedly a million-watt smile.

“I can certainly try,” Duncan said, glancing at Todd. “What sort of things do you have in mind?”

“Go on and talk to Trevor. I’m going to continue working on this old girl here.” Todd nodded to emphasize his point, and Duncan followed Trevor around the cars and into the office area.

Trevor moved a chair to make room for Duncan, then sat down at a desk crowded with papers and reports. “We have a website, but I’d like to make it more than informational. We have more work than we can handle at the moment, and the phone rings all the time with people trying to make appointments and find out the status of their work. The company has six garages. This one is overwhelmed half the time, and I have two others that are busy but could take on more work. I’d like for people to be able to schedule their appointments online and have the site suggest an alternative location if their first choice is unavailable. If they schedule online, then I’d like to be able to have the system send a text or an email when their car is ready, complete with a copy of the invoice so they know how much to expect before they come in.”

“Okay. That’s quite a bit, but I think I know some developers who can help you with the technical pieces, and I could design the graphics and overall site layout. Have you thought of merchandising? Maybe we come up with an amazing new logo, something colorful and fresh, that we could put on pens, key rings, and things. Give them out to customers. If they’re attractive, then you have people out there acting as walking billboards. That could be cost-effective.”

Trevor nodded and then smiled. “That’s a cool idea.”

“There are companies who will print them very reasonably, depending on the number you order.” Duncan wished he’d brought a notebook, and looked around for something. Trevor handed him one from the desk. He jotted down some notes.

“I also was thinking of running some advertising on local TV. I have a friend who can produce the spots for me, but I need a concept.”

The inspiration that hit Duncan nearly knocked him out of his chair. “Okay. Got an idea.” His back tingled. “Everyone has the owner standing in front of the business, yapping at the customer or doing something crazy to get their attention. What do you think of finding a spokesperson, someone who will be the face of your promotion? We come up with a schtick that’s memorable and play it up.”

“But not me?” Trevor asked, a little confused.

“Unless you want to do it. But I was thinking of your own Olympic athlete.” Duncan looked out the window at Todd, who stood looking down into the engine, concentrating, his gaze focused. Then he lifted his head and their eyes met for a second, and the intensity sucked the air out of the room. Duncan lost his train of thought for a few moments and had to try to remember what he’d been talking about. “Todd does well in front of the camera. We could do something about him trying to slide into one of the bays to have his skeleton worked on during the summer… or something. It would be unique, and that’s what’s effective.”

Trevor didn’t smile and just stared out the window for a few seconds. Duncan was afraid he might have gone too far.

“That could be awesome,” Trevor finally said, and Duncan found he could breathe again. “I like that idea. And Todd works here, so people who see the ad could actually have him work on their car.”

Duncan nodded. “And it would give Todd some exposure and name recognition, at least here in town.” He finished writing his notes. “If you’re okay with it, I’ll see what I can come up with as far as a plan. I think you should start with the simplest and least expensive. See what works and build on it. The website would probably have the most impact, but it could be expensive.”

“You come up with some ideas, and I’ll take a look at the budget.” Trevor checked the clock. “I have an appointment in a few minutes, but what do you think about meeting next week to touch base and go over your ideas, costs, etcetera?” Trevor smiled as Duncan nodded and backed his chair away from the desk. “Don’t forget to keep track of your hours. I love your ideas and intend to pay you for your time and effort.”

Duncan left the office, half slumping in the chair as soon as he was back out on the floor, and wheeled himself over to Todd. “I think I just got myself a job… or a client—not sure what to call it, but he hired me.” Duncan could barely believe it. “How late do you work?”

“My shift ends at five, and then I need to go to the gym to work out for a while. I’m off on Saturday. Maybe you and I could do something?” The intensity in Todd’s gaze had returned, and Duncan found himself nodding and wondering if he was reading things correctly.

“Duncan,” his mother called as she entered the garage, carefully wandering over to where he and Todd were talking. She greeted Todd, who wiped his hands and then looked down at the grease still clinging to them. He smiled at her slightly awkward expression.

“Hi,” Todd said, lowering his hand.

Duncan chuckled to himself. In the end it was best they both decided shaking hands wasn’t a good idea, he reckoned.

“I’ll call you, and we’ll get together Saturday afternoon.” Todd walked out to the car with them, and Duncan got himself in the seat. Todd loaded the chair in the back and then thanked Duncan’s mother for bringing him by. “I’ve missed him.” Todd stepped back and waited for their car to pull away.

Duncan waved until Todd was out of sight, then sat with his eyes closed, answering his mother’s banal, expected questions until they got home.

“What’s Saturday?” his mother asked as they pulled into the drive. “We have plans to go to Aunt Sylvia’s for the day. She wanted to see how we are doing and invited us for lunch. She and I thought we’d make a day of it.”

“If she’s so concerned about how we’re doing, why doesn’t she come here to see us?” He pushed open the door and wished he could get the hell out and go right inside.

“What does that mean?”

Duncan rolled his eyes and pretended he didn’t hear the question. “Can you get my chair?”

“What did you mean?” his mother pressed.

“I mean that Aunt Sylvia lives in that humungous house, and she has us over, but only for tea or something, and only ever in that one room off the kitchen. She never comes here, and when we go over, she talks about those inane people she’s friends with as though you know them, except we’ve never actually met any of them. Then she tells us all about her new… whatever it is she’s bought. Last time it was her nose.” Duncan giggled to release the frustration that had been building and put his hand over his mouth. “Which she definitely overpaid for, judging by the work.”

His mother glared at him, and Duncan grew quiet once again. “We need to visit her.”

“No. You can visit her. I can stay home. Tell her that I didn’t feel up to coming, and then the two of you can talk all you want.” His mother would be angry if he said that he’d rather have a root canal or have his leg bent behind his neck than spend another afternoon with his dad’s sister. She had never been particularly nice to either of them and only had them over out of a sense of duty. His mother had to know that.

“I….”

“Just get my chair, Mom. I don’t want to go, and just because I can’t walk anymore doesn’t mean I’m not capable of making my own choices.” Duncan closed his eyes and wished again he could have his own place. For some reason, in his mother’s eyes, he had regressed to being twelve years old. Yeah, he needed some help, but he hadn’t given up his right to make his own decisions about his life.

She got out and removed his chair. Duncan transferred himself to it and wheeled up the ramp to open the inner door. He stopped in the kitchen to put his computer on his lap and then continued down to his bedroom, where he wheeled himself up to the desk that he used to do his homework at when he was in school, and got to work.

 

 

THAT NIGHT, Duncan’s mind should have been on promotions and designs for websites, but it wasn’t. He even tried to bring it back there more than once, but no matter what, it wandered to Todd. Not that it did him any good at all. Thoughts of Todd, especially the sexy and naked kind of thoughts that sprang in his mind unbidden and largely unwanted, were useless at best.

Duncan grabbed his pillow, turned it over, and flopped his head back down for the eighth time in half an hour. Damn it all, Todd was a friend, and he knew the quickest way to end a close friendship was to sleep with the guy or start dating him.

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” His mother cracked open the door, light forming a slice on the wall.

“I’m fine, Mom.” He slowly rolled over, facing away from the door. “It’s just hard to get comfortable. I’ll be okay.” He closed his eyes and willed his mind to shut the hell up and stop torturing him. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

She closed the door, and for a few seconds, Duncan let himself imagine what a life with Todd would be like. Todd slipping his wheelchair into the back of the car, and the two of them taking off to winter sports competitions. It would be wonderful.

Until Todd climbed to the top of the run while Duncan sat at the clubhouse, watching Todd’s ride on television, or waited at the bottom in his chair for Todd to roll out of the run. Then Todd would join him and help him get back to the clubhouse.

It was painstakingly clear that anyone who got involved with Duncan would end up leading a life of service.

Fuck it all. Duncan knew that wasn’t true, but he was being whiny, even in his head, and he wanted more than anything to be self-sufficient.

Okay, that was a lie. What he really wanted was to have his life back the way it had been. Then maybe he could allow something to happen between him and Todd. That is, if Todd was interested. Sure, he’d been pretty touchy-feely, and the look he’d given Duncan… that had gotten Duncan’s heart racing, but all that didn’t really mean anything. Duncan probably imagined things and his mind filled in the blanks. He was broken, and there was no way he was going to ever be able to have a relationship with anyone—not with things being the way they were. He might as well get his head around that and fucking move the hell on.