Chapter 3

 

 

“HONEY,” DUNCAN’S mother said Tuesday evening, but he barely heard her. “Are you feeling okay? Should I call the doctor? You’ve been tired, and I’m wondering if you’re hearing me when I call.”

“I’m fine, Mom.” He looked up from the papers spread across his desk. “Just working hard.” That was a better excuse than telling her he was preoccupied with Todd and thoughts of the kiss he’d given him when he left. “Trevor wants a marketing plan, and I really want this to be good. Todd is going to come over tomorrow so I can practice my presentation on him, and I need to have all of this down.” His heart raced, though it wasn’t because of the presentation.

“But I’m concerned you’re spending too much time in here.” She sniffed and made a face. “Go on outside and get some air. I need to finish cleaning, and this room needs to be aired out.” That was her code for it smelled like a locker room. Maybe it did, but he’d been busy, and nobody ever told him how much his back and butt were going to sweat from sitting in this damned chair all the time.

“Give me an hour and I’ll go out to sit on the front porch so you can do what you have to.” He really needed to just get the last of this done. Thankfully she left the room. Duncan made a few phone calls. He finished and glided out of the room, then outside to the front porch.

The breeze was nice, rustling the leaves in the trees. He wished he’d brought out something to drink and a book. But he wasn’t going to maneuver himself inside again to get them, so he rested his head back and closed his eyes until a car rumbled in the driveway.

“Oh God.” Duncan thought of calling his mother, but he figured he would have to deal with Corrina sooner or later. He might as well get it over with.

“Duncan,” she said, as though honey wouldn’t melt in her mouth. “I haven’t heard from you in so long.” She bounded up onto the porch like the Energizer Bunny. “We need to get together to talk about things.” Corrina plopped herself in a chair next to him, her eyes darting from place to place, never staying still for very long. “We need to get our business set up and going.”

“I thought I told you that wasn’t going to work,” he said calmly. “You’re a good person, but you and I work in very different ways.” Actually, he worked, whereas she just did her best to look busy without actually accomplishing anything.

“That was a while ago, and you were pretty out of it,” she justified, probably for herself. “So I thought you might have had a chance to think things over.” The smile slipped from her lips. “You and I had such plans, and now, from the settlement, you should have the money to make them happen. Do you want to try to do this without me? Is that what’s going on?”

“What I think is that you and I would be better off as friends than as business partners. I need to figure some things out in my life… on my own.” There. He was nice and pleasant, but firm.

“I was planning on this as my job.” Her eyes blazed, and Duncan wondered how he should handle it. “You made promises to me that you should honor.”

Duncan tamped down his own rising anger at the whole situation. “Things change, Corrina. I never expected to be injured and end up in a chair. Everything is different now. Besides, we never got that far in our plans. So, the best I can tell you is to put your résumé together and start looking for a job. That’s what I’m doing.” That should put an end to this entire line of questioning. He wasn’t expecting her to do anything he wasn’t doing. “We had ideas and were going to try, but nothing was written in stone.” He shrugged. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out.” What else was he supposed to do?

“But you asked me to be your partner,” she added, her lower lip trembling. She was really starting to worry him.

“That was some time ago, and a lot has happened since then. You need to understand that we never got beyond the talking stage. There is no business for us to be partners in. You and I are good friends, but that’s it. Sometimes friends should stay friends and not get involved in business.”

She put her hands over her face and broke into tears, her shoulders and upper body shaking. “What am I supposed to do? I’d make you a good partner, I really would.” Her tone gentled again, and it gave Duncan the creeps. “You would be great at bringing in the clients, and I could work with you to develop ideas and put everything together. Help make sure you have all the things you need.”

Duncan shivered a little. This was sounding way too Baby Jane for words and it was frightening him.

Duncan sat still, almost afraid to offer her the comfort she needed—or anything else, for that matter. Everyone thought he needed to be taken care of. Duncan was sure Corrina wasn’t being rational, and that scared the hell out of him. Her swings in mood only had him wondering what was next in her cavalcade of emotional responses. Not that she didn’t have a right to how she felt, but he wished she’d pick one.

“Why don’t you call your mom and dad and see if they can come get you?”

She jumped up and half raced down the steps. “You don’t get to treat me this way.” Her lips curled into a snarl, cheeks and face riddled with lines. Corrina almost looked like a Disney villain, except the pain and hatred in her eyes were so very real. “I’ll settle things with you one way or another.”

“Corrina, things are settled, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Go on home, please.” He wheeled himself toward the door, pulled it open, and went inside. He shut and locked the door, then peered out the sidelight windows to make sure she left.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, and Duncan pulled it out, relieved when he saw a text from Todd. He answered it and told him briefly that Corrina had just paid him a visit and that it hadn’t been pleasant.

Do you want me to come over after work?

Duncan hesitated. Would you? He had been reluctant to ask for help at first, but he wanted Todd here. He wasn’t going to worry his mother with all this.

I’ll be there in an hour.

Duncan breathed deeply, letting go of the earlier drama, knowing he had some backup on the way.

“Why are you watching out the window like that?” his mother asked as she carried a laundry basket.

“I was just watching what was happening out front. I thought I heard something.” His mom worried enough already, and Corrina was his problem, not hers. “Todd messaged me and he’s going to come over in an hour or so.”

“All right.” She continued on through, and Duncan returned to his room to finish a little more work before Todd arrived.

 

 

THE DOORBELL rang an hour later, and his mother’s voice drifted in. “He’s in his room. The last door on the left.”

“Thank you.”

Todd’s voice rumbled right to the base of Duncan’s spine. He closed his eyes and willed the attraction to take over and for something to happen, but as usual, things stayed still down south.

“Hey, Duncan,” Todd said gently a few seconds later, coming into his room.

“I’ve been trying to work, but I haven’t done much since she left.” He spoke softly in case his mother was nearby.

“What happened?” Todd sat on the edge of the bed.

Duncan told Todd about her visit. “She can’t see why I’m not jumping into it.”

“Then don’t.” Todd held his hand to emphasize his point. “There’s no need for you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. Corrina shouldn’t try to force you into anything. That isn’t right.”

Duncan swallowed hard. “She tried to steamroll me. I’m trying to figure things out, and all she wants me to do is worry about what she’s going to do.” He sighed. “Maybe I’m the one who’s being selfish.”

“No, sweetheart. You need to protect yourself. She and her brother are a little off their nuts, and you don’t need to be involved with that. Whatever plans you made with her were before the accident, and since you’ve explained your feelings, she should accept that and move on.”

Duncan nodded. “I didn’t realize how volatile she’s become.” He lifted his gaze as Todd nodded slowly. “Was she always that way and I missed it somehow?”

“She was and she wasn’t. Corrina was always a little swingy. She ran hot and cold sometimes. I thought that was just her. But do you remember the time we went to training camp after Christmas when we were seniors? Somehow she got it in her head that she was going with us, and when I told her she couldn’t, she got a little crazy. Apparently she thought we could use some sort of assistant while we were there, and she didn’t want to spend that much time at home with her family.”

Duncan sighed. “Have you met them?” He could understand that.

“No.”

He shook his head. “That family is a really dysfunctional piece of work. I’ve met them twice. Her mother is completely codependent on her father, and he drinks but thinks nobody knows. I think they call it a functional alcoholic. He works and stuff, but drinks when he’s at home, and he pretty much ignores all of them in favor of the booze.” He sighed and pushed away from his desk. “I think she’s desperate to get away from them and….” He swallowed hard. “I feel sorry for her. Michael is just as bad as the rest of the family.” He turned away, unable to face Todd at that moment.

“Did you and Michael….?”

Duncan nodded. “Once. It was really stupid and I regretted it as soon as it was over. He and I never talk about it, thank God… but he knows I know and is terrified his family will find out.” This was getting to be too much. “I really thought I could help Corrina, but I may have only added to the mess that is her life.” He hated that he might have hurt her somehow. Duncan sighed and glanced over at Todd. “Do you think I need someone to take care of me for the rest of my life?” Everyone else sure seemed to.

“You know I don’t.” Todd smiled. “You can be as independent as you want to be. So stop letting people put that notion in your head.” Todd took his hand and squeezed his fingers. “You need to take charge of your life, and that’s what you did with Corrina. You were clear about what you wanted. It wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but she needed to hear it.”

“This is such a mess….”

“No. I think she’s the one who’s messed up.” Todd leaned over his shoulder toward the desk. “Is this part of the marketing plan for Trevor?”

“Yeah.” Duncan handed Todd the sketch. “That’s for a print ad. He could also use it as a poster in the garages.” He grinned.

“I don’t get it,” Todd said as he set the card down.

“You will. I’m still working on some last details, but the idea is for him to get a spokesman for his commercials.” Duncan turned to Todd, smiling more broadly. “You.”

“Me?” Todd squeaked.

Duncan nodded. “Yeah. You’re good-looking and articulate. You could always talk to people, and that’s what making a good commercial is, talking to a lot of people at once, reaching out to them. You’re good at that. I have some ideas for television spots too.” He flipped through his computer files until he had the image he wanted. “I know we have to be careful and you can’t use any of the Olympic logos. We can’t even mention them by name, but we can get around that easily enough.”

“But what kind of commercial do you see it being?” he asked, very cautiously. “I’m not a television celebrity or anything. I’m just an athlete.” He rubbed the back of his head.

“Well,” Duncan said, pretty excited. “We dress you in one of your racing suits. It’s tight, but you look good in it. We can’t use the Olympic emblems or anything because that’s against USOC rules, but we don’t need to. It will be summer, hot, and you carry your sled and try to slide on the bare concrete.” He brought up the next image. “Of course it doesn’t work. Then you say, ‘I love my skeleton sled, but sometimes I can’t get it to take me anywhere. When my car does the same thing, I take it to Michaelson’s Service, and they get me going in a hurry.’ We switch to you swooshing down a run at top speed. I have plenty of film from our practice runs. We could sift through that for some good footage. We only need a few seconds. When we return, you’re in your car, pulling out of the garage. We can always tweak it, but I think it has punch.”

“Do you really think I can do this?” Todd asked.

Duncan was surprised at Todd’s doubt, though he probably should have asked before he built a campaign around Todd. “Yeah, I do. You have personality that washes off you even when you’re in front of people, and I think that will translate to the camera.” He turned, looking up at Todd. “I really believe in you.”

Todd bit his lower lip for a second and then nodded. “Then let’s do it. If Trevor likes it, I’ll give it a try.”

“Good. I’ll look over the USOC rules just to make sure we won’t be breaking any of them.” Duncan rolled his eyes. “When I first started out, I was idealistic and thought they had the best for the sport and the athletes at heart. But I know better now.”

“We all do. They’re a fact of life if we want to compete.” Todd sighed, and Duncan made some notes on what he wanted to change and which rules he needed to look into. He might suggest to Trevor that he hire a lawyer or have one look into things, but Duncan figured he could take an initial peek to see what they had.

His mom knocked on the door before sticking her head in. “I made some popcorn if you want some.” She came in with a bowl and set it on the side of the desk.

“Thanks, Mom.” Duncan shared a smile with her, and then she left the room, closing the door. Duncan took a handful and stuffed it into his mouth. “Do you think Trevor will like it? Granted, it’s down the road and there are other things we can do, but it would be different and eye-catching. We could start with still images and even some online videos before actually making the commercial. Really see if this will take off.” He was excited about the whole concept. “Tomorrow I’ll call Trevor and set up a meeting. Do you want to be there?”

Todd shook his head. “I’ll need to work, but I trust you.”

He put his hands on Duncan’s shoulders, and heat radiated through his shirt to the skin below. Duncan closed his eyes, willing something to happen, any sort of reaction, just so he would know there was hope. Nothing. Still, it was nice to be touched, and Todd had been doing that a lot lately.

“What is it?”

Duncan hadn’t even realized he’d tensed up, but he felt it now. Todd’s hands slipped away, and Duncan felt their loss instantly. “It’s nothing.” He sighed and turned back to the computer, not wanting to whine some more about things he could do nothing about. It was frustrating as hell, but the way things were.

“You know.” Suddenly Todd was close again, his breath caressing the back of Duncan’s neck. “You always were one of the best people I’ve ever known.”

Duncan quivered with excitement that he knew shouldn’t be happening. He could get as keyed up as he wanted, and his heart could beat as fast as a freight train. He could get as warm and flushed as at any point in his life, but that didn’t mean he would be able to do a damn thing about it. Part of him wanted to turn around and let Todd take him in his arms, hoping he’d kiss him again. Yet part of him wished that none of this was happening.

“I can feel your doubt and hurt,” Todd whispered.

“How…?”

“It’s written all over your posture. You’re tense, and your hand is shaking.” He slipped his hands down Duncan’s chest. Even through his shirt, the touch raised goose pimples and only added to his confusion. “You do know that attraction and passion aren’t here, right?” He slipped his hands farther before pulling them back. “They’re here.” Gently Todd ran his fingers through Duncan’s close-cropped hair, sending tingles racing all through him. Duncan sighed as flashes of tension and joy raced through him, warring with each other.

“But I can’t do anything about it. You know that.” Duncan closed his eyes, because he wanted to do something about it, more than anything in his life. His hand shook with pent-up desire, his mind knowing what it wanted even though his errant body refused to respond. Sometimes things in life really sucked all to hell. Not only had the accident taken away his sport and his ability to walk, but it had taken away his chances at intimacy, because no matter how much he wanted to let go and say to hell with it, he wasn’t going to get his heart ripped to shreds when his body wasn’t able to deliver.

Todd pulled back, but his fingers continued gently massaging Duncan’s scalp. Duncan bit his lower lip to keep the sigh from escaping.

“I think I want to try to refine the idea for the website so it lines up with the other promotional ideas.” He needed to get the conversation and his own mind back onto the task at hand, or otherwise he was going to snap and fly into a million frustrated pieces.

Todd tugged his hands away, and Duncan took a deep, shaking breath to try to clear his head, even as he felt the loss of the touch the way he’d felt his last breakup. His heart longed for more, but Duncan couldn’t allow it.

“All right. I think that’s a good idea.” The hitch in Todd’s voice told Duncan that Todd was struggling as well. He hated that. Duncan wanted to make Todd happy and to be able to give him everything he deserved. And the truth was, Todd deserved so much more than Duncan was ever going to be able to give him.

The very walls seemed to crackle with tension, and Duncan didn’t know what to do to make it go away. He didn’t want things to be weird between them, but they were now. He wasn’t sure if he should acknowledge what seemed to be going on. If he did and truly shut it down, then it would be gone and over. But part of him didn’t want it to be. Those few moments of frisson, of excitement, were the most alive he’d felt since the accident, and he wanted to feel that again. But….

He didn’t even want to finish that thought.

“Are you okay now?” Todd asked.

Duncan’s brain took a few seconds to realize he was probably talking about Corrina. He nodded. “Yeah.” Though he had a new problem that he didn’t know how to solve without hurting himself or Todd.

“Then I’m going to go. But I’ll see you tomorrow after work.” Todd patted his shoulder, and Duncan slowly turned the chair around.

He opened his mouth to apologize, expecting Todd to already be on the other side of the room, but he stood where he was, just a foot or so away. Todd didn’t move. He just watched him, and Duncan grew heated, shifting slightly in his chair under his gaze.

“What is it you want, Duncan?” Todd asked.

Duncan swallowed and willed his lips to move, but nothing happened. He swallowed again, trying to wet his desert-dry throat. “I can’t have what I want.” He took a few seconds to let his gaze rake over Todd’s lean, taut body. Even in loose jeans and an olive-green T-shirt, he was amazingly built and strong, sleek, and sexy. “That was taken away.” He wanted to tell Todd to go as the ache for what he knew was out of reach built to the point where he felt he was going to crack and explode.

“I didn’t ask what you thought you could have. I asked what you wanted.” Todd stepped closer and placed his hands on the arms of the chair. “Sometimes life is about wants.”

Duncan sniffed and blinked as a tear threatened to fall from his eye. He willed it to stay where the fuck it was. Duncan had his pride, and he wasn’t going to be seen crying again over what was gone and not coming back. “And then most of the time, it’s about reality and no one gives a crap what we want. We get what we get.” God, that sounded depressing to his own ears. Duncan backed his chair up, but Todd came along with it.

“Duncan, how many times in your life do you get asked what you truly want?” Todd cocked his eyebrows, and Duncan lifted his hands away from the wheels. “We get asked a billion questions and we provide answers, often without thinking, but we never get asked what our heart truly desires. You know that. Every time someone asks us stuff like that, they’re usually trying to tell us what they think we want. I want to know what you want.” Todd’s eyes filled with warmth and gentleness.

Duncan knew he needed to be strong, that this had the potential to be a trap he would never be able to dig himself out of. Still, it was so tempting just to say the single word that might change things forever.

Was he brave enough to actually take the chance?

Duncan inhaled and closed his eyes. “You,” he answered softly.

Todd’s lips touched his, and Duncan relaxed and tensed at the same moment, sending a ripple through him that grew stronger by the second. Duncan released his grip on the chair and wound his arms around Todd’s neck, drawing him in closer. Sometimes getting exactly what one wanted turned out to be a disappointment. This was not one of those times.

Todd tasted of butter and salt over heat and musk, combining with a flavor underneath it all that was pure Todd. Little beads of sweat broke out on the back of Duncan’s neck as heat surrounded him, building to excitement in a matter of seconds. When Todd pulled away, slowly backing up until his gaze met Duncan’s, Duncan couldn’t move, lost in Todd’s eyes until a thud from outside the room broke the spell.

“See, that wasn’t so difficult, was it?” Todd smiled.

“No. But it doesn’t change anything.” Duncan glanced down at his lap.

“It changes everything,” Todd said. “Being honest with yourself can change the entire world.” He leaned close once again, his lips right next to Duncan’s ear. “See, I want the same thing… you.” Todd backed away and turned to the bedroom door. “I’ll see you after work tomorrow.”

“What are we doing? I already went over the proposition.”

Todd shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe we’ll go bowling.” He grinned, and Duncan rolled his eyes. Then Todd pulled open the door, waved, and left the room. “Let me help you with that,” he said, and then a minute later, his footsteps echoed through the house the same way the echoes of Todd’s kiss bounced off the sides of Duncan’s heart.

 

 

THE FOLLOWING afternoon, Duncan would have been pacing his room if he could. He had way too much damned energy and no easy way to let it out, and that drove him crazy. Finally he wheeled himself out of his room and to the front door.

“Mom, I’m going for a walk… or a ride.” He pulled open the door and rolled down the ramp to the walk and then the driveway. At the sidewalk he turned left, propelling himself down toward the corner.

Faster and faster, pushing the wheels harder and harder, he leaned toward the front, driving himself, willing the chair on. Maybe wheelchair racing wasn’t such a bad idea. His arms ached, and yet he continued, navigating the corner after slowing and then picking up speed again. Wind flowed around him and his heart beat faster, pumping and throbbing in his chest, blood racing through his veins. He made the next corner and took it a little fast, nearly toppling, but righting himself once again. He went more slowly and steadily after that, taking the fourth turn and heading for home.

Todd stood in front of the house, smiling as Duncan approached. “Do you want to go again?”

Surprised and happy to see Todd, Duncan coasted to a stop, shaking his arms. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” His arms ached, and he was already rethinking the whole wheelchair racing idea.

“Come on.” Todd stepped behind him. “You ready?”

“Sure,” Duncan said with a grin, and Todd took off, running behind him, propelling him forward. “Damn….”

“I know. Once speed gets in your blood, it never leaves.” Todd didn’t go too quickly, then pulled to a stop at the corner before turning around. “Hang on, babycakes, we’re going to take off.” Todd leaped forward, and they shot down the street, building up speed down the entire block. As they passed the house, Duncan glimpsed the horror on his mother’s face, but he only grinned and waved as they shot by. He was having amazing fun.

“I think your mom is going to kill me,” Todd said once they stopped and he turned them around to walk back toward the house.

Duncan didn’t care. His smile wouldn’t go away.

“You scared the life out of me! What if you fell and hurt yourself?” his mother scolded.

“Mom, I’m fine, and it was fun.” He gulped air. “Actually, it was awesome. I needed it.” He furrowed his brow as she flashed angry looks his way. “Cool it, Mom. I’m fine, but I’m thinking I need to get a racing chair.”

“Good.” Todd handed him his phone, and Duncan blinked. “What is this?”

“I amended the GoFundMe page I started so it can possibly pay for the racing wheelchair as well.” Todd grinned. “I knew you couldn’t sit still for long and were going to need an outlet to go fast. We’ve started spreading the word again, and donations are coming in. Lots of friends and fellow athletes have donated already.” He took the phone back. “I also researched some tracks and places where you can train if you decide to do this. You’ll need to build up your arm strength.”

Duncan rubbed his shoulder and upper arm. “Yeah.”

“So I thought that today we’d go to the gym. You can work your arms and upper body if you want. Then I thought maybe some dinner.” Todd’s eyes twinkled, suggesting he had another surprise he didn’t want to mention in front of Duncan’s mother.

“As long as you don’t race like that until you get a proper chair,” she chided, putting her hand over her heart.

“I’m fine, Mom.” Actually, he was sweaty, but it felt good. Duncan rolled toward the house and turned toward Todd at the bottom of the ramp. “Do you mind if I get cleaned up before we go?”

“Go on ahead.” Todd smiled and stood next to his mom as Duncan wheeled himself inside and to his room.

He got out some fresh clothes and wheeled himself into the bathroom. He stripped down and took a sponge bath, washing all the important parts. Showering was an ordeal, and he didn’t want to take that much time. After washing, he dried himself and sat back in his chair, sighing a little. Then he went about getting dressed as a realization dawned on him. Things had happened with his cock when Todd had pushed him. The excitement built, and stuff grew and moved on its own. God, at least he thought it had. Though things certainly weren’t happening at the moment.

Maybe there was hope.

Duncan dressed as quickly as he could and also packed a small bag for use at the gym, then left the bathroom.

Todd waited for him in the living room, along with his mother, who fussed over his clothes.

“Are you ready to go?” Todd asked. Duncan was already wheeling himself to the door.

“When will you be back?”

“By eleven or so, Mom. I have an appointment in the morning, and I’m going to need my beauty sleep.”

“What time?” she asked, and Duncan realized he’d forgotten to tell her about it.

“It’s at ten. I’m meeting with Trevor to review the marketing proposal. I know you have a meeting at the church. Trevor is going to come here. He thought it would be easier. So don’t worry. I’ll be fine.” Things were looking up, finally. He pulled open the door and glided out and down the ramp to wait at the car for Todd.

“You seem chipper,” Todd said as he opened the door. “Like some of the old Duncan is back.” Todd leaned down to hug him. “It’s good to see you smile again.”

Duncan didn’t want to take too much for granted… yet. “Thanks.”

Todd took his bag and put it in the back seat. “Are you hungry? We can get something light to eat before heading to the gym if you want.”

“Sure….” Duncan got himself transferred into the car, and once Todd wrangled his chair, they were off. Everything seemed to take so much longer than it used to, but Duncan was getting accustomed to it. In fact, he found he minded it less and less and simply planned for it now.

His excitement lasted until they rolled into the parking space at the Panera.

“Is that…?”

Duncan groaned. “Yeah. It’s Michael and Corrina.” They were just hurrying out of the restaurant, Corrina in black pants and a white shirt, like some sort of uniform, and Michael in street clothes. Duncan slid down in the seat and hoped they didn’t see him. “I don’t want to deal with them today.”

Todd put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking space. “We’ll go somewhere else.” He pulled away, and Duncan relaxed. “Where would you like to go?”

“I think we can just head to the gym. I’ll be fine.”

Todd nodded and drove to the health club. After filling out forms, they headed to the locker room. Todd stood guard in a way while Duncan changed, trying to give him some privacy, and then he quickly got into his gym clothes and they headed to the floor.

Their workout didn’t last too long since this was Duncan’s first time back, but he felt at ease and smiled as he worked his arms and shoulders.

“Feel good?” Todd asked as he sat nearby.

“Yeah. It feels normal.” Duncan finished his set and reached for heavier weights.

“Take it easy. You don’t want to be too sore to move. This is your first time back. Getting moving is good, unable to lift your arms, probably not.” Todd put his weights away. “How about cleaning up and then we can go eat?” He grinned and patted his rumbling belly.

“Sounds good to me.”

Duncan put the weights back and rolled into the locker room. Todd took a quick shower while Duncan cleaned up at a restroom sink. They had a handicapped shower, but Duncan passed on getting his chair wet. They dressed and headed out, stomachs growling in harmony.

“Pasta?” Todd asked. “I thought we could go to Pasta Tree.”

“We don’t need to go anywhere expensive,” Duncan said. He knew they both needed to watch their money. Duncan was just trying to figure a way out of his financial mess, and Todd was an impoverished athlete with enough debt to choke a horse. “There’s Baker’s Kitchen in Whitefish Bay. They have good food, and it’s affordable.”

Todd took the exit, and Duncan handed him the handicapped parking card, so they were able to find a parking spot.

Inside, the restaurant was packed, and Duncan was barely able to get through the door. He turned to Todd, wishing he had made a different choice.

“May I help you?”

“Two,” Duncan said, musing on how they were going to be able to accommodate him in the older, rather narrow space. “Maybe we should find somewhere else,” he said to Todd, and tried to turn around, even as more people started crowding into the confined space, which seemed smaller and smaller by the second.

“Are you okay?” Todd asked, and Duncan shook his head.

“Why don’t you come this way?” the hostess said and cleared a path for them. “I have a table for two right here.” She took away the chair so Duncan could roll right up, and Todd slipped around to sit on the banquette against the wall. Then she poured them two glasses of water, smiled, and went back to her station.

Duncan tried to calm himself, wondering where that near panic had come from.

“I’m all right.” Duncan drank most of a glass of water, pausing to take deep breaths. “The walls seemed to close in around me for a while.” He tried not to let his mind go back to the accident and how the ice and snow had encircled him when he’d been thrown from the track.

“Do you want to go?” Todd asked, but Duncan shook his head. He didn’t want to be a problem for anyone.

“No.” His vision was returning to normal and so was his breathing. The skin on the back of his neck had stopped tingling, and he was cooling down as well. It wasn’t the restaurant, just him not being able to see around the crowd. He had never given it any thought before, but now that he sat when everyone else stood, he easily lost sight of the rest of the world in a sea of people, and that left him jittery. “I’m okay now.” He leaned over the table. “All I could see were strangers. No faces—just legs, butts, and crotches.”

Todd reached for his hand. “You know I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“I know that, but it doesn’t matter. My reaction wasn’t completely rational.” He took a deep breath. Memories of the accident pulled at him again, but he refused to let them take hold, though that took some effort.

“Is this about the accident? You don’t have to talk about it if you aren’t ready.”

Duncan shook his head. “The therapist at the hospital told me I might have unexpected reactions, especially at times when I wasn’t prepared. She said that it was okay to talk about it.” He played with his napkin for a moment, twisting it in his fingers. “When they found me, I was surrounded by ice and snow. I remember opening my eyes, not being able to move, and being surrounded by people. They think I might have started to panic before I was rescued. I don’t remember all of it, but the therapist told me that part of my mind might.” He shivered. It was frightening sometimes not to have all the answers regarding his own head.

“I’m glad you told me.” Todd squeezed Duncan’s hand as a slightly frazzled-looking server hurried to their table.

“I’m Mandy, and I’ll be taking care of you. Do you know what you want to drink?”

“I’ll have a diet soda and the chicken potpie,” Duncan said. Todd ordered the same, and Mandy hurried away. “They are slammed.”

“And shorthanded, by the look of it.” Todd glanced around a little more, and Duncan followed his gaze. Servers hurried between the tables as customers waiting at the door were seated. It was near pandemonium, and Duncan started to wonder when they were actually going to receive their orders.

“Next time, you pick the restaurant,” Duncan told Todd, and instantly felt the blood rush from his face as Corrina came out of the kitchen, carrying a tray of food. She set the tray on a stand, spoke to the server, and went back to the kitchen. “Is it ever going to be possible not to run into her?” Duncan’s appetite flew out the window, and he would have asked to leave, but Corrina came back out of the kitchen and spotted him. There was nowhere he could go, so he braced himself for whatever came next.

“Having dinner?” she asked, her smile slipping from her lips, especially as she turned her gaze to Todd. “Is this the person you replaced me with?”

“Corrina….” Duncan had to try to make her understand, but that wasn’t going to happen now. This was not the place for an argument, and thankfully one of the servers patted Corrina on the shoulder and she had to hurry away.

“She didn’t remember me,” Todd said, surprised.

“I think she’s living in her own little world right now, and reality has very little to do with it.” Duncan frowned. Corrina had been a good friend once, but she seemed so diminished, and the vibrant person he had known was a long way from the bitter, hurt person he saw now. “I wonder what happened to her? There had to be something. She’s so different.”

Todd shook his head. “I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t remember hearing anything. But then, you know how it is. We train as much of the year as possible, and that takes every spare minute we have and some we don’t, so a lot of the time I don’t know what’s going on.”

Duncan nodded as a dark wave of loss washed over him. God, he remembered those times so damned well. The exhaustion, the stress on credit cards to try to pay for the training, the coaching, travel, food—all of it. The excitement that came after a good run, dissecting them all to learn everything possible from each and every time down the track, then traveling to different tracks so he could get as much experience as possible. He really missed it all.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make you feel bad.” Todd squeezed his hand, pulling Duncan out of his thoughts. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“No. You talk about whatever you want to. I’m never going to be able to do things like that again, and I’m the one who has to come to grips with it.”

The server brought their drinks and hurried away. She was definitely hopping.

“I can wish things were the way they used to be, but it’s over. Sometimes I think telling myself that is a way to make sure it actually happens. I swear, if you could put me on a sled today, I’d still have the muscle memory, even after everything.”

“Of course you would. And I’m willing to bet that your brain would tell your feet to get into position and to keep your legs straight and to point your toes, even if you aren’t able to do it. Those pathways are still there—they don’t go away overnight. After all, it took long enough for us to make them.”

“Yeah….”

“So use them,” Todd said.

Duncan blinked in confusion. “How am I supposed to…?”

“In your commercial. Use those pathways. Those high-speed, rapid decision-making highways in your head—redirect them and use them for your work. I love your marketing idea for the shops, and I think Trevor will too. So keep going. Take all that energy and adrenaline and channel it into your new work. I have faith that you can do anything you put your mind to.”

Duncan chuckled. “It’s not my mind I’m worried about.”

Their server brought their meals and asked if they needed anything else. Then she hurried away and returned almost immediately to refill their glasses. The restaurant was still packed, with people continuing to wait, though the faces were different.

“I wonder what’s going on. I’ve seen this place busy, but rarely this busy, especially on a Wednesday.”

“Don’t know. I sort of picked it because it’s a staple kind of place.” Duncan tasted his dish and tucked in, finding he was hungry, really hungry. He also wanted to change the subject. “When do you begin training again?”

“I am in a way already. You know how it is—watching what we eat and hitting the gym on a regular basis. I’m supposed to fly to Norway in late August because they have a run that will be ready for use then. The whole team is going, and we’ll train there for a few weeks before returning to the States.”

Duncan understood those trips. The athletes had to pay for most of the expenses involved with them, though some of it the teams managed to get the committee to help with.

“Then when the snow flies here, I’ll go up to Lake Placid to train on the runs there… and Salt Lake City. I’ll work in between as best I can.” Todd set down his spoon. “I honestly don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. The Games are years away, and by that time, I’ll be drowning in debt and unable to dig my way out.”

The dream—one they all had of standing on that podium while the flag lifted into the air and “The Star-Spangled Banner” played for the entire world to hear. Duncan had imagined himself on that pedestal so many times, and he knew Todd was doing the same thing. It was the dream… the “golden ring” moment that they all worked toward. But the realities of getting there were only partly due to athletic ability.

“We have to help you with that.”

“How? Trevor may want to use me in his commercials, but I can’t ask him to pay me a whole big bunch of money to do them. Sure, it will be fun, but I have so much credit card debt already. I managed to pay some of it down, but that’s only temporary.” Todd picked up his spoon again. “The fact is that if I’m lucky, I have one more year that I can do this…. Maybe I’ll make it to the Olympics if I decide to mortgage the rest of my financial life.”

“I’m working on it,” Duncan said, and instantly regretted it because other than the marketing plan for the shop, he hadn’t thought about other opportunities, but now he had committed himself. “Give me a little time to try to come up with some ideas.” There had to be a way to help Todd realize his dream. And that would mean he would have a part in it, rather than just sitting on the outside.