Chapter 15
Kate
I watched him sleeping next to me. I could hardly believe I was intertwined in layers of the softest sheets I’d ever experienced next to the most enthralling man I’d ever experienced. I took deep breaths of the scents all around me. Sex lingered in the air, but mostly his scent stood out. The smell I’d come to love. Spicy and sweet, all at the same time.
He was on his stomach, with his arm around me. His eyes were closed, his mouth open. It was adorable and I couldn’t help but think about how the evening had begun.
No matter how hard the day had been — it’d ended here.
Us together, asleep in bed.
Unfortunately, though, I didn’t stay asleep long. Maybe a couple of hours.
I lay there, thinking about all that was still left. Ian didn’t know that I was aware Ben had put him up to breaking up with me. I was still mad about it, but it was hard to stay mad at Ian. I knew how persuasive Ben was. And as much as it hurt knowing I came in second place in the moment he’d made the decision to choose his company over me, in reality, I knew that we’d basically just met.
I considered that Ian was doing as much as he could to make his father’s company successful; the way John Cross had built it to be. And I didn’t blame him for that.
But I did blame Ben. I blamed Ben a shit load.
I was sick of my family. I was sick of their deceit. Their two-facedness. I was tired of their meddling, and more importantly, I was tired of them pretending like I was some idiot that couldn’t make my own decisions.
I felt like I had finally found something real. With Ian. Maybe that was naive. I’m sure my dad would think so. I’m sure my entire family would actually taunt me about it. But there was something absolute about having him — his body — next to me.. And when he leaned in and whispered in my ear, I felt like I was almost flying.
I knew that it was something I didn’t want to be without. Not ever. I wasn’t sure if I truly loved the man, but I loved the feeling he gave me. It was one I could only hope would last a lifetime. Maybe it wouldn’t. Who knew? But I was damn sure going to find out. And I wasn’t about to let my family take that decision away from me.
It should always have been my decision.
I brushed my fingers along the edge of his cheek and smiled. My choice was to forgive him, to see where all of this might lead.
His eyelids fluttered a bit, causing the same reaction in my stomach. I was breathing heavily and my heart felt like it was about ready to pound out of my chest by the time those gorgeous eyes of his opened completely.
In fact, I had to close my own for a moment, breaking contact, just so that I could regain my composure. I wasn’t sure why, but when looking into his eyes, I felt something so strong that it scared me.
For the first time I felt like there was something real to hold on to.
Within seconds, he’d thrown his cover off and rolled on top of me.
“What is it?” he asked, a wide smile curved on his lips.
I shivered. The eyes were back and they were right there. There was no looking away this time. I was trapped by them.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” he poked, giggling. “And why don’t you want to look at me!”
He reminded me of a five-year-old boy on Christmas morning, bouncing excitedly on top of his parents. He placed a kiss on the tip of my nose.
“I’m just thinking you, weirdo,” I laughed, pushing him off of me somewhat.
“About…?”
“Everything.”
He nodded, more serious, and rolled some of his weight off to one side. His shoulders and chest still remained on top of me. His eyes still gazed into mine.
“We can talk about it after you rest for a little longer…” he urged, as though knowing what I was thinking about — my family, us, my crazy strong feelings — was actually pretty intense.
I nodded and buried my head further into the pillow, reveling in the feeling of his hands running over my body. I didn’t want to tell him what it did to me. Mostly out of embarrassment, but also because part of me was terrified of what I felt. I didn’t know how to explain that.
His arms tightened around me. The warmth of his skin against mine felt so good that all the fear almost fell away instantly. I was being ridiculous; I was being naïve. But when I was wrapped in his arms, I felt as safe as I ever had, it didn’t seem like anything bad could happen when he was holding me.
And that’s when I knew that I really had done the right thing; that forgiving him was the answer. I joked about it earlier after sex, but I knew now that I was actually telling the truth. This was what happiness felt like. This was what safety felt like. This was what being cared for felt like.
He pulled me closer and whispered in my ear, “You’re so beautiful.”
And that's exactly how he made me feel. Beautiful. I smiled and turned my head towards him more, making sure to slide my arms around his neck, getting even closer. He rubbed my back tenderly, and I felt even more secure than before. I couldn’t describe why. But I did. I felt protected, and security like that was something I’d never known before.
I rested my head against his shoulder, completely in a full-blown hug at this point and nestled into the crook of his neck. His smell was impeccable. Masculine, strong, but also sweet. It was a smell I’d never take for granted. A smell that was all over the penthouse; all over his pillow. It was a smell I could more than get used to. One I honestly never wanted to be without.
We stayed in a strong, yet tender, embrace for a while longer — up until the point he pulled back a little and whispered, “How are you?”
Truth was, I was fantastic.
More than fantastic.
I wanted to say, “Absolutely terrible,” just to have him hold me even closer, if that was possible. But I nodded with a reassuring smile, instead. I didn’t want to lie. I didn’t want to take advantage. Besides, I was sure he would have comforted me for as long as I wanted him to.
His lips curved in a smile so gorgeous that it almost made me swoon. I couldn’t get over how damned handsome he was — especially now that I wasn’t mad at him anymore.
“I kind of want to lay here all day with you,” he blurted, and as soon as the words left his mouth, I watched as his beautifully fair cheeks reddened with a fiery blush. I wanted to laugh. It was too cute for words; and it also made me feel giddier than I’d probably ever felt before. To know that he wanted to hold on to me, just as badly as I wanted him to hold onto me. It was incredible.
“I’m a little cold,” I sighed, nuzzling closer to him.
“You want an extra blanket?” he whispered.
I did, but I didn’t want to say anything about wanting him to go get me one. Instead I snuggled in closer to him. “I don’t want you to get up,” I pouted. Normally I wasn’t that type of girl, but in all honesty, I really wanted to test it out.
He smiled and it wasn’t a full second later, in a gentlemanly fashion that I was never quite positive Ian actually possessed, he got off the bed and walked over to a black leather chair, in the corner of the room to retriever a navy blue blanket, that had been tossed haphazardly over the back of it.
I was bombarded with rushing emotions at how sweet that really was. As he grabbed the blanked and turned to make his way back over to the bed, I scooted over a bit so he could easily get back on the bed, and as soon as I did, I noticed just how much colder it was away from that spot we’d been laying in. I immediately missed the area of warmth our body-heat had made.
So as soon as I felt the bed shift with his weight, I curled back up to him, reveling in his, and the sheets warmth. He laughed deep down in his chest and flung the blanket over the two of us, and snuggled even closer to me, wrapping an arm around me for extra warmth.
“Better?” he asked, his breath hot and toasty against my ear. I smiled. It was. It was a lot better, actually.
I turned away from him, letting him spoon me and hold me in his arms. He grabbed a hold of my hand with the arm that was draped over me, and spread his fingers out slightly so that they were interlaced with mine. He buried his face in my hair and with his hot breath rolling down my back, I sighed contently. I felt safe. Warm. Comfortable. We remained that way until he fell asleep. I knew he was asleep by the fact that his breathing slowed, and intensified in volume, and the fact that his arm grew limp around me. It was no longer holding, and more-so just draped over me.
I laid awake relishing in the feeling of him so close to me.
I was even turned on all over again.
It was crazy, really, how many emotions he could make me feel at one time. I wasn’t sure it was possible to feel any more alive than I felt when I was with him.
“Ian?” I whispered.
“Hmmm?” he hummed against my ear. It tickled. In a very good way. Such a good way that I closed my eyes, instinctively, and shuddered.
“Thanks you.” I wasn’t really sure what I was thanking him for. I knew he would ask, but I really didn’t even know. I suppose I was thankful for a lot of things, but ultimately, I was just thankful that he was there with me, holding me close.
“For what?” he asked, predictably.
“For bringing me that blanket,” I said, laughing, snuggling close in the blanket.
He laughed and pulled me into his chest again. “You’re welcome, but trust me, I’m going to need it back.”
My mouth fell open and my head turned to look at him as much as I could. “What?” I screamed in a whisper. “I don’t get to keep this?”
“Are you kidding?” he laughed. “That’s cashmere!”
My eyes widened for a second as I pulled the blanket to my cheek.
“No wonder it’s so soft,” I mused. Yeah, no wonder. It was probably only thousands of dollars.
“So you don’t get to keep it and you understand?” he asked. “Good!”
“No. I’m keeping it.” I was stern. Playful, but stern. “It’s too comfortable to let you have it. Plus it was lonely in that chair. At least with me, I’ll keep it company.”
He chuckled. “I really like having you here,” he whispered, gently caressing my side, tickling me.
“I really like being here,” I admitted, and sadly, I let the emotions from earlier show a bit more than expected and almost choked on my words.
He rubbed my back, giving me some relief, and whispered a gentle sush in my ear. I knew he wasn’t shushing me out of malice. I knew that he wasn’t telling me to be quiet. He was trying to coo me into relaxation.
He sat up, his brows twisting in a sad understanding. “Just try to relax. There will be plenty of time to talk later if you want to wait.”
I looked up at him, and nodded.
I knew he could see the hurt. I couldn’t pretend — no matter how good I felt at that moment — that he hadn’t hurt me. He had. And that the entire experience hadn’t hurt me — because it definitely had.
I wasn’t mad at him though; nor was I upset with him. I was upset about how it was handled; and my family. I was upset that even though I was so perfectly happy at that moment my family wouldn’t be.
I knew they would bring up valid points. I knew he had chosen his father’s company over me, and that my dad would likely bring up John Cross and how he chose his company over everything and how the apple-didn’t-fall-far-from-the-tree or some shit like that.
I didn’t care about any of that.
I just cared that they would see me happy — so very and completely happy — and still not be happy for me.
“You know—”
“I think—”
We both started to speak at the exact same time and then laughed, both hushing immediately before he looked at me longingly, “You go ahead,” he said. “I’d rather hear what you have to say first, anyway.”
I smiled. “I know that Ben wanted you to stop seeing me. Ben and my father, and I know that Ben offered you a deal.”
“How do you know?” he asked, shame in his undertone.
“Well, I know my family, first of all. And, second of all, he told me.”
“Why aren’t you mad at me?” he asked, the brim of his eyes starting to fill with what looked like tears.
“I was. And I’m sure I’ll still have some questions to help me understand your reasons better, but they put you in a tough position. I’m not even sure what I’d have done myself. I’m angrier with Ben now. Not you. It’s not the first time he’s meddled into my personal life, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.”
Ian pulled me closer and pressed his lips to the top of my shoulder. Silence overcame us once again.