Chapter 16
Ian
My eyes were heavy as I sat at my desk, staring at my laptop. The screensaver had been on a loop for probably a good five minutes or so, but I couldn’t even begin to force myself to hit a key and make it go away.
I was lost in my own thoughts, and I couldn’t shake them.
Today had already been a fucking nightmare. Way worse than the usual nightmare. I buried my face in my hands. I was overwhelmed, but saying that I was overwhelmed was the understatement of the fucking century. It was still morning and I was already beyond exhausted.
The early morning meeting with MTS’s legal team had been a total shit show. It was always a shit show, but today, it had been even more awful than usual. The lawsuit wasn’t going well. Apparently, the attorneys on BioResearch’s team — including my cold-hearted, crazy ex-girlfriend—claimed to have some sort of evidence that the blood imaging technology had actually been theirs all along. Our case was faltering.
As much as I hated to doubt him — especially considering he wasn’t around to defend himself — I was starting to wonder if Dad had told me the entire truth. In all honesty, I was starting to wonder if my father did, in fact, do the deed himself and then create a lawsuit out of it just to pick and prod at his much-disliked business rival and competitor. Was it possible that he could, and that he would lead me and the entire company into a pile of horse shit this large — all for nothing other than to be an asshole?
It really didn’t matter either way. If there was evidence, there was evidence, and I was fucked.
“How the fuck am I going to get out of this,” I groaned, as I pressed my palms into my cheeks.
Sleep would be so fantastic right now. Forget everything else going on. Finally get some rest. But I had to keep going; I had to keep on working.
Plus, I’d just made a lunch date with the beautiful Kate.
I wondered if it was too late to back out of the lawsuit like the Murphys had asked me to do over and over again. I wasn’t sure if I would, though, even if I could. I wasn’t sure my pride would let me. Besides, I wasn’t completely sure this meltdown of mine wasn’t what the attorneys wanted. The whole thing could just be a fucking scare tactic to get me to drop the case.
I wondered why they were being sympathetic and wanting me to drop this suit. Surely they didn’t care about saving my ass.
My mind was jumbled and I kept trying to focus, but my thoughts kept drifting back to Kate. She was the only thing lately that seemed to make me feel normal. I could relax around Kate, and feel like myself. To Kate, I wasn’t just a cog in a great big machine—to Kate, I was Ian again. Not a CEO, not some tight ass business man in a lawsuit. Ian. The past year it had been like I’d forgotten myself and who I was. Kate was bringing me back.
Seeing her gorgeous face had been the highlight of everything as of late, and I was beyond excited at the prospect of seeing her since I’d missed out on seeing her at Starbucks this morning. But damn, I was tired. I didn’t want to be a crappy lunch companion, but I couldn’t resist the chance at spending more time with her.
I grabbed my pen and started writing out checklists for the day. I always preferred to do it on paper instead of on my phone. It was so much more satisfying to check the shit off on paper rather than on a digital screen. Plus, it was nice to do something on paper for a change. Everything in my life was digital. Even my meeting planner was digital. I was surprised that my freaking secretary, Janice, wasn’t digital.
I needed to prepare for the major meetings of the day. I needed to know what the topics were. I needed to know what points I needed to hit, and what questions I needed to ask. I needed to be the boss.
I didn’t think I could do this. I was seriously contemplating just getting my rat of a Vice President to stand in for me. But that wouldn’t fly. I damn well would need a better excuse than a whiney ass cry of “I’m so tired, I need to go to bed.”
But in all honesty, I didn’t have a better excuse.
A knock on my door pulled me out of my self-pity fest. Janice stood hesitantly in the doorway, looking like she’d rather be anywhere else. I couldn’t really blame her for that.
I tossed my pen to the side and stood, buttoning my suit jacket as I did. A small glimmer of light drew my attention to the laptop screen and I noticed my reflection there. I stood up straight and slicked my hair down with my hands.
“Yes?”
Janice usually didn’t come in unless someone was there to see me — or someone was on the phone. But since I didn’t see a call on hold when I glanced down at my desk’s phone, I figured someone was there to see me.
So I was up, and I was ready. “Sorry to barge in, Ian.” She glanced to the side, no longer looking at me.
“Yes?” I took a couple of steps closer. But she still wasn’t looking at me — she was still looking to the side, right at the ground. She was avoiding eye contact. “Janice,” I said carefully. “Is something wrong?”
Whenever it was something only mildly annoying, she smiled like a blazing idiot, almost like she was trying to trick me into thinking it was a good thing. A fake smile to end all fake smiles. But this time, she was looking away, cowering almost. Almost like she was afraid, or ashamed maybe.
She looked exactly like a dog that had just torn into the trash, and I was her owner that had just come home from a long day of work to find it scattered all over the fucking floor.
“Amelia Markewicz is here for you,” she squeaked. She knew exactly what Amelia being there would do to me. She knew it’d cause an ulcer the size of Wyoming. She knew I’d be annoyed. She knew I’d even be a little pissed.
But rather than show my anger to Janice, who had no part in the psycho’s presence, I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. “No,” I said simply. “Just no. Tell her to please leave.”
Janice nodded before she backed out of the office. She hated confrontation, but there was no way in hell I could handle dealing with Amelia after the morning I’d just had. I unbuttoned my suit jacket and sat back down. I took a deep breath and tapped the keyboard of my computer. I really needed to chill out and focus.
Because fuck, as soon as I found out that Amelia was in my building expecting to see me, I realized just how lucky I’d had it a few minutes ago. I’d much rather prep for meetings than so much as look at that woman’s face for even a second.
I grabbed my computer roughly by its sides and pulled it closer to me, and began working at my notes. Just a little while longer, and it would be lunch time. I could see Kate. I’d be able to touch her hand, maybe even kiss her in greeting. We could talk, learn more about each other.
I groaned as soon I felt warmth fill my cheeks. I was acting like a high schooler with a crush. I buried my face in my hands again.
“Damn it, Ian,” I scolded. “Get ahold of yourself.”
I rubbed my face roughly. But damn it all, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Her lips…her perfect…fucking…lips.
They were soft, just like I had imagined they’d be. But much sweeter. Much, much sweeter—and full. That kiss had been the perfect end to a perfect lunch date.
I rolled my chair back to its original place. I placed my hands on the keyboard and started typing. I wasn’t sure what the hell I was writing, but I had to do some kind of work.
But fuck, I couldn’t stop thinking about Kate’s lips. I could see them, almost, if I closed my eyes….
My mind flooded with thoughts of her lips in slow motion, glistening perfectly in the light. They were seductive as they blew at me, kissed at me, and then all I could do was imagine them back on mine, where I felt like they belonged.
I wanted to catch her bottom lip just between my own, nip it with my teeth and part it from her top lip with my tongue. I wanted to explore her mouth with every fiber in my being, and press her against the nearest wall or surface that I could find.
I wanted to feel our bodies forming together — close and desperate. I wanted to fumble with her clothes, and feel impatient as she fumbled with mine.
“Fuck!” I shouted, slamming my hand against the desk.
I needed to gain some sort of fucking control. I had to get my shit together.
* * * * *
The coffee tingled against my lips as I continued to suck it down gulp by gulp.
It was a miracle I hadn’t had a heart attack with all the caffeine I’d been ingesting lately. But every now and again I’d feel that familiar heaviness pull at my eyelids, and my focus would start to shift. I’d feel my body grow soft and pliable, and I knew that I was about to fall asleep.
If it hadn’t been for coffee, I’d be willing to bet that Janice would have found me passed out at my desk every single day for the past six months. And if I was passed out every day, then the business would crash and burn.
Although a part of me really didn’t mind the idea of the business crumbling around me sometimes, that wasn’t what I really wanted. My dad had worked too damn hard — hell, I’d worked too damn hard — to lose the company now. So, in my mind, because coffee kept me awake, it kept my business alive.
I set the mug down on the mahogany desk’s surface, not even bothering with a coaster. I was in the zone as my eyes darted across the screen of my computer. My hands continued to work like I was a machine. I was finally getting work done. I didn’t even realize how long my fingers had had been pecking against the keyboard. As the words appeared on the screen in front of me, I started to wonder how I got so good at writing out bullshit.
I had somehow gone from going over contracts and paperwork, to writing out emails to the board and even to the CEO of an affiliate company. I felt accomplished. I almost felt proud. No matter how much shit I seemed to have trekked through that morning, I was still able to get some work done.
I smirked and checked the clock on my computer screen. Shit. I was going to be late if I didn’t leave soon. I immediately slammed my laptop shut and smiled. It was finally time to pack up.
It was time to see the woman I couldn’t get out of my mind if I tried.
I slid my computer gently to the side and started gathering my things. Just the essentials. Wallet and keys. And a whole lot of nothing else. I was leaving everything where it was — with the exception of my overcoat. It was still damn cold outside.
With my stuff in hand, I pivoted on my heel and grabbed my overcoat off the back of my chair and slung it over my arm. My desk’s wooden surface began vibrating.
I glanced over, only to see Kate’s name come up on my phone screen. Sadly, I still didn’t have a picture loaded in her contact info.
I swiped to answer and smiled just before pulling the phone up to my ear.
“Hey!” I shouted with more enthusiasm than I intended. I sounded almost too eager. “Where do you want to have lunch? I’m leaving my office now.”
“I’m calling to tell you I can’t come,” she said quickly.
Her tone was different, and I couldn’t place it. Disappointment? Panic? I wished I knew her better, so I could figure it out easier. My breath caught in my throat, and I felt my stomach jolt.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“I just got a call from Claire’s school.” Her words were quick, panicked, and choked as if she was holding back tears. “She hurt herself.”
I knew by her tone that she didn’t mean that her sister had just gotten herself into some sort of crazy accident. She meant that Claire hurt herself…on purpose.
“Oh, god,” I said. “Is she okay?”
I remembered Kate telling me about Claire the other day, that Claire was usually a huge topic of interest between her and their dad, that she played a big role in their many fights. I remembered that she was important to Kate. Really important.
Knowing that Kate had chosen to teach kids like her troubled sister was enough for anyone to know how important Claire really was to her. Kate must be absolutely freaking out.
“Kate,” I said, “where is she? Where’s Claire, and where are you?” I focused only on Kate’s voice, and not on the several people that littered the halls. I listened intently as I raced down the hall toward the elevator.
“She’s in the emergency room at Mount Sinai,” she said, and it sounded like she was running. Her words were shaky, and her breathing uneven.
“Can I do anything to help?” I was worried and my volume was a lot louder than I had intended. I felt a lot more worried than I had ever been for anyone — let alone a person I had only known for a few days. But I’d do anything for Kate.
“No, I’m getting my dad to come down,” she said. “I don’t think it’s too serious…at least, I hope not. I just always panic when Claire’s involved.”
I heard sounds of the street whirling around her in the background. I knew that she was likely trying to hail a cab.
“Let me come and get you,” I said, quickly, not even thinking about how illogical it was. Even though I didn’t know exactly where she lived, I knew the neighborhood. Our last lunch was near her place. And what she hadn’t known was that it was also near mine.
I was clear across town from that area.
“No, no,” she breathed out, the sounds of running no longer there. “I just thought she was over this kind of behavior.”
“She’s done it before?” I asked, leaning against the wall next to the elevator.
“Yeah, it’s something she used to do quite a bit…but that was before she started seeing a therapist and changed schools.”
“I’m so sorry this is happening,” I said.
“It shouldn’t be. She’s in a good school now.” She sounded almost distant and in disbelief. “Which is why this is such a huge setback for her.”
I felt terrible. All I could do was swallow and try to ease my mouth of the dryness that had taken over. I had no idea what to say, no idea what to do. Kate sounded destroyed.
I was mad at Claire for doing this to Kate, but no matter how much I didn’t want to, I also felt bad for Claire. I had no idea what it was like to feel the need to hurt myself, to be so depressed I believed that hurting myself was really what I needed.
I punched the button on the elevator again, willing it to hurry up. I breathed out heavily, my shoulders feeling suddenly weighed down.
“I really need to go, Ian,” Kate said, her voice still hurried. “My cab is here. I’m sorry about lunch.”
“No,” I said. “Don’t be sorry about that!”
I couldn’t have possibly given less of a shit about lunch. I was worried about her. I was worried about her sister. I wasn’t worried about a damn sandwich.
“Keep me informed,” I started to say, but she hung up before I could finish.
I stared at the empty elevator in front of me, the doors open, waiting. But there was nothing I could do.
“Fuck,” I growled. I just wanted her to be okay. I wanted both of them to be okay.
I hated not knowing what was going on. I hated feeling helpless.
I sighed and walked back to my office. It was no use rushing off to help Kate like some knight in shining armor. She had her cab to get to the hospital, and her sister was probably fine, she’d said. I should get work done here while I waited for news. I doubted I’d get anything else done for the rest of the day, though. I wasn’t just worried about Claire—I was worried about Kate. I wondered if she was as all right as she said she was.
Because she definitely didn’t sound all right.