~E~

Hot. Smoldering. Absolute fire. That kiss. That's the only way I can describe it. I keep replaying the scene in my head. Actually, the whole night. Disaster lurked in every corner.

The warm breeze brushes over my face as I turn my head towards the sun. Fresh air during lunch never gets old. I managed to avoid Knox all day yesterday and this morning so far, but I know it's only a matter of time.

All I can think about is that kiss. How intense it was, or he was. Until, we were ripped apart. Shock continues to run through me over my sister's actions. She stooped lower than I ever thought she would. Spying on me not only once, but twice? Creating me a dating profile I had no idea about! What other tricks are up her sleeve?

I haven't spoken to either my mom or Melissa. They've left me countless messages and emails. I can't bring myself to answer yet. I'm not sure what to say; I'm still making sense of it all.

My mind keeps going back to the kiss, clouding my judgement. Our connection is surprising, shocking even. Unlike anything I've ever had before.

Too bad Knox is out of the question. He breaks the rules; therefore, my mother will never accept him. I wish I understood her motives. Why she makes it her soul mission in life to preach these rules; and make sure I'm following them.

I finish my sandwich and get up to brush the crumbs off me. Eating without making a mess is not my strong suit. I throw away my trash and check the time on my phone. Thirty minutes until my next patient arrives.

Stretching out under the picnic table, I prop my feet on the opposite side and scroll through my email, reading and deleting. A company email response from Knox hides at the bottom of my inbox and I curse myself for not seeing it sooner.

Not that it matters. But, I like to be in the know at work. I click it open and read his short reply. His face fills my vision and I picture his mouth on mine.. his hands roaming my body...

I shake off the image. Enough fantasizing. He's off limits. But, something is there; I long for him despite the rules. It's as if they drift away when he's around.

I rein myself in and open an important email to distract myself. My eyes skim over the contents; my brain not registering a word. I close it, unable to focus. Curt's name catches my eye, a new email from him glaring at me. The subject reads, Date this Weekend?

I groan and ignore it. I scroll farther down, skimming the remaining emails. Our date from last weekend couldn't have gone worse. Not only was he a jerk, but he was an ignorant one. With him not understanding my profession, there was no way we would ever work out.

Besides, we barely spoke and we lack a connection. I'm surprised he asked me for a second date. My mother and sister put him up to it. I'll bet money on it.

"Emma?"

My eyes fly open; Knox's handsome face smiles down at me. Shit! So much for avoiding him.

"OK if I join you?" Knox asks, as he takes a seat across from me.

"Sure." I move my feet as I sit up straighter. Brushing my hair away from my face, my cheeks flame red as our kiss pops back into my head.

"How's your day going?"

"Not bad. Enjoying some quiet time between patients. The weather is beautiful today."

"It is, much like the woman sitting in front of me." He grins and my face grows hotter.

My heart beats fast and I fidget with my hands, my nerves getting the better of me.

Might as well tell him we will never be a thing. I doubt he wants me anyway, after seeing how crazy my family can be.

"Listen, Knox..." I halt as he holds his hand up.

"Emma, you don't have to say anything about the other night. I know how families can be; always meddling in your business. My sisters can be the same way."

"Really? As bad as mine?"

He chuckles. "Well, maybe not quite as far as spying on me, but my two older sisters, Bella and Lynn, love to gossip and be nosy. Thankfully, my younger sister, Jane, doesn't."

"Wow, three sisters? How many siblings do you have?"

"Four in total. I have a younger brother, Ethan too."

"Damn, your mom must've had her hands full, huh?"

He nods. "There was never a dull moment in our house, that's for sure."

"I can't imagine. It's only my older sister and me. That's plenty."

Knox rubs his hand along his jaw as his eyes hold mine. My gaze falls to his lips. Those lips that touched mine mere days ago.

"But, about the another night..." He begins just as our coworker, Melinda, walks up.

"Hey, Em and Knox!" Melinda says, as she hovers next to the picnic table. "Business going okay, Knox?"

"I'm getting there. Slowly but surely." Knox says, his gaze never leaving my face.

My gut screams at me to run. He's going to talk about the kiss. I need to get out of here and fast.

I stand and swing my legs out of the picnic table. "Melinda, nice to see you. I've got to get back before my next appointment. See you both around."

Melinda smiles as she takes my seat across from Knox. A ping of jealousy runs through me, hot and fast. I wave and jet to the door. I feel Knox's eyes boring a hole in my back but I don't turn. I hear Melinda's loud laughter.

I rush back to my office and close the door behind me. What in the hell happened back there? Feeling jealous over a guy I can't have? I doubt Melinda would do anything; she knows work boundaries.

I take a few deep breaths as I pace in front of my desk. My emotions are all over the place. I help my patients with this, why can't I help myself?

Knox stirs something inside of me; it's unlike anything else. The rules state he's wrong for me. There's no other way around it. I need to forget the kiss. Forget the attraction. Forget it all. Focus on finding someone who fits inside the rules.

The phone on my desk rings. "Yes?" I answer.

"Emma?" Faye's voice calls down the line. "It's your patient, Connie. She says it's an emergency."

"Okay, put her through please. Please ring me when my one o'clock appointment shows."

"Sure thing." Faye says before clicking off. The call comes through and I pick up before it can ring again.

"Hi, Connie. It's Emma."

Sobs break free over the line and my heart clenches. "He came back."

My stomach twists. "Who came back?"

"Dan." Connie whispers.

"When?" I ask. Dan is Connie's ex-husband. Abusive ex-husband in fact. Not only did her dad abuse her, her ex-husband was worse.

"Last night. He demanded to come in, barged the door down. I had to call the police."

"Smart choice. He's out of jail already?"

"Apparently, he got out yesterday and came straight to my house. Even with the restraining order still in place." Connie cries. "I'm so scared, Emma. What if he comes back again? The police said he violated his parole and will serve time for it, but he's roaming the streets as we speak. He's going to show up here, I know it. He's pissed off that I wouldn't let him in and he has nowhere to stay. What do I do?" She's rambling, a clear sign of distress.

"First, take a deep breath. I want you to pack a bag and go to your mom's until this settles down."

"I can't go there! The house is already too full with my brother and his entire family living there."

"Then get a hotel room. Just get out of that house."

Silence takes over the line and I wonder if she's still there. "Connie?"

"Yeah. I guess I'll go stay at a motel a few towns over."

"Yes, do that. And don't let anyone else know where you're going, besides your parents. No need getting the information leaked somehow."

"Okay, Emma, thank you." Connie whispers. "I'll see you Thursday."

"Take care, Connie. Remember to breathe."

The line goes dead and my mind floods with panic. All I can do is hope the police do their job and keep Dan away from her.

* * *

"Keep up the good work, Anne." I lead my patient out as she waves goodbye. Another long day over; my bed is calling my name.

I pack up my files and straighten up my desk. My stomach growls. Leftover Chinese from last night sits in my fridge and I hurry out to my car, my mouth watering at the thought.

The car beeps when I hit the fob to unlock the doors. I slide in, tossing my bags next to me. I turn the key over and the engine roars to life. The sleek black Honda Civic is my baby. A present to myself after my business started.

The ride home is quick, less than ten minutes. Momentarily blinded, my driveway fills with bright light from the motion sensor. I spot my mother's car and my stomach sinks. What is she doing here?

I park my car next to hers and look over to see my mother and sister waving at me, their fake smiles plastered on like paint. Here we go, I'll never hear the end of my date with Curt.

The car door opens and I hop out, pulling my bags with me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see them exit their car. "Emma!" My mother calls.

She hurries towards me, Melissa hot on her heels.

"I wasn't expecting to see you tonight." I walk to the door of my small Cape; a cute and cozy New England style home I purchased a couple of years ago. I love its charm, the appeal pulled me in as soon as I had walked through the door.

"You won't answer our calls or messages, Emma." My mother says sternly.

The door unlocks and I kick it open with my foot. The living room fills with soft light when I hit the switch. My bags fall to the floor with a thud. "I've had a few busy days. Where's dad tonight? Go bug him."

My father makes himself scarce more and more these days. Their marriage has been through the ringer, as my mom doesn't make things easy. Sure, my dad follows all her house rules, but her nagging and bad attitude is tiresome. And I can imagine after several years, he'd want to throw in the towel. She's too much, when is she going to realize that?

They follow me into the kitchen, helping themselves to a seat at my kitchen table. The house features a big eat in kitchen with a breakfast bar along the far right wall, complete with bar stools. My table sits on the adjacent wall, with the rest of the kitchen filled with cabinets and counter space. The fridge is nestled in along with my stove and dishwasher. It's big and functional, decorated in warm golds and hues of blue, matching the light oak colored cabinets.

I fill the kettle with water under the faucet before I set it on the stove.

"Tea anyone?" I ask. My Chinese leftovers will have to wait.

"Please." My mother answers and Melissa agrees. I pull out three mugs from the cabinet, the tea bags sitting beside them.

I lean against the counter, my arms crossing in front of me. Honestly, I'm not in the mood for their shenanigans tonight. The air thickens; tension fills the room.

"When are you seeing Curt next?" Melissa asks, breaking the silence.

I narrow my eyes at her. She's infuriating. "I don't know."

The kettle whistles and I turn the heat off. Steam billows from the top as I pour the boiling water into the mugs. I breathe in the sweet smell of the lavender chamomile tea.

"You guys didn't set something up?" Melissa's fake kind voice washes over me and I cringe. I bite my lip in an attempt not to roll my eyes. Placing their mugs in front of them, I grab mine and sit down.

I blow on my tea before taking a tentative sip. "No. I don't think I will be either."

"What? Why not?" My mother snaps. Disappointment flashes all over her face and I look away. You can't force love; why does she need to get upset over it?

I shrug. "There was no connection, no spark."

"What have I always told you, Em? There isn't necessarily going to be a spark in the beginning. Instant love doesn't exist. You know this. You have to nurture love for it to grow."

"I know, Mom. But, he didn't take my profession seriously and that's a big problem."

"He's old-fashioned is all. Mental health treatment has only been accepted lately; before, it was shunned."

"We warned you not to become a shrink, sis. You refused to listen to us." Melissa rolls her eyes. When will they ever get it? When will they ever accept me?

"I enjoy helping people. I won't stop because neither of you approve. A man I want to be with needs to love me for me and everything about me. Career and all."

Melissa snorts and I clench my mug, my fingers twisting around it. "What's funny? It's sad to me you don't have a career. Tell me, what'll you do when this marriage ends?"

"Who said my marriage is ending? I do have a career by the way. My marriage and my children are my life, my mission, my sole job, along with my charitable organizations."

Ladies luncheons at the country club are now charitable organizations? Her far-fetched bullshit doesn't fool me. Her two young children are spoiled rotten and usually with the nanny. "Are you guys only here to check up on me? Quite frankly, I'm still pissed off at both of you. Spying on me is ridiculous, a new low for both of you. And, a dating site profile?" My mother looks at my sister, both of them guilty as hell.

"What, Mom? Did you not think your partner in crime here wouldn't blow your secret?" I shake my head as I sip my tea. It better work its magic soon, before I lose my patience. They need to butt out of my life. I can follow the rules on my own.

Both of them watch me in silence. "You two need to stop meddling in my life. I can follow the rules on my own."

"Are you sure about that?" My mother says. "You've broken them before."

I clench my hands around my mug, my fingers gripping together. "College doesn't count. I was having fun."

Melissa rolls her eyes and snorts. I have the sudden urge to slap her but I control myself. Breathe Emma, breathe. In and out.

"Em, honey," My mom says as she pulls my fingers off my mug. Patting my hands, I try to relax as I focus on her face. "We're more concerned about this Knox fellow. He's clouding your judgement. He hasn't even taken you out on a date but kisses you in public? Melissa told me she had to use the jaws of life to get him off you. It concerns me."

I pull away and stand abruptly, my leg hitting the table causing tea to splash over the side of my mug. It's late and I've had enough. "There's nothing to be concerned about."

"Yeah, that's not what your lips were saying the other night." Melissa stands, coming to stand in front of me. I take a step back and she takes another step closer. Why does she always feel the need to get in my face?

I pull myself taller, meeting her eye to eye. "Stay out of my fucking business."

"No. Who says I have to?"

"Me. It's my life. I'll figure shit out on my own."

Our mother is suddenly standing there and while I hope she'll tell Melissa to back off, of course she doesn't. "Emma, we're only doing this because we care about you. We want to see you happy, with a family and children."

My eyes flick to hers and back to Melissa. "If you two don't back off, I'm breaking those rules. I'll go out with Knox and whoever the hell else I want to."

Melissa's eyes narrow and she moves closer.

My mom gasps. "No, you won't, young lady. You do not disobey me, no matter how old you are."

"Just try us, Emma. You'll be sorry. Think we spy now? Think again."

My emotions burst forth, the dam breaking. I've held back for so long. I've kept quiet and done what they both have said. I'm tired of it.

"Get out. Both of you."

They both glance at each other, a look of shock crossing their faces.

"Don't you dare talk to us that way." My mother says as I turn away. I move to the front door. I open it wide and stand back. I've never kicked them out before and they both look at me, paralyzed—in shock.

"I'm done visiting with you two. I have work to do and an early morning."

Melissa throws her hands in the air. She storms towards me, huffing and puffing, before she comes to a stop in front of me. She pushes a finger into my chest, her nostrils flaring. "Mark my words. I'll never forget this. Kicking us out like we're dogs. You're such a bitch." She looks over her shoulder. "Let's go, Mom. Let her live her pathetic life. She'll come crawling back to us one day."

My mom walks over to us and stares at me. "I'm disappointed in you, Emma. You know better than this. That man. He's poison. Look what's happening already, and he barely has scratched the surface. You'll be sorry."

She turns and they both walk out. I slam the door shut, the walls reverberating from the forceful sound. Tears slip down my cheeks as I stand there, staring at the door, wishing for a normal family.

* * *

A few hours and several patients' charts later, I curl up in bed, in hopes sleep welcomes me. But after a few moments, I find myself staring at the ceiling, my mother's voice playing in my head. All of her rules run on repeat in my brain, like a hamster in a spinning wheel. I wish I understood her better. Why does it matter how much money the guy makes, or his education status? The rules also don't allow me to date any man that's not Christian or white. He can't be divorced or a parent.

As my mind rakes these rules back and forth in my brain, the doubts creep in. I've kept my word in following them. I've believed in them, believed they had to be followed explicitly or I wouldn't find my true match. But the older I get, the more I realize how plain shallow the rules are. They are judgmental, and honestly, racist. Love shouldn't have rules. It shouldn't have boundaries.

You should be able to love whomever you want. Aren't rules made to be broken? What could possibly happen that would be so bad if these rules were to be broken? My mother and sister won't speak to me, but if it costs me my happiness, should I not care? Should I wait for them to accept me and whomever I choose to date?

My track record with these rules isn't great. All of the men I've been with so far besides one fit the criteria, so why have none of them worked out? Why didn't my sister's first marriage work out?

Granted, Melissa's first husband cheated on her and my high school sweetheart cheated on me. According to my mother, we should forgive and forget. Move along. But, that's not something I can do when it comes to infidelity. Melissa fought with her long and hard when Henry kept cheating on her. It got to the point where Melissa was alone for days at a time and my mother finally agreed she should throw in the towel.

Besides my high school boyfriend, I've had a couple of relationships that lasted a while, maybe six months to a year, but nothing has ever stuck. And, the one that broke the rules threw my world into such a tailspin, I never saw it coming. Brant was his name and I'll never forget his dark hair, his sexy body... my eyes shoot open. Just like Knox... fuck, fuck, fuck... I have to resist.

I turn to my side, curling my body around one of my pillows. My eyes drift closed as my mind races with memories of my dates gone bad...

"What did you say you did again, Emma?" I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. My mother set me up on a blind date with this man, who she claimed was perfect for me, but I didn't see it. He was big and goofy-looking in a kind of cute way, if it wasn't for the dribble of spit that kept collecting at the side of his mouth. Fucking help me, throw me a bone here, someone please.

"I'm studying to get my masters in psychology, while getting my hours in at a community mental health center. Eventually, I want to join a private practice or even open my own." I sipped on my wine as I watched Ed noisily swallow an oyster. Nausea rolled through me at the thought of that slimy snot-like food, and the way Ed seemed to be enjoying every second. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and grinned at me, a piece of green parsley stuck in between his front teeth. I cringed.

"Right. Interesting." He scooped up a large oyster, bringing it to his mouth.

"You're a drug rep, right? I remember my mother mentioning a big company—Drugs RI, Inc., is it?" I looked away as he swallowed another oyster, the fish running down his throat as his Adam's apple bobbed. I bit back the urge to gag.

"Yep, that's it. How do our mothers know each other again?"

"They've been friends for a while. The church support group is where they met."

Ed picked up another oyster. I groaned inwardly. "Ah, that support group is all my mother talks about. I went once and didn't see the appeal." He smiled, a sleazy smile that shot off warning bells in my head.

"Umm, Ed?" I lifted my hand, gesturing to his mouth. "You... you have something in your teeth."

He blushed deep red, his hand flying over his mouth. "Oh... oh... oh no. I'll be back." He stood and rushed to the bathroom, leaving so fast, I swore I saw dust kick up behind him.

He didn't need to leave; I hadn't meant to embarrass him. I hated when something was in my teeth and no one told me. I grabbed my phone, wanting to make my call of help before he got back. I smiled when I saw the texts from Sarah. She'd met Ed before at a work function and she didn't want to discourage me so she told me to give it a shot. Now she was blowing up my phone... Isn't that funny? I tapped her cute face, my phone speed dialing her number. She answered on the first ring, laughter spilling over the line. "How's it going?"

"You know exactly how it's going, don't you?" I jokingly sneered into the phone. I could never stay mad at Sarah, even though right now I wanted to kick her.

"I didn't want to not tell you to go! Hell, you may even have liked him for all I know. Everyone has different tastes. Besides, you seemed excited to have a date; I didn't want to burst your bubble." Sarah giggled into the phone a moment later, unable to stop herself. "He's awful, isn't he?" She whispered, her laughter becoming contagious.

"Yes, umm, more like gross! If I have to watch him swallow one more disgusting oyster and then wipe his mouth with his hand, I'm going to hurl. Doesn't he know women are not attracted to men who eat like a two-year-old?"

Sarah's laughter continued. Finally, she managed to choke out, "Plan B it girl, plan B it."

"You owe me, bitch, you owe me." I murmured into the phone hurriedly as I saw Ed approaching. I clicked off to the sound of her still in hysterics and laid the phone down on the table.

Ed sat down with a thud, his head looking sweaty. "Sorry about that. Now, where were we?"

"Umm, I... I actually have to go, Ed. I'm sorry, something came up." Heat rushed to my cheeks. Lying was never my strong suit. I noticed Ed's face drop, and my belly twirled.

He nodded and stood. I guess that's my cue to leave. "Can I see you again, Emma?"

Uhh, shit. How did I say this? "You have my number. Have a good night, Ed." I waved and sprinted to the door without looking back. The cool air hit my face and relief washed over me.

Poor guy. He was nice, he passed my mother's rules, all of them I gathered, but I couldn't stand how he ate.

I arrived at my car a few moments later, the door unlocking as I tapped the key fob. Once inside, I started the engine and called my mom.

"Hey, Em, you're done with your date already?"

"Yes, Mom, I'm sorry to say but I had to cut that one short."

My mother gasped. "Why? What happened? Ed is such a nice fellow. So respectable, hard-working..."

I cut her off, already having heard her reasons Ed would make a great husband a hundred times this past week. "Mom, I'm sorry, but I'm not attracted to him."

"Emma!" Her voice was scolding now, as if I were in trouble, "You haven't even given him a chance!"

I sighed, resting my head on the steering wheel as I thought of another way to explain this to her without her mentioning those rules of hers. Which I knew was coming any second now. "I know when I'm attracted to someone and I wasn't attracted to Ed. I have to feel something towards the person in order to go on another date. What would be the point otherwise?"

"Emma, how many times do I have to tell you that attraction grows? It isn't something that is there instantly. You want that instant gratification, but that isn't what a marriage type of relationship is about. You learn to grow to love each other. I've told you, there is no such thing as insta-love. Long lasting love is based on trust, loyalty, communication, and hard work. Dedication to each other. Plus, you don't work with him and as long as you don't sleep with him too soon, you're golden."

I snorted at the thought of sleeping with him. Really? I had no desire to kiss him, never mind see his penis. My stomach rolled at the thought of the wet kiss he'd give me.

"Emma? Emma Russe, why aren't you believing me?"

"Because mother, I have followed these rules for years now. Years. And they've gotten me nowhere. I'm sick of these damned rules."

"You won't find a husband unless you stick to this. It isn't easy. But you need a quality man to take care of you and raise a family with."

"I know, Mom, I know." We said our goodbyes and hung up. I pulled out of the parking lot, heading back to my house, alone and sad. Dating didn't work for me. I wasn't sure it ever would.