~E~

I've decided I need to know. I need to know why these damned rules are so fucking important.

I spent the rest of my Saturday night dwelling on what she said. I'm hurt and angry.

This morning, I'll confront her and demand answers.

I wait until lunch time before I make my way to my childhood home.

When I pull in, only my mother's car is here and I wonder where my father is.

Parking my car behind hers, I get out and walk to the house as I gather my courage.

The door opens before I reach it.

"Come to apologize?" My mother sneers, her arms folded across her chest.

"No." I brush by her without an invitation to come in. She'll follow me.

And, follow me she does. I stand in front of the couch in the living room, the same one from when I was a child. I cross my arms and wait for her to face me.

"I want to know why these rules are so damned important."

My mom's face darkens, a pained looking crossing her expression. "Emma," she says, her voice stern, "I've told you that doesn't matter."

I've asked her before. Countless times. She always says it doesn't matter.

Every time, I let it go. Not this time. I need to know why she is so persistent about them. It's only fair... if she wants me to follow these rules. She's quite passionate about it so there has to be a reason why.

"It does matter, Mom. It does. I want to know why it's so important for me to follow these rules." I shift on my feet. It's like she's keeping a major secret from me. What is it?

My mom doesn't say anything. She stares at the floor.

Finally, she speaks, her eyes still downcast."Emma, please. Just drop it. It doesn't matter why. If you want true love, you will follow my rules."

I frown, narrowing my eyes at her. "Really, Mom? So, because it worked for you and dad, it should work for everyone? Tell me, why didn't it work for Melissa the first time? It should've weeded out her first husband, who was a lying, cheating asshole, but it didn't!" I pant as my anger spreads like hot fire through my veins. Fuck, she can be so stubborn!

"Emma, you will lower your voice now, do you understand me? Nothing in life is foolproof, Emma, nothing. But I can guarantee you, that if you don't follow the rules, you won't find a good, respectable man."

"I don't see how that's true. No one can fit into a perfect little box. Especially not when it comes to love. Love makes people do crazy things, make rash decisions, be wild—but that's what love is all about. The thrill of that craziness. Why have it be boring? Why have it be judgmental and condescending?"

"Because boring isn't painful." My mother snaps, her eyes now blazing at me.

"Painful? What are you talking about?"

Her stance changes, her arms dropping to her side. "I fell in love once..." She whispers, "He was a gorgeous, exotic man and our love was crazy, wild, and passionate. All those things you speak of..." Tears slip down her cheeks.

She continues in a hoarse whisper, "He left me, Emma. He left me in the middle of the night without telling me a thing. I was stranded in the middle of nowhere. I felt so stupid, so hopeless. I had moved across the country to be with him, dropping everything, and when he left me, he took the car we shared."

A stab of pain hits my chest but I push it away. She doesn't deserve my comfort.

"There were no cell phones back then, so I packed all of my things and took bus after bus to get back home. When I showed up, my parents were not happy. I'd married this man and he had disgraced our family. While, I tried to get back on my feet, my parents made me feel so guilty about what had happened. I swore I would never fall so deeply in love again, or make such stupid mistakes. I should've listened to those rules my mother always drilled me about."

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding as I process my mother's painful story.

I still feel I don't need to follow what she says; everyone is different. "Listen, Mom, it makes a lot more sense now and I'm sorry for all of that... but I still feel I should be able to date who I want..." I'm cut off before I can even finish, her hand stopping me from speaking.

"I was pregnant, too." My mom says in a whisper, the words tumbling out quickly.

"Wait, what?" I gasp, thoughts scrambling my brain.

Is Melissa not my full blood sister? What in the hell is she talking about?

"Melissa?" I blurt out, my panic getting the best of me.

My mother shakes her head. "I lost the baby, Em. So, no, it wasn't Melissa. The man's name was Clinton and he knew I was pregnant, but he still left anyway. I'd only been about eight weeks or so along. But unfortunately..." My mom trails off.

She lost the baby... just like me. No wonder she lashed out.

"The doctors said there was nothing I could've done differently, but I blamed myself. My grief, my heartache—they were consuming me. It was such a dark time for me..."

I contemplate these rules for what seems like the millionth time. Sadness creeps through me as I think about my mom's story, her sordid past. At the same time, it doesn't change the facts of how she treated me. She was wrong and she needs to know that. And, it certainly doesn't change how I feel.

"Emma, listen to me. Don't make the same mistakes I did. You've already lost a baby. Follow my rules so you can be happy."

I walk past my mother, my mind made up. When I get to the door, I stop and turn to face her. "Losing the baby wasn't my fault. And Knox isn't a bad man. Maybe one day when you stop looking through your judgmental lenses, you'll realize what happiness truly is."

I open the door and slam it behind me before I can hear another word.

Knox is who I want.

Who I love.

And, no one is going to tell me no.

~K~

"Oh, Knox. I wish you'd told me sooner." My mother envelops me in a warm hug. "How are you doing with it all?" She rubs my back before pulling away.

I just confessed everything to my mother while Jane sat beside me. Our father left on a business trip and Bella and Lynne are off on yet another business trip.

"I'm all right." I shrug.

I'm not all right. It's been a week and I still haven't heard from Emma.

I'm giving her the time and space she needs, even if it's killing me inside.

My mom squeezes my hand. "It'll take time hun, don't worry."

I nod and a silence falls over us.

My mom's face falls, her shoulders drawing in. A few lone tears slide down her cheek.

"What’s wrong?" Jane asks before I have a chance to. We both know our mother so well.

"I've decided it's time I share something with you two." My mother plays with her spoon in her coffee cup, searching for invisible cookie crumbs.

"Whatever it is, Mom, you know we're here for you." I smile as I sip my coffee.

"Bella and Lynn aren't your full blooded sisters."

"What?" My mouth drops open at the same time Jane's does.

My mother nods as her eyes shift between the two of us. "I was... I was with someone, someone abusive, before I met your father. He saved me from that relationship and when he did, I had no idea I'd been pregnant. Bella was only a year old and I was in such a bad state." She sips her coffee before continuing. "Your father adopted Bella and we hoped Lynne was his but I knew deep down she wasn't. When the paternity results came back and proved the truth, your father didn't flinch. He adopted Lynne and we moved on with our lives."

I pat my mother's hand, urging her to continue.

"Until a few years later, when the past reared its ugly head. Steve was his name and he tried to take Bella and Lynne from us. They were five and six now, and it confused the hell out of them. Your father became enraged and he went crazy, kicking the shit out of Steve." My mother's eyes flash to mine. Yep, two of a kind. The same anger as me.

"After that, Bella and Lynne were never the same."

My mind runs over my childhood and things click into place. Why Bella and Lynne were distant, as if they were part of another family.

It makes sense now.

My mother sniffles into her coffee cup.

"Oh, Mom, it's okay." Jane rubs her arm.

"Why did you tell us now?" I ask, my curiosity getting the better of me.

"After the way Bella and Lynne acted at dinner, I decided it was time you two know. Your father and I have gone to therapy and we've aired a lot of dirty laundry. It's all part of healing."

I stand and move around the table. Reaching down, I pull my mother in for a hug.

"Thanks, ma." I whisper as she squeezes me tight.

~E~

Halloween and Thanksgiving pass quietly. I spend most of my time with Sarah, Zeke, Abbie, and her new boyfriend, Cole.

They never make me feel like the fifth wheel, and though sometimes I do, I'm grateful for their friendship.

Work is the same. Knox and I avoid each other, though I heard rumors he's leaving. My stomach heaved when I eavesdropped on Faye discussing it with another coworker.

He's free to do what he wants, who am I to say anything?

Until one cold December day, a letter on my doorstep changes everything.

Em,

I hope you're doing okay.

I'm sure you've heard the rumors about me leaving the practice.

They’re true. I'm leaving.

But, I'm not going far. I'm opening my own practice down in Warwick.

It's a small, quiet building, away from the city, but still accessible.

There's only one problem.

It's missing something.

And, that something is you. Will you join me?

Come with me and open our own business together.

Sure, it's risky, but isn't life all about the risks?

Sarah called me—wait, don't kill her yet.

She told me how miserable you are and guess what?

I'm miserable too.

I want you, Emma. I want all of you. Crazy family or not. Stupid rules or not.

I've given you time and space. If you need more, it's fine.

I'll wait. I'll wait forever for you.

Because, what I've realized is that life is messy. Life is complicated, risky, and sometimes downright shitty. But, when you find that one person who makes it better, even if only by a sliver, you have to hold on.

Who knows when the chance will come again.

So, please, Emma. Come open this practice with me. Be with me.

We'll go as fast or as slow as you want.

I just want you.

Meet me at noon at 1060 Post Rd in Warwick on Saturday, the 10th.

I love you, Emma.

Knox

My heart soars in my chest, my pulse pounding through my ears.

I clutch the letter to my chest as I rush inside, my decision easy.

* * *

Saturday arrives in the blink of an eye. My GPS leads me to an empty office space, the outside scattered with a few dying plants.

I step out of my car and smooth down my knit dress before clutching my jacket around me.

Here goes nothing.

Before I reach the door, it swings open wide and there he stands.

He looks more handsome than the last time I saw him; his beard and hair trimmed. My eyes fall to his button down shirt worn loosely over tight dark blue jeans. I feel my insides clench, a sharp pang of desire washing over me.

My eyes crawl back up to his grinning face. He knows exactly what I was doing.

"Like what you see?" He winks and my knees go weak.

He reaches out and grabs my hand, pulling me inside. The door closes behind me and he pushes me against it, his hands snaking inside my jacket and wrapping around my waist. His lips find my neck and he inhales deeply, causing my insides to liquefy.

"Fuck, I've missed you." Knox groans as he nips my neck. His hard length rubs against me and I bite my lip to stifle my moan.

"Wait, wait." I whisper, as I push him back, my hands resting on his hard chest.

Knox searches my eyes. "I'm sorry." He whispers as he runs a hand down the side of my face. "I can't help it. It's been so long..."

I don't say anything as I bring my hand up to his face, my finger tracing his hard features. He leans into my touch and my eyes fall down to his lips.

It's been so long. Fuck talking.

I slam my lips against his and all else is forgotten.

Knox grabs my ass and lifts me easily, and my legs wrap around his waist.

Something carnal comes over me. I turn into a lust filled wild woman.

"Fuck me, Knox. Fuck me hard." I whisper in his ear, before licking the rim.

He growls and his hands find their way under my dress, pulling down my tights and panties in one quick sweep. When his hand slides inside my slick heat, I cry out. I'm not going to last long.

"Condom?" Knox whispers against my lips as he glides a finger inside.

My head falls back as I moan. I buck my hips against his.

"No." I groan and Knox pushes inside, filling me whole. I cry out as he stretches me, his hands gripping my ass tightly. "Fuck me, baby."

I thread my hands through his hair as I pull his mouth to mine.

He fucks me against the door until we both spiral into release together.

And, then he carries me to the floor, where he makes sweet love to me.

Our sweaty foreheads press together as we kiss, neither one of us having enough.

"I love you, Em."

"I love you, too, Knox."