~E~

Everyone knows. Everyone at work knows.

Knox and I arrived at work this morning, separately might I add, as we thought it'd be better to drive our own cars. Less fishy looking that way.

We were greeted with hushed whispers and strange looks as soon as we got inside.

This office isn't the type for gossip to fly around; professionalism is quite prevalent but it seems to have disappeared today.

I avoid any questions as I keep to myself and handle my patients.

I'm sitting at my desk working on patient charts when I hear a loud knock.

"Come in." I call.

Knox storms in, his fists clenched, his jaw tight. He has the same look he did when Max attacked me. I grip my desk as I watch him, my stomach sinking.

"Em, did you tell anyone anything?"

"No, I wouldn't risk that."

"Fuck." Knox mutters as he paces back and forth.

"What happened?" I ask. I brace myself for what he's about to say.

"I overheard people talking in the break room. There's talk of us together, of what happened over the weekend." Knox rubs his jaw as he continues to pace.

I'm anxious from watching him. People know? How do people know?

"Shit." I mumble.

"Yeah, you're telling me. I just started here. I can't have rumors spreading that I fraternize with coworkers and have crazy exes."

"I don't understand how people would even know anything about us. It's not as if we've been dating or anything..." I trail off as the conversation becomes awkward.

Fuck, this is not good. Not good at all.

I'm sure just as many rumors are spreading about me.

"I don't know, but this is not what I need right now. I have so much other shit I'm trying to deal with."

"I know, Knox." I say, as I stand and move towards him. He stops pacing as he stops short in front of me. I want to touch him, to bring him comfort.

I'm pissed too, but while we're still at work, we need to save face. We can't play into the rumors and gossip.

Unable to help myself, I take his hand and move in closer as I need to feel his arms around me. I need his strength, his comfort.

But, Knox pulls his hand away and takes a step backward.

"Em..." He begins, as he runs a hand down the side of his face and over his jaw. "Not here. Anyone could walk in at any moment."

I nod. He's right, we could easily be caught. But it still stings, all the same.

Knox checks the clock on the wall. "My next patient should be here. I'll come by after my last patient."

He moves by me on his way to the door but stops abruptly. He turns towards me as he studies my face, his brown eyes searching my own. He reaches out and cups my cheek with his hand and I lean in, savoring the feeling of his warm skin on mine.

He pulls away and he's out the door in a flash.

As if he'd never been there at all.

~K~

I can't do this.

I can't deal with all of these rumors.

I can't deal with the hushed whispers, the soft chatter, the funny looks.

This is my business. My reputation.

How in the hell did anyone find out?

I drop my head into my hands as I lean on my elbows on top of my desk.

It's all too much.

Court, Sharon, Emma, my brother, my practice.

All of it bears down on me, ready to break me at any moment.

Why did I go back to Emma? I gave in to my need for her without thinking of the ramifications.

It was selfish and needy. I should've stayed away.

Instead, we both took what we needed from each other.

The only problem is—I can't give her what she deserves.

I should cut things off. It's gone too far and I can't keep doing this.

With a heavy heart and shaking hands, I grab my phone and type out a text.

<I'm sorry, Em. I can't be who u need me to be. U deserve the best. And I'm not it. I still cherish u as a friend, pls don't ever forget that.>

I wait before hitting send. I gather my things and tidy up my office. After throwing my bag over my shoulder, I peek out into the hallway.

I take a deep breath and hit send. And, then I'm out of there before I can change my mind.

* * *

All night long, I toss and I turn. My mind races with thought after thought and I wish I could turn it off.

Emma never responded to my text message. I imagine her home by herself, scared of being alone.

I'm a jerk. I should've stayed with her, watched out for her. My mother would be so disappointed.

But, the more time I spent with Emma, the more I found myself slipping. Losing control, unable to help myself around her.

I close my eyes and pray sleep will come to me.

It never does, the darkness being my only comfort.

~E~

He did it again.

He drew me in, gave me hope, gave me amazing sex, and then ran. Again.

I didn't even answer him back. I called Sarah and burst into tears as soon as she answered.

I went straight to her house, thankful for my overnight bag being in my car instead of leaving it at Knox's.

I drowned my sorrows in cheap wine and ice cream as I cried, the tears spilling down my cheeks.

Sarah finally was able to peel me off of her couch and tuck me in her bed.

I'm being punished.

I broke the rules and have been let down twice by the same man.

I should've listened to my mother and followed the rules, and then I wouldn't have ended up like this.

A sobbing pathetic mess on Sarah's couch.

I'm never breaking those rules again.

~K~

I check my phone and see ten missed calls from my mom. What in the hell?

I shoot off a quick text to her before hopping in the shower. I'm out the door a half hour later, in need of coffee. Several texts have come through in the short span of me getting ready, both Jane and my mother, upset over Ethan.

Apparently, a phone call came through from the jail this morning, news of my brother getting beat up. He was taken to the hospital due to extensive internal bleeding and bruising. My mother is beside herself with worry and they refuse to let her know which hospital he's at. Something about paperwork not being completed in order to release information. I'll get to the bottom of it before the day is over.

All of my other problems are put on hold. My mother needs me right now and I promised her I'd be there for her.

Pulling into a local coffee shop, I ease into a parking spot and kill the engine. I scroll through the messages again, both my mother and Jane frantic with worry. A new message from Faye, the office receptionist pops up, and I click it open.

<Sorry, Knox. Your 8 am and 9 am patients cancelled. I rescheduled them.>

As I release a breath, a sense of relief and dread fills me. I'm happy to help my mom, but I'm afraid of what Ethan has gotten himself into. I text my mom that I'm grabbing coffees and I'll be over.

* * *

Arriving at my mom's twenty minutes later, I pull in behind Jane's car. I brace myself for the drama storm headed my way. The drinks are heavy and I hold the tray tightly, not wanting any to topple over.

The door bursts open before I have a chance to knock. "Knox!" My mother pulls me in for a tight hug. It's like she hasn't seen me in months, instead of days.

Jane comes up beside her, lifting the drink tray from my hands while my mom pushes me back, admiring my face. She pats my shoulders and then moves aside. I follow Jane into the kitchen as she places the drinks on the island.

The three of us slide onto bar stools, grabbing our drinks and a muffin from the freshly baked stack sitting in a basket on the counter.

"Start from the beginning." I say, looking at both of them.

My mother launches into her side of the story, how she got woken up by the phone call and how they refused to give any more details. We don't know how badly he's hurt or how the fight occurred. She wanted to call the hospital to get details, but they refused to give her any.

"This is absolute bullshit. He needs to get his shit together already." Jane says, her breath coming in spurts. She clenches her drink as if she's going to pop the lid off.

Our mom glances between us, her anxious eyes darting back and forth. It's a tough position for her to be in, put between her kids. Jane has no patience when it comes to Ethan. She's tired of his bull and wants Ma to stop enabling him.

On the other hand, she's not understanding mom's side enough. Ethan is her youngest child, her baby, and tough love is hard for her to give. It's not who she is. She's kind and caring; even if it gets her walked all over.

I try to stay neutral. Our father and our older sisters check themselves out, leaving Ma to panic and Jane to worry while getting pissed off at the situation. It's not easy and our family unit that once was solid tight, is now a loose knot, pieces beginning to unravel.

"Jane, relax, sis. Mom's trying to deal with not knowing exactly how Ethan is doing. She doesn't need to hear that."

Jane stands abruptly, her chair scraping the floor as it flies backwards. "I won't relax, Knox!" She paces the kitchen, her nervous habit coming out in full force as she kneads her fingers together. "This shit needs to stop! It's destroying Mom and it's destroying our family."

I reach out and cover my mom's hand with my own. I give her a squeeze, hoping to offer her some strength. She was always there for me when I was growing up, whether it be a bad day, or an embarrassing one, or even the great days—she'd be sitting at the kitchen island with a fresh plate of cookies and a glass of fresh milk.

A few tears slip down her cheek. I push the anger down, swallowing it whole. Seeing my mother hurting is beyond frustrating. But, there's no need for me getting pissed off, too.

"I know, but it's not easy. Ethan has to commit to getting well. It's an everyday battle and he's going to struggle like hell. He can do it. Many have. Getting pissed about it doesn't help." I say, hoping Jane listens.

Jane sits, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "This black cloud has been blanketing our family for a few years now. I want it over with. He needs tough love." She leans forward, pressing her hands on top of mom's. "Mom, listen to me. Please."

Our mom looks toward Jane as her face falls. Worry lines etch across her face, more developing as Ethan sinks deeper.

"I've seen shows on addiction. I've read about it. Tough love is usually the only type of love that works with addicts. They continue to go back to their loved ones, hoping they help. If they don't, they steal. We think it's better he comes to us instead of stealing, but then again we're enabling him."

Ma shakes her head as she processes everything Jane said. "So, then what? He steals?"

"Jane, addiction isn't that easy. It's not so cut and dry. What you've said is true, but life doesn't always work out the way it should. And, people struggle. As does the family."

Jane sighs. "He needs to take responsibility for his own actions. He goes to jail, like he did now, and gets himself clean. When he gets out, if he messes up again, then he's back in. Don't you think he'll eventually get tired of it? Who would want to stay in jail?"

"I understand what you're saying, Jane, but Ethan isn't thinking about staying in jail. He's only thinking about his next fix."

This is the first time Ethan is actually serving more than a couple of days behind bars. Usually he's out within a couple of days, and if he's not getting money off of one of us, he steals. He's pretty slick in his ways in that he doesn't get caught right away.

After a warrant was out for a week, he got caught. Now he has to serve time. The warrants, along with the big crime spree, has him staying in jail until he's sentenced. At least this time, he can become cleaner for a longer period of time.

Doesn't mean he will stay clean, but we can only hope.

"He needs to serve his time and then move into a sober home or addiction program. Or, maybe even offer a deal for a lesser sentence. Who is the contact person for him?" I look towards my mom. "I'll reach out to them. Maybe I can pull a few strings and find him a bed somewhere."

"Oh, that would be wonderful." My mom stands and grabs her purse off the counter. She fishes through the items, muttering to herself. "Ah ha, here it is." She pulls out a business card and comes over to hand it to me.

A probation officer is listed with office hours contact information. "I'll see what I can do."

Jane comes over and slides one arm around our mom and the other around me. "I'm sorry. Let's hope he finally gets the help he needs."