It’s crazy to think about how quickly everything has changed. It’s been three weeks since I showed up at Cole’s apartment unannounced. I didn’t know it then, but it turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

We have spent every weekend together since, and every time we part it gets harder and harder. It’s scary honestly, loving someone so much.

But that’s the thing with me and Cole, I’ve always loved him this much. He’s always been a part of me, my core, even when he wasn’t around. I think no matter what happens in life he always will be. We’re just connected that way.

I snuggle down into my coat as I make the less than five minute walk to the grill. It’s late February, but I swear the temperatures are colder now than they were in January which is usually our coldest month.

In hindsight, I probably should have just driven, but I was half way to Joan’s before the thought crossed my mind, and by that point I wasn’t going to turn around and walk back home.

It felt good visiting with Joan this morning. She seems better, happier. This foundation she’s gotten involved with has done wonders for her. I’m floored by her ability to put herself out there so quickly after losing her son. But that’s Joan. She’s not one to wallow.

I can still see his loss etched all over her face. The pain is still with her, I doubt it will ever go away. But she’s finding a way to manage, to get by, and she’s helping others in the process.

I had to cut our visit a little shorter than I would have liked to, considering this is the first time I’ve been to visit in almost three weeks. But when I got a call from Corrine begging me to meet her at the grill for lunch, I knew I had to go. I could tell in her voice something was up.

By the time I push my way through the front door of the near empty restaurant, I swear to God I’m half frozen. Locating Corrine at a booth along the back wall, I quickly make my way over to her, sliding into the seat across from her before shrugging out of my coat.

She gives me a warm smile, her cheeks still red from the cold.

“Hey. Sorry it took me so long. I got held up by Joan. You know she couldn’t let me leave without filling her in on what’s been going on with Cole, even though I tried to avoid it nearly the entire time I was there.” I shake my head.

“You know Joan, she’s like the meddling mother you never had.” Corrine’s comment might bother some people who’ve lost their mother, but considering mine was never the meddling type, I don’t take offense.

“Lord knows that’s the truth,” I agree.

“Better she’s occupied with your life than shutting herself off to the world, which is what we were afraid might happen after Michael.”

Even though I know he’s gone, every time I hear someone talk about him like that it still makes the back of my eyes burn with tears. I don’t think, even after everything, that I’ve fully processed he’s really never coming back.

“Agreed.” I push back the emotion and focus on Corrine. “So, what was so urgent that you wanted me to meet you? Everything okay with you?” I ask, the waitress appearing before Corrine has a chance to answer.

Already knowing what I want without even looking at the menu, I order a tea and grilled chicken salad, while Corrine orders a grilled cheese from the kids menu, which is so her.

As soon as the waitress is gone, I pin my eyes back on Corrine who is looking down at the glass of water in front of her.

“So, what’s up?” I press for more when she makes no attempt to answer my earlier question.

“I’m pregnant.” It leaves her mouth in a rush, and I swear my jaw practically hits the table.

“What? Oh my God! Are you really? Holy crap this is amazing. Does Kyle know? I didn’t even know you guys were trying? Wait, were you trying?” I ramble off so many questions she has no time to answer.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” I laugh, shaking my head. “Can you tell I’m excited?” I practically bounce in my seat.

“Um, we weren’t trying,” she says, seeming unsure about the whole thing. “Honestly, if I hadn’t had an annual checkup this week, it’s hard to say how long it would have been before I found out because it didn’t cross my mind in the least.”

“Wow.” I let out a slow breath, taking it all in. “Do you know how far along you are?”

“Nine weeks. I found out Monday and then went in today for an ultrasound to determine how far along. Since my periods are so sporadic and we always use a condom, I had no way of really tracking when it could have happened.”

“Nine weeks? Holy shit, Corrine—you’re pregnant!” I say, clearly way more excited than she is.

“I know, it’s crazy.” She shakes her head, a small smile finally forming on her lips.

The waitress reappears at our table, setting my tea in front of me. The moment she’s gone I continue.

“So, Kyle?” I ask.

“He knows.” She knots her hands together on the table.

“And?”

“He’s ecstatic.” She sighs.

“But you’re not?” I question.

“Honestly, I don’t know how to feel. I mean, I’ve always wanted kids, but I thought I’d be a little older, a little more financially stable.”

“You and Kyle do fine for yourselves. Besides, if anyone can make this work it’s you. You are the most flexible person in the world. This is just one more thing you’ll have to adapt to. And I bet when that baby starts growing and you feel him or her moving inside of you, you’re going to be so in love you won’t be able to imagine a time that being pregnant ever felt like something to be unsure of.”

“You think so?” she asks, voice soft.

“I know so.” I give her a reassuring smile. “Besides, aunty Mel will babysit anytime you need. I’m gonna spoil that little baby rotten.”

“Thank you, Melanie.” Corrine reaches across the table and pats the top of my hand. “This is why I called you; you always talk me down and make me see the good in every situation.”

“That’s what friends are for,” I remind her.

“Enough about me.” She swipes her hand through the air like she’s batting something away. “Tell me about you. How are things with Cole?”

“Incredible.” I can’t hide my smile. It’s impossible. Even the mention of his name makes me all giddy inside.

“Just look at you.” She sits back in the booth and crosses her arms over her chest. “You’re positively beaming.”

“God, I can’t help it, Corrine. He’s...”

“Everything you thought he would be?” she interjects.

“And more.” I laugh around the words. “So, so much more.”

“It’s been a long time coming for you two. I can’t imagine how that must feel, loving someone as long as you’ve loved Cole.”

“It’s surreal,” I admit. “Sometimes I look at him and swear that I have to be dreaming.”

“I’m so happy for you, Mel, truly.” She takes a drink of water. “Have you spoken to Nate at all?”

“Not since he left.” I shrug. “I still feel bad about everything, how easily I let him walk away after two years together.”

“You can’t help that you’re heart wasn’t truly in it. I’ve known for a very long time that you and Nate were never a forever thing. Besides, it’s not just about how easy you let him walk away; it’s also about how easily he left. He didn’t fight for you any more than you fought for him. That’s saying something.”

“I never thought about it that way before,” I admit.

“If Kyle tried to leave me, I would be that crazy bitch throwing myself onto his back and refusing to let him go anywhere.” She laughs at herself. “I would fight tooth and nail to keep him, screw pride. I love that man.”

“Yeah, Nate and I never shared that kind of love. There was no passion, no intensity. I mean, we got along really well and I really care about him, but it’s night and day from what I share with Cole.”

“And that’s how you know it’s worth fighting for.” She smiles.

We spend the rest of lunch going back and forth between her pregnancy and my current whirlwind of a life. By the end of our meal I feel lighter, like just saying how I feel out loud to someone else made the weight easier to bear.

What Cole makes me feel is unexplainable, like a tornado raging inside my body. I can’t control it. I can’t predict it. And to be honest, at times it’s more than a little overwhelming.

I walk Corrine home first. She only lives a couple minutes from the grill but given her newfound condition, I just feel better knowing for a fact that she made it home safely.

After saying our goodbyes, I head back toward my house, my mind trying to process everything I learned during lunch.

I can’t believe Kyle and Corrine are going to have a baby. I also can’t believe how much the knowledge of this has me thinking about having kids of my own, something I never really gave much thought to before Cole came back into my life.

I round the bend in the road where my house sits on the corner, and my heart picks up speed when I see Cole’s car in the driveway. He wasn’t supposed to be here until later this evening, and the knowledge that he’s here now has me sprinting the rest of the way to the house and quickly pushing my way inside.

The second the door slams shut behind me, Cole appears in the doorway of my kitchen, a huge smile on his face.

“There’s my number one girl,” he says, opening his arms seconds before I launch myself into his embrace.

Wrapping my legs around his waist, I hug him impossibly tight, not realizing until this very moment just how much I missed him. It’s been four days since I’ve felt his arms around me, which in my book is entirely too long.

“What are you doing here?” I pull back and press my lips to his before he can answer.

“Seems like someone’s happy I came early,” he murmurs against my mouth.

“You have no idea.” I pull back, cupping his cheeks.

“I actually think I might have a clue.” His words have me kissing him again.

“Let’s get you out of this coat.” He breaks the kiss just before we get to the point of no return, both of us breathless by the time our lips part.

Setting me to my feet, he helps me out of my coat, tossing it on the couch before flopping down on the loveseat. Grabbing my hand he pulls me down with him, cradling me in his lap.

“You’re so cold.” He vigorously rubs his hands up and down my arms.

“What time did you get here?” I ask.

“About twenty minutes ago.” He pushes my hair over my shoulder and kisses the side of my neck, his lips warm against my cool skin. “You know, you really shouldn’t leave your front door unlocked.” He pulls back to meet my gaze.

“I know everyone who lives here. I don’t feel like it’s necessary just to walk down the street.” I shrug like it’s no big deal.

“But it’s not always about the people who live here, Mel. Someone you don’t know could walk right into your house and then you could come home and not even know they’re here,” he warns.

“Look at you being all protective,” I tease. “I don’t think my mom ever locked our doors when I was a kid, and if I remember right neither did yours.”

“Times have changed though, Melanie.”

“Are you really that worried about it?” I ask, realizing how serious he’s taking this.

“I am. You are all that matters to me. If something happened to you—I can’t even think about it.” He shakes his head, a tremor running through his body.

“Hey.” I turn in his embrace, straddling his lap. “Nothing is going to happen to me,” I reassure him.

“I’ve waited so long to love you like this. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified that something is going to happen to take you away from me again.” The vulnerability in his eyes has me overcome with emotion.

“I know how you feel,” I whisper, taking his face in my hands. “I’ll lock my doors from now on,” I promise, laying a soft kiss to his mouth.

“Thank you.” He lets out a slow breath.

“So, I found out something pretty exciting today.” I drop my hands to his shoulders, loving the way his fingers trace the skin of my lower back. “Corrine’s pregnant,” I blurt excitedly. “She found out earlier this week. She’s still processing, but I guess Kyle is over the moon.”

“That’s, wow. It’s hard to think of Kyle being a father. I still envision him as the punk kid who always used to chase you around teasing you.”

“It was all in good fun. Besides, my mom always said he only messed with me because he had a crush on me.”

“Yeah, that’s my point,” he grinds out.

“Well, clearly he got over it. Corrine is a billion times prettier than me and she’s way sweeter, so I think he did okay for himself.”

“Why do you do that?” he asks, his eyebrows drawn together as he stares back at me.

“Do what?”

“Why do you always talk as if you’re so much less than everyone else?” There’s a hint of anger in his voice.

“I don’t know. I didn’t realize I did,” I answer only half truthfully.

“You’ve been that way since we were kids. Have you truly never seen what I see, what everyone sees, when they look at you?” he asks, his voice soft, questioning.

“I don’t know. What do you see?” My voice is so weak I’m not sure he even hears the question right away.

But then his gaze softens, and a small smile plays at his lips.

“I see a girl so beautiful I lose my breath every time I lay eyes on her. Someone who defines selflessness and will give up her last dollar and go without if it means someone else doesn’t have to. A girl who welcomed a little, scrawny kid to town with open arms and embraced everything about him on day one. Who stood behind him as he grew, loved him even through all his flaws, and forgave him at the drop of a hat for abandoning her when she needed him the most.” He pauses, cupping my cheek.

“A girl who held her family together after her mother’s death. Who gave up everything to make sure her brothers were given a chance at a good life. You sacrificed everything for them, the same way you always have, the same way you still do for the people you love.

“You’re fiercely loyal. Strong. Independent. And with just one smile you bring me to my knees. You are everything, Melanie Anderson. The stars and the moon. The sun and the sky. The very air I breathe. Don’t ever believe you’re anything less.”

By the time he stops, the tears building behind my eyes have begun to spill over.

I had no idea, not even a clue that this is the person he saw. A person I’m realizing now that I’ve never seen until maybe this very moment.

“You don’t see it because it comes so naturally,” he continues, wiping away my tears with the pads of his thumbs. “You don’t even notice you’re doing it. That’s one of many reasons why you stole my heart at ten-years-old and why it still belongs to you today.”

I can’t respond. I don’t think I could formulate a coherent thing to say even if I tried. So I do the only thing I know to do. I grab him by the face and kiss him hard.

I use my touch, my kiss to express everything I’m feeling because that’s the only way I know how to. There’s no way to tell him how happy he’s made me. How complete I finally feel after all these years of walking around with a gaping hole in my chest. A hole he put there all those years ago and one he’s filled ten times over since coming back into my life.

“I love you,” I speak against his mouth. “I’ve loved you over half my life.”

“I love you, too.” He kisses me deeper, my words seeming to undo the small knot holding him in place.

The next thing I know clothes are being torn off as fast as our fingers can move. His touch is rough yet gentle, his kisses demanding yet tender. He’s the perfect combination of hard and soft, and everything about him drives my body wild.

I’ve never wanted anyone the way I do Cole.

I’ve never felt complete abandon the way I do with him.

I’m not concerned with anything except his touch, his kiss, the way he feels buried deep inside me. It’s exactly where he belongs. It’s where he’s always belonged.

Being with Cole isn’t just a physical act, it’s downright spiritual. He consumes me, marks me, claims me as his. In doing so, he completes me.

Body, mind, soul and heart.

He is a part of me, he is everything.