Riley
For some reason, I was relieved about not having the night I expected with Ethan when I woke the next morning. He and Deza were already gone, which gave me time to pace the floor for a little while. I knew it would feel good, no more like great, to spend the night in his arms, to feel him owning every part of me, but I was scared.
Like fucked up scared.
I picked up the phone and called Charlotte. Jace would have been a better choice for the conversation at hand, but he'd turned mushy on me. There was no talking with him about Ethan.
"Hey. You okay? Having fun?" Charlotte sounded chipper.
Good. I need chipper.
"Yeah, I'm good. Just needed to hear your voice." I pressed my fingers to my forehead and continued to tear up the carpet in front of the window. "I just... Shit. I don't know."
"Uh oh. Did something happen?"
"Yes. No." I stopped and pulled the curtain back. The film crew was setting up, which meant I had very little time left before they would expect me downstairs. "Before I forget, are you free on Saturday?"
"Whoa. That was a change in direction." She chuckled. "But yes, I'm free. What are we doing?"
"Going with Liam and Ethan to their parents’ anniversary party. We're playing their girlfriends or fiancés. I'm not sure which."
"Oh. That's hot."
"I guess. Seems like another opportunity to fall deeper in love and be left to question everything around me."
"That bad?"
"Yes. Worse." I moved over to the bed and dropped down. "I want him so damn bad, Char. I want him in ways that would make you roll your eyes at me."
"Wait. This is coming from the girl who refused to drool with me over this man when he was on our TV while we were growing up?"
"Yes."
"The one that made fun of my obsession with him?"
"Yes."
"The one-"
"Hey. I fucking said yes. I'm in love with him. Like nuts in love. He wants sex, and I soooo want it too, but I think it's just going to be the last log on the fire. It's going to destroy me if I sleep with him and nothing comes out of it. If we have a few romps in the sheets and he goes back to whoring around with other women." I ran my fingers through my hair, hating the desperation in my voice. It was the chick flick the night before. That lovey dovey bullshit that the movies made you feel when you watched them. Like hope and fate really did have validity.
I had a romance hang over, and I was ready to hurl.
"Wow."
"Really? Wow?" I got up as my focus shifted to anger. "I should have called Jace."
"Don't get defensive. Just give me a minute. I'm taking it all in." She breathed in deeply and let it out. "All right, so you love him. Tell him."
I laughed. "What? No way."
"Yes. Even if you want to do it in a scene you're working on. Make it real and see how he reacts."
"No." I sat back down. "He did that to me yesterday and I fell for his shit only to have him tease me about it. We're actors. We can fake anything. So, is he faking this thing between us?"
"I don't think he would do that."
"You don't know him, Char. He's got a lot of shit going on that would make you cringe. It's hard not to cringe myself sometimes."
"Then ask him, Riley. He's a human too. He has a heart in his chest too. Stop believing everything you read and hear and go to the source. He's right in front of you. You have this grand opportunity to nip all that shit in the bud. Besides, what is the worst thing that could happen?"
He could love me too, but not be willing to do anything about it.
"I don't know." I pressed my thumbnail against my teeth and picked at them. "I don't think I can just come right out and ask how he feels about me."
"I think you already know how he feels. You're just lying to yourself about it because you're scared."
"Yeah... there is that too." I flopped back on the bed. "Why can't I just have a relationship with him like Jace and I had?"
"Because you're Jace, Ri. He's you. You're the one wanting so much more than you're asking for. If you bargain for a friends-with-benefits relationship, then that's what you'll get. So bargain for more."
"And if I'm scared to? He's Ethan Lewis, Char. This isn't some dude in my chemistry class or someone I met at the mall."
"I get that. I think about you all the time actually. I couldn't even breathe the first time I met him. I couldn't imagine having to be professional and work beside him all the time. All those love scenes." She lost the power behind her voice, and I was losing her to daydreams.
"Hey. Stay with me here. I gotta get going soon. I just needed someone to tell me to chill the hell out."
"Chill out. You're incredible. You know I believe in you, D believes in you, Jace does too. We all do. And whether you want to hear this or not... Ethan believes in you. There are no decisions that need to be made right this minute. Focus on your career, not your love life today, okay?"
I nodded and said my goodbyes with her. She was right. I was there to make a movie, not win over my co-star.
*
"Great job today, guys." Frank glanced around the circle with a huge smile on his face. We'll be working a little more in the morning and then heading back home.
I couldn't help but study Ethan as we all stood around together. He'd been on-point all day long, but now that the work day was over, I could almost sense him sliding into a depression. Had something happened with the pregnancy case today?
His beautiful smile faded, and his eyes lost their luster as Frank continued to talk through what we had left to do over the next few weeks. My heart ached for me to move across the group to him and wrap him in a tight hug, to promise to help him with anything he needed from me.
But he didn't need anything, did he?
I needed plenty from him, but it was unfair. He wanted lust and I was pushing for love. Maybe there was a way to meet him in the middle and dive into lust first with the hope that it would eventually turn the tide and become something amazing.
Or maybe I was delusional.
The group broke up, and Ethan winked at me before turning and walking toward the beach.
"Riley." Clayton moved up in front of me as I started to go after Ethan.
"Hey there." I gave him a warm smile. "Where have you been all day?"
"Catching some waves over in Ocean Beach. I love it down here. I'm going to eventually retire to this paradise."
"I love it too, but L.A. will always be home."
"Hey, you wanna grab something to eat and chat about our next steps in your training?"
"Yeah, sure. Let me catch up with Ethan for just a few minutes and then we can go."
"Let's meet up in an hour downstairs. That work? We can ride up to La Jolla for the evening. It's gorgeous up there when the sun sets."
"All right. I'll see you shortly." I moved around him and walked toward Ethan.
He sat at the edge of the water not too far from the group, his pants rolled up and knees bent. Every magazine in the world would have paid a pretty penny for a picture of the young billionaire looking like life was right, good.
"Mind if I interrupt your moment?" I stopped beside him.
"You are my moment, Riley."
How he left me feeling completely open and bared to him with a few words were beyond me. He squinted against the setting sun and gave me a slight grin.
"I'll take that as a yes." I sat down in the sand next to him and wrapped my arms around my knees, resting my cheek against them as I watched him.
"Today was great, right?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
"You mad at me for leaving last night?"
"No. Not at all." I reached out with my free hand and took his hand into mine. "What are you doing out here alone? What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing." He turned toward the ocean as another wave crashed on the shore in front of us. "Everything."
"Sounds... mysterious." I smiled as he chuckled and glanced back over toward me.
"What's going on with you and Jace, Ri? You still fucking him?"
"Why do you care?" I kept my tone light, not offended at all by the question.
"Because I want you in my bed, and I don't like sharing." He lifted our clasped hands to his mouth and brushed his lips over my knuckles slowly. "You understand that, right?"
"And who are you fucking?"
"No one. I'm all yours if you'll have me." He pressed his teeth into the side of my hand, sending chills running up my spine.
"And it's just sex?" Please say no.
"Absolutely." He turned back out to the water and pursed his lips. Did he want to say something more? Was he upset with me asking? I just needed to understand if his heart was involved. Apparently not, but could I win him over?
Did I want to? Fuck yes. So bad it hurt.
"I'm supposed to go to dinner with Clayton tonight to talk about my training. Come with us."
He snorted and released my hand. Wrong thing to say. I was getting notorious for that.
"No. You go ahead, but be on guard. Clayton is a snake and a half."
"What happened with you guys?"
"I told you some of it. He stole a part from underneath me." He shrugged and stood up, pulling his shirt over his head. "I'm going in."
"In the water?" I stood up and glanced down at my dress. I had a swimsuit underneath it, but there was no way I had time to jump through the waves with Ethan before going to dinner with Clay.
"No, baby. In you." He reached out and brushed the back of his fingers by my budded nipple. "Yes, in the water. Come with me."
I glanced back toward the film crew and tried to work through my indecision. Go with Ethan and possibly lose my heart or go with Clayton and become a stronger actress. Both seemed like an important part of my future.
"Let your heart lead you, Riley." Ethan turned and walked toward the water, tossing his phone and keys back toward the sand.
"My heart?" I turned back to watch him jumping through the waves like a small child. "Shit."
I was so far lost to him that I would have missed my appointment to get into heaven if he promised to be in hell. I pulled my dress over my head and jogged toward the water, laughing as the waves crashed into my legs and pulled me under.
Strong hands grabbed my arms and pulled me up. The beautiful man pulling me toward him was in almost every dream I'd had from the time I was a horny teenager.
"Thank you," I whispered and wrapped my arms around him. Lust. Love. Who the fuck cared which was playing with me. It felt too good to let fear or indecision break up the scene.
"For what?" He brushed my hair back and slid his other hand down to squeeze the top curve of my ass. "For teasing you into the water?"
"No. For taking a chance on me." I pulled back from him, tugging him into the deeper part of the water. "For giving me a shot at my dreams."
"I didn't do that Riley. You did that all on your own." He swam toward me and reached out, pulling me against him and turning me around. I fit perfectly flush against him, his chest to my back, his hips pressed against my rear. His hands filled by my breasts.
"Fuck me." I turned my head enough to see him.
"Anything you want."