Riley
"Okay, people! Let's run it one more time and then we're going to head back to the studio to meet up with Frank and Ethan." Daniel Barnes clapped his hands together and nodded toward the make-shift stage. "Marco and Vanessa. You're up first. Riley, be ready to enter into the scene at the right time, kiddo."
"Yes, Sir." I nodded at the extra director for Eon. Him and Frank rarely helped on the same movie, but we were a little behind schedule and Daniel owed Frank a favor or two.
Deza stood off to my right, her arms wrapped around her tightly. I couldn't talk to her. She'd lied to me. Made me believe that there was nothing between her and Ethan, but now their secret was out.
She gave me a weak smile, but I turned and walked toward the stage instead of acknowledging her at all. She had every chance in the book to explain herself. To tell me that it was a hoax, a mistake, hell... a something. Anything but what it looked like.
I watched the scene before me unfold and waited patiently until it was time for me to make my way to the side of the stage.
Deza's voice behind me surprised me. "Hey. You okay?"
I glanced over my shoulder and gave her an ugly look. "Do I look okay?"
"No. That's why I was asking. What's going on? You need something?"
"Yeah. You to fuck off." I turned and jogged up the stage, ignoring the sound of her gasping. As if she didn't know how badly she hurt me.
I moved through the scene in perfect form, the real me trapped behind the thickest mask I could muster. We stopped when Daniel yelled, 'cut' and took a minute to high-five one another. Deza was nowhere to be found.
Good. I didn't have anything else to say to her or Ethan. Clayton's words couldn't have run more true after seeing the video the day before. I'd been sick all night, contemplating calling Ethan or just going over to his place and giving him two fist-fulls of pain and suffering.
The fear of finding him there with Deza, the two of them wrapped around the other, left me releasing the contents of my stomach into the toilet.
Clayton knew. He didn't have proof, but he knew that something was going on with Ethan and Deza. Why else would he force me to protect myself by assessing the reality of someone loving or not loving me? The scene was set up to do just that. To teach me how to burn through the bullshit, whether I was the one speaking or acting, or if my sexy co-star had the lead.
I didn't need Ethan's bullshit words. I knew the truth.
And how close had I come to opening my chest and offering my heart the way I'd offered him my body. Bile rose in my throat and I swallowed it back down until Daniel was done with his assessment.
"Okay, kiddos. I think you're needed back at the main studio. Let's grab Clayton and head that way."
"Clayton's here?" I walked down the stage stairs and held back the torrent of tears that wanted to fall. Seeing Clayton almost felt like it might be too much. Had he lied too? I wasn't sure.
"Yeah. He's in the back working with Nikki. A new actress we'll have working on one of my films." Daniel smiled. "You did great."
"Thanks." I walked toward the back to look for him.
Luckily enough, he walked out of the room at the end of the hall and stopped. The girl behind him ran into him.
"Sorry, Clayton." She moved around him and smiled. "Oh, you must be Riley."
"Yeah. Nice to meet you." I extended my hand toward her as Clayton remained locked in place. He knew. Without a doubt. He knew.
"You too. I'll see you around." She gave me an unsure wave and walked off.
"You knew." I walked toward him as tears filled my eyes. "Why didn't you just fucking tell me?"
"Not my place to do that." He reached for me as I lifted my fists and hit him in the chest. "Riley."
"You knew. Is everyone around here a liar? No one cares enough about anyone to tell the truth?" I screamed in his face as my emotions broke me.
"Come here." He pulled me close and cuddled me to his chest. "Let it out. All of it. This life isn't what it seems like."
"Obviously." I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes, trying to center myself. "I can't do this. I'm in love with him."
"Then build your muscle." He released me and took my face into his hands. "Resist him and do what I've taught you to do."
"And what about you? Do you want me to resist you too? Were you bullshitting me the other day back at the studio?" The path my questioning was leading us down was dangerous. I respected Clay. I was in awe of him. I was in love with Ethan. In complete lust with him.
I hated myself for all of it. It was all a mistake.
"Yes. Resist me too, Riley. You have to." He leaned down and kissed me as someone cleared their throat in the background.
I jerked out of his hold and turned to find Deza standing a few feet from me. "I'm headed back to the studio if you need a ride."
"She doesn't," Clayton answered for me. "She's riding with me."
Deza nodded once and turned, walking back down the hall. I wasn't sure if I wanted to stop her. With the charade she and Ethan had been playing since day one, nothing really mattered anymore anyways.
"I love him. Not you." I glanced back at Clay and locked my jaw. I was the only truthful one in the bunch and it was time to start telling the truth.
His warm smile surprised me. "I know that, but neither of us deserve a woman like you. As long as he doesn't have you... I'm fine not having you either."
"Good. I'll meet you out front." I turned and walked back in the studio, not sure what to do or say to anyone. My heart was broken because of Ethan's choice to keep his relationship with Deza from me.
And yet... sadly enough, all I wanted to do was see him. To hear his side of the story. More than anything, I wanted to give him another chance to redeem himself. He needed a million of them where the world was concerned, but with me, he only needed one.
If he wasn't with Deza, and he honestly loved me, then I'd wipe his slate clean and support him in anything he needed me to.
But if he lied or didn't love me... We were done.
For good.
*
"I'm here if you need me." Clayton rubbed the top of my back as I walked into the main studio.
My lungs burned with the need for more oxygen, but I was having trouble remembering to breathe. Everything was about to change. I could feel it.
"Thank you," I whispered and made my way to where Ethan and Deza stood, arguing in each other's face. What was happening to us?
Too much pressure?
Too much drama?
We were only human, and humans cracked under too much of anything - good or bad.
"You could have fucking told me." Ethan pointed his finger in her face as she pushed it away.
He glanced over at me and let out a long sigh. "D. We're done with this shit. Get outta my face before I say some shit that is really going to hurt you."
"Fine." She turned around and moved past me without looking my way at all.
All the signs pointed to him lying to me.
"Why didn't you call?" He turned his dark eyes on me, and for a minute I wanted so badly to run to him. To pull him close and promise him the world if he would leave her and give me a chance. I was supposed to be his. I had no doubt. Not even a small one.
"You could have called too." I studied him and coached myself to breathe.
"You're right." He glanced toward the ground. "Did you see the video?"
"Yeah. Everyone in the world did." I crossed my arms over my chest.
Don't cry. Please, please, just don't cry.
"It wasn't true."
"It looked pretty true to me." I kept my voice steady. Mom was gone. Derick. Deza. Why not Ethan now?
"Don't believe what you see." He closed the distance between us. "Believe in me. For one goddamn time in my life. I need someone to believe in me."
I jerked as he reached out and pulled me tightly against him, where I belonged. "I want to, Ethan. I really do."
"Then do it." He brushed his nose by mine, his voice breaking and killing me in the process. "She kissed me to make Darren jealous. It was fucked up and it caught me off guard, but I didn't kiss her, and she doesn't have feelings for me. There's nothing between us."
"No?" I reached up and touched the side of his face. The pain in his eyes was enough to break me down.
"No, baby. I promise. I fucking swear."
"Why do you care what I think, Ethan? We're just friends-with-benefits, right?"
His expression darkened. "I care what you think because we are friends. I need you to know that I didn't do anything. I didn’t lie. Even though everything points to the opposite."
He had his chance to tell me that he loved me and he passed it up.
Maybe he didn't love me after all.
Assess, make the determination and act accordingly.