Ethan
"Wait. You're pissed because the hottest girl in Hollywood just wants your wood and nothing else?" Liam glanced up from making a holy hell mess with his cereal and laughed, drizzling some of it from his open mouth.
"Awww... Really? Shit." I got up to get more napkins. Having him sleep over after we had a few more beers with the girls and drove them home seemed like the right thing to do, but obviously it wasn't.
"Yeah, really." He grabbed the roll of paper towels from me as his humor died. "You're being a fucking pussy. This woman is everything any man would want. Her fucking friend texted me ten times last night even though I was really, really clear that it was a booty call and nothing else."
"You're an asshole. You know that?" I grabbed the paper napkins and smacked him in the side of the head with the roll. "Life is about so much more than jacking off with your hand or some girl's twat."
"Really? Why?" He leaned back. "Because you're making it be more than that. I'm good with just having fun until it's time to settle down."
"And when is that time, Liam? You're not exactly a spring chicken."
"Dude, really?" He stood up. "Look at Cole. He totally settled down when he was young and what happened? The bitch got tired of him and worse? She stopped putting out. No fucking way I'd stay with a chick who decided I had to earn my way into her body. Bitch would be out without a word of advice or a pot to piss in."
I laughed at the audacity of my brother. "Who the hell raised you?"
"The world. Remember?" He glanced down at his bowl, and I regretted bringing up our childhood.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"
"Naw. It's good." He glanced up at me and smiled. "Have fun, Ethan. Life has been hard, hasn't it?"
"Yes. It's been beyond hard." I sat down in the chair closest to him. "I do plan on having lots of fun, but I love her, Liam. It changes things, man."
"Does it?" He picked up his spoon and shrugged. "I wouldn't know. I've never been in love."
"Not even a little?"
"No, not unless you or that blow up doll I had in high school counts."
"Did you really just put me in the same category as a plastic bitch you poked your dick in everyday?"
He nodded. "Absolutely. Twice a day on slow days. Don't underestimate the power of those things. They're awesome."
"I really do hate you sometimes." I laughed and pressed my hands to my face.
"I'm teasing, man." He squeezed my shoulder. "I'm just trying to get you to relax a little."
"I get it." I slid my hands down my face. "But you don't. Love makes everything better."
"Even the sex?"
"Absolutely. The sex. It turns me from being a greedy bastard in the bed to wanting more than anything to feel Riley clench, to hear her moan, to force her to come. I want her pleasure so much more than my own."
He snorted. "And you think this is somehow selling me the idea of love? Giving up my pleasure for hers?"
"You don't give it up. You want... You know, never mind." I pulled out my phone. "I'm just gonna have to figure this out on my own."
"Friends with benefits is fucking awesome. Stick to it and you can't lose."
"Yeah," I got up, "and I can't really win either."
"Guess it depends on the prize you're after."
I nodded and looked my brother in the eye. "Her heart, Liam. I want to be a man after her heart."
*
A sigh of relief left me when Liam packed up and left later that afternoon. My brother was usually a source of comfort to me, but lately I'd been moving in a much different direction than he was. It wasn’t good or bad. It just was.
My phone rang from the living room as I leaned against the kitchen counter, thinking about what to do about Riley.
I walked into the living room, hoping that it was her, looking for an excuse to come over and spend some time with me. Unknown number. Where I didn't usually answer numbers I didn't know, I wanted to make sure it wasn't my girl.
"What?" I barked into the phone and sat down.
"Is this Ethan?" I didn't know the voice on the other end of the line.
"Yeah. How did you get this number? It's unlisted."
"You gave it to me about three months ago at a club."
"Highly unlikely. I'm hanging up now. Have a great day."
"Wait. It's Amber. I'm... I'm the one-"
"That says she has my baby inside of her and yet you haven't come over here to talk to me or anything. You just called the media and drove my name into the ground." Anger so hot it turned my stomach pulsed through me. I stood and growled. "Do you know how much I’ve given up to become the man I am?"
"Ethan."
"No, no... Really. You say you're carrying my child. Why in the world wouldn't you come to me and let me figure things out with you?"
She started to answer and I cut her off.
"Because you're not carrying anything but a fucking lie." I needed to stop, but every nasty comment the media was putting out, every horrible review and slanderous statement flashed before my eyes. "I'm going to do this. I'm going to take the paternity test, and if that baby is somehow mine... I'm taking him from you."
"What? That's a horrible thing to say."
"Is it?" I chuckled low in my chest. "You ruining my career and making me look like a piece of shit wouldn't be listed as horrible? I think these two outcomes are pretty fucking comparable. What kind of mother would you be anyway? You don't care about people in general or being honest and authentic. Our kid fucks up and what? You sell him to the neighbor or tell him more about his messed up father? Firstly, I don't even remember your fucking face, but if by some strange miracle, you got me drunk and holed up with me... then you opened your legs too. This is one-sided right now, but I'm pissed. Expect that to show up really soon on your doorstep."
"What to show up? You? Are you threatening me?" Fear owned her.
"Not me, lady. My anger in the form of retaliation. If that baby is mine, then it's mine. I'll use every last penny I have to right this thing you've done to me. Have a great fucking day." I hung up and threw the phone across the room before sitting down on the floor and yelling until I couldn't yell anymore.
Why were people so incredibly vile? Why did they strike out instead of trying to simply work things out? Had the bitch come to my door, I would have bent over backwards to ensure that we proved paternity and if the kid was mine... I'd have gone out of my way to make that right.
But no.
I got up and walked to my bedroom to find my tennis shoes. I had to do something and running until I passed out sounded like the right answer. At least it was constructive to some degree.
"I grew up young." I grabbed my shoes and dropped down on my bed as anger ruled me. "Gave up everything to build this fucking lonely-ass life. And for what?" I screamed at the sky before bowing my head and pushing by the pain of being alone. "And for what?" I whispered.
It took me a minute to pull myself together, but after a short pity party, I put my shoes on and walked out of the house, leaving the thing unlocked. I hoped someone broke in and tried to steal something. They'd be lucky to limp out of the house if I walked in on them.
"Chill out. Idiot." I put my earbuds in and took off, not warming up at all. I had to push myself until the anger burned out. It was toxic and left me feeling nothing like myself. "Change what you're thinking about."
I knew a million tricks to controlling my emotions thanks to being on stage for so long, but I rarely used them in private. It was nice to have a place to relax and simply be myself, whatever that meant, but not today. Being me sucked royally.
Pushing harder, I pounded the pavement and ran until my lungs burned. The light ahead of me turned red and I leaned over and pressed my hands to my knees, ignoring the honking cars as everyone drove by on the busy street just beside me.
Funny how everyone envied my life. "You guys got no clue."
By the time I turned and started to make my way back home, my thoughts were off the baby-daddy bullshit and completely on Riley. The beautiful girl had been struggling all her life in a different way than me, and yet we both found ourselves alone.
Maybe that's why I wanted to give her my heart. She was the only one that might treasure it, might understand all that I've been through and treat me with something more than unearned respect and false worship.
I could see her in my mind's eye in a white dress. Something simple and made just for her. Just a little bit of make-up, but not much. Her hair up with little pieces of it flying everywhere. We'd dance all night and tie ourselves together with wedding bands, but that would just be a symbol. The way we watched each other, laughed together, made love all night... those would be the defining factors.
The way we raised our babies together and grew old loving each other more than anyone else in our lives.
My heart ached for such a show. I pressed my hand to the front of my shorts as my cock woke up at the truth behind the lie. I didn't want a friends-with-benefits anything. I wanted full benefits that only belonged to a woman's man.
I stopped at the mailbox at the edge of my drive and pulled my earbuds out.
"Hi, Ethan. How are you, love?" The older woman across the drive waved as I smiled and turned.
"Good, Mrs. Thomas. Thanks for asking."
Her expression changed and I realized I was sporting a hard-on. "Nice seeing you."
"Oh, yeah. You too." I put my mail in front of my waist and walked to the front door, embarrassed for the first time in a long time.
It almost felt... good. Human.