At the beginning of May, it was Izzy’s first birthday. Luca and Libby had organised a birthday tea to celebrate. Miriam, John, Helen and Henry were all invited, as were Angus and Jules as godparents. They were having tea and cake in the flat. Libby had been slaving away over a birthday cake decorated in pale pink icing and masterfully carved into the shape of Peppa Pig. ‘Perhaps I should enter The Great British Bake Off? What do you think?’ she asked.
‘I think we should taste it first!’ Luca teased.
‘Oy, how dare you? It’s going to be delicious!’
‘Of course it will. I’m only joking! You are a fantastic baker. What time is everyone coming over?’ he asked, looking at his watch. He seemed a little on edge for some reason.
‘Three o’clock, hopefully.’ She wondered if he was finding it as hard to believe as she did that it had been a year since Izzy had arrived. The memories of going into labour and their brief stay in hospital weren’t far from her mind. They laid the table, and sooner or later the guests arrived bearing gifts wrapped in brightly coloured paper for the birthday girl.
‘I cannot believe she is one already,’ said Miriam, cuddling her granddaughter and planting a kiss on her rosy cheek. She was such a chubby little thing, her brown eyes like little round conkers in her angelic face as she beamed her most dazzling smile at her grandmother.
‘How time flies,’ agreed Angus. They cut the cake and sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to Izzy, who had no idea what was going on but seemed delighted with all the attention she was getting nonetheless. Libby and Luca opened her presents; she had been spoiled with lots of wonderful toys and some lovely new dresses.
‘What a lucky girl you are,’ Libby told her as she kissed her on the top of her head. As the others chatted, sipping their tea and eating their cake, Libby noticed that Jules was being rather quiet.
‘Everything OK?’ she asked, going over to her friend.
‘What? Oh yes, fine! Fine!’ Jules replied, a false brightness to her voice. ‘Sorry, I’m just a bit tired. I’ve been working hard on my coursework… I was up late last night.’
She had been acting a bit strangely lately, not responding to texts and calls and seeming a bit out of sorts generally. Libby had asked Angus whether everything was OK with them, and he had told her that she had been a bit distant with him.
‘That’s weird,’ Libby had said. ‘That’s exactly how I feel she’s being with me.’
‘Mmmm. I’m not sure what to do about it,’ Angus had replied. ‘I’m just giving her space. To be honest, I’m so busy working on my latest exhibition, I haven’t really been around much. I’m practically living at the studio trying to get it all done.’
Libby had been mulling this over for some time. She wondered what was going on; she knew Jules well enough to know that something was up. Perhaps she was finding the graphic design course harder than she had expected. Maybe she was regretting having left her job as an accountant.
Libby decided to arrange lunch with her the following weekend, just the two of them. After they finished eating, she decided to bite the bullet and tackle Jules’s strange behaviour head on.
‘Jules, what’s going on? You seem very quiet recently, not yourself… I’m worried about you.’
‘Nothing’s wrong,’ she said. Libby noticed that she was looking very pale.
Suddenly a thought popped out of nowhere into Libby’s mind. ‘Are you pregnant?’ she asked.
‘No!’ Jules said sharply. ‘What on earth makes you think that?’
‘You just don’t look quite right, that’s all. Are you ill?’
‘Not that I’m aware of…’ Jules tailed off.
‘You would tell me, right? You know you can talk to me about anything – anything at all? Are you struggling with the course?’
Jules took a deep breath and sighed. She was staring blankly out of the window. Libby noticed there were bags under her eyes. She clearly wasn’t sleeping well. ‘Is it you and Angus?’ she tried, taking a different approach. ‘Is everything OK between you two?’
Jules didn’t say anything, but Libby felt as though she was on the right tracks. ‘Is the baby issue becoming too much of a problem? I know how much he wants a child, and how much you don’t…’
Jules shook her head.
‘What is it?’ she asked again.
Suddenly a solitary tear rolled down Jules’s cheek. She wiped it away quickly.
‘Come on, Jules, you have to tell me.’ Libby leant across the table and took her hand.
Eventually Jules whispered, ‘I’ve done something stupid,’ so quietly that Libby could barely hear her.
Libby’s heart plummeted. Oh my god, she thought. Jules had had an affair. Suddenly she knew it; it all made perfect sense. ‘Have you cheated on Angus?’ she asked. She could tell from the look on Jules’s face that she was right. She had hit the nail on the head.
Jules nodded, ever so slightly.
‘Oh my god! Jules! How could you? Poor Angus!’ Libby knew this probably wasn’t what Jules wanted to hear, but her heart broke for him. She felt absolutely furious with Jules for hurting him, and at the same time shocked beyond belief that Jules could consider doing such a thing. What the hell was she thinking?
‘Who was it?’ she asked. All she could think of was Angus’s face: how hurt, shocked and humiliated he would be if he found out.
‘I can’t tell you,’ Jules replied. She couldn’t make eye contact with Libby.
‘Do I know him?’ Libby’s mind reeled with potential candidates; she scanned through all their mutual friends, wondering who on earth it could possibly be. Jules wouldn’t answer the question.
‘Is he married?’ she asked. Her pulse was racing with anger on Angus’s behalf.
Jules nodded again, just a fraction, but enough to confirm what Libby had suspected.
‘Jules!’ Libby’s mind was reeling. She didn’t know what to say. This was the most awful news she had ever heard.
‘Don’t tell Angus,’ Jules said. ‘You have to swear you won’t.’
She looked so miserable and so fragile sitting there opposite her, her eyes begging Libby to agree to protect her secret. Libby wanted to reach out and hug her. But she was too cross.
‘I don’t know, Jules He’s just as close a friend to me as you are.’ Her heart swelled with emotion at the thought of him.
‘It will kill him,’ Jules said simply. ‘It’ll destroy our marriage. You can’t. Not even Luca. Promise me you won’t say a word.’
Slowly Libby nodded. She was right; it would destroy Angus. What a position to be put in. She wished she had never asked. How was she ever supposed to face Angus again knowing this secret? And why should she choose Jules over Angus? There was no way out of this without betraying either one of her best friends. Her head spun with the reality of what she had heard.
‘When did it happen?’
‘I don’t want to talk about it. I’m sorry, Libby. I feel sick with shame; I couldn’t help myself. I can’t say anything more.’
Libby didn’t know what to do. They sat in awkward silence for a while before Jules tried to change the subject, asking Libby about work. Libby responded to her questions automatically, but she was too shocked and upset with Jules to really engage with her.
She left shortly after, walking all the way home. She couldn’t believe her best friend was capable of having an affair, of being the potential cause of the destruction of not only her own marriage, but someone else’s. No wonder she looked so terrible. Living with the guilt must be awful. Libby couldn’t help but think that Jules deserved to feel so bad. Every time she thought about Angus she wanted to cry. He was the kindest, loveliest man she knew and the last person on earth who deserved to be treated like this. Not only was Jules denying him the chance of having a family, despite knowing how much it hurt him, she had now shown utter contempt for him and their marriage vows by acting so despicably.
For the rest of the day, Libby’s thoughts raced. She held Izzy close and rocked her gently, thanking god for her own little family. Her and Luca’s relationship certainly wasn’t perfect. They weren’t as close as they once had been, and she knew deep down that Luca wasn’t entirely happy with their life together here in London, but she trusted him and she was grateful for that.