Chapter Eight
Jonathan
The overly eager woman in the desperately tacky red sequined mini dress leaned closer to me, pushing her enormous tits into my face. Close enough for me to smell the mixture of fake tan and sweat from them.
“I said,” the bottle brunette shouted over the music, “did you come here alone? Are you with anyone?” She took another sip from her straw and tilted her head. I was sure it was meant to be a last ditch attempt at being seductive, but in reality her manner couldn’t have been less attractive if she tried.
“Excuse me,” I said back, leaving her side and heading towards the door. I walked past several other women who obviously knew who I was and tried in vain to get my attention, but I wasn’t that man anymore. Not since I’d met Kate.
“Hey, where’re you going?”
I felt Evan’s firm hand around my arm, pulling me backwards just as I was about to leave. He raised his eyebrows at me suspiciously.
“Were you just gonna leave and not say bye?” he asked.
“Listen, I appreciate the effort you’re going through here, but it’s not helping. None of this is!” I gestured around us to the members club that I used to enjoy frequenting. Before it would have been the perfect place to unwind after a long day at work, and normally the women would have been exactly what I wanted to busy myself with, but now, the more I looked at it and the atmosphere, the more I realized how seedy it was. There were older men almost everywhere with arms wrapped around young wannabe models and amateur actresses. It was the place to go if you wanted a benefactor to pay all your bills, and I knew now with new eyes that it wasn’t for me.
“Jonathan, you’re not gonna get her back, okay?” Evan said firmly. “Women like Kate are fragile, and once you break down the trust that’s it. Game over. I’ve been there with girls like that before.”
“Thanks.” I knew he meant well, but it wasn’t helping.
“You know I don’t mean it like that,” he sighed and reached into his pocket for his phone. “Michael? Bring the car, we’re done.”
“You don’t have to leave on my behalf. I saw you talking to Jenna earlier...”
He shook his head and rested a firm hand on my shoulder.
“Jenna was only asking me about you, Jonathan. They all do. Since I dated your sister, the whole female population of New York avoid me. Come on, let’s just get out of here and go back to the Grape Vine for a drink.”
I followed him to the door and straight into the waiting car, relieved that I was out of that hellhole.
“Have you tried calling her?” Evan asked me as we pulled away from the curb. Had I called her? I’d surprised myself and done nothing but. I’d never put so much effort into anyone before. I’d called, emailed, messaged, and tried all avenues of social media. Nothing had worked. She didn’t want to be found and she most certainly didn’t want to be married to me anymore.
My old self would have just discarded her immediately and moved on to the next, but I found myself comparing everyone to her. Did they have her beautiful eyes? Her smile, her curvaceous figure, or her wild hair? Did they have the ability to speak to me about more than just what type of Louboutins they’d wanted their whole life.
I rested my head back on the seat rest. I had to give up; he was right. Women like Kate were special. They weren’t made of the usual hardened stuff I was used to. I’d been constantly surrounded by women who didn’t care how bad I’d hurt them, as long as I kept dating them, they were fine. I was used to getting my way, and the fact that Kate had cut off all communication and made it clear that she wanted nothing more to do with me only made me want her more. She had me.
“What is it that you actually did?” Evan asked. “I mean, from where I stood, it looked like she was pretty into you. I thought you guys were smoothing over the incident at Haselini. Michael said you both had an argument or something.”
I sighed and turned to the window, watching New York zoom past. With drivers and staff, you forfeited almost every inch of your privacy.
“I did one of the biggest gestures I think I’ve ever done for a woman.”
“And she called the wedding off?”
“She didn’t know. It was just a damn huge misunderstanding. I should have just come out and told her everything.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
“Because there’s a whole other part to this story and the other person swore me to secrecy until I had it confirmed. Until everything was set in place…”
“Shit…”
“Exactly. I don’t even know where the hell she’s living or what she’s doing. It’s like she’s gone off grid. How do you even find someone with no family or friends in a big city? I’m fortunate enough to get my hands on the bed PI services in town, but where do they start?”
Evan thought for a moment and shrugged.
“Well think of it this way, you’re both from two different worlds, so sooner or later it wasn’t going to work, right?”
I nodded reluctantly.
“So, what do you say we go out at the weekend? Helen told me she has some friends she can introduce us to.”
I laughed, the stale atmosphere lifting. I knew what her friends were like, bible studying, tights and sandal wearing women who wanted to love you for a few years before marriage and then have sex.
“What’s funny?” he asked, smiling too, and I thought about telling him they wouldn’t be our type, but the desire to see his face when he saw them for himself was almost too much to walk away from.
“Fine, I’ll go. Just once.”
“Awesome!” He took his cell out and scrolled through the calendar. “Three days’ time, no backing out?”
I nodded and turned back towards the window; the only woman on my mind was Kate. I’d spent the last few weeks thinking of nothing else but her. Helen and Evan could introduce me to as many substitutes as possible, but until I saw her again and explained, it wasn’t going to work. They would never be Kate.”
“Listen,” Evan said, squeezing my shoulder, “this is why men like us shouldn’t settle down. We only know how to be one thing…”
“And what’s that?”
“This,” he gestured at the chauffeur driven car around us. “We only know how to be us. There are men out there made for being husbands and fathers, but we love variety. We love to please a woman and move on. What’s different this time?”
“This time, she’s not just any woman. She’s actually funny and I want to be around her. It’s not just sex, it’s more than that. I never thought I’d hear myself say it, but I actually care about her. Can you believe it? Can you believe that there’s a woman on this planet besides my mom and sister that I actually genuinely care how their day went? God, what’s happening to me?”
I buried my face in my hands and took a deep breath. Even saying it out loud sounded ridiculous, and the look on Evan’s face told me he thought the exact same thing.
“Didn’t you feel that with Jess?” I asked him, sitting upright. I knew they had a particularly rocky relationship, but it dawned on me that we hadn’t really talked about it before.
He shrugged and nodded.
“Jessica and I are different. There’s a lot of stuff there, but I don’t know, I’m not that guy.”
“What guy?”
“She wants commitment, Jonathan, and I don’t know if I can really give that to her. I like her being around, but I just don’t want to hurt her like that. She’d have been the right woman in ten years’ time, just not right now. I can’t be running around this city like you because one woman won’t return my calls.”
I let his words sink in, trying to imagine myself in ten years time. Did I want what he wanted or was I deluding myself?
Kate was the most naturally beautiful woman I’d ever seen, both inside and out, but the thought of running around pining for someone for the unforeseeable future left a bad taste in my mouth.
I wanted her, there was no denying it, but also on the other hand I didn’t want to lose the part of me that I’d worked hard to build into a billion dollar company or that part that like to be in control.
I had to face the facts. Evan was right. She got one more chance and then that was it, I had to finally let go and move on. I just didn’t know what I disliked more, having to tell my mother that the wedding was off or the thought that one day, somewhere in the world, Kate would most probably be in the arms of another man, and it wouldn’t be me.