Chapter Fifteen
Kate
I pulled on the tight, red Herve Leger dress that Jonathan had wanted me to wear for our special night in Paris and looked at the full-length mirror in front of me. Despite all the praise he’d given me earlier, I couldn’t help but see all my insecurities staring back at me.
Jonathan had always maintained that he was attracted to my shape and size, and although I needed to relax and believe him, I couldn’t shake away the small voice in the back of my head that had been with me ever since I’d started to gain weight. The thought that a man who had an army of women queuing up to take my place would chose me over everyone else still confused and surprised the hell out of me. It wasn’t that I thought a fuller figure was in any way less attractive, it was purely that all throughout my life, society had fed to me that men were more attracted to slimmer women, so looking at myself stuffed into a red dress undoubtedly made me self conscious.
I picked up the bag that Jonathan had bought me earlier in the day and left the room, stepping out into the sitting area.
As soon as he heard the door close behind me he got up quickly, turning to see how I looked. His eyes rested on mine before working their way down my body, lingering on my hips and then back up again. I felt a rush of sexiness wash over me and I loved that he could make me feel that way.
“Kate…” he whispered, “you look…”
He crossed the room towards me, closing the space between us without looking away from my gaze.
“If I wasn’t on such a tight schedule tonight, I’d walk you back into that room and undress you inch by inch…” He ran a couple of fingers up over my arm and I felt a tingle of pleasure, because even though he made my head spin I loved having sex with Jonathan. I wanted his hands on me always, and I’d never felt that way about anyone before in my life. I’d never usually been so driven by lust and sexual tension, but all he had to do was look at me and I wanted him to touch every part of my body.
I turned away from him to reveal the unzipped back of the dress and immediately his fingers were there, slowly doing it up. I never really knew how sensual a man doing up your clothes was, but when I turned back to face him, his eyes were clouded over with desire. Though he didn’t say anything, I could tell he was taking a mental cold shower as he stepped backwards.
The phone rang, breaking the sexual tension and he glanced at it momentarily before leaving my side and going to the table to pick it up.
“Jonathan speaking? Yes. Oh, yes. Brilliant. We’ll be down shortly. Thank you, bye.”
He put the phone back in its receiver and turned to me.
“The car’s ready for us.”
I nodded, realizing just how much my life had changed. Once upon a time, a chauffeur-driven car would have had me filled with disbelief pinching myself, but now, with Jonathan, it had become part of my normal everyday life.
He came and put a firm hand on the small of my back.
“Ready?” he asked, and I nodded, because whatever he had planned I knew there was nowhere else I wanted to be than by his side. I just hoped what he said the other night in bed was true. I hoped with everything that I had inside that he loved me.
“You can open your eyes now,” Jonathan said into my ear as the car came to slow stop.
“Are you sure? I feel like we didn’t really go anywhere.”
He rested a hand on my thigh and squeezed it gently.
“I’m sure, open them.”
I pried them open, taking a moment to look around me before I tilted my head up against the window and saw the large, brightly illuminated Eiffel Tower.
“Are we going in there?” I asked, turning to him.
He smiled at my excitement and nodded to the driver who got out of the car and opened my door.
I stepped out into the warm night, unable to take my eyes away from the magnificent structure in front of me, and I felt Jonathan’s arms around my waist.
He nuzzled his head against me and his breath on my skin made me shiver with delight.
“You’re wearing the sexiest dress and heels I’ve ever seen, but unless you want me to carry you, I’m afraid you’re going to have to walk.”
I giggled as he laced his fingers with mine and lead me across the path, gathering stares as we went, the only ones dressed up amongst a sea of casual tourists sprawled out on the grass drinking wine and prosecco from cups.
We sped past them all until we got to the tower and the grandness of its height took my breath away. It was somewhere that I had always wanted to go to, but knew it was out of my reach.
I looked across at Jonathan to see if he felt the same amazement that I did, but he wasn’t looking at the tower, he was looking straight at me, and he squeezed my hand affectionately.
“Ready to go up?” he asked.
I nodded, the words he’d said the night before still burning into my mind.
A woman approached us with an over eager smile.
“Mr. Davenport?” she asked.
He gave her a small wave and she directed us both to the side.
“Where are we going?” I asked, realizing that the barriers were empty where the queue should have been. “Where is everyone?”
“This way please,” the woman said over her shoulder.
We followed her in silence, and the nerves jumped in my stomach as we came up to the elevator.
She ushered us inside and turned to Jonathan.
“This is as far as I go, Mr. Davenport,” she said. “I hope you enjoy your ride to the top and my colleagues will meet you on the first floor for your change.”
“Thank you.”
She closed the door and we started to go up. I went to the window to look out at Paris as we rose higher and higher.
He came up behind me and wrapped his firm arms around my waist, and I thought he was going to say something to me or attempt to have a brief sexual encounter, but instead he kept silent, watching me watch the world beneath us.
As the previous woman had said, we stopped at the first floor to change elevators.
“I thought this was one of the most popular attractions in Europe?” I asked Jonathan as we walked over the glass-bottomed floor, looking out at the small minute people below us.
He nodded slowly, grabbing hold of my arm causing, us to fall behind our guide slightly and then he pressed his lips against mine urgently.
“Promise me that no matter what happens tonight, this won’t be the last time I get to kiss you.” He asked once he’d pulled away.
“Jonathan…” I touched my lips to where his mouth had been, confused and taken back slightly.
He looked at me intensely, his eyes searching over my face urgently.
“Promise me, Kate,” he interrupted. “Promise me that won’t be the last time.”
His words frightened me slightly, and I looked to the side of him at the view that surrounded us.
“I don’t know what’s going on here,” I whispered. “I don’t know what you mean and I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I promise, okay? I promise tonight won’t be our last.”
He watched me for a moment and I got the feeling he was trying to look deeper to suss out if I really meant it, and then as quickly as he’d stopped me he snaked his arm around my waist and guided me back along the way we were going towards the second elevator.
I wanted to look at him and try to read his expression, but I had a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach that he’d brought me all the way up the Eiffel Tower to end things with me for good. Suddenly, everything around me lost its charm because all I wanted at that moment was for him to want me above all else. I wanted him to love me and want to be with me, and I didn’t know if I could be by his side and pretend that I didn’t care for him the way I really did. I wanted all of him and I wanted to be all his.
The doors to the elevator opened on the empty top floor, and I stepped out stunned into silence as there in front of us was a small, perfectly decorated table and a waiter standing beside it smiling warmly.
“For us?” I asked turning to Jonathan.
He nodded coolly and gestured for me to go forwards.
I walked towards it and someone came up behind me and took my jacket.
“I can’t believe we’re having dinner up here!” I gasped looking around at the magnificent view in all directions with the lights of Paris dancing before us.
Jonathan rested a hand on my back, light enough to make me want more and firm enough to know that he always had his way.
“You did all this for me?” I asked, turning to him.
He nodded and lowered his voice.
“There are so many of life’s experiences that I want to share with you…”
“You do?”
He didn’t answer and instead guided me over to the table where he pulled my chair out, and as I sat down he kissed my shoulder and took the seat beside me.
They served us our starters almost immediately and for the first few moments we ate in silence. I took the opportunity to watch him, realizing that something wasn’t quite right.
He caught me looking and took a sip of his champagne.
“Is the food okay?” he asked, concerned.
“Perfect,” I whispered.
He dabbed at the edges of his lips with the napkin and put it down by his plate.
“Are you okay, Kate?”
“Yes,” I lied, and then I thought that the best gift I could give myself was to be honest. The man in front of me was someone that I’d never imagined I would have trusted with my heart, and right now he was the only person that truly cared—and the connection we had was undeniable. If this was the end, I had to know it. I had to know because if there wasn’t going to be an ‘us’ I couldn’t go around pretending anymore and I didn’t want to wait for him to break it to me gently.
I put my cutlery down and it clattered onto the porcelain plates a little too loudly.
“Jonathan…” I said quietly, scared to even speak the words.
“Kate?” he responded, resting a hand over mine, which made everything that much harder to express.
He must have read the solemn expression on my face, as he squeezed my hand reassuringly.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I said, emotion catching in my throat.
“Do what?” he asked. “Are we too high up? Food not to your liking? What can’t you do?”
I took a deep breath.
“This,” I said gesturing to everything around us, including him. “I can’t sit here and pretend that I’m not feeling what I’m feeling.”
“What are you feeling?” he asked.
“I feel everything!” I knew I was getting far too emotional and on the verge of ruining the romantic evening he’d planned for us, but I couldn’t stop myself. I couldn’t reign in the eruption of hurt that was building up inside me.
“Tell me,” he pressed without letting go of my hand.
“I feel as though I’m setting myself up to fall hard. I keep telling myself that I won’t get too attached to you and that it’s not forever, but every time I see you and every time we…”
“Every time we what?” he asked, his eyes staring hard into mine, and I saw his jaw clenching as he furrowed his eyebrows. Damnit, I was making him angry.
“It’s just sex to you,” I said, feeling slightly breathless, as the pain of saying it out loud felt as though I’d been punched in the stomach. “I’m someone you want to have control over. I’m the person who’s supposed to make your mom happy—but to me, I feel like I’m making love to you every time and I…”
“How do you know what it is to me?” he asked, moving his chair closer. “How do you know that every time I touch you it…?”
He stopped and cleared his throat as the waiter approached the table and took our plates away.
I waited until he’d gone to speak.
“You’re Jonathan Davenport,” I said, “You’re this amazing man with everything you could possibly want, and I’m just me. I’m not pretty. I don’t have family, and I certainly don’t have sex appeal. What could you possibly want with me except someone dull to marry?”
He shook his head and leaned closer to me, his expression the most serious I’d ever seen it.
“You’re right. I’m fortunate enough to have almost everything I could possibly want in this world, but there’s one thing missing from my life, Kate…”
“What’s that?” I asked, my voice breaking under the intensity of his stare.
“Love. I have money, cars, houses and an infinite number of people hanging on my every word, but I don’t have love, Kate. I don’t have you…”
“Me?”
“You’re all I want, and it’s nothing to do with the contract or the agreement or my mother’s illness. I love your excitement for life, and I love the way you see everything with fresh eyes. I love to adore you and I love the way you respond to my touch, and I can’t think of anyone else that I would want to bring all the way to Paris and do this for.”
I sat back in my chair, completely speechless by his outburst because only moments before I’d been agonizing over how I was ever going to be able to walk away from him and not get to look back.
“I don’t understand…” I said under my breath.
“You don’t need to.” He paused as our main course was put in front of us, but neither of us was interested in it. “The way I feel about you, Kate, is indescribable. I don’t know how to explain it, but all I know is that it’s you that I want, and the surprise we were planning…”
“Don’t tell me,” I interrupted. “If it means that much to you, keep it and do it whenever you’d planned. I trust you, Jonathan…”
A smile broke out over his face as I said it, and he slid his fingers around to the back of my neck, pulling me closer.
“That’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear you say,” he said before pressing his lips against mine. I wrapped my arms around him, happiness exploding from within, and then I pulled away, unable to take the smile away from my face.
“That isn’t all,” he said, standing and pulling me to my feet.
“Where’re we going?” I asked.
He didn’t answer but signaled to waiter and led me to the opposite side of the large space, overlooking the gardens below. It never ceased to take my breath away.
Jonathan turned me towards him, pressing his lips to the corner of my mouth and running his fingers through my hair.
“I want you to understand something,” he said, his voice low and steady. “I’ll give you everything I have, Kate. With everything I have in me, I’ll spend my entire life defending and protecting you. You mean more to me than anything, and I want to spend every waking moment proving that to you…”
“What are you saying, Jonathan?” I asked, my heart pounding.
“I’m saying that when it comes to you, nothing is out of reach, I want you to know that how I feel about you is so real and so raw that I don’t even understand how to handle or control it myself, and it scares the hell out of me, but as long as I have you by my side, as long as I know you believe in me, I’ll work it out and…”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a black velvet box before dropping to one knee and offering it up to me.
“Jonathan…?”
He opened it, and there contrasting against the black interior was the largest diamond ring I’d ever seen. Surely it had to be a joke.
“Say you love me, Kate,” he said, his light eyes staring up into mine. “Say you’ll marry me and give me a chance to spend the rest of your life showing you exactly what you mean to me.”
“I… I…”
The pounding of my heart stopped me from speaking, and I looked down at him below me.
“A real wedding? You mean real love? Real marriage—to me?”
He nodded.
“It’s all real. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my entire life.”
I felt the tears filling up in my eyes, and they spilled out and fell down my cheeks with happiness.
“YES!” I screamed. “I mean, yes! Of course!”
He laughed and stood up, placing the ring on my finger, and I pulled him towards me, kissing him, unable to stop myself from laughing in disbelief. To add to my amazement, the sky around us erupted into hundreds of beautiful fireworks. One after the other they lit up the horizon with every color imaginable, and he put his arm around me as we watched them, pressing his lips to my head.
“This is all for you,” he said cradling me against him.
“I love you,” I whispered, resting my head on his shoulder and watching the continuous display in front of us. “You’ve got no idea how great it feels to say those words to someone for the first time and actually mean them.”
He turned me to face him, stroking the side of my face with his thumb while looking into my eyes.
“Oh, I think I’ve got a pretty good idea.”
He kissed me again, enveloping me in his strong arms, letting me feel the warmth and energy that he radiated, and I realized that never before had I ever felt so safe and wanted in my life. I let the rest of my tears fall as he pulled away and whispered into my ear.
“I love you, Kate,” he said. “You’ll never be alone again, I promise.”
As the last of the fireworks danced in front of us, Jonathan’s cell rang. He reached into his pocket to look at it, and I saw Jessica’s name on the screen.
“Take it,” I said squeezing his arm.
He answered it and pressed it to his ear, but the words I heard from where I was standing made my blood run cold, tearing apart the beautiful moment that he’d just created for me.
“It’s mom, Jonathan. Something happened to her. You need to come home. Get on the plane NOW before it’s too late. Before we lose her!”
He looked at me, eyes wide with an emotion I couldn’t explain, and I shook my head in disbelief, because I knew from that moment on everything was about to change depending on how sick she was, but with Jonathan by my side I was ready for anything.