chapter Thirty
Here for You
Sam
I’ve been just sitting here watching Tasha sleep for the last hour. I have a lot on my mind, so I haven’t been able to sleep much. I got in late last night after meeting up with Brooklyn, Czar, and Logan. I intend for a lot to change when I get back from Italy.
Not just in my family business, but in my family. This has become more than an arrangement of convenience to ward off Misha. Tasha will become my wife. My heart swells each time I say the words in my head.
I watch her in my home and she just fits effortlessly. However, in my heart, I feel like something is amiss. I have given this woman nothing, yet, she gives me all of her so freely. Her heart, her body, her love, it is all so much.
I feel like a bastard for taking what she offers so willingly. Even the love she gives to my children. I know this all would’ve been so much harder if it hadn’t been for Tasha. We are all learning to adjust and her love is like a sweet, gentle guide through it all.
I should just walk away. I just can’t. I brush her hair from her face. It came loose from her scarf last night. The thick strands are so soft to the touch. I brush my fingers along her face. My skin against her chocolate skin is the most sensual thing I’ve ever seen.
I love watching our bodies collide, watching her hands caress my bare skin and watching my hands play against her soft, silky, chocolate flesh. My children are beautiful to me, but I can’t say I haven’t wondered what my children with Tasha will look like.
I sigh at my thoughts. Again, I’m going to take from her as I go to Italy and announce our engagement. I’ve warred with this. I’m putting her life in danger.
My phone buzzes bringing me from my thoughts. I reach for it and see it’s my brother, Bobby. I swing my legs from the bed, not ready for Tasha to wake. I want to be here when those beautiful brown eyes open. I have plans for this morning.
“Hello,” I rumble low into the phone, once I’m in the sitting area across the room. I turn to keep my eyes on Tasha in her sleep.
“Good morning,” Bobby croons back. He sounds exhausted, but I hear the smile in his voice. That only means one thing. He has been up to exactly what I’m thinking about.
Being away from Paige for weeks is going to hurt him, as much as being away from Tasha is slicing through me. I haven’t left yet, and I feel it. She stirs in bed and I hold my breath, willing her to sleep a little longer.
“Good morning, what’s up,” I murmur back.
“We’re all set. D’Angelo will be flying back with us. Marco will stay behind. Uri has the same feeling you have. He is leaving Sim behind as well,” Bobby answers.
“Yeah, his wife’s a former hitter,” I grumble. “He doesn’t have to worry.”
“Neither do you. I think Mo is more than able to handle herself,” Bobby says pointedly.
“I feel more comfortable with someone here,” I say tightly.
Bobby pauses on the other end for a moment. I wait for it, I know it’s coming. My brother knows me too well. He has been holding in his thoughts for long enough.
“So, Mo,” he starts. “It’s been a long time coming. I remember when you first met her. I always wondered if things would have been different if you met her first.”
“She was engaged. Nothing would’ve changed,” I shrug.
“Bullshit, you wouldn’t have given a fuck about her engagement. I heard it in your voice. You wanted to go after her back then. I know why you didn’t. It’s the same reason you’re questioning yourself now,” Bobby accuses.
“It wasn’t meant to be,” I argue.
“Ha! I beg to differ. You know. Ellen never filed for the divorce. I noticed you’ve asked me about every detail, but that one. You know, don’t you?”
“I put two and two together and the guilt got to Sephora. She called and spilled her guts. I did the right thing, he would have been relentless. He doesn’t listen when he has his mind set on something. It’s the way Misha has always been. Phoebe always had a soft spot for me,” I sigh.
Ellen’s grandmother was nothing but nice to me once we finally met. I knew right away she was different from all the others in Ellen’s family. There’s only one other in her family I vaguely trust.
“So, you know Phoebe saw something. You two belong together. Why are you fighting that so hard?” Bobby questions.
I fall silent this time. I rub my forehead. “I love her. I just don’t want to hurt her. You and I know this life could swallow her whole. Dad saw something in Paige early on, before he knew you were interested in her. You knew that, you never had to question if she could handle who you are. Dad’s been grooming her all along.
“I know my mistakes with Ellen. Ellen’s choice shows me she wouldn’t have understood being a wife to the monster I am,” I shake my head. “I shouldn’t do this to her.”
“What your failing to see is, you’re not doing this to her. Mo’s already in this. She’s what you were looking for to begin with. Stop fighting. I see the way you look at her. You want this marriage, and not because Misha is breathing down your neck,” Bobby responds. “Or because an old gypsy woman has been playing with your life from the grave.”
I watch Tasha stir again. My brother’s words couldn’t be truer. I want this marriage like I want my next breath. It’s been a constant thought.
Tasha being younger than me doesn’t matter. I’ve seen her make mature decisions that I have been reluctant to commit. I think we would have stumbled had I gone after her back then. She was too young and we were both confused about the lives we were growing into.
“I want to make her my wife,” I breathe out into the room, like a truth I need to admit to myself and the universe. “Can I be honest?”
“It’s me,” Bobby says.
My thoughts go back to before the phone rang. “I’m determined to grow my family with her. I love being a father. One of the greatest joys of fatherhood was watching Ellen swell with our children in her belly. I want that with Tasha. I want to place a baby inside her as soon as I make her my wife,” I speak the honest truth.
Again, I’m selfish, but it’s the truth. Hell, honestly, I’ve probably already done so. I’ve never asked her about birth control and I haven’t been able to keep my hands to myself since that first night we made love.
Bobby chuckles. “Does she want children?”
“I don’t know,” I shrug as if he can see me. “She’s amazing with them. I can’t see her not wanting her own.”
“Sounds like you’ve made up your mind. What’s the real problem?” Bobby asks knowingly.
“What do I have to give her? I know what I want from her, but what do I have to give. She’s wearing a ring I gave my dead wife. She’s living in my dead wife’s home, she’s raising her children. Where in all of this am I offering her something?” I knit my brows at my own question.
“You’re finally giving her what she’s owned all along. Your heart. All the rest can be fixed. You have a ring for her. I understand why you are keeping the house for now, but in time you can fix the material things. Mo loves those kids. Ellen made sure of that. Sam,” Bobby sighs.
“Yeah.”
“I admire the man you are. I think she does too. Stop beating yourself up, stop waiting for the other shoe to drop,” Bobby says.
There it is. My brother just hit it on the head. I’m waiting for my world to crumble in. I’m waiting for it all to explode in my face once again.
I nod my head as if he can see me. “Thanks, Bobby. I’ll see you on the flight,” I murmur.
“See you.”
I hang up the phone and move back over to the bed. I climb in beside Tasha and stare down at her upturned face. Gorgeous, simply gorgeous.
I need her. I need to feel my woman. My woman, that’s who she is. I’ll make all of this right. I have to.
~B~
Tasha
I blink my eyes open to find grey eyes staring back at me. LaSalle strokes the side of my face, brushing his thumb over my lips, before trailing his fingers down my collarbone. The gesture sends a chill through me.
I smile and reach to cup his face. LaSalle turns his face to kiss my palm. Warmth spreads through me and I melt into the mattress. I could wake up like this for a million years and still it would never get old.
“Good morning, Cara,” LaSalle’s voice comes out rough, it’s so sexy.
I love when he speaks Italian to me, even small endearments. It’s a habit he’s been falling into the last few days. I’ve been wondering if it’s his place of comfort or if it’s because he’s been on the phone with his family in Italy a lot lately. I noticed that he’s been speaking nothing but Italian with them.
“Good morning,” I say softly, in fear of my own morning breath.
“I leave today,” he says, his eyes searching my sleepy ones.
“I know,” I pout.
“I’m going to miss waking up to watch you,” he breathes as his fingers continue to caress my skin. “You’re so beautiful in your sleep. Like an angel, I have no business touching.”
I smirk. “We both know I’m no angel.”
“Yes, you are. You’re my angel,” he dips his head to brush his lips lightly across mine, as he cups one of my breasts. “I want you. If you would’ve taken another moment to wake up, I would’ve woken you up wet and screaming my name.”
I can’t help but start to pant at his words. The lust in his eyes has my chest heaving. I want him too, the anticipation is killing me, and yet, I’ve just woken up.
LaSalle runs his hand down my side, around to my backside and grips my cheek in his palm, hard. I arch off the bed, reaching to push both my hands into his hair. My fingers run through the silky strands, locking in tightly.
“I need to freshen up,” I whimper, as he kisses my throat.
“I’m not waiting for that. I want you now,” he groans.
I’m taken back when he devours my lips, without a care. It’s a long, deep kiss, that makes me forget my own name. Forget trying to remember that I want to brush my teeth or anything else. LaSalle breaks the kiss to make his way down my body.
I lift up on my elbows to watch his descent. He palms my thighs to push them apart, as his head moves to my heat. I bite my lip as he runs his nose through my folds inhaling deeply.
LaSalle’s eyes flicker up towards mine, at the same time that he takes his first slow, long lick. He proceeds to lick me as if he has all the time in the world. I fist the sheets with one hand and reach back to grab the pillow with the other.
I don’t take my eyes off his. I’ve been learning. LaSalle likes eye contact during sex and he loves when I dig my nails into him. Especially, when he’s going deep and I dig my nails into his ass and lower back.
LaSalle does that thing with his tongue, where it pulses against my clit. His tongue then slides inside my lips, where he pulses his tongue again, and my fingers dive right into his hair. I try to hold him in place as I rock my hips.
LaSalle pushes two fingers into me, chuckling. Only, I get the last laugh, as I squirt in his face. He growls, just before diving back in. He drinks me up, before crawling back up my body. Cupping my jaw and pushing me back against the pillow, he captures my lips. LaSalle thrusts his tongue into my mouth, causing me to taste myself.
We both moan into each other’s mouths. I can feel him, hard as granite against my belly. I squirm beneath him trying to get him inside me, to no avail.
LaSalle reaches for my hands and lifts them over my head. Pinning my hands in one palm, he uses his free hand to run down my side to my thigh. His hand squeezes my thigh, as he shifts to line up with my entrance.
“You’re mine, Bella,” he groans, as he sinks into me. “I’m going to let the world know you belong to me. When I announce our engagement, it’s like announcing my appointment as Don. It’s our bond. You will be bound to me.”
“Yes,” I whimper.
“You say that too easily. My cock shouldn’t make this decision for you,” he grunts. “Hear what I’m saying, Tasha. We will never be unbound. There is no turning from me. I can’t undo this or release you. Once it’s done, it’s done.”
I twist my hands in his grip. LaSalle loosens his hold enough for me to free my hands and cup his face. I look deeply into his eyes, as I speak my words.
“Sono tua per la vita,” I reply in Italian. It is the only truth I know. I am his for life.
LaSalle growls, reaching for my thighs and pushing them back into my chest. He lifts his body up, looking down at where we’re joined. His eyes are so dark when they lift to mine.
“Cross your ankles,” he rasps.
I obey swiftly, crossing my ankles over my belly. LaSalle cups my ass, bringing his knees to either side of me, as he rests his ass halfway onto his heels, halfway in the air. He leans back as his hips roll and thrust deeply into me. He’s pumping long, hard, and deep.
My pussy is weeping for him to the point of soaking my ass. I can hear how wet I am as he moves into me. LaSalle groans and bites his lip. It is the sexiest look I’ve ever seen.
The possessiveness I see in his eyes heats my entire being. The look on his face and the feel of his heavy balls slapping my ass, has my eyes crossing. My mouth falls open and my head presses back into the pillow.
“This pussy is so good, Baby. Fuck, I’m going to miss you,” he rasps between short breaths.
I moan back my response because I’m too far gone for me to form real words. All I know is the deep penetration of the man my soul belongs to. I can feel him so far inside me, dragging through all the right spots. The feel of his veiny dick is such a delicious thing, I can’t even comprehend not having him inside me like this.
“That’s it, Baby,” he grunts. “Come for me. Come on my cock. Fuck, you even smell amazing with me inside you. You’re so wet. Squirt on my cock, Baby, that shit turns me on.”
“Yes,” I squeal, as I gush all over him.
LaSalle leans in to capture my squeal, as he continues to rock into me. He’s so hard, plowing through my release as if it never happened and he’s just as determined to make sure it does again. His hand slip under my ass and tilt my hips up higher, he shifts onto his knees as he thrusts down into me.
“Hold on, Baby,” he rasps, prompting me to cup his shoulders and dig in.
His lips move to latch onto my breast and my body shudders and quakes instantly. LaSalle knows just how to trigger my body. I couldn’t imagine letting another man touch me like this. As if hearing my thoughts, LaSalle looks up to meet my eyes.
I see it in his greys. He understands how much I trust him with my life, my body, my heart. I see that he gets this is all for him. I would never allow another to treat my body with such pleasure.
My breast pops free from his mouth. “I always want to please you like this. You’re so wet for me. Me. I know you need, me.”
“I’ll always need you,” I whimper.
He lifts and uncrosses my ankles. Lifting my legs to his shoulders, he leans in and takes my lips. His pace slows as he grinds his hips into me.
“Come with me,” he groans into my mouth.
I feel him swelling inside me. I’m so close. Once he places his hand between us and plucks my clit, I fall right into his command. My release rocks my body so hard I see sparks of light. LaSalle covers my scream with his own mouth, as he rumbles his own release out.
LaSalle holds me close as he catches his breath. After a few minutes, he rolls onto his back, taking me with him. I snuggle on top of him and inhale his scent. I’m going to miss him so much, while he’s in Italy.
“What time are you leaving?” I whisper.
“I want to spend the morning in bed with you,” he murmurs. “I’ll have lunch with the kids and spend some time with them. I’ll leave after I have dinner with you all.”
“Okay,” I say trying to hide how much I’m going to miss him.
He runs his fingers up and down my hip. “I want to send for you as soon as I settle business. I think it will be good for the kids to spend some time in Italy. I think we all need a break from this house.”
“The girls will be excited,” I reply as I trace circles on his skin.
“Baby, I want to make it clear that the only reason I’m not buying you your own home is because I don’t want to change anything else in the children’s life, not yet. In a year or two, I’ll make sure you get the house of your dreams,” he sighs.
I lift my head and look up at him. “I’m not even about all of that. I wouldn’t allow you to disturb their lives like that, just for my comfort. I know what I’m getting into LaSalle. You had a wife and a family before me,” I lift a shoulder.
“There is nothing I can do about that, but do know this. I love each one of your children and they will always come first because they’re your priority. Their safety and well-being is just as important to me as it is to you.”
He cups my face. “I don’t want you to forget you’re a priority for me as well,” he presses his lips. “Sammy still won’t let me take that ring off your finger. I swear his little ass comes running every time I even think about it.”
I smirk. I still haven’t mentioned to LaSalle that I think Sammy is gifted. He’s right. He’s tried to remove the ring on my finger a number of times. Each time, Sammy has come running.
I stroke his damp hair from his forehead. “I love you for wanting to do things for me. I can see what you’re thinking. You have never made me feel like I’m in her shadow and I will never try to replace her in your life or the children’s. It’s a house and a ring. Just things.”
He shakes his head. “No, that’s not what I’m thinking. I know you’re not trying to replace her. These are things Sam gave to someone else. I need to give you things I chose for you, capisce?” LaSalle says with a frown.
“Yes, I understand, but do you understand it’s not something I’m stressing?”
He kisses my forehead. “Good, because it’s not for you to stress. It’s my concern,” he murmurs.
“Ugh, so stubborn,” I huff.
“Be ready for a huge party when you arrive in Italy,” Sam changes the subject with a smile on his lips.
“You know the kids don’t have to go stay with your parents. I’ll keep them here with me,” I offer.
I was a little disappointed when he told me he was taking them to his parents’. I wouldn’t mind keeping them with me. I look down at his chest as I wonder if he questions leaving them with me long term.
He lifts my chin with his fingers. “My mother wants to spend time with them. You’re welcome to go to the house and spend time with them whenever you want,” he kisses my lips. “Besides, you should be planning our wedding. There will be plenty of times when you and the kids will be without me. You’ll be begging me to send them off.”
“Nonsense, don’t you know us girls are best friends and Sammy has become my shadow the last few days,” I laugh.
LaSalle wrinkles his brows. “Yeah, I noticed that. You know, maybe I should take him with me,” he says, as if thinking out loud.
“He’ll be fine. Anyway, I’m here if your mother needs help or a break,” I reassure him.
LaSalle cups the side of my face. “Thank you. You love my children. It’s not forced, I can tell. The way you care for them…thank you. You don’t have to, but you do,” he says with so much emotion.
“Even if I didn’t fall in love with them before all of this happened. How could I not love them? They’re a part of you. I love everything about you,” I say as I search his eyes.
He draws me to him and kisses me passionately. It doesn’t take long before we’re making love once again. LaSalle makes my body and soul soar to heights beyond heights.