chapter three
Settling Smoke
Sam
Three days later…
I keep staring at the ring on her finger, wondering how the hell it got there. It’s mocking me. I’ve tried to remove it from her hand, but Sammy flips out every time.
I rub my eyes. I’ve been in this hospital room for three days. When Sammy woke from his nap the other day, he lost it. We never made it home. It wasn’t until my oldest daughter, Jessica, told me he was asking for Monique that I decided to turn around and bring him back.
Mo-mo. He screamed for Mo-mo until we arrived here. The moment his little eyes landed on her, he scrambled from my arms to get to her. We haven’t left since. My mother has the girls or at least that’s what Cam has told me.
It was when Sammy lifted Tasha’s arm, to crawl under it that I saw the ring. It was like a blaring alarm, calling for my attention. My heart ached to see it perched on her finger, looking like the perfect fit. None of the sag it had on Ellen’s finger.
I think that’s what I resent most. It doesn’t look or feel wrong for it to be there. I’ve tried to ignore that fact. It’s one of the reasons I want it off. It looks too right.
“Sammy, don’t,” I sigh at my son. He’s cupping Tasha’s face in his tiny palm again.
Tasha, that’s how I’ve always thought of her. Even after finding out that she was Czar’s sister, Mo or Monique, I should say. That’s her real name.
“Mo-mo,” Sammy whimpers and buries his head in her chest.
“Sammy.”
“Wake up, Mo-mo,” he whines. “Wake up.”
“Sammy,” I say firmly, and he settles. Bringing his hands back to his sides, where I’ve placed them a million times in the last three days.
We haven’t been able to pry Sammy from this room. He has snuggled in at Tasha’s side. Rooting himself there, only allowing Czar, Uri, Michael, Sim, Val, and myself to hold him for small increments of time. Long enough for him to settle in his own skin and then he cries to be right back at Tasha’s side.
We’ve tried to inch him out the door, but we haven’t gotten far. Sammy won’t let me leave either. I’ve tried, more than once. I’ve showered and eaten in this room for three days, while watching my son. I should be planning my wife’s funeral, not Cam doing it for me.
At this point, I don’t even know how I will attend if my son won’t leave here. I feel like I’m neglecting my other children. Val promised to bring the girls in today. I miss my sweet girls.
I look up at Tasha’s bruised face. The image of her hitting the ground hard, with my son wrapped in her body assaults me, causing me to close my eyes to shake the image clear. They say she has a concussion, but could wake at any time.
My gut turns at the thought and my eyes reopen. There it is. It’s not the first time today that I’ve seen her lids flicker a bit. Maybe if Sammy sees her with her eyes open, he’ll be willing to leave.
My mind turns to last night. My talk with my brother, Bobby. I’m missing something and he needs to find out what fast. I don’t trust anyone around me to give me the whole truth, so it’s time I start a little digging of my own.
I know the best place to start is with what I’ve been ignoring. The file that has been growing, the one I’ve kept locked away in a drawer. As if having it was enough, but clearly it wasn’t.
“I need you to do me a favor,” I said to Bobby last night, as I reached in my pocket for my key ring. I pulled off the key to my home office desk. “I have a file in the bottom drawer of my desk. I need you to bring it to me, no one else needs to see or know about this file.”
Bobby looked me deep in the eyes, searching. I know everyone in my family has been waiting for me to fall apart again. I haven’t had time for that, my son comes first.
Bobby nods. “Consider it done.” His eyes lingered on me. “What are you thinking?”
“Something isn’t right. Ellen…Ellen was different. You know this. You’re the only one I talked to about her grandmother, Phoebe. I can’t see her not seeing this. That ring on Tasha’s,” I paused and sighed. “That ring on Monique’s finger, I gave it to Ellen the morning…,” I swallow past the lump in my throat. “The ring was Ellen’s. I need to find what I’m missing.”
Bobby’s brows furrow. “You think Ellen knew this was coming,” Bobby said in an incredulous murmur.
I nodded tightly.
“And she didn’t say anything to stop it,” Bobby’s brows flew into his hairline.
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out. Phoebe Romaine was unusual, but accurate. She also believed there was no changing the inevitable. I need to know why Ellen felt she needed to hide Monique from me,” I pinch the bridge of my nose as anger fuses with hurt. “My instincts are telling me to pay attention. This is deeper than the surface glance.”
“I’ve got you,” Bobby nodded again. “I’ll see if there’s anything out of place that I can pin down on my end.”
My shoulders felt just a fraction lighter as my brother turned to leave. Bobby has become an invaluable asset to me. He has become a better version of himself, since being married to Paige.
Many times, Bobby has brought things to my attention that most wouldn’t pick up on right away. My brother has been a true counsel and I’m trusting him to help find what I’m missing. My eyes move to the ring once again.
How did it get there?
“Hey,” Czar says, as he walks into the room, effectively pulling me from my thoughts.
I look up to find him with a bag of food in his hands that I know is for me and Sammy. Everyone has been trying to make sure I eat. Most of the food goes untouched. What I need is a stiff drink or a few bottles of something strong enough to knock me on my ass.
“Hey,” I huff and pull a hand down my face.
“The Dear Senator will be gracing us with his presence. Just got the call,” Czar frowns. “Motherfucker blamed me for this shit as soon as I picked up the phone. Where the fuck has he been for the last three days. Fuck that, where has he been for the last four years.”
I snort, and rub my forehead. Senator Gabriel has become more of a pain in my ass over the years. Or it just might be that I’ve lost respect for him, after learning of Keisha and Kurtrina. He knows about the twins, their adaptation, and the hard life they’ve had and still, he never stepped in. I don’t think I could ever do that to one of my own children.
“Is Misha still texting you?” I ask tightly.
I’m still pissed Czar never told me that he informed Misha of where Tasha has been. Czar gives me a look telling me he’s reading my mind. He rolls his lips and nods.
“He has also decided, he wants to check in himself. He’ll be showing up soon,” Czar grimaces.
“What’s your plan for that?”
Czar runs a hand over his short waves and sighs. “I really don’t know. I don’t know how she’s going to react to seeing him. I already have a feeling of where his head is, concerning her. He’s sent a clear message to the Serbians.”
“You’ve made it clear you don’t want my help, so I’ll stay out of it,” I say bitterly.
“Look LaSalle, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. You’ve been a friend to me more than you’ve been my boss. You even understood when my cousin wanted me to run his operation, and didn’t kick me to the curb or forbid it. You trusted me to be your family and Misha’s,” Czar says with pain in his eyes.
“My men failed to protect what’s yours and that’s going to haunt me for years, but you have to understand where I was coming from.
“I’ve run to you to clean up my mess, since I was nineteen. I needed Mo safe from my crazy uncle. I couldn’t ask you for that. Misha knew his dad. He may have promised to stay away from Mo, but he also wasn’t going to let anything happen to her.
“I did what I thought was right, without having to ask you to step in. You had enough on your shoulders with the Alliance and then things started to turn up and Logan went missing. I knew I did the right thing when we found him in that Prison. You had other things to worry about,” Czar frowns.
“Your sister’s safety was a priority to me. I would’ve handled it,” I lift to my feet and hiss. “You had no right to just negate everything I did to keep her safe. What if Misha broke that promise? We already see the damage me not knowing the truth has done.”
My chest is heaving as my words come out in a roar. Sammy starts to hum, causing me to turn and look at my son and Tasha. I close my eyes to reel in my temper. Turning back to Czar, he has a scowl on his face.
He nods. “Yeah, I fucked up. I just thought I’d let family take care of this one.”
I stumble back at the force of his words. I have always treated Czar like family. His words sting to the core.
“Maybe it’s time you part ways and stick to your family,” I bite out. “I think we’ve been stretching you too thin.”
Czar’s jaw ticks. When he speaks, his words are thick with emotion. For a moment, I see the nineteen-year-old, that stepped off that plane, begging me to help him. To keep her safe.
“LaSalle,” Czar chokes out. “I didn’t mean it like that, but if you don’t trust me with your family any longer, I understand. I fucked up.”
I run a hand through my hair and close my eyes. I heave a heavy sigh. “No,” I shake my head. “I’m tired, Czar. My emotions are all over the place. We’ll talk when I’ve slept, had a proper shower, and I’ve buried my wife.”
Czar gives me a grim nod. “I understand. I’m here for anything you need.”
I snort as I run a hand over Sammy’s head to calm him. “It’s your sister lying here. I should be telling you that.”
“Never think Mo and I are ungrateful for everything you’ve done for us,” Czar says tightly.
“I know, Czar, I know,” I nod.
Czar opens his mouth to speak again, but Bobby shows up in the doorway. My eyes lock on my brother. He gives me a slight nod and I nod back in understanding. My eyes shift to Sammy, knowing he’ll lose it if I leave.
I sigh in relief when I see he has fallen asleep against Tasha, once again. That will buy me some time to talk to my brother. I look at Czar and he reads me before I can ask.
“I’ve got him. I’ll find you if he wakes,” Czar offers.
“Thanks,” I say tightly.
I note that Czar seems to sag in relief that I’m trusting him with my son. I pat his shoulder, as I walk pass him to leave the room. Czar shoves the bag of food in my direction, as I pass by. I snort and take it.
I follow Bobby, wordlessly, out of the room. From the smell coming from the bag, Czar has brought me something Italian. I’m sure it’s from one of my places. Most likely there are chicken nuggets and pasta for Sammy and something a bit heartier for me.
Bobby ducks into a room not too far from Tasha’s room. It turns out to be a small meeting room. He brings a folder from his briefcase and places it on the table. I get ready to tell him I know it’s not the one I sent him for, but he pulls out a second file. I know this to be the one I asked for, which makes me curious about the first.
“I think you’re going to be interested in what’s in the first file,” Bobby grunts.
I place the bag of food down and reluctantly take a seat. I reach for the first file and move it to sit in front of me. I take a breath to ready myself for whatever has my brother looking like his head is about to explode.
I look at Bobby once more. His grey eyes that match mine, so closely, are stormed over. His jaw is clenched tightly.
I sigh heavily. This shit is going to piss me off. I flip the folder open with aggravation brewing. I settle my left elbow on the table, placing my face in my palm. I flip angrily through the pages with my right hand.
My brows knit, as I slow down and read what lies before me. I lift my head and drop my forearm to the table, my hand hanging off the edge. This is some bullshit.
When I get to my brother’s name on the documents before me, my eyes flicker up to him for an explanation. Bobby’s jaw ticks as he stares back at me. I sit back in my chair and fold my arm across my chest.
“I never filed a fucking thing,” Bobby bites out. “I couldn’t believe it when I found this shit on my desk. It looks like you were right. Ellen knew.”
Bobby sighs and reaches for the other bag I noticed him come in with. He lifts a box out and places it on the table. “We’ve been bringing you clothes we bought or from my closet. I thought you might want some things of your own, so I went to the house to check on mom and the girls and pack a bag for you and Sammy. I found this sitting in the middle of your bed in the master. I figured you’d want to check it out.”
I’ve never seen the box in my life, but I know instantly it once belonged to my wife. I can smell her perfume all over it. I look at the box, then back at the open file in front of me. I reach a shaky hand out for the box and pause.
I pull my hand back. “A divorce,” I croak. “She wanted a divorce?”
Bobby shakes his head. “It doesn’t add up, Sam. You guys were happy. It says I filed this a week before …,” Bobby swallows and shakes his head. “We were in Ireland. You guys were happy. I saw you. Shit, I couldn’t have filed this shit. I was having a good time right beside you and your family.”
“But somehow, it’s right here in black and white. A divorce was filed,” I murmur.
“I chose not to involve Nate. I don’t know what’s going on here. I don’t know if it’s family related, so I asked Felix Black to look into it for me,” Bobby sighs.
“But didn’t they take off after Coleman,” I mutter.
“Yeah, I believe that’s all wrapped up. Felix said give him a day or two and he’d get back to me,” Bobby grumbles. “I want this shit figured out. My name is all over that shit.”
“Yeah, signature and all,” I huff.
Bobby rubs his jaw. “Yeah, noticed that. Pretty damn impressive job too.”
I narrow my eyes in thought. “You don’t think?” I breathe out.
“Nick says he trusts them. Besides, Gavin has enough on his plate. What would make him get involved in this?”
“What would make my wife lie to me? What would make the ring I gave her end up on Tasha’s…,” I huff in frustration. “On Monique’s finger? Why is there a divorce for me and Ellen, floating in the court system?”
“I have no fucking idea,” Bobby sighs. “But I know this. You and I aren’t saying shit to anyone else until we figure this shit out. I have this feeling like I’m being watched or led around or something. I mean, it’s like that file came out of thin air.”
I look at the box glaring at me from the table. I’m not ready to open it, but it’s drawing me in like a magnet. With a heavy sigh, I reach for it. I open the lid and my eyes widen. There are hundreds of envelopes inside. I lift the note on top, its instructions for the letters nestled inside the box.
On top of all the letters, underneath the instructions I just removed, is an envelope addressed to me. I feel the white-hot rage that rolls through me. She knew. She knew and didn’t trust me to tell me.
For how long? With the number of letters in this box she had to know for a while. She prepared a box of fucking letters to our friends and family. I can’t believe this shit.
Bobby steps over and pries the note from my death grip. I notice then that my whole body is trembling with hurt, rage, and disbelief. Bobby places a hand on my shoulder, as he reads the note out loud. As if I haven’t been able to read for myself through my rage filled gaze.
“Sam, if you are reading this you have found the box I’ve left for you. There are letters for you and the children. A few for our friends and family. I’ve noted which letters are for when. Please, this is all I ask of you. Read them and let them be read,” Bobby whispers slow and low, as he reads the rest to himself.
“I need some fresh air,” I growl.
“Sam, if she knew….maybe you should read the letters. Your answers are probably in this box,” Bobby says to my back. I’m already on my way out of the door.
“I have my phone. Call me if you need me,” I call over my shoulder.
“Really, Sam,” Bobby says sourly. “You want to read the file more than your wife’s letters.
I look down at my hand. I hadn’t realized I picked the thick file up. I answer without thinking.
“Yeah, Bobby, I have to.”
I leave without waiting for him to reply or waiting to understand my own words. All I know is, I need fresh air before I explode. I pray Sammy sleeps long enough to give me this respite.