chapter Five
What the…
Monique
After waking up from being shot and hitting the ground face first, I am still confused over what the hell is going on around me. I’ve been wondering if maybe I’m still sleeping the swelling off. However, the ring Sammy took from his mother to place on my finger is screaming otherwise.
I can’t believe LaSalle jumped in with such a story about him and his dead wife, to save me from Misha’s crazy ass. Once again, I will never know how to repay him. I cannot tell you how relieved I was to see a pissed off Misha storm from my hospital room.
I tried to take this ring off my finger and explain to LaSalle how it got there. He listened, but he nor Sammy would let me take it off to return it.
“Misha won’t let this go easily. This is just the beginning,” LaSalle sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Just keep it on for now. It’s the best course. This shit is going to start a fucking war.”
“You don’t have to worry about me,” I shook my head. “I can handle myself. We’ll tell him the truth and I will handle him. You have enough on your plate.”
“I will do everything in my power to make sure you are safe and that you don’t have to live in fear,” LaSalle snapped tightly. “I owe you and Czar that much. You nearly gave your life for my son and you tried to save my wife. This, I will do.”
I’d gone to protest about living in fear, but LaSalle pinned me with a look that told me he saw right through me. He has been giving me plenty of those looks, all night. Whenever I’ve said something he sees through, he lets me know with less than a word.
We’ve been stuck in this dance. Sammy won’t leave my side and he won’t allow LaSalle to either. I’ve never seen Sammy this bad. I’ve tried to calm him and get him to follow his father home.
Maybe my brain just isn’t with it right now. I mean, I can’t get over most of what LaSalle has told me. I struggle just to try to focus or grasp a hold of much all he’s said. His words have been rattling around in my head all night. I rub my temples as if I can rub the thoughts away. It does nothing but make them louder.
“Ellen had to see this coming,” LaSalle said almost to himself. “I’m convinced all of this adds up somehow. I just don’t understand why she didn’t come to me. I know my wife. You have that ring on your finger for a reason.”
“I’m still trying to get my head around this. You’re telling me; Ellen knew she was going to die. You also think she knew something else is going to happen. Don’t you think playing with Misha is dangerous if something else is lying in wait to happen?”
LaSalle snorted. “I have nothing to lose. I am nothing without my word. I will never break my word again. You and my children are where my focus lies.”
“You don’t have to worry about me. I’m a big girl,” I gave a weak smile.
His eyes pierced me with such a fierceness. “It will never sit well with me that I made a promise to you and my wife and neither of you remained safe.”
“But,” I went to start.
“No, Ellen knew something. Once again, I’m missing something. Something that could blow up in my face,” he ground out.
“Have you thought that maybe the answers are in the letters,” the glare he pinned me with almost seared my skin off.
I stopped mentioning the letters. Whenever I’m awake, LaSalle and I have passed the time talking. He has asked so many questions that my head is spinning. Each time I’ve skirted the truth, he’s pinned me with that all-knowing look.
I’m beginning to think he’s psychic like his wife. Speaking of which, I think that’s the part that has my head spinning. So many things about my interactions with Ellen are starting to stick out.
I was pretty much floored when LaSalle shared that fact with me. I am still processing some of the things LaSalle has murmured to me in the midnight hours, when he felt no one was around to overhear.
I may not have mentioned the letters again, but I’m most curious about them. If Ellen was indeed psychic and she saw this coming, does that mean she left one for me? I don’t know if I can get my head around all of this. Not with the dull ache that’s still being persistent in my head.
Now, I can’t help staring at him and his little clone as they sleep in the chair beside my bed. Sammy will be just as handsome as his father when he’s older. I sigh and look away. Hopeful, Sammy will know a different life from the one his father and I can’t seem to get away from.
“I can hear you thinking,” LaSalle murmurs sleepily.
“Stop listening,” I mutter.
He scoffs. I look to see his eyes are still closed as he speaks. “I need out of this hospital. My back is aching,” he huffs.
“If my father didn’t come in here like the grand wizard last night, I might have gotten out of here. Their scared to fart wrong around here now,” I snort, and regret it as pain shoots through my shoulder.
LaSalle rubs his eyes. “Well, I’m putting my foot down today. Sammy will have to deal with it. I have things I need to tend to,” he presses his lips in frustration.
My heart feels a ping. I know he’s talking about his wife’s funeral. Again, I feel like shit. I wasn’t able to save Ellen. This man has lost his wife because of me, and now he is trapped here because his little boy, that has lost his mom, has decided to cling to me.
“None of this is your fault,” LaSalle answers my thoughts. “This one falls on me. I’ll do everything I can to make it right,” he says with such promise.
“I’m not asking you to make this right. Haven’t you done enough for me? You shouldn’t even be here. You’re right, you have things to do. When Sammy wakes, I’ll help you get him to go home,” I say and turn onto my side, facing away from him. “My head’s not hurting as much. I can focus this time.”
“If…,” he pauses for a moment. “If you can show me how, I’d like to know what it is you’ve been doing. I’d like to know how to calm Sammy down myself.”
“Sure,” I whisper. “In the morning.”
“Tasha,” he calls. I squeeze my eyes shut. Is that who I am to him? I’m not sure how I feel about that. When I don’t answer, he murmurs again. “Monique.”
“Yes,” I reply. I wait, but I hear nothing.
I turn over and meet with red rimmed grey eyes. I see so much turmoil in his gaze. A deep seeded war is happening within them.
“What happened to ‘normal’,” Sam asks when I lock eyes with him. I wrinkle my brows at his words. “I gave you a chance to live the life you wanted. I made sure no one would bother you. You did nothing with it. Why not?”
I look down and run his words through my head. I remember that night. The night I lost Carlton. I remember LaSalle’s words.
“We are a lot alike. I think you should take this as an out. Take off, go be normal. I will make sure your back is covered. Just do me a favor and live the life we both want. At least one of us should.”
I can hear the words like it was yesterday, but I don’t have an answer. I don’t know what happened after that night. I thought I was going to find what I was looking for. I tried to live the life I had once thought I wanted.
I just never found what I was looking for. “I lost my way,” I mutter to my own thoughts. “I could see others around me finding their happiness. I just couldn’t see mine. It was never right. Something was always missing.”
I watch as he takes in my words. He nods and looks down at Sammy in his arms. I can see the wheels turning. When he looks back up, I see nothing but pain.
“I keep turning it all over in my head. You didn’t take the gift I gave you. Ellen didn’t trust me with the life I gave her,” Sam stops talking and presses his lips firmly. “Forget I said anything. Get some sleep.”
“For the record, I did try. I didn’t take your gift for granted,” I whisper.
LaSalle nods, but he says nothing at first. I feel my heart stop when he does speak. “It just wasn’t enough. I didn’t do enough,” he murmurs.
“LaSalle,” I go to reply, but he gives me a hard look.
“I told you before. You don’t want to know LaSalle. Call me, Sam.”
I nod and lick my lips. He will always be LaSalle to me, but I’ll respect his wishes. I clear my throat and start again.
“My life has been in danger more times than I’d like to count. There’s one thing that has been a common denominator each time. You were there to save me. Whether from danger or from myself. It has been more than enough every single time,” I say firmly this time.
Sam swallowed hard and looks away. He doesn’t reply this time, so after a few beats I turn my back again. I feel like I can hear his thoughts this time. He’s still blaming himself for all of this.
I don’t know what to say, because in my head this is all my fault. I should have shot that bitch first. If bullets weren’t flying at me, I would have shot her first.
I’m going to kill you, Misha. You cost my guardian angel his wife. I’m going to see you bleed. You sent people for me, now I’m coming for you.