Logan — 13
I’d been waiting for this. I knew it was probably coming, and I was glad it was finally here. With today being the three-year anniversary of Rhett’s kidnapping, I wasn’t surprise at all. I’d been in contact with Rhett’s therapist, Dr. Lane, multiple times over the last month, and she’d given me numerous things to watch for. And Rhett had been showing signs of just about every item she’d mentioned.
Was he a threat to our children? Not at all. But his anxiety was through the roof, and add in lack of sleep, it was bound to happen. Also, he didn’t realize it, but what little sleep he was getting was riddled with nightmares, and that meant even less rest. My heart was breaking for Rhett, but I knew we’d get through this. We’d gotten through worse.
“Sweetheart, look at me, please?” I put my hands on Rhett’s shoulders and gently pushed him away from my chest so I could look him in the eyes.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. All I want to do is sleep and that’s about it. I cook but don’t enjoy it, and I know I should want to do more with the twins…”
“Shh. Sweetheart, listen to me. We’re going to get through this. I’ve already talked to Dr. Lane and—”
“Dr. Lane? When did you talk to her and why?”
“Come here and sit with me,” I said as I laced my fingers with Rhett’s and tugged him over to the couch with me. It was nice to have the old couch in the office. Not only was it comfortable, it went with the rest of the furniture in the room. I grabbed several Kleenex on the way by the table. Once I sat down, I pulled Rhett into my lap and wrapped my arms around his waist. Scarlett jumped up on the couch beside us and laid her head in Rhett’s lap and whined.
“Hey, girl. I’m sorry. I’m trying here.” Rhett gently ran his fingers through Scarlett’s hair, and the action seemed to calm him, as always.
“Rhett, that’s what she’s here for. She’s here to help you, remember?”
“Yeah, but I haven’t needed her much lately.” Rhett finally looked at me. I handed him the tissues, and he wiped his eyes and blew his nose. He was adorable no matter what, but when he was most vulnerable was when my heart felt so strong and protective toward him.
“True. But I knew you were stressed about the babies, and I made an appointment with Dr. Lane and went in and talked to her.”
“You did? Why didn’t you take me?” Rhett actually looked hurt, and that wasn’t what I wanted.
“Because I needed to see Dr. Lane. I had some concerns about you I wanted to talk about with her.”
“See, I am a freak. Even you know it.”
“No, you’re not. Now stop it. You’re not a freak. But you already suffer from PTSD, and although your symptoms have appeared less and less, you have two new, very adorable babies that are causing you stress.” I ran my fingers through Rhett’s hair, something else that I’d learned helped calm him.
“I’m a mess. Why did you marry me?”
“Because I love you and didn’t want to spend the rest of my life without you.” I pulled Rhett’s head down onto my shoulder, and he finally relaxed.
“I don’t want to be like this, Logan. I want to be better for our babies. And you.”
“You have been. They’re only a week old. I’ll call Dr. Lane on Wednesday and we’ll get you in by the end of the week. She said to watch your anxiety levels, your nightmares, and your overall mood.”
“I haven’t had nightmares for months,” Rhett argued as he looked at me.
“Munchkin, it’s good you’re not remembering them, but yes, you’ve had a few. They started Saturday night.”
“Really? Shit. I need to go.” Rhett struggled in my arms, trying to get away, but I wasn’t going to have it.
“Nope. Stay put. Dr. Lane said to not be surprised if they show up. But it’s a good thing they’re not so bad that you remember them or that they wake you.”
“Is that what you’ve been asking if I wanted to take Scarlett with me when we go anywhere?” Rhett started playing with the buttons on my shirt again, causing me to smile. At least it was something that I knew was a self-calming habit. I’d take it.
“Yes, and it’s also why she checks on the twins but then has been coming back to be near you. She knows you’re struggling right now. It’s what she’s trained to do.”
“Is that why, girl? Is it?” Rhett said while rubbing Scarlett’s cheeks. She whined a bit and then started giving Rhett kisses, causing him to laugh.
“Sweetheart, I love you. Just remember that above everything else, all right?”
“Yep. I love you, too. I just wish I wasn’t so messed up. What if something happens and I end up hurting one of the kids?”
“You won’t. I have faith in you. Before they were born, you’d been doing so well. Even you said it: it’s been months since you’ve had nightmares. And your anxiety and panic attacks have been almost nonexistent.” I tucked Rhett’s head back under my chin and laid my head on top of his. I needed to hold him and reassure him just as much as he needed it.
“Logan?”
“Yeah?”
“What’s wrong with me? Will I ever get better, or will every new event trigger things?”
“You know you have PTSD that was caused by your kidnapping; it’s understandable. Especially knowing what you went through. Dr. Lane said she wouldn’t be surprise if the normal lack of sleep and added stress new babies are known for causing didn’t trigger you. Just as before, we’ll work through it, okay?”
I felt Rhett nod against my chest and accepted that was the only response I was going to get for the time being.
“I’m sorry, Logan. I didn’t mean to lash out at you,” Rhett said as he sat up and looked at me. I could tell he was calmer now, which was exactly what I wanted.
“I know you didn’t. Honestly, I wouldn’t call that lashing out. It’s probably partly my own fault as well. I knew better than to let you push me away. It’s tiresome with one baby, let alone two, and you’re trying to do too much.”
“I know. It’s just…” Rhett stopped mid-sentence. I knew if he was going through even a fraction of what I was, he was overwhelmed.
“What? Let me help, munchkin. They’re our babies, and I want to be just as involved as you are.”
“I know. But you have a job to do. I don’t anymore, so it’s my job to take care of the kids. And you.” Rhett ducked his head again, not looking me in the eye.
“Rhett, look at me.” I waited for his eyes to meet mine before I continued. He needed to know and understand how I felt about that subject. When his blue eyes finally met mine, I took a moment to simply stare at him, remembering all of the happiness he’d brought me over the short time we’d been together. “Just because you sold the bakery doesn’t mean you’re a househusband. You don’t have to be the one to raise the kids. We can get help. You can follow me around here on the ranch. Or you can go work with Chad if you want.”
I tried not to cringe at that thought. I did not like Rhett on the road between here and Crooked Bend at four in the morning. But if it was what he truly wanted, I’d support him one hundred percent.
“Are you mad? Why would I want to go work with Chad? That’s why I sold the bakery. I don’t mind working in a bakery; I don’t want to own one though, and now that I have, I don’t want to work in one anymore.”
“You know I’ll support you in anything. Whatever you choose is fine with me.” I hoped he knew just how much I meant those words.
“I know, and that means more to me than I can say. I want to be home with the twins. I just think I might be in over my head.”
“Well, I’ve talked to Boone and my cousins today, and I’m officially on paternity leave for the next few weeks. It’s a slow time for us and I’ll still help with paperwork, but from here in this room, where I used to do it.”
“Really?” Rhett looked so hopeful, and it hurt my heart that against my better judgment I’d gone back out on the ranch a few times this week. I should have known better and Boone even said as much, but what could I do. Rhett was so insistent that he was okay and for me to go. I was forever going to kick myself for not arguing more about it.
“Yes, really. I need to learn how to tell you no. You look at me with those big blue eyes and I’m a goner and I give in to anything.”
“You know, I should probably be sorry, but I’m not. I struggle saying no to you, too, you know.”
I chuckled at that because he was right. I nodded and then pulled Rhett back in for a tight hug. “I love you, munchkin. We’ll figure everything out together. And we’ll get help, but just a little. I know you want to do it all yourself, but help is good. It doesn’t mean we can’t do it ourselves, okay?”
“I know and now I feel rotten. I need to call Fiona and apologize.” Rhett pulled away from my chest and looked at me before looking toward the door.
“No, you don’t need to apologize. Dad took her home to pack things up and talk to Rodrigo. They’ll be back in a couple of weeks at most. But we need to be sure she understands that help is welcome when asked for, not just assume we need it.”
“I’m sure that’s been pointed out, but still. I feel like it’s my fault they went home.” Rhett was starting to get agitated, and that wasn’t what I was hoping for. I rubbed my hand up and down his back, causing him to push into it, just as I’d hoped.
“They only went home a few days early. I’m pretty sure it has a lot to do with the fact that your dads are due back here tomorrow, and everyone knows that all babies do for the first few weeks is eat, sleep, and need their diaper changed.” That finally got a smile from him, and I hoped we were headed in the right direction.
“That pretty much sums them up, yes. Okay, but can I still call her? I feel bad about Saturday.”
“You can always call my parents, sweetheart. But don’t feel bad. They shouldn’t have made themselves at home here. I’m just as upset with Dad as I am Mom. Even Boone said something to them.”
“Really?” Rhett looked at me, surprised.
“Un-huh. Speaking of Boone, do you think you’re okay to go out and talk to him? I’m sure he’s probably upset about this whole thing because he doesn’t know everything that’s been going on. Not only that, but he’s out there with our chocolate cake. The one you made specifically for our anniversary.”
“Shit,” Rhett said as he jumped up off of my lap and took off toward the kitchen.
I was too busy laughing to follow at first, but when I did, my heart melted at the sight I was met with. Rhett was staring at Boone, who was holding Ash, while talking to him. He’d never admit it, but somewhere, deep down, I knew he had wanted a son, but his love for Kait was stronger and she was finished after Phoebe was born. But seeing my little brother holding my son caused emotions I wasn’t quite ready to have.
“Everything okay?” I asked, letting Boone know we were both back, not that Scarlett dancing around by him wasn’t enough of an indicator.
“Sure is. This little fella was just a little fussy. I picked him up and he burped right away. I’m sorry, I should have put him back,” Boone said as he started to walk back to the travel crib we had in the living room.
“You don’t have to put him down. You’re more than welcome to come and see the twins, Boone. I don’t want everyone to think they’re off-limits. They’re not. I want them to know their family. I’ll never keep anyone from them,” Rhett told my brother.
“I know you won’t, Rhett. But being around them makes me remember the two beauties I have at home.”
“Speaking of them, you haven’t brought them around to meet their cousins yet. The twins are a week old already,” I mentioned to Boone.
“I know. They go back to school next week, and I hope we’ll get them over here before then, but Chloe has a cold, so we didn’t want to bring them around just yet.”
“Oh, yeah, we appreciate that. Well, how about this,” Rhett said as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. I hadn’t even realized his sweats had pockets. He snapped a few pictures of Boone holding Ash before he shook his head. “Nope. Logan, go get Abi. He needs to be holding both.”
I shook my head but did what Rhett said because he was right, Boone had avoided the twins and I wasn’t quite sure why, but I thought I might have an idea. I’d need to talk to him about it another time though.
Once Boone was holding both Ash and Abi, Rhett snapped over a dozen pictures in a hurry, and then he started texting them to everyone. The twins would only be a week old once, and we needed to remember to catch as much on camera as we could.
“So, what are your plans for tonight? Are you two doing anything special for your anniversary?” Boone asked as he stood there, holding both babies like it was the most natural thing in the world for him.
“Nope. Sean’s bringing us pizzas anytime now, and then we’re going to eat chocolate cake. Why don’t you take half of it home for you and your girls? Chocolate cake is always good when you have a cold, and I feel bad that the girls haven’t met the twins yet.”
“I won’t say no to the chocolate cake. Maybe that’ll take their mind off of the babies, because, believe me, they’re more than ready to meet these two, and they aren’t afraid to let us know.”
“Oh, I know. Maybe when they’re awake later, we can do a video chat. Do you think that would make them happy?” Rhett asked, hopeful.
“It probably wouldn’t hurt,” Boone said as there was a knock at the back door. We were expecting Sean, but I was surprised to see Simon with him when I walked up to the door. I waved them in before I could reach the door, and they entered with big smiles on their faces, along with two large pizza boxes. Brother time might be just what Rhett needed, even if he didn’t realize it, and I silently thanked Sean as he walked into the kitchen and sat the pizza down on the island.
“You going to share those babies, Boone?” Simon said as he walked off toward the living room where Rhett and Boone were.