Chapter Seven
Maggie and Colin sat side by side on the bus, both with e-readers in their hands. It was cloudy out, with cool winds blowing across the acres of green that whirred by beyond the windows. Good travel conditions for the three plus hour bus trip to the Cliffs of Moher, and Maggie was grateful. But she kept stealing glances at her traveling companion. Her eyes lingered along his profile, his strong, clean shaven jaw and the creases at the corners of his eyes. The little pucker between his brows as he frowned had returned. Colin was back to being the quiet, reserved man she’d originally met a few weeks ago, and she’d noticed. Something had shifted in him since she’d seen him on Tuesday night, and she wasn’t sure why. It was palpable.
The small talk was still there, but she’d caught him staring at her a few times. Not just staring, but studying her, searching with his intense gaze as if he were trying to find something, piece a puzzle together. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence that had settled between them, but something was clearly up with him, and she couldn’t take another minute. She was always direct.
“Is everything okay with you?” she asked.
His marine-blue eyes lifted from his e-reader to meet hers. “Pardon?”
“You’re different,” she said evenly. “I noticed it last night at the pub, but chalked it up to us both being tired. Nope. You’re different today too.”
“Different how?” His frown deepened.
“You’re holding back on me again. Like in the beginning, before we’d gotten to know each other.” Maggie turned a bit in her seat to better hold his gaze. “If I’ve done something that bothered you, I wish you’d tell me. If something’s wrong, I’d like to know.”
“Nothing’s wrong,” he insisted, but something flashed behind his eyes.
“You’re lying.”
“Excuse me?”
“Something’s bothering you. You came on this weekend trip anyway, but something’s bothering you.” Her head angled as she studied his features, looking for an in. “If it’s not something I’ve done, but something else is going on, maybe you could talk to me about it. I’m a good listener.”
His lips pressed into a flat, thin line as his eyes searched hers. Then he sighed and murmured, “Just have some things on my mind, Maggie.”
“Talking might help.”
“I’m not a big talker.”
“I know. Maybe you should get better at that.” She tried to lighten the moment by placing her hand on his forearm and giving it a gentle squeeze. His eyes tracked her movement before lifting to her face again. “Try me.”
He gazed at her for so long, it almost made her look away. But she waited.
“I have some questions,” he said. “But the thing of it is, they’re really not my business to ask.”
“Questions about me?”
“Aye.”
“Go ahead and ask. If I don’t want to answer, I won’t, but I’m pretty open. You know that.”
He nodded, then cleared his throat as he rubbed his hands together. “Ehm… I don’t know how to start delicately.”
“You don’t have to be delicate with me,” she said with a grin.
“All right. The first week, once I started going places with ya… I read a lot of the entries on your website. Impressive. You’ve traveled extensively. You usually stay in a place from a week to a month, depending on the place. Correct?”
“Correct.” She leaned back a bit, let her head rest against the leather seat.
“It’s not appropriate to ask, it’s not my business, but I’m curious.” His voice dropped low, penitent. “How… how do you afford it? You seem to hop continuously from place to place, and unless you make a lot more writing for your travel blog than I can figure, I don’t know how you do it.”
“Ah.” Maggie sat up straighter. “Okay. It’s a fair question.”
“Is it?” Colin looked uncomfortable. “’Tis not my place to ask such a thing…”
She loved his good manners; even when he was aloof or grouchy, they never faltered. So she leaned closer to speak quietly, not wanting the other passengers to hear. “I told you Zack and I were in a car accident.”
Colin nodded, his eyes locked on hers.
“We were in Savannah, Georgia. Stopped at a red light. We never saw him coming. The driver who hit us had fallen asleep at the wheel, hit us with a small truck.” She saw Colin cringe but kept talking. “The guy was on duty at the time, working for a huge international delivery company, you’ve probably heard of them… anyway. My family got a lawyer, we sued… long awful story short, I was awarded damages.”
Colin took that in, then asked, “Enough to travel non-stop, I gather?”
“Enough to do that, and whatever else, for as long as I want. I put some of it away, invested in things so I’ll have it one day when I’m old and alone. But yeah…” She decided she could tell him and leaned closer to whisper in his ear. “Five million dollars goes a long way.”
Colin’s eyes flew wide. “Sweet Jesus.”
“Funny thing is, I don’t think about it.” She leaned back, still speaking low. “I mean… okay, so I’m set for life. Great. But how do you put a price on a life snuffed out? The money didn’t bring my husband back.” She saw the mixture of wonder and empathy in Colin’s deep blue eyes as he listened to her. “But yes, it gave me the freedom to finish what he and I started together. To blog about traveling and to see the world. I like to think he’d be proud of what I’ve done.”
“I’m sure he would be. I just… that’s… a hell of a thing,” Colin murmured. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. You asked a question, I answered it. Now you know.” She smiled softly and let her head drop against the seat again. “Anything else?”
“Actually, yes, if that’s all right.”
“Go for it,” she urged.
But he didn’t right away. She waited, wondering what had him churning this way. Finally he said, so quietly she almost didn’t hear, “I saw videos of you and your husband. The original travel blog, the one you had together, not just the one you do now. Stephen found it the other night.”
She hadn’t been expecting that. But she tried to keep her expression neutral as she pressed, “And… seeing that made you pull back from me for some reason. Why?”
He blinked at her obviously correct assessment. Someone on the small bus coughed, and a bump in the road jostled them. He just kept looking at her.
“Whatever’s on your mind,” Maggie said, “just say it.”
Colin swallowed, ran a hand uneasily along the back of his neck. Then he put the e-reader aside and turned to fully face her. “I was with the kids at dinner, and Stephen found your travel blog. I’d only seen your website with the written blog posts, your recent travels. He found the blog you had with your husband, the YouTube thing. And I…” To her amazement, he blushed a bit. “The next day, at work, I went back and watched a bunch of those videos. It was like I was compelled. Before I knew it, I’d been watching clips for almost two hours.” His blush deepened as he added gruffly, “Made me feel like a bloody stalker.”
Maggie sat still, absorbing his words. “You’re not. You got curious. I would have been curious too. So go on.”
His eyes fastened on hers as his voice dropped lower. “Seeing you with him… seeing Zack. It made me think about so many things. And I…” The flush on his cheeks deepened. “It hurt to look at you two.”
Her mouth went dry. “Yeah, well, that’s why I don’t look. It hurts me too.”
“You never look?”
“No. Only on his birthday, or on the anniversary of his death. I spend the day locked in a hotel room, watching videos and crying my eyes out.” She didn’t admit that to many people, but something about Colin made her feel she could tell him such things. “The rest of the year, I don’t look. Not anymore. I used to, of course. That first year, I watched videos every day. It was part of the grieving process for me. But now it’s just…” She licked her dry lips. “It hurts less than it used to, but it’s easier for me if I don’t. I can’t move forward if I go back in time on a regular basis, you know?”
“I can understand that.” Colin’s blue gaze was intense. “I don’t know how you dealt with that loss. How you healed. If you healed. And if you haven’t, you put on a damn good front, and I want to know… I just…” His eyes dropped to his hands. “It’s not my damn business, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. About you, and him, and… it made me hurt for you, Maggie. It did. And I haven’t felt much in a long time, so to feel anything like that was just…” His voice trailed off and he shook his head. “I don’t want to bring up painful memories for you. Your pain is none of my business. I’m a bloody idiot. I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not an idiot, and don’t be sorry. It’s okay.” Her heart felt lodged in her throat, but she got the words out. “I appreciate your kind heart. Thank you for caring.”
Colin blinked, then looked down at his hands.
She smiled gently. “Ask me more, if there’s more. If I don’t want to answer, I won’t, but you can ask. I feel like there’s more in your head.”
His eyes locked on hers again, searching. “How did you get over it?”
“One day at a time,” she whispered. “Some days are harder than others, but I’ve found my groove again. Time, space, motion… new places and people. Not staying stuck in the past, being determined to keep moving and keep living. All of it helped.”
The way Colin stared at her made her insides go all thick and warm, molten, like her organs had turned to lava. This conversation was bordering on emotional quicksand, but she was still skirting the edge, still on solid ground. She swallowed hard. “He’s gone. I’m still here. He wouldn’t want me stuck. And I don’t want to be stuck. That’s not honoring him. Living my life honors him.”
Colin nodded slowly, seeming to absorb her words. Then he said, “He sounded like he had an accent, but different than yours. Yes?”
She couldn’t help it, a tiny laugh bubbled out of her. “Yes. He grew up near Austin, Texas. A Southern accent is what you heard.” The almost musical lilt of his words had charmed her from the very first time she’d heard him speak. Recalling his sweet, seductive voice made her heart twist for a second.
“He sounded kind of like Matthew McConaughey,” Colin quipped. “Reminded me of him in a way.”
She laughed. “I can see that. Zack had that kind of off the charts charisma too.”
“I noticed,” Colin said quietly.
“He was just a beautiful person,” she said. “Inside and out.”
“So are you, Maggie,” he murmured.
She smiled at his compliment. “Thank you.”
“You made a striking couple. Clearly you were very much in love. And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about your losing him, and what you must have gone through, and it’s been eating at me.” Colin looked sad. “That’s the truth of it. That’s… what you’ve been sensing, I guess, when you say something’s been bothering me. It’s nothing you did, and I’m sorry you thought that.”
Warmth steamrolled through her, making her insides tremble. She reached for his hand, giving it a squeeze. “Your empathy is touching. Truly.”
He squeezed her hand back. “I’m so sorry for your loss, Maggie. I really am.”
Tears stung the backs of her eyes, and she swallowed hard. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Are you… aren’t you ever lonely?” Colin asked, still holding her hand.
“Sure, sometimes. But most of the time, I’m too busy meeting new people and seeing wonderful things,” she insisted. “I’m so used to being alone, it’s just a natural state for me now.”
“Well, I can relate to that.”
“I had a feeling you did.”
He brushed her knuckles with the pad of his thumb before releasing her hand and drawing back. “I’m sorry if I delved into areas that were too personal—”
“You didn’t. We’ve spent time together. It’s only natural that you’d be curious. I’m curious about you too and I ask questions often, don’t I?”
“Aye.” A hint of a grin made the corner of his mouth twitch, but then his expression sobered again. “This may sound odd, but… I want to learn from you.”
That made her brows shoot up. “About what?”
He paused, clearly hesitant to say. “I want to learn how to move on. How to… embrace life again. Like you have.”
Her breath caught in her throat.
“I mean…” He scrubbed a hand over his jaw and his gaze shifted to the scenery passing outside the windows. “I’ve been thinking… if you could do it after suffering such a tremendous loss, I can do it after what I’ve gone through. If I stop feeling sorry for myself and get my head out of my arse. Maybe.”
Maggie felt a smile spread across her face. “That’s a great goal. But I’m sorry to disappoint you—I don’t have any magic answers. I just get up every day and try again. That’s really all there is to it.”
She reached up and touched his hair, playing for a few seconds along the back of his neck. His dark caramel hair was thick and soft, and she loved the feel of it. He shivered and she smiled, realizing she’d likely tickled him. “You can do whatever you decide you want to do, Colin.”
“You keep telling me that.”
“Because it’s true. You’ve just gotta try. Take an action… baby steps. Set some basic goals and go after them, just keep trying. Anyone can do that. I’m living proof.” Her hand dropped to his shoulder. “I want you to embrace life again too. And if I can help you with that while I’m around, I’m very happy to do so.”
His eyes, so intense, were glued to her face. She leaned in and kissed his cheek. God, he smelled so good. “Thank you for caring about me. Your concern is touching. But I promise, I’m okay.” She gave his shoulder a squeeze before withdrawing her hand. “Please don’t torture yourself with thinking about what I’ve been through. If I don’t anymore, you certainly shouldn’t. Promise me.”
He nodded.
“Let’s just think about the present, which is pretty damn good. Okay?”
He kept staring. Energy radiated from him; she could almost feel all the thoughts colliding in that overwired brain of his. But all he did was nod again and whisper, “Okay.”
*
The Cliffs of Moher were as breathtaking as Maggie remembered. Winds kept whipping her ponytail into her face and she was glad for her thick sweater. Her companion was distractingly handsome. With his dark blond hair, intense blue eyes, and ruddy cheeks, his lean build clad in a navy wool pullover and jeans, Colin looked like a poster boy for the Emerald Isle against the backdrop of the Cliffs. She took a few pictures of him, much to his consternation. When she insisted on a selfie and huddled close to him, the warmth of his body enticed her, but he wouldn’t put an arm around her shoulders. He just leaned in close enough for her to take the photo. Even after all they’d shared that day, he still literally held himself at arm’s length.
As they listened to the tour guide talk and took in the magnificent views, her mind kept going back to their talk on the bus. Colin had gone digging into her past and been genuinely heart-rendered by what he’d found, and then speculated upon it and put himself through an emotional wringer. He’d been concerned for her. Sad for her. He cared. And when she’d thanked him for caring, he hadn’t denied it. He couldn’t have anyway, it was all over his face.
Something had burrowed softly into her core as she’d absorbed that. How had that happened in so short a time?
She’d met so many people on her travels. Many had made some kind of impact; a few had dug deep into her heart and they’d made some sort of connection. She’d also had a few steamy flings, short and sweet and with the open understanding that it’d be nothing more than a few nights. But something about Colin… she couldn’t explain it, but she felt so at ease with him. They were so different, but they just… fit. She enjoyed his friendship and the unspoken yet undeniable chemistry that bubbled underneath. Even though he was still closed off in a lot of ways, they’d connected emotionally.
He was an interesting man, even though he thought himself a dull bore. She knew better. This was a man who, to her, got more interesting with every layer she managed to peel away. More appealing, more kind… there was so much more to him.
She liked him. She just really, really liked him, and for now, there was no need to overanalyze that, but to simply enjoy him.
The inn they were staying at for the night was about a half hour from the Cliffs. Maggie had heard about it from Ciara and was grateful there’d been two rooms left. She smiled at the charm of the faux castle, with its gray stones and round turret, its manicured front garden and stained glass windows on the ground floor. But when she and Colin went to check in, the middle aged woman at the small front desk twisted her hands, her pale eyes shooting back and forth between them as she said, “I’m so sorry, Miss Spencer, I don’t know how to say this. It seems there was a mistake with the booking of the rooms. I’m terribly sorry.”
Colin frowned hard as Maggie asked, “Are you saying we don’t have rooms?”
“I’m saying you have a room. One room. It has a king-size bed, but… no, not two separate rooms, as you’d requested. We overbooked.” The woman’s face started to flush bright pink as she continued, “We only have ten rooms, it’s a small place, as ya know. And the man who takes care of reservations wasn’t feeling well and wasn’t paying proper attention and… I’m so terribly sorry about this.” She cleared her throat. “Of course, we can roll a cot up to the room for ya as well. And to apologize, we’d like to pay for your dinner here tonight. For both of you.”
“That’s nice to hear.” Maggie shrugged. “Okay then. We can share a room.”
Colin’s eyes widened as they shot to her face.
Her brows lifted as she said to him, “What choice do we have? We’ll be fine.”
His jaw tightened and the pucker between his brows made a re-appearance. “If you say so.”
Maggie turned back to the woman and said calmly, “Mistakes happen. Of course I understand. But I’m sure you meant to say you would comp the room by half, didn’t you?” Her eyes and voice were unflinching as she stared the woman down.
The woman’s mouth opened, then closed again. She looked at the computer and typed something in. Looking back to Maggie, she said, “Absolutely. Of course we’ll do that in light of our oversight. Thank you for being so understanding.”
“Thank you so much.”
As they grabbed their bags and left the small lobby to head upstairs, Colin chuckled low and murmured in Maggie’s ear, “That was some impressive negotiating.”
“Nah. They know I’m a travel writer. They know they made the mistake. It was in their best interest to make up for that mistake and keep me happy.”
“Remind me not to tangle with you.”
“Heh. You keep that in mind, McKinnon.”
They made their way up the stairs to the first floor, finding the door to their room. “Hope you’ll be okay sharing a room,” Maggie said.
“Are you?” Colin asked. “I don’t want you to worry or feel—”
“Colin.” She put a hand on his arm. “I trust you. I’m not worried. If I didn’t, I would’ve raised holy hell, and I guarantee you they would have found a closet for one of us to sleep in.”
They entered the room, a charming space with dark wood walls, lace curtains over tall windows that allowed plenty of light, and a tremendous bed covered with a rich burgundy duvet and throw pillows.
“What a lovely room,” Maggie said, smiling with delight.
“I don’t see how they’ll even fit a cot in here,” Colin grumbled. “But I’ll take it, of course.”
“No way, Irish,” Maggie said as she set her suitcase in the corner by the small writing desk. “You’re much bigger than me, you’ll take the bed.”
“Absolutely not,” he admonished, eyes bright with ire. “And I’ll not argue with you about this.”
“We can argue about it later,” Maggie said. “I’m starving. Let’s go down to dinner.”
Colin mumbled something under his breath, but held out a hand toward the door as if to say, “Lead the way.”