Chapter Nine
Colin was wired. All through dinner, sitting across the table from Maggie, he tried to put on a good front, acting calm and collected… while his insides were rioting. She wanted him. They were going back to her flat after dinner to have sex, no doubt about it. Adrenaline pulsed through his body and he felt it down to his toes; even his hands were tingling. How in bloody hell was he supposed to eat? Barely able to, he made himself choke down a burger. Maggie just sat there with a sexy little smile on her face, one of anticipation. Her dark eyes twinkled as she talked, telling him about some of the places she’d be visiting over the upcoming week. He didn’t hear half of it.
Worries gnawed at him, the anxiety building.
With one exception, he hadn’t had sex in over eight years, by his calculations. That part of his marriage with Trish had died long before they’d finally called the time of death. And the one time he’d attempted to be with another woman, a few months ago, it had been an embarrassment. He wanted to forget the night ever happened.
This was so different. He really liked Maggie. Admired and respected her. And was so bloody attracted to her… he was afraid he’d disappoint her. Or make a fool of himself somehow. He didn’t know how to seduce a woman anymore. He wasn’t sure he’d measure up. Maggie was worldly, beautiful, had likely been with several other men at this point, and he… goddammit, his nerves were jangling.
“Stop thinking so hard,” she said, as if she’d read his thoughts.
“I’m—I’m not,” he lied, but felt heat singe his face and cursed himself for it.
She pushed her euros for her half of dinner across the table at him. “Yeah, you are. I can feel you freaking out. Stop it. Relax. We’re going to have a great night.”
He blushed harder and said nothing, concentrating on the check.
She reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. “Look at me.”
He did, his heart thumping.
She smiled softly. “You don’t have to come home with me if it’s not what you want. I won’t be offended.”
His heart skipped a beat. “Of course I want to come home with you, Maggie. I’m just…” His face flushed anew and he wondered how his blood pressure would hold up for the night. “I’m a little nervous, is all.”
“You’re so sweet.”
“Don’t say that,” he groused, cringing. “It’s not sweet. It’s pathetic.”
“Shut up. It’s not pathetic, it is sweet.” She caressed the top of his hand with the pad of her thumb. “Colin… honey… don’t you think I understand?”
His brows lowered, not fully gleaning her meaning. “Not really, no.”
“I didn’t sleep with anyone for over two years after Zack died,” she said. Her flat statement made him snap to attention. “The first time, I was a nervous wreck. I was in Rome for a month. Met a gorgeous, unbelievably sexy man. Things progressed naturally… and I, um… I wanted to, but even more than that, I felt like I had to get it over with, out of the way, you know?”
Colin stared, listening, his heart suddenly in his throat.
“I was shaking when we went to bed,” Maggie admitted openly. “I told him I was nervous, but didn’t tell him why. Just said it’d been a long time for me. He was lovely, patient and gentle, and it went fine… but I got out of there as soon as it was over, went back to my room, and cried for hours. I felt like I’d cheated on my husband. It made me miss him all over again. It was awful. That’s the truth.”
Colin sighed and interlaced his fingers with hers.
“But I got past that, with time. So yes, I’ve been with other men over the past three years. And enjoyed being with them. Very much.” Her eyes widened as if something occurred to her and she blurted, “It’s not like I have a sailor in every port, mind you! Not at all!” She laughed and it eased the knot in Colin’s chest a bit. “I’m just trying to say that the first time was so hard. I remember very well how nervous I was. What it was like to climb back in the saddle after a long time out of it.” She squeezed Colin’s fingers. “And I’m honored you’d like to climb back in with me. I’d like to make it wonderful for you.”
A rush of warmth streamed through him. Maggie was an exceptional woman. He cleared his throat and said, “I’m honored you want to with me in the first place.”
“Oh good, we’re a mutual honor society.” She smiled brightly. “Let’s get out of here and do something about that.” Then she leaned in close and whispered, “I have protection, back at my flat. So don’t worry about that part, at least. Okay?”
Then they were walking back to her place, each carrying their duffel bags. Going to the Cliffs had been a nice reprieve; he hadn’t been there since his late twenties. Spending time with Maggie had been wonderful. She was so easy to be with. He’d hated going anywhere with Trish. On top of being a drama queen who wanted everything her way, Trish had to meticulously plan out everything down to the most minute detail, taking most of the fun out of it. They’d always ended up tense, angry, fighting. It was one of several reasons they barely went on trips.
Inversely, going anywhere with Maggie was a breeze. She was flexible, curious, engaged, loved being spontaneous. Always wanting to explore, unafraid to ask locals questions—but in a friendly way that endeared her to them, never by being obnoxious or pushy. Maggie was a delight, through and through. It struck him again how much he liked her; how much he enjoyed talking with her, roaming with her, just being in her sunny, upbeat presence.
He wondered if she knew that, if he’d conveyed it all. He wasn’t sure. But maybe she did know… after all, she’d invited him to her bed. She could’ve chosen anyone for that, but she’d chosen him. His nerves were still sparking, but he swallowed it down.
“This is it,” she said, stopping at a rounded stone archway.
“This close?” He knew she’d said she was staying “around the corner” from the pub, but this was literally just round the bend. They’d walked maybe sixty meters.
“Yup. Told ya.” She opened the heavy front door and he followed her inside.
The building was clean, looked reputable, and something in him was relieved for her. Before he knew it, she was ushering him into her flat. Small, cozy, and plain, he searched for any hints of her marks on it. She’d been staying there for almost a month; it surprised him to see nothing that really spoke of her. No pictures, no personal items that stood out. It was as if she were staying at a hotel that she’d be leaving by checkout the next morning, not making herself at home in a flat she’d live in for three months.
“I, ehm…” He placed his bag on the floor by the door. “I’ll just leave this here.”
“That’s fine.” She dropped hers beside the sofa and turned to him with a smile. “Want a drink? Would that help?”
“No, thank you.”
“Want a brown paper bag?”
He frowned in confusion. “Pardon?”
“To breathe into.” She winked.
A chuckle escaped him and he ran his hands through his hair, over his face. “Christ. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She stepped toward him.
He felt all his muscles tense. His brain was muddled. He was messing this up before it’d even started. Bloody hell, what had he been thinking, accepting her invitation to go home with her? This couldn’t go well. He wasn’t that kind of man—one who could just go home with a woman, much less one as incredible as Maggie, go have some carefree sex, act all alpha and cool… he was too damaged. Too trapped in his head. And now she’d know just how much. His eyes slipped closed as he wondered how to extricate himself from this before he could make things worse.
But she held his face in her hands. Her thumbs stroked his stubbled chin as she said gently, “Hey. Colin.”
He met her eyes, amazed to find them filled with such warmth and a hint of playfulness. “What?”
“It’s okay to be nervous.” Her sweet lips curved up. “You dear, dear man.”
He cringed inside. “I’m not a pity case, Maggie. For fucksake…” His voice came out rougher than he’d intended. “I should go.”
“I know you’re not a pity case, Colin.” She didn’t let go of him. “I don’t pity you.”
“Sounded like it.”
“Hell no. I want to take you to bed and ravage every inch of you. I’m pretty selfish, really.”
That made him stop. Take a breath. A grin made his lips twitch. “Horrible woman, you are.”
She grinned back. “My prediction: after the first time, you won’t be nervous anymore. After the second time, I bet you’ll take the lead. After the third time, you’ll just pass out.” Her grin turned wicked.
His heart started thumping hard as his breath hitched. She absolutely dazzled him. Not knowing what to say that wouldn’t sound stupid, he said nothing, instead leaning down to kiss her lips with care. It was a soft kiss, tentative but longing.
She took his hand and led him to the sofa, then lightly pushed him to sit. He watched her as her smile bloomed wide as she moved in to straddle his lap. She fit herself against him, her eyes never leaving his as she sank down onto him, her thighs aligning with the outsides of his, her hands flat on his chest to steady herself.
Alluring as a siren, he thought, utterly captivated by her.
Then she leaned in, her breasts pressing against his chest, and kissed him. “Stop thinking,” she whispered against his mouth. Her whole body, warm and soft, curled into him, around him, and the feel of her under his hands was intoxicating. Her deep brown eyes, so warm and welcoming, further drugged him. She caressed his cheeks, then dragged her tongue along his bottom lip before she sank her teeth into it, bringing a groan from deep in his throat. “Colin, you sweet, gorgeous man… just be with me.”
Heart rate rising, he cradled her head and kissed her. Slow and sumptuous, he took from her mouth as he willed himself to comply with her commands. To stop thinking. To live in the moment. To just feel, just be. To take whatever this beautiful woman wanted to give and was willing to offer, and give back whatever he could.
He couldn’t remember the last time he sat with a woman and kissed for a long time—probably since being at university with Trish in the early days. Making out with Maggie was delicious and dizzying. For what felt like hours, he luxuriated in her sweet, hot mouth as his hands slowly roamed over her enticing body. The feel, taste, scent of her overtook and flooded his senses, and he willingly sank beneath the current.
“Mmmmm,” she hummed into his mouth as he grew hard between her legs. She rolled her hips and he moaned into their kiss. Without conscious thought, he carefully pulled the elastic from her hair. He wanted her hair down, to run his fingers through that long curtain of shimmering gold.
Their kisses intensified and burned hot, greedy and hungry and demanding, tongues swirling and teasing. She grasped one of his hands and brought it to her breast. Stunned by her boldness, he squeezed her plush flesh, both for his own pleasure and to give her what she obviously wanted.
“Don’t be shy,” she commanded, her head falling back. “Don’t hold back. Take what you want. I want you to.”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph…” His voice was as raw as his nerves. His eyes swept over her face, at the spots of high color on her cheeks and the hungry look in her clouded gaze. Both of his hands closed over her breasts and caressed them, bringing a moan from her lips that resonated through him, straight to his groin.
“Yessss,” she whispered, smiling. “There you are.”
He squeezed her breasts with firmer hands, fondling them as his hips rolled under hers, seeking the friction he needed as urgency built inside him.
Her nimble fingers ran through his hair, then up and down his arms for a time until they found the buttons of his shirt. Never breaking their deep kisses, she unbuttoned it and spread it wide, raking her short nails over the gray T-shirt underneath. He sucked in a breath when she slipped her hands beneath that to glide over his biceps, then his chest, tweaking his nipples.
“I want this off,” she whispered. “Let me feel you.”
He stripped off the button down and the T-shirt, tossing them aside. She looked over his body as her greedy hands smoothed across his chest and smiled before her head dipped to kiss his neck, lick and bite at his throat as her fingers took what they wanted. She was all over him, openly enjoying herself, and he loved it.
And he wanted more.
“You too, lass,” he murmured. “Off with that top. Fair’s fair…”
Without hesitation, she leaned back enough to pull the blue long-sleeved tee up over her head, revealing her round breasts encased in a lacy peach colored bra. His hands slid up her sides, luxuriating in the feel of her skin and the sight of her body revealed to him. “God almighty,” he breathed.
Smiling, she dove back to his mouth for more hungry kisses.
His nervousness was receding at last, giving way to pulsating, urgent need and desire. He was burning for her, the fire consuming him, body and mind. Her mouth, her scent, her soft body in his arms, writhing slowly against him… it was all so good. So very, unbearably good.
She shifted on his lap, grinding her pelvis hard against his rock hard erection once before moving to stand. His eyes took her in hungrily, mesmerized as he watched her shimmy out of her skinny jeans, push them down to her ankles, and step out of them. Her satiny purple panties didn’t match the bra and he loved that. A fancy matching set was too polished a move for Maggie, who always did her own thing. It was so refreshingly normal, so wonderfully her.
But the sight of her standing before him in only her underwear made his head reel. He felt almost drunk, heady with desire as his heart pounded. His eyes traveled over her body, lingering on her lush breasts and long, toned legs, drinking in every inch of her. There were scars too. They registered, but didn’t take anything away from her beauty. They were just a part of her. “You’re magnificent,” he managed to murmur.
Her answering smile was warm and delighted. “Thank you.” She reached out to him, palm up and open. “I want you in my bed now, handsome.”
Heart rate rising, chest tight with longing, he got to his feet. She went to him and ran her hands over his bare shoulders, along his chest, and he silently thanked himself for going back to the gym. He wasn’t cut or ripped by any means, but he was tighter and leaner than before he’d started back in January. He was in better shape now than he’d been for years, and not bad, he figured, for forty years old. And, to his relief, she seemed pleased with what she saw. Her eyes sparkled as her fingertips dipped lower, playing with the trail of hair below his navel until she was flicking open the button of his jeans, lowering the zipper. He could barely breathe. His mind went blank.
She kissed his neck as her palm pressed against his erection and rubbed. A guttural groan floated out of him. Her other hand found his and intertwined their fingers. She pulled gently as she started to walk and he followed her down the short, dark hallway. There were only two doors; the second one was her bedroom. She moved to one of the two nightstands that framed the bed and clicked on a lamp, its dark green shade an odd shape. The small amount of light it cast was gentle, making the room seem more intimate.
“Be right back,” she said, nudging him to sit on her bed before she slipped out.
He took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. The way it felt in his chest reminded him of a tiny bird in a cage, fluttering about and hitting the bars. He drew another breath, long and shuddery. Before he could draw a third, Maggie returned, a strip of shiny foil in her hand. She placed the condoms on the other nightstand, which only held a digital alarm clock, then crawled onto the bed.
He shifted to look at her, breath catching as she stretched out to lie down. Her hair spread across the pillows, her eyes luminous and her body calling to him. Christ almighty, she was beautiful. The sexiest, most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on, much less a hand on. He wanted to say something, but words failed him, as they often seemed to in her presence.
She smiled alluringly and curled a finger toward him in invitation. “Lose the jeans and get over here, McKinnon.”
He got naked and watched her eyes rake over him, taking him in… she smiled and bit down on her bottom lip. Her eyes got even darker, if that was possible, and hungrier. Wanting. Oh thank God, she liked what she saw.
Kneeling on the mattress between her ankles, he surveyed her body again. She smiled at him and his heart kicked. “You’re too beautiful,” he said plainly.
“You’re too kind.”
“No, just honest.”
“Then I appreciate your honesty.”
“I appreciate getting to look at you like this.”
His hands ran a slow glide from her ankles, over her calves, up her shapely thighs as he parted them. Hooking his fingers into her panties, she lifted her hips to help him peel them off.
“Get up here,” she demanded.
“Not quite yet,” he murmured before lowering his mouth to taste her.
A sharp gasp flew out of her as he kissed her center. He settled between her thighs. His tongue dragged along the seam, dipping inside her warm folds, and she moaned, a gorgeously uninhibited sound. His hands held her hips as he licked her with long, slow strokes, lapping her up, tasting her body’s immediate response. She writhed and moaned and didn’t hold back. It thrilled him, made him feel powerful, made him want to take her over in every way. His tongue made little circles around her clit.
“If you keep doing that,” she said, her voice strangled, “I won’t last long.”
Recognizing that what he was doing made her lose her mind buzzed through him in a burst of electricity. He answered her warning by closing his lips and teeth around the sensitive bud and sucking hard. She cried out as her hips bucked and her back bowed off the mattress.
“Oh God, Colin!” Her fingers speared through his hair. Another gasp. “I love this too much. I won’t… oh God… I’m not kidding, I’ll be over.”
“Thought you said something about three times tonight…” Again his mouth sealed over her and he drove his tongue deep inside her. She cried out helplessly, back arching again. He sucked, licked, savored the tangy taste of her and her erotic sounds as she twisted beneath him. “So we’re just getting started, right?”
“Yes. Oh God. Don’t stop,” she pleaded. Her fingers twisted in his hair, almost pulling. “Please don’t stop. I’ll make it up to you… this is so good…”
He feasted on her, no holding back. His hands slid under her bottom, holding her right where he wanted her as her moans got louder. In under two minutes, she was shattering beneath his mouth and hands, crying out, undulating into him, all of it glorious. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so triumphant. She made him feel like a god, and he relished the sight and sounds of her breaking apart.
As her body quivered and she lay there panting, he kissed his way up her body. Realizing he’d never even gotten her bra off, he chuckled low as he pulled down the straps to kiss her shoulders, then set her breasts free. He kissed one dusky pink nipple, then the other. Her hands went to his face, stroking his skin as their eyes met.
“I really, really love what you just did,” she rasped between heavy breaths.
“I really, really loved doing that for you,” he whispered.
She smiled brightly, laughing. “Oh good. Your turn to come now?”
“God, I hope so.” He reached for the condoms and tore one free.
“Let me,” she said, taking it from him.
She stroked his straining erection and he moaned softly, his forehead dropping onto hers. He was so hard, so wanting, he was amazed he didn’t explode the second she touched him. Their eyes locked as her hands slid between their bodies. The look in her eyes and the feel of her rolling the condom over his shaft made him groan again.
“Get inside me,” she whispered, kissing his mouth and pulling him to align with her. He kissed her back, devouring her as his hips shifted and he sank into her.
His mind spun out at the feel of her. Sensations shimmered through him, a rush that had his blood racing. She was still so warm, so wet… “Christ, you feel amazing.”
“So do you.” She kissed him again as her fingers dug into his bottom and pushed him in deeper.
Lust slammed him. Urgently he thrust into her liquid heat, again and again, a man possessed. Her legs locked around his hips to draw him deeper inside her body and he moaned, the pleasure rushing through him… another thrust, another, harder, deeper… his whole body flooded with sensation as his climax hit hard and fast, sweeping him away. He called out her name in mindless bliss as she held onto him.
He collapsed on top of her, heart hammering, breathing hard. She kissed the side of his neck, along his jawline, finding his mouth and sealing them together.
“I’d say you’re officially back in the saddle, cowboy,” she said.
Still dazed, he lifted his head to meet her eyes and they smiled at each other.
“I need more practice rides,” he declared, kissing her again. “Just to be sure.”
“I’ve got all night.”