Chapter Twenty-Five
PARKER LOOKED AT her watch for the fifth time, wondering where Luce was. They were supposed to meet more than an hour ago, and Parker needed her support today more than ever. Not as a public-relations rep but as a friend. Today was her big audition for the lead role in the romantic comedy. Every time Parker auditioned for a role, her stomach knotted, her chest constricted, and she worried she’d wet her pants, throw up, or pass out—or maybe all of the above. Bert used to tell her that was because she cared so much about being great at her job. It was true she cared about excelling as an actress, and she always gave one hundred and ten percent to every audition and, subsequently, to every role. But that wasn’t what was causing her such panic. It was the feeling that at any moment someone would out her for being someone she wasn’t, which was silly, she knew. She was acting. She was supposed to be someone she wasn’t. That was the very thing she adored about her job, becoming someone else—and she was darn good at it.
But auditions had always felt different, like those first few days in a foster home. When the pressure was on to learn how to act, how to fit in, and how to go unnoticed.
“I’m here! Sorry I’m late.” Luce flew into the waiting room, her blond hair pulled back in a clip at the base of her neck, her usual enormous tote over her right shoulder. She eyed Parker as she fell into the seat beside her. “You sure you want to do this?”
“Yes. Why are you so late? You’re never late.” She was barely holding herself together. She’d spent the last two days going in and out of meetings, doing her best impression of a happy actress. She wasn’t just good at it; she was one of the best. Then again, not giving herself time to think had always worked in the past, and it was doing a fair job of keeping her distracted now. Or at least it had been, until last night, when she’d realized it had been two days and she hadn’t heard from Grayson. Not a text. Not an email. Not a phone call.
“Sorry. I got an urgent call from a client who was in trouble, and I had to sort a few things out. You look like death warmed over. You sure you want to do this? We can put it off.”
Parker rolled her eyes. Luce pulled a makeup bag out of her tote and dragged Parker into the ladies’ room. She could always count on Luce to be blatantly honest and prepared.
“I already did my makeup,” Parker complained.
“Yeah, but you did it like you didn’t care.” Luce took the clip out of her hair, freeing her thick mane, and used it to pull Parker’s hair into a low ponytail, securing it at the nape of her neck.
“Maybe I don’t.” She definitely hadn’t taken the time to do her makeup the way she usually did. Every time she looked in the mirror, she saw someone she didn’t like. Grayson had been so good to her, so patient and loving, and she’d barely given him a chance to explain.
“You do care. You’re just in that crazy messed-up place women go when their hearts have been broken.” Luce put makeup beneath Parker’s eyes. “You’re becoming beautiful again, thanks to me.”
She’d been up half the night studying her lines and trying to convince herself that she’d done the right thing by walking away from Grayson. Okay, maybe she’d spent the night trying to study her lines and thinking about how much she missed Grayson.
Luce snapped her fingers in front of Parker’s eyes.
Parker blinked several times. “What?”
“You are totally zoning out. You cannot do this audition.” Luce shoved her makeup back into her tote and crossed her arms. She was about as cutthroat and sharp as they came, and she could turn a rat’s reputation into Prince Charming within a few highly strategized days.
Parker knew if Luce didn’t think she should do the audition, she was probably right, but she wasn’t in a compliant mood. “You’re not here as my PR rep,” she reminded her.
“Right. Let me say this as your friend instead.” With one hand on her hip and a witchy look on her face, she said, “Your incredibly amazing boyfriend did you a solid by trying to find your family. He went about it backward, because that’s what real men do. They don’t always think before taking action. Not that you would know, because you’re never around normal men. You’re around quasi-men who wax their entire bodies, have less muscle than me, and trade testosterone for paychecks.”
Parker couldn’t help but laugh. “They really do wax all over, don’t they? Blech. Grayson has this sexy dusting of chest hair, and he’s loaded with testosterone. He’s so confident and in control and always watching, you know? Watching other people watching me, like he’d step in if someone approached.”
Luce raised her brows. “You sound dreamy, like you did when you were back at the Cape.”
“I do not.” I totally do.
“You love him, Parker, and there’s no shame in that.”
“He broke my trust.” She turned away, but she couldn’t escape the pain that chased the memory. “I can’t love him.”
“Okay, you’re right. You can’t love him, because people don’t make mistakes. That’s why I’ll be out of a job tomorrow. No mistakes, no need for PR.”
Parker glared at her. Nothing felt right since she’d come back home. Her house felt vacant, her bed was lonely, and her heart ached so badly every time she thought of Grayson she wanted to cry and punch something in equal measure. And Christmas? Her poor boy had been moping around for two days, whimpering, sleeping beside the bed, like he was waiting for Grayson to climb into his spot beside her. She wished he would.
“Well, if you’re really over him, then you won’t mind seeing this.” Luce dug in her tote and pulled out a screenshot of Perez Hilton’s website. Beneath the headline, WHEN PARKER’S AWAY LACROUX WILL PLAY, there was a picture of Grayson sitting in a dark restaurant with an arm around Bailey Bray, one of the hottest female rock stars around. He was leaning in, like he was whispering in her ear.
Like he used to do to her.
She could practically feel his warm breath on her skin. Hear him whispering, I love you, sweetheart.
Parker dropped the paper. Her lungs refused to work. She couldn’t believe Grayson would move on that fast. She had been bratty and upset, but still. He’d said he loved her. He’d touched her like he loved her.
“I didn’t show you before because, well, you know. I thought it might make you fall apart.” Luce pulled a handful of tissues from her tote and shoved them into Parker’s hand. “So much for the makeup. I’m canceling your audition.”
“No!” Parker finally managed. She wiped her eyes, sniffling, and trying her hardest to pull herself together. “I need this role.”
“Like you need a hole in your head,” Luce said flatly. “If you never worked again you’d have enough money to live a very elaborate life.”
“I don’t need it for the money.” Tears tumbled down her cheeks. “I need it so I can forget…”
Luce opened her arms, and Parker fell into her warm and welcome embrace.
“Feel that?” Luce asked.
“The man I love killing me? Yeah. I do. Thanks. And I hate you so much right now.”
Luce stroked Parker’s back. “No, honey. You’re not dying. You’re finally living.”
“You’re messed up.”
Luce laughed. “Probably, considering I can fix everyone’s life but my own.” She pulled Parker from her shoulder and leveled her with a serious stare. “You need a mom.”
“You’re full of hateful things today. I think I need to rethink this friendship.”
“I’m being serious. You’ve never had a mother figure, so I’m stepping in. Here’s what my mom told me when I was about thirteen: Boys can be stupid. And they can be smart. And sometimes they can be stupid when they think they’re being smart. It’s very confusing to be a boy.”
“That’s not very helpful,” Parker said. “Grayson isn’t stupid. He knew I needed to go see Abe when I wasn’t so sure myself. And he knew I’d have a hard time if I didn’t get to give Abe one last hug before he passed away.” And roots. He knew I needed stable, unbreakable roots.
“He’s not stupid, because he’s not a boy,” Luce said evenly. “When I was eighteen my mother told me guys could be a-holes, but usually they didn’t realize when they were being that way. That was the year my boyfriend cheated on me with the class slut.”
“Are you calling Grayson an a-hole? Because he’s not one. He thought he was doing the right thing. He wasn’t trying to hurt me, Luce. He was trying to connect the stupid dots that probably don’t connect at all, but that doesn’t matter.” Her head was spinning, and her thoughts kept falling out. “He didn’t want to give up on finding my family, and he was trying to keep me from worrying about it just in case, so don’t call him names. And you know what else? I don’t know what kind of cockamamy bull that was on Perez Hilton, but I know Grayson, and he wouldn’t…” She turned away, unable to say the words. He wouldn’t cheat? Would it even be considered cheating anymore? Were they still together? Did she break up with him? She didn’t even know how they’d left things.
Luce spun her around again. “Don’t turn away from your mother.”
“Then don’t call him names,” she fumed.
“He’s not an a-hole,” Luce agreed. “Grayson’s also not a guy. He’s a man. When I graduated from college and all my friends were falling in love, and then falling apart, my mother told me this: Men lose their minds when they fall in love. They will do everything and anything to protect the woman they love. Sometimes, they get it wrong, and they do stupid things that make them look like jerks because they’re so in love they can’t see straight.”
“Luce!” Parker threw her hands up in the air and groaned. “He would do anything for me. He did everything for me. He…” Oh no, what have I done? She looked at Luce, whose gratified smile told her she’d been leading Parker down this path like a horse following a carrot. “What kind of friend are you? Why didn’t you just slap me and tell me I was being stupid?”
“I tried, but you’re stubborn.” Luce opened her arms.
“I’m too annoyed to hug you. Forget the audition. Please can you cancel it, or reschedule, or whatever needs to be done? I don’t even care right now. And forget Perez Hilton, the gossipmonger. Do something to him, too, please.”
“Anything for you, dear daughter,” Luce teased.
Parker pulled the clip from her hair and handed it to Luce. “Thank you for trying to make me beautiful, but I’m not feeling Parker beautiful at the moment, and I don’t want to fake it to make it. And you know what? That’s okay.”
She grabbed her purse and headed out the bathroom door.
“Where are you going?” Luce called after her.
“To call my man and tell him he’s a stupid crazy a-hole who loves me too much.”
PARKER HOOKED UP her Bluetooth and called Grayson as she drove toward her house. Pick up. Please pick up. Her heart raced and her mind spun. What if he didn’t answer? What if the picture on Perez Hilton was from last night, and he really was with Bailey Bray? How did he even know her?
Her call went to voicemail. “Grayson, it’s Parker.” Duh. “I…Can we talk? Please? Call me.” She called Grunter’s, hoping he was there.
“Grunter’s Ironworks.”
“Hi. Is Grayson around? This is Parker.”
“Hey, Parker. It’s Clark. He’s out at meetings.”
Meetings. Great. That sounded like an excuse. “Okay, thanks.”
She ended the call and tried Grayson’s number again. It rang three times and went to voicemail. In all the time they’d been together he hadn’t had a single meeting. He was definitely avoiding her. She was sure of it. She could feel it in her gut. Maybe she’d already lost him for good.
Twenty minutes, and way too many bad thoughts later, she pulled into her driveway. Her phone rang as she stepped from the car. Her heart skipped a beat when Grayson’s name appeared on the screen.
“Grayson?”
“Hey.” He sounded tentative.
He never sounded tentative.
She froze. He’s given up on me. Please, please, don’t give up on me. “Grayson, I’m sorry I overreacted. I know you were trying to do the right thing.”
He was quiet for a long moment, and just as she began to panic, he said, “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I never should have gone against your wishes. I’ll never, ever do that again.”
Sweetheart. Tears filled her eyes. “Thank you, because even if you were being a stupid crazy a-hole who loves me too much, it’s no excuse to go behind my back. Ever.”
“A stupid, crazy…I promise, baby. Never again. I… Aw, man.”
“What?” Her stomach lurched.
“I might have gone behind your back one other time.”
“Come on, Grayson.” Praying he hadn’t done something else as bad, she walked up the slate steps to her front door. “What did you do? Wait. Don’t tell me yet. Tell me over Skype, so if it’s really, really bad, I can turn off Skype, which is about as good as slamming a phone down.”
He laughed at that. “It’s not really, really bad, baby. But yes, let’s Skype.”
“Promise it’s not that bad?”
“Yes.”
She froze. “Grayson, does this have to do with Bailey Bray?”
“Bailey? Leanna’s little sister? No. Why would it? I haven’t seen her in more than a year. When she came down to play at the Beachcomber last time, we all went to see her.”
Leanna’s little sister? “A year ago? I saw a picture on Perez Hilton of you two sitting together.”
He laughed. “Then those LA photogs hijacked it from last year, and just so you know, I’ve never gone out with Bailey.”
Breathing easier, and harder, she was even more anxious to see him now.
“Okay. Stay on the phone with me. I need two minutes to get inside.”
“I’m here, sweetheart. Take your time. I can’t wait to see your beautiful face.”
She unlocked the door, threw it open, and stepped inside. “Hold on. I—”
Her purse and phone dropped to the floor. Grayson stood in the center of the room with his arm draped possessively around Christmas, who looked happier than he had in days, and Grayson—beautiful, crazy, loved-too-hard Grayson—looked like he hadn’t slept in days. He sported at least three days’ scruff, with dark crescents underscoring tired, loving eyes, bringing tears to hers.
“GRAYSON.”
Christmas woofed and went to greet Parker.
It was all Grayson could do to try to find his voice at the sight of the woman he’d thought he’d lost. His throat was already thick with emotion from their phone call, and then she said his name in that way that answered all the questions he’d spent the past two days worrying over—she loved him. She was hurt, sad, and angry, but she loved him, and she knew he loved her.
“You’re here,” she said softly.
He cleared his throat, hoping to find his voice. “I told you if we weren’t physically in the same place when you needed me, I’d be there as fast as I could.”
She wiped her tears. “You told me at the very beginning, when something comes up, not to pull away, because issues seem bigger when we’re alone. I pulled away, Grayson, and you were right. It was worse.”
He drew her into his arms, and his heart swelled. Christmas tried to nose between them, but just this once Grayson needed Parker close. He reached down and petted her boy, hoping she knew there was no way he was letting either of them go again.
“I might have been right about that, but I was wrong to do what I did. I’m so sorry, sweetheart, and if you’ll forgive me, I…” He framed her beautiful face with his hands and gazed into her eyes, recognizing how big of a gift she was giving him by taking him back.
“I’ve spent the last two days trying to figure out what I could give you or what I could say to signify that I truly understand how badly I’ve messed up. That’s why I didn’t come on the next plane out of town after you left. But no matter how many times I went over it in my head, or tried to make you something that would prove to you how sorry I am, nothing came close. I finally gave up and got on a plane, and here I am.” He took her hand in his and laid his heart out before them.
“I don’t expect you to trust me again for a long time, but please know I love you. It’s not an excuse, and what I did was wrong on many levels, but I really did do it out of love. It was stupid and overprotective in the wrong way, and I will never make that mistake again. We can call and cancel the test. You’ll never have to think about it again.”
“Thank you,” she said softly. “When you brought up having a DNA test done after we saw Sarah, I was so scared. I didn’t want to think about Miriam not being alive. I was scared for Sarah, and for myself, about what connecting those dots would mean if the test came back positive. I didn’t want to think that my mother could have been in the wrong place at the wrong time because Abe had driven her away or because her mother didn’t fight hard enough for her.”
She swallowed hard, and he tightened his hold on her hand, wanting so badly to take her in his arms, but he knew she needed to get this out—and he needed to hear everything she had to say.
“I can’t change the circumstances that brought me into this world or that took my mother away. But I had Bert, and in a sense I had Abe, even if it was only for a short time. And, Grayson, I have you. I thought that was enough. But it wasn’t enough for you. You wanted to give me everything, even if the possibilities were nearly nonexistent, just like you tried to tell me.”
“I do, sweetheart. I want to give you everything. But I’ll never make the mistake of going around you again.”
“I know you won’t. You made sure I’ve had the opportunity to do things that I needed or wanted to do, even when I was scared and wanted to walk away. You’ve always known what I needed, Grayson. I don’t know how or why, but you have.”
“Sky would say it’s not me or you knowing anything. It’s the universe stepping in when we needed it most,” he said.
“I think she’d be right. She said I needed to be loved so I could heal, and she said you were ready. I didn’t understand what she meant before, but I think I do now. You were ready to love me, to be my rock, even if it meant doing hard things. I don’t want to cancel the DNA test. I need to know the truth. Thank you for not giving up on me.”
“I’ll never give up on you, baby. Not in a million years.” He leaned in for a kiss, and she pressed her hand to his chest, holding him an inch away.
“Wait. How did you get in here?”
“Luce.”
Her eyes widened. “Luce? You were her urgent call?”
He was indeed her urgent call. She’d read him the riot act before agreeing to meet him and let him into Parker’s house. “She’s wonderful.”
“She’s sneaky.” She wound her arms around his neck. “Like you.”
“Never again, sweetheart. From now on I’m an open book.”
Her eyes filled with wickedness. “Tell me about the juicy pages.”
“I’ve got a better idea.” He kissed her softly. “How about if I show you?”