Chapter 23
Olivia
On the drive home Lucas’s sullen. Silent. And infinitely more attractive than he had been just a few hours earlier. I wonder what suddenly makes him so irresistible. Is it the fact that I know he comes with baggage? Full. Heavy. Baggage.
I’ve been drawn to him from the moment we met, but now I can't deny that I feel more than a simple attraction. Much, much more. My churning emotions terrify me. I pull the car to a stop in his driveway.
“We’re here.”
Lucas looks out the window and nods.
“Do you hate me?” He asks looking down into his lap and picking at his nails.
“Of course not.” I run my hand back and forth over his thigh.
I feel a surge of heat rush through me. I need to get out of the cramped car. It’s too full of Lucas; his body, his heat, his scent. I need the cool air, or I might climb over the console and straddle him.
Before getting out and making my way around to his door Lucas opens it and stands on his own. I’m careful not to touch him. I’m too turned on to risk a simple touch. We walk across the short driveway to the front door of the small, humble, cape house Lucas calls home.
He puts his hand in his pocket searching for the keys. Reading the confusion on his face I jingle the fob in front of him.
“Looking for this?” I tease.
Lucas looks at me sheepishly and smiles.
He takes the fob from me and tries with some difficulty to place the house key in the lock of the front door. Focused completely on his struggle, Lucas doesn’t seem to notice anything else. I place my hand over his and ignore the surge of heat shooting through my fingers, through my body.
Together, we fit the key in the hole and turn it. Lucas turns to face me with a smile playing on the corner of his lips. I can’t move. I’m frozen in place as our eyes lock. Every cell in my body vibrates.
He looks awed as his hand slips behind my neck. All the times I’ve caught him staring, he never looked like this. Like I’m all he can see. Like I’m his everything.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on.”
“Thank you,” I answer, dropping my eyes.
He lifts my chin with his pointer finger as he dips his head down and brushes his lips against mine. This sweet kiss wakes a yearning inside me. I grasp his shirt in my fingers and pull him closer. I press myself up against him.
It’s not enough. I want more as he drops his mouth and nuzzles against the nape of my neck forcing a moan of pleasure to escape from me.
Lucas turns me around and backs me up until I’m pinned against the front door. My shallow breaths come faster as his hands run down the sides of my neck. Down to my breasts where his fingertips skim over my tight nipples.
"O-liv-ia-," he whispers my name.
My insides twist and twirl, I’m soaring from heady heights, like I’m about to jump from an airplane. Clumsily he reaches around me for the doorknob, turns the handle, and sends us stumbling inside.
I giggle righting myself and run my index finger over his bottom lip. “You’ve practiced that haven’t you?”
He takes my hands in his and gives a devilish grin, “Once or twice.”
“I bet.”
“Come with me,” he whispers, standing so close our bodies touch and his breath tickles my ear.
"I don't think I should."
"Come."
He wraps his arm around the small of my back and yanks me hard against him. My heart beats so hard I feel it in my fingertips. And what the hell am I feeling between my legs? I swear I never felt this tingling before.
I nod.
Lucas leads me through the house to his bedroom. Every fiber of my being tells me I should stay in the living room on neutral territory, but I find myself unable to utter any words. Especially the word “no.”
At least I’ll get a glimpse at one of the most intimate areas of Lucas's life. I still don’t want to be just another notch for him, but I’m not sure I can resist any longer.
We can’t have sex. Not tonight. Not after everything that happened. I force myself to look around, to learn more about this man from his surroundings.
I’m stumped. His house is somewhat cold. The cherry wood furniture and sleigh bed are the focus of his bedroom. The dark walls are mostly bare. A lone mirror hangs above the dresser to the left of the bed. I guess it’s better than finding a mirror on the ceiling.
No pictures are hung. Not even decorative ones. The only adornment of the room is the large screen plasma television hanging above an entertainment center.
Lucas gives my hand a light tug, and pulls me over to the bed. He sits on the edge and motions to the spot beside him.
“Sit.”
I close my eyes searching for an excuse. I shouldn’t. Desire pulsates throughout my body. I really shouldn’t. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“I won’t bite. Not unless you want me to.”
I avert my eyes, “Now that we’ve got you safe in bed, I should leave.”
“Don't." His grey eyes, glassy from the alcohol are intense. They pierce me. Make my heart stutter. "Stay,” he pauses, then swallows hard. “Please.”
“I wouldn't feel right being . . . intimate tonight.” Definitely not tonight.
Until now I’ve managed to avoid sex like a skyscraper avoids an octopus. One just doesn't go with the other. We've only been dating a little over a month, but each time we see each other I wonder if this is the night he brakes me. I know he will eventually, and once he does, everything will change.
Lucas straight out terrifies me. At least my feelings for him do, because they overpower logic. They’re deep and real and happened way too fast. I’m afraid taking our relationship to the next level will ruin the magic and intimacy between us, not add to it.
And I’m not ready to walk away.
My sister thinks I’m crazy, but from the night we met I’ve felt like Lucas has an agenda and sex is it. I know once I give myself to him completely he’s going to shut me out.
I can read between the lines of his noncommittal attitude. Lucas doesn’t seem interested in the details of my private life, nor does he offer any of his own. He steers the conversation away from anything more than how our work days go. I understand that a little better now.
Still, he has no desire to meet my friends or introduce me to his. He never hinted about bringing me home to meet his mother, and steers clear of discussing his family at all. Except, of course, for telling me that his father is dead.
Lucas opened up and spoke of the great pain he feels over the recent loss of his father. A father he was close to and idolized as a child. A father whose love could never be felt again.
I justified that his suffering explains his reluctance to discuss matters close to his heart. It makes sense and endears him to me. But still I keep my guard up.
“C’mon,” Lucas sounds very much like a little boy trying to get his way. “I won’t try anything. Promise.”
I hesitate a moment. What harm could sitting next to him bring? My body’s tight with tension as I sit on the bed beside him. My chest aches from the heavy pounding of my heart. My stomach back flips in anticipation of the next move, wondering what I got myself into.
Lucas leans into me, using one hand to steady himself, the other getting lost in my hair.
“I can spend hours staring into your eyes.”
I can't resist him anymore. I don't want to. I initiate a long, sensual kiss. My tongue brushes against his, retreats, then comes at him again, teasing. Challenging him as my hands run over his shoulders. Down his arms. Along his chest. I inch over. Closer. Pressing my body up against his.
The sweet kiss evolves into something bred of hunger and need. My fingers wind in his hair. Pulling. Holding him close. His hand travels from my hair, down my body, squeezing, kneading my flesh. He arches his body over mine as I lean back and pull him down with me.
Lucas covers me like a blanket. I pull his shirt up over his head as his hips grind against me. I don’t know what happened to my skirt, it’s ridden up so high I might as well not have it on at all.
I wonder if he could feel my heat and how wet I am through my underwear. With my hands on his shoulders, I push him away trying to catch my breath and slow things down.
“You said you weren’t going to try anything.”
Lucas rolls off me onto his side, his chest heaves with every breath. “I didn’t. You did. And boy am I glad you did.”
I remain silent, staring, as he gets to his feet. He wobbles over to the dresser, pulls out an oversized tee shirt and tosses it in my direction.
“You can wear this," he smiles. "Or nothing at all. Either way I won't mind."
“What are you going to wear?”
“Usually I sleep naked.”
My eyes widen in fear. I can't be in the same bed with him if he doesn't wear anything. Even if I could trust him, I just proved I can’t trust myself.
“But, for you I’ll wear sweats,” he answers, a devilish grin playing on his mouth.
I snatch the shirt from his hands and look at him skeptically, “No funny business.”
Lucas holds his hand up, “No funny business. Scout’s honor.”
I place a quick kiss on his lips before disappearing into the bathroom. After splashing cold water on my face I look into the mirror and chastise myself for agreeing to spend the night. I know what he wants. The worst part is I want it too. Maybe even more than he does.
Just not tonight. I need to be strong enough to make sure it doesn’t happen tonight.
I know in my heart if we have sex tonight, it will be revenge sex and have more to do with Stacy than it does with Lucas and me. I won't let her into our relationship. Definitely not into our bed. Not that there is "our" bed yet.
But one could hope.
After a deep cleansing breath, I steel myself to stick to my guns. I return to the bedroom surprised to find Lucas already lying in bed, his eyes closed. This is what I want, so why am I disappointed?
I pull the covers back, and climb in as quietly as I can, relieved he does have his sweats on, and disappointed that he already appears to be sleeping. A smile forms on my lips as Lucas reaches for me. He wraps his arms around me and holds me against his chest.
We'd never spent the night together, never held each other like this, and it unnerves me how right it feels. How comfortable I am in his bed. His arms are safe and warm, a perfect fit for me. I snuggle up against him as he tightens his grip on me, like chains that will bind me to him forever.
“Thank you,” he whispers.
“Don’t mention it.” I wonder if he has any idea how happy I am.