Chapter 39
Olivia
We lay on the floor, trying to catch our breath. Every time he touches me is a new experience. Like we’re touring the sexual world together, and each touch leads us to a new city.
"That do anything for you?" he teases, tapping my nose with the tip of his finger.
"Very funny. Were you serious before?"
"About acting out your wildest fantasies? Absolutely."
"About kids."
Lucas pulls me close and kisses the top of my head. "I was. I want a bunch of kids running around our house."
I never thought much about kids. I assumed I'd have children sometime in the future, but now that future seems a lot closer.
"Children frighten me. They're so little. They can't speak. All they do is cry and shit, and they don't like me much."
He laughs. “They're really not that scary, and I'll be involved. I won't leave all the diapers and sleepless nights to you. Besides by the time we get to the fourth or fifth, you'll have the hang of it.”
His mouth covers mine. I don't pull away to argue, but as his lips travel from my mouth down to my breast, I can't hold back anymore.
“Don’t you think four or five is excessive?”
His teeth clasp around my nipple while his tongue flicks back and forth over it. Lucas's eyes hold mine the entire time, making me almost forget what we’re talking about.
“I love kids. And, I can’t wait to get started.” He reaches an arm around the small of my back, places the other on my flat stomach, and circles his palm on it.
I like the feeling, and the excitement in his eyes as he speaks about us growing as a family. That's what we’re going to be. Our very own family. The idea of a baby inside me makes me want him all over again.
“I think we should start working on it right now.”
“You’re joking right?” While excited and enthralled, I’m terrified. My heart races to a furious beat.
“Not at all.”
No. We can’t. I got caught up in the moment flirting with the fantasy. Lucas gets to his feet, extends a hand to help me up and leads me over to the bed. I need to be upfront and clear. No babies. Not yet.
“I know the old saying, practice makes perfect, but until our wedding night, you keep it wrapped. Got it?”
He rolls his eyes playfully. "Got it."
*
Lucas lies on his side next to me, resting his head on his hand, his eyes bright and shining with a goofy grin on his face. He brushes a stray hair from my face. “You know, you are incredibly sexy.”
“Thank you.”
"I'm lucky to have found you. You made me the happiest man on the earth."
"Isn't that what Lou Gehrig said in his famous speech?"
"Making fun of my lack of creativity?"
"Never."
Lucas closes his eyes and lies flat on his back. “I wish you were pregnant right now.”
“You’re serious?”
He smiles. “I can’t wait to come home from work to find you cooking and chasing after little ones, complaining that they're driving you crazy.”
“You mean after I get home from work, too, right?”
“You’re not going to work once we have kids.”
Holding the sheet over me like a shield, I sit up. “This is really about your father isn’t it?”
Lucas stares at me a moment too long. It’s that slight hesitation that gives him away. “No.”
“We're engaged. I agreed to love and cherish you for the rest of my life. Don’t lie to me about this.”
“I grew up with my mother home. Is it so wrong to want that for my own children?”
I want to ask him how that worked out for her, but clasp my mouth shut. Tonight’s supposed to be memorable. I don't want to remember a knock-down-drag-out-fight. And I know his mother isn't happy with the surprise engagement. She probably played on his weakness, putting doubts about me in his head.
Only time will help Lucas. Trust is fragile and delicate, and I'll do all I can to grow it, rather than break it. I glance at my engagement ring. It’s been the greatest evening of my life. Time will heal, and it will reveal. I can make promises until my heart stops beating, but only time will prove them true.
“Fine.” I answer sliding back down and nestling against my future husband. We'll argue about it when there’s something to argue about. Right now it’s all just make believe. But somewhere deep inside me, I hear a niggling voice in my heart tell me that it isn’t at all fine. And pretending it is will blow it up in my face.
I close my eyes taking comfort in Lucas’s arms around me, telling myself I have the rest of my life to convince him otherwise.