Chapter 60
Lucas
Stacy never made it back into the room before my father died. The nurse let me stay in there, stay by his side after they called the time of death. I'd been holding his hand when it happened.
I expect his skin to already take on a cold icy feel by the time the nurse and doctor finish checking his vitals, but he’s still warm, and that makes it hard to believe.
The breathing machine, like the other monitors has been turned off. The room is quieter than it has been all night. I hear the click-clack of Stacy's heels as she comes back into the room. I don't look at her. My eyes are focused on my father, taking him in for the last time.
Stacy stops, and the wailing begins. I don't want to be here for this. While my emotions toward my father are mixed, I feel nothing good for Stacy. It isn't only that she hurt me. She destroyed my family, and made it near impossible for me to trust anyone.
"Oh, Lucas," she sobs, coming around to my side of the bed. "I'm so sorry."
Funny, those words never left her lips before, and I can't help but wonder what she’s sorry for. Sorry my father died and we'd lost years together? Sorry for what she did? Or sorry that in the grand scheme of things, she’s the one to get truly fucked? She places her hand on my shoulder.
"Let's put the past behind us. We need each other now."
I slap her hand away. "I don't need you. Not now. Not ever."
"Please, can't we be civil?"
"This is civil. Don't touch me."
"Lucas, you'll never know how sorry I am for hurting you. If I could go back in time . . ." She manages to quell her tears long enough to speak.
"You're kidding me, right? My father . . ." I squeeze my eyes closed and pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to keep in control of the anger racing through my veins with every beat of my heart. "Your husband just died. His body isn't even cold yet. We won't help each other through this. In fact, after today, I don't ever want to see you again."
The dam bursts, and the uncontrollable crying ensues. "Please." Her body racks with sobs. "My parents won't speak to me. And your family hates me. Please . . . Please help me make the calls. They deserve to say goodbye."
I stand. "You can leave messages for them."
"I already did. No one, not one person bothered to call me back or show up here. No one, but you."
It hits me like a baby grand falling from the sky. She’s right. Where are his sisters? I haven't spoken to them since I found my father and Stacy together. They begged me to forgive him, but where are they now? And their kids? Did they all cut my father off for his transgression with Stacy?
"Fine. I'll help you make the calls, but that's it. After that, I don't know you. And I just want to make one thing perfectly clear, I'm doing this for him, not you."
*
I don't know how agreeing to a few phone calls got turned into retrieving his car, and opening the safe as well. I only agreed to fetch the car because it bought me time away from Stacy, and I won't have to bother Olivia to come pick me up. Besides, someone has to be at the office when it opens to deliver the news. I recognize Joan, the former receptionist when she gets out of her car. I know from Olivia she’s running the show since Sandy's termination.
After fulfilling the duties assigned to me, I go home. My heart leaps as I pull up and find my car in the driveway. Olivia’s here waiting for me. I just want to crawl into bed and hold her.
I open the front door and step into the living room. Olivia shoots to an upright position on the couch. She must have fallen asleep waiting for me. Before I know it, her arms are around me, and I’m safe in my sanctuary.
I bury my face in her sweet smelling hair. She always smells so good, like strawberries. I lose myself in her because I know I can, without fear of judgment or rejection. She holds me. She loves me. We don't need words. Just each other.
Clinging to her, I don't mean to cry, but the tears stream out of my eyes. Before I saw my father lying so helpless on his death bed I didn't think I even cared if he lived or died. But she knew better, and holding her, feeling her soft, warm body against mine, I’m overwhelmed with emotions.
"Is there anything I can do? Anyway I can help?"
She pulls her head back just enough so that I can look into her eyes. I move my hands to the back of her neck under her hair. My thumbs come around and brush the soft skin of her cheeks.
"You already have."
I pull her head to my chest. I just want to feel her heart beat against mine. And know that we’re alive and safe, and full of love for each other. After a few minutes, I follow as she leads me by the hand to the bedroom.