Chapter 16
Lucas
She hit me where it hurts. Like she dropped a sledgehammer down right between my legs. How does she know where my vulnerability lies? Anger I’m not sure I can control swells up like a rock in my throat. I want to punch someone in the face.
Actually I’m all too aware of whom I want to punch in the face, but then I’ll embarrass Olivia and probably lose her. Maybe that’s for the best. Already she has me doing things that go against my grain.
I play the scene in my head. I envision the old man in his Porsche humming softly to the romantic music playing over the radio, glancing at Olivia every now and then.
My Olivia. I suddenly understand the animalistic need to mark territory.
I can see her leaning back against the soft leather seat, giddy and tipsy from the party, her large brown eyes innocent and inviting. The doctor’s gaze falls from her face, taking in every inch of her. He notices her black velvet skirt riding up on her thigh, much like I’m noticing now.
And just like I feel a pulsing desire for her, so will he. His hand glides from the shift stick onto her leg caressing it. Moving up her thigh. Even if she tries to stop him. He’s used to women giving him what he wants.
And what if she welcomes his advances? I want to throw up.
No. There’s no way in hell I'll allow Olivia to stay there without me. I take a deep breath clearing my head of the sickening image. I can't let her know what the thought of his hands on her does to me. How I’m losing my mind and self-control thinking about it.
My voice cracks as I speak. “You’re stuck with me.”
“Then lighten up.” she orders.
If only it can be that simple. I take my eyes off the road to look at her. Her golden brown eyes hold me captive. I can’t refuse her anything when I look past those long dark lashes into her huge brown eyes. If I could, I certainly wouldn’t be teetering on the verge of disaster. The disaster she’s leading me into, I remind myself.
I wonder how she’ll react when she learns the truth. I never meant to lie. Technically I didn’t. I just omitted a few facts.
By the time I realized the physician Olivia works for was Dr. Steven Stillwell we'd already been dating for three weeks. In light of the last few years, three weeks is like an eternity.
More than that, she already broke through the Teflon coating around my heart. I'll just have to explain when I found out who she worked for she already knew I had a deep seeded hate for doctors. I didn't think she needed to know more than that.
At the time I told myself it wouldn't matter. I knew I'd never come face to face with him. I'd never allow that to happen. Only now it is happening. And I’m doing it voluntarily. Sort of.
I knew from the beginning, continuing to see her meant digging my own grave. The longer we date, the deeper I dig. For some reason I can’t understand I keep allowing her to stir up a frenzy of need in me, when I know deep down I need to end it. I tried to say the words. I just can’t let go of her.
No matter how much I want to deny it, as I drive I have to face the facts. Olivia shattered the world I've been living in for the past five years. She invaded my life and overruns my thoughts.
I broke my dating rules for her, the very rules I implemented to keep me safe. I never call a girl two days in a row and never go out with the same woman more than three times.
Three dates buys me enough time to use my charm, get what I want, and get out. It’s a short enough time that doesn't connote commitment, love, or any of the things long term relationships bring with them while at the same time being long enough to have some fun.
Three dates is long term enough for me. Except with Olivia those three dates expired in the first week.
Three dates weren't nearly enough time with her. I looked forward to speaking to her on the phone, not just texting here and there. I wanted to spend every free minute with her and managed to see her almost every night over the past two months.
When Olivia mentioned the Christmas party, and invited me as her guest, I automatically said ‘Yes.’ I assumed it was a friend’s party since she neglected to mention the host or location until I picked her up. I know inevitably once we arrive at her boss’s house everything will change.
It has to.
“What if we . . .” I give one last attempt to sway her because I’m still not ready for it to end. Olivia doesn’t need to say a word, the stern look she gives me says it all. “Okay, okay.”
I sit silent in the driver’s seat trying to make sense of what I’m doing. I can’t. The whole situation is outrageous. I chide myself for becoming so smitten with her I can’t take a firm stance.
Or perhaps she roiled up something inside me?
Maybe enough time has gone by for me to want to face my past with Olivia at my side. I continue on, lost in my world of turmoil and uncertainty.
While we both sit stirring in our own juices, neither of us realize Olivia hasn’t given me the address or directions to the house. I know instinctively which dark and winding roads lead to our destination.
I turn onto the cul-de-sac and slow the car feeling time slip away from me. I owe her an explanation. That much I know for certain. Try as I might to search for words to enlighten and explain I turn up short. My mind can’t focus on anything but the tension between us.
Olivia gasps as we approach the large house. “Wow,” she says, softly.
I can see how impressed she is by the glamour and glitz of the house; it makes me nervous. I don’t want her to be one of those girls. Ready to sell her soul for a sugar daddy, and right now I’m fearing the worst.
Still I try to regain her attention.
“Olivia . . .” I clear my throat, “I need to . . . I mean I want to . . .”
She sits still, open-mouthed. Awed, taking in the sight before her. She doesn’t hear me at all. It’s like I don’t exist.
“It’s beautiful!”
The house does look beautiful, especially at night lit up the way it is. Landscape lights highlight the unusual trees and art pieces in the gardens around the walkway of pavers. As the foreground to the night sky abundant with stars, the large brick house looks magnificent.
The house looks like a Christmas showcase, straight from a magazine. We can see the double spiral staircase through the large foyer window. The banisters are donned in illuminated garland and red bows. Two three foot trees are lighted on either side of the double door entrance. Mechanical carolers stand sentry waiting for an audience to sing to.
I know I have to try once more. If Olivia is going to find out, and I have any chance of forgiveness, it has to come from me. I have to tell her now.
I take her hand, hoping she’ll look at me. “Olivia, there’s something . . .”
“Not now,” she pulls away.
Fuck!
Frustrated, I drum my fingers on the steering wheel before moving. By the time I get around to her door she’s already out. Ordinarily she waits for me to open her door. I enjoy holding doors for her. She likes when I’m chivlerous.
Not tonight. Tonight all bets are off.
“I can’t imagine living in a house this big,” she says, heading toward the front door. “So much to clean and decorate. So many rooms.”
I grab her elbow and turn her to face me. “Wait. Please,” I plead.
Knowing I’m weak, that I need her, Olivia steps close to me. Her eyes no longer hold the icy, stubborn look they had in the car. They’re soft and playful as they twinkle in the moonlight.
“We’ll have a good time. I promise,” she steps up on her tiptoes and brushes her lips against mine, leaving me bewitched once again.
I want to stay out here in the moonlight and avoid everything that’s about to happen, I just want more time before I have to face my demons. More time with Olivia. But it isn't to be had. Olivia turns and heads for the front door.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” I mutter under my breath.
Her lips curl up into a smile, “Who says I can’t.”
Olivia holds an element of magic that for a moment convinces me everything is going to be okay. I swallow hard and run my fingers through my hair as Olivia presses the doorbell. The front door opens and in an instant the magic is gone.