Chapter 2

Gracen

“Pop-Tarts or Cinnamon Toast Crunch?” I ask Lilly. She sits at the long table that seats eight that separates the kitchen from the living area.

“Eggs and sausage,” she says without taking her eyes off the TV screen in the living room. She’s in a Paw Patrol phase for the time being. Last week it was Doc McStuffins.

“Sorry, baby,” I tell her as I ruffle her hair. She rolls her head to get away from my touch, but that just makes me grin. She doesn’t like her Paw Patrol interrupted. “Out of eggs and sausage, but we’ll go to the grocery store later today.”

That gets her attention. “Will Marek be going to the store with us?”

I cringe, pulling the refrigerator door open as quickly as possible to hide behind it so she hopefully doesn’t see said cringe. It’s getting so hard to field questions from her about the man she is very curious about but really doesn’t understand who he is.

A flash of anger heats me up from the inside out and I close the door a little too hard after grabbing the milk. My conversation with Marek last night didn’t quite go how I’d planned. It turned into the same bitter argument we’ve been lobbing at each other the few times we’ve actually talked.

I’m still hurt and feeling abandoned because he dumped me. I feel all righteous when I’m pointing that out to him, but all he has to do is remind me I deprived him of three amazing years with Lilly and I’m drowning in guilt. So much guilt and self-hatred that I can’t even look at him when he throws that in my face, so I retreat from his loathsome stare and vicious words.

He wins and we go on as before. Not talking and not getting anything resolved.

Marek seemed to make a commitment last night to getting to know Lilly. He wants her to know he’s her father, and it’s time. I’ve been waiting on pins and needles for him to get up this morning, figuring we might as well sit down with her and explain things. Lilly is always up at the crack of dawn, which means so too am I. Marek is a bit of a late sleeper, though, and my nerves are firing on all cylinders waiting for him to grace us with his presence.

I look over at Lilly before reaching into the cupboard for a plastic cup. I had to go buy child-appropriate plates and cups when we first arrived, ignoring the abundance of paper plates in Marek’s pantry that he prefers to eat off rather than dirtying dishes. She’s watching me expectantly for an answer, her curiosity over Marek far more tempting that Sky and Chase and the rest of the pups on TV.

I open my mouth to tell her something vague because I have no clue if Marek is going to wake up today and bail on us like he usually does, or if he’s going to man up and be a dad to Lilly. I don’t even get a sound out when Marek walks into the kitchen and asks Lilly, “Is Marek going where with you today?”

My hand shakes and I pour milk over the edge of the glass, hitting the counter with a splash. I tip the carton back up and set it down, making a grab for some paper towels. I don’t miss the shy smile that Lilly gives him and before ducking her head without answering him.

“We need some things at the grocery store,” I tell him casually over my shoulder as I mop up the spilled milk without shedding a single tear over it.

Marek glances at Lilly, who is now refusing to look at him, and the consternation on his face is easy to read. He just tried to open up a conversation with his daughter and she shut him down, not maliciously but unwittingly. She doesn’t know that Marek feels as awkward around her as she feels around him.

The front doorbell rings, causing relief to wash over Marek’s face. He turns back to the formal living room quickly, happy to be removed from the situation of a shy daughter he doesn’t know at all. “I’ll get that.”

Lilly’s gaze returns to the TV and she’s once again engrossed in Paw Patrol, although I see her sneak a peek at Marek’s retreating back. My heart throbs with sorrow for all the ways in which she just doesn’t understand how her life has gotten so crazy lately.

I’m resolved that as soon as Marek comes back in, we’re going to sit down with Lilly and set her mind at ease. I only hope to God, for Lilly’s sake, that Marek was serious last night when he indicated he wants a relationship with her. And truthfully, I hope for my sake too, because while I’ll put her in my car and drive back home with my tail between my legs, it’s definitely not the best option.

Footsteps echo along the hardwood in the formal living room, lighter than Marek’s, and I’m surprised to see a woman walk into the kitchen. She glances at Lilly, her smile soft, before looking to me. “Hey, Gracen, I’m Josie.”

“Um…hi,” I say, thoroughly confused as to what this very pretty woman is doing in Marek’s house. A girlfriend? Housekeeper?

She doesn’t look or act like either, her smile warm and friendly and…knowing?

The woman must sense my confusion and unease, because she walks around the counter and sticks her hand out for me to shake. I take it tentatively.

“I’m sorry, this must be weird for you,” she says as she grasps me warmly. “Let me start again. I’m Josie, and I’m Reed Olson’s girlfriend. Reed and Marek are best friends.”

“I met him,” I tell her with a hesitant smile. “At the wedding. Well…almost wedding.”

Josie nods her head knowingly, which makes me believe she knows all about how Marek hauled Lilly and me back to North Carolina with him. My cheeks heat slightly that this woman knows my darkest shame: keeping Lilly secret from her father.

Releasing my hand, Josie takes a step back and leans against the counter. She throws her thumb over her shoulder. “Reed needed to talk to Marek, so I thought I’d pop in and say hello. Welcome you to North Carolina. See if you needed anything.”

Her voice is a little hard when she mentions Reed needing to talk to Marek, but I don’t ask for details. It’s not any of my business. While this isn’t my house, my manners compel me to ask her, “Would you like some coffee?”

“That would be awesome,” she says with a bright smile, then immediately turns away from me and walks over to Lilly, who is still engrossed with Paw Patrol. Marshall has his firetruck ladder extended up a tree and is rescuing a cat.

Josie leans down and touches Lilly lightly on the shoulder. She jolts a little and turns to look at Josie, her expression guarded given the fact there’s a stranger right in her face.

“Hi, Lilly,” Josie says with a smile. “I’m Josie. I’m a new friend of your mommy’s.”

Interesting. She didn’t say a friend of Marek’s, although I know she must be. Reed and Marek are obviously close, which means Josie would definitely be a friend of Marek’s as well. I’m going to be slightly impressed and believe that Josie isn’t quite sure how much Lilly knows of what’s going on and is keeping things vague and light where Marek’s concerned.

Josie then launches into an admirable dialogue with my daughter about Paw Patrol. While they talk, I make two cups of coffee in the Keurig and get some cream from the fridge. By the time I’ve got everything set out, Josie’s reaching for a cup.

“Do you have kids?” I ask her, assuming that’s how she knows so much about the TV show.

She shakes her head with a laugh. “Not yet, but one day. I’m an ER doctor, and I’ve found that having a good base knowledge of what’s popular out there really helps to put my younger patients at ease.”

And just like that, I feel a hundred times more at ease with Josie knowing that we share medicine in common. I tap my chest and eagerly tell her, “I’m a nurse.”

“I know,” Josie says with a grin. “Reed told me. Neonatal, right?”

“That’s right.” I beam back at her before picking my cup up.

Josie stares at me a moment, and I feel like she’s calculating something. She looks toward the formal living room, perhaps expecting Reed and Marek to come walking in any moment, and then back to me.

Stepping in closer, she lowers her voice and says somewhat urgently, “Listen…I don’t know how long they’ll be talking. Given that Reed’s ripping Marek a new one right now, I expect it won’t be long. But I want you to know you’ve got a friend here. I can’t imagine how difficult it’s been for you, getting yanked away from your home and thrown into what I’m betting is a hostile environment.”

A flush of embarrassment courses through me and I murmur somewhat glumly, “Then you know the whole story. Marek stopping the wedding and—”

“Practically kidnapping you and Lilly, dragging you here, and then dumping you both while he goes off gallivanting to the beach? Yeah, I know it all.” Her voice is icy with clear disapproval over Marek’s methods. “That’s why Reed is out there helping him to remove his head from his ass.”

I give a slight shake of my head, the guilt overwhelming me. My eyes drop to the floor. “Marek has every reason to—”

“No,” Josie says adamantly, her voice still low and somewhat hurried. “Whatever the issues that are going on between the two of you for past hurts, that gives him no excuse to abandon you and Lilly. He’ll get that message by the time Reed is through with him.”

I’m not quite sure the emotion I’m feeling. Perhaps gratitude, perhaps vindication, but my eyes get watery as I swallow hard. “Thank you for saying that, Josie. We both have a lot of anger and hurt going on. But when Marek came home last night, he seemed to indicate he wants to have a relationship with Lilly, and we’re going to talk to her today.”

Josie cuts a quick look at Lilly then back to me. “What does she know?”

The sigh I let out is unintended and long-suffering, but totally indicative of how troubling all of this is. “Not much. Just that her mommy isn’t marrying Owen and that she got jerked away from everything she’s ever known to live in a strange house with a strange man she has no clue what he means to her. I told Marek last night that we were leaving, that I couldn’t let this continue on, as it was too confusing to her. That seemed to reach him. At least I think it did.”

Josie nods in sympathy. She takes a sip of coffee and then asks, “I bet it was awful, Marek showing up like that. Giving you no choice in what to do. Reed told me how it all went down and he wasn’t happy with it.”

I stare down at my cup, refusing to look at her as I shamefully admit, “It was a mess. Marek threatening to take Lilly away, giving me no time to consider consequences. You can never imagine the emotional wreckage I left behind, calling the wedding off with Owen. Not being able to really explain things to his parents and my parents. A whole churchful of people I had to confront…”

My words trail off as I remember just how awful that day was. Owen was enraged, and he stormed out of the church once he realized he couldn’t change my mind. I had to walk down that aisle by myself and stand up in front of five hundred people to tell them the wedding had been called off.

As for me, my emotions were all over the place. I wasn’t sure if I’d been saved or not.

Josie doesn’t comment, and when I get the courage to look back at her, her head is tilted as if she’s pondering something. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

I shrug. Why not? She knows most of my baggage.

“Reed told me that Owen was really wealthy. I’m sure he would have helped you fight Marek to keep Lilly with you. So why cancel the wedding? Why give in to Marek and uproot your life like that?”

This time, I don’t blush with embarrassment. Instead, I can feel my skin cool as if all the blood had drained from my face. It’s the one question I don’t want to answer for anyone, and I wasn’t expecting it from her. “Um…well, I just figured…Marek had the right. I’d deprived him of his daughter for so long.”

Josie shakes her head. “No, that’s not it. I mean…I can see that bothers you. You don’t strike me as a particularly spiteful person, and I can hear the regret in your voice, but there’s something else.”

There is something else, but that’s my secret to bear alone. I shake my head at her and lift my chin. “No, there’s not. You don’t know how bad I feel about this, Josie. It’s something that has plagued me every single day since I found out I was pregnant. It’s a regret I’ve swallowed time and again. I wronged Marek in a way that’s hard to forgive, and so I’m taking my lumps right now. I’m not going to let this hurt Lilly, so as long as Marek will make an effort with her, I’ll give this a shot. I’ll do my penance and take his crap. It’s the least I can do.”

Josie has no poker face whatsoever. I can tell she’s weighing my words, wondering where the truth is. Finally, she gives me an accepting smile and touches my shoulder with her hand “Okay. I hear you. But you don’t let him walk all over you. You hear me?”

The laugh that pops out is slightly hysterical, slightly amused. “Um…I’ll try, but he’s sort of a bully.”

“Just keep your focus on Lilly,” she advises. “And I’m leaving you my number and email. You reach out to me whenever you want. Just to talk or whatever. We’ll go get coffee too, okay?”

“I’d like that,” I tell her softly, overwhelmed by her kindness and what appears to be a new and unexpected friend.

The sound of the front door opening and two sets of heavy footsteps coming our way has both of us stepping apart from each other. Marek walks in followed by Reed.

His eyes go to Josie first, then to me. He gives me a tentative smile and says, “Hey, Gracen. Good to see you again.”

“Hey,” I say softly, leaning a hip against the counter.

“You ready to go, babe?” Reed asks Josie.

She seems to be startled. I’m thinking that perhaps we’d all have continued coffee and chitchat. Instead, she sets her cup down hastily. “Yeah, sure.”

Turning to me, she pulls me into a quick hug, and when she releases me, she has her phone out of her pocket. “Give me your number.”

I rattle it off to her and she taps it into her contacts. Smiling up at me, Josie says, “I’ll text you tomorrow. We’ll make a coffee date.”

“That would be awesome,” I say as my eyes cut over her shoulder to Marek, who is standing there with his arms across his chest. His face is a stony mask of indifference.

Reed waves at me and doesn’t say a word to Marek, which I find telling. Clearly those two aren’t on the best of terms right now, and I’m dying to know what was said. Josie and Reed walk out without another word, and I keep my eyes on them until they are out of sight.

I pick up my cup, take another sip of coffee, and risk a glance at Marek. His eyes are on me and they are determined. He nods his head toward Lilly and says, “It’s time.”

My heart skips a beat. I knew this was coming, but I’m not prepared. Lilly’s three and a half years old. Her grasp of complex situations is limited. I have no clue how to even begin this discussion with her, but the one thing I do know is that it’s time to be honest.

I’ll just have to trust in the fact that Lilly is a sweet, loving child who also happens to be pretty resilient. Which means she’s probably going to handle it better than I am.