Chapter 22
Gracen
I’ve been to hundreds and hundreds of hockey games. Whether it was watching Marek play travel hockey in the summer, or pond hockey in the winter, watching my man out there was always special. I went to every game I could manage when he played at Boston College. I’ve even been to professional hockey games with Marek before he became a professional player himself. But this is the first time I’ve ever sat in an arena and watched Marek as an NHL player. There’s no way to truly describe how it makes me feel. My nerves seem to be popping and I can barely sit still in my seat.
“Girl, I think you are more nervous than I am,” Josie says from my left.
I peel my eyes off the ice where I’d been watching the Cold Fury—correction, watching Marek—warm up before the game starts. Josie is wearing an Olson jersey and her cheeks were flushed when she told me earlier that Reed had given it to her just this morning.
“I feel like I was just asked to go steady and he gave me his varsity letter jacket,” she had said, giggling.
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I wish I were wearing a Fabritis jersey right now. But Marek didn’t think to get me one, nor did I expect him to. I certainly can’t afford to splurge on something like that for myself.
“So how are things going?” Josie asks. We’ve both been so busy at work, sometimes working different shifts, that we’ve not had real “girl” time to talk.
“It’s going well,” I say, my eyes cutting between the ice and her. “The nurses in L and D are all really great to work with.”
Josie gives me a soft elbow that makes me laugh. “I’m not talking about work. How’s it going with Marek?”
“I know what you were talking about,” I reply, still chuckling. “But it’s going…weirdly. Good, but weird.”
“How so?”
“Well, Owen showed up at the house on Saturday.”
“What?” Josie exclaims so loudly the people to her left turn to look at her. She ignores them and leans in closer to me. “He showed up at the house?”
I nod, look back briefly to the ice where I take in Marek skating around to loosen his legs, then back to Josie. I decide to just get it all out so she can ask her questions and then we can enjoy the game. “Owen showed up. Threatened me. Marek punched him. Owen left. My reasons for marrying Owen came to light after Marek called my parents. Turns out, my parents didn’t need my help, so I made a fool out of myself for nothing.”
“Whoa,” she drawls out slowly. “Just…whoa. But you’ve got to give me more info than that.”
And she’s right. That’s a lot to take in. So I slow down and fill in some gaps. Answer a few questions. To Josie’s credit and the reason I know we’ll always be close friends, she goes overboard to not make me feel stupid, and in fact, validates what I’d done. She said she’d have done the same thing, although I highly doubt it.
Still, it was a really sweet gesture.
When I think I’ve satisfied her curiosity, I turn back to watch the warm-ups, which are winding down.
Josie, however, is not fully satisfied. She nudges me again. “What’s the deal with you and Marek then?”
“What do you mean?” I hedge, not even looking at her.
“Oh, for Pete’s sake, Gracen,” she growls at me. “Give me the details. I can tell something’s different. I mean, he called up Reed wanting to get us really good tickets so you could see him play up close and personal. So I know something’s happened.”
It’s not so hard to tear my gaze away from Marek now. Josie actually has asked me something that I don’t mind talking about with her.
I puff out a tiny breath of capitulation, turning in my seat to look her right in the face. Leaning in so no one can hear our conversation, I lower my voice and tell her, “Marek and I…well, we’re sort of together.”
“Together?”
“We had sex. Like four times the night before Owen showed up. And then we didn’t have sex before he left for the New York and New Jersey games, and it was very confusing.”
“Why didn’t you have sex then? I mean…sounds like the first four times were amazing, and I don’t know many men that will walk away from that.”
I snicker. It was really, really good. The best ever, actually. But I don’t say that, because that’s my personal secret to share just with myself. Instead, I tell her all of it. “I had a placental abruption the week before Lilly was due.”
“Oh, Gracen, that’s awful,” Josie breathes out. She’s a doctor. She knows the dangers I faced.
I nod in agreement. “Anyway, I had to have a hysterectomy, which was fine. As long as Lilly was okay, that’s all that mattered. But when I told Marek about it, it really bothered him and he just backed off. Actually, seems it sort of ran him off.”
“I’m sorry,” Josie says softly.
I give her a casual shrug. It had hurt my feelings a lot, but he’s more than made up for it. “It didn’t run him off for long. When he came back from the road trip, well, he came straight to my bed.”
“So it’s just sex?” she asks hesitantly.
I shrug again, although there’s nothing casual about this one. I truly just don’t know. “We’ve agreed to try out a monogamous sexual relationship while coparenting our daughter.”
Josie wrinkles her nose. “That sounds…um…sterile.”
My laugh is genuine, because despite how screwed up the situation is, I also have to find humor in it. “I’ve decided just to take it day by day and see what happens.”
Something in my voice causes Josie’s eyes to narrow. She shakes her head at me. “No, I don’t believe that. I can see it in your eyes. Hear it in the words you’re not saying.”
I cock an eyebrow at her. “And what’s that?”
“That you really have feelings involved and I’m not sure they’re reciprocated,” she says bluntly. “If that’s the case, you’re going to get hurt.”
There’s no helping the fact I have to glance back at Marek when she says that. When I give her my attention again, I admit, “I’ve never stopped loving him, and yes, it’s not reciprocated. But he has forgiven me, so all I can do is try to look at this as a fresh start.”
“Those are easy words to say,” Josie murmurs. “I know this is tough, but it seems like Marek is in a good place now. This could work out all for the best.”
“Maybe,” I say neutrally. I don’t want to get my hopes up.
Josie points to the clock ticking down on the giant square scoreboard hanging over center ice. “Want to go get a beer and something to eat before the game starts?”
I nod at her and we make our way out of our seats and to the steps that lead up to the concessions. Marek had scored us some amazing front-row tickets beside the Cold Fury bench, which wasn’t where his ordinary season tickets were. He apparently had traded with one of the older veterans with better seats so I could have a great view for my first Cold Fury game. He may not have given me a jersey, but he had done some work to make sure this was a great experience for me.
By the time we get our drinks and food and get back to our seats, the game is about to start. Marek is a second-line player so he’s not out on the ice, and I try to force myself not to look over at him on the bench. In all the years that Marek and I were together and he played hockey, I always admired how focused he was. He didn’t look at me, he didn’t smile at me, and he paid attention to what was going on right in front of him whether he was on the ice or not. Today has been no different, and while they were out warming up he never looked my way once. This did not surprise me, as I expect his focus now is a million times more honed than it ever was before he became a professional player.
In that moment just before the referee drops the puck at center ice, all my excited nervousness seems to boil up to where I feel like I might explode, and when the puck finally hits the ice and the two players scramble for control, I burst out of my seat and scream, “Let’s go Cold Fury.”
When I sit down, it’s to perch my ass on the edge of my seat leaning toward the glass so I can keep my eyes riveted on the game.
Josie snickers beside me and elbows me in the ribs. I tear my eyes away from the action to look at her. She merely gives a short jerk of her head toward the bench and my eyes travel in the direction she points.
To my surprise Marek is sitting on the bench looking at me with an amused smile on his face. The look lasts no more than a millisecond before he turns back to watch the game. I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face and I turn back toward the ice.
While I manage to pay attention most of the time, I still throw some subversive glances toward the bench. Marek doesn’t look at me again, but that one glance was enough.
Okay, it’s completely awkward the way Josie and Reed canoodle with each other as they sit across from Marek and me. Reed has had his arm across Josie’s shoulder the entire time and she sits tucked in close to him as we nurse ice-cold beers and eat chicken wings, nachos, and sliders. After every sip of beer or if the conversation lulls for only a microsecond, his mouth is on hers for a kiss. Sometimes his lips will go to her neck. Her hand stays pressed to his thigh—at least I think it’s on his thigh—and I wonder only because sometimes Reeds shifts in his seat.
During one such moment where Reed and Josie are lip locked, Marek leans over and whispers loud enough for anyone close by to hear, “Were you and I ever that obnoxious?”
While still watching the display of overt affection across from me, I whisper back out of the corner of my mouth, knowing that we can be heard by Reed and Josie. “I think when we were teenagers. We were still kids so that type of behavior was expected.”
Marek laughs and Reed finally pulls away from Josie, turning to shoot us both a mock glare. Josie smirks, not abashed in the slightest.
I practically jolt in my seat when Marek slides his arm over my shoulder. He doesn’t attempt to make out with me the way Josie and Reed had been doing, but this subtle gesture actually speaks volumes. It’s done so casually and effortlessly it goes right to the comfort between us due to years of knowing each other.
Of having loved each other at one point.
The fact he feels secure in doing this in front of his close friend and teammate, as well as a woman who has become a very good friend to me, says a lot.
Still, I can’t let it go to my head. I need to remember that my heart is vulnerable where Marek is concerned and he’s got the capacity to really hurt me if I let myself get too tied up in him again.