I blink my eyes open. A sharp pain stabs behind my eyes. I try to move but can’t because the blinding whiteness is too much for me to handle.

I thought heaven was supposed to be painless because right now I feel like I’m in hell.

“Oh my god, Jesus Christ. You aren’t dead. Thank you, Lord, because I honestly thought there was no way this year could get any shittier for you. Well, unless you died of course.”

Okay, so I’m not dead.

Of course now I feel like my ears are bleeding.

Thank you, Ivy.

I try once again to open my eyes as I feel Ivy grab my hand and squeeze. “You scared me to death. I thought I was gonna have to find a new best friend.”

I manage to open my eyes and blink a few times just as a nurse walks in.

“Well welcome back to the land of the living, child. You gave us all quite a scare,” she says to me as she looks at some monitors next to the hospital bed I’m in. “I am going to grab the doctor. And some water because I bet you’re thirsty.”

I try to speak and realize my voice is scratchy. “How-what?”

Ivy brushes a strand of hair out of my face. “Shhh, let’s wait for some water. You’ve been unconscious for three days. Luckily nothing’s broken!”

“Th-Three da-days!” I whisper-yell as best I can.

“Didn’t I just tell you not to talk?”

Yep, that’s my Ivy.

“You fell off a ladder. Bumped your head pretty good. Your momma thought to call me since she didn’t know who else to call. She thought I should know. So I got right in my car and drove out here.”

“East—?” I try to say, but she shakes her head.

“Sweetie, I didn’t tell him a thing.”

I nod, glad she left that part of my life alone.

“And I told Trace that if he as much as mentions your name or says anything about me being here in Florida and not visiting a sick relative in Memphis he can say goodbye to sex for a year.”

I try to laugh as I squeeze her hand back. “I’m pretty sure Trace kn-knew you wouldn’t last a week.” I manage to cough out. “But thanks for trying.”

“Anything for you, Harper.”

I close my eyes and lean my head back. The pain of a thousand needles drilling into my eyeballs is unbearable.

“So now the question of the hour, what the hell were you doin’ on a metal ladder in the middle of a goddamn thunderstorm? Your momma thought you were trying to kill yourself. But I knew that wasn’t true because I figured it was her that told you to hang those lights up because I know you hate colored Christmas lights. And I really don’t know why you would try to kill yourself, I mean you and East are still obviously both in love with each other and I kno—“

“Stop, please,” I sigh. “I can’t talk about him right now. And I j—“

I hear two sets of footsteps walk in the room and shut my mouth. I look at the door and see my dad walking in with who I can only assume is the doctor. I smile at my dad as he walks over to me and wraps me in an embrace.

“I am so glad you are alright sweetheart.” He kisses the top of my head and pulls away to look me in the eyes. “But why the hell were you up on a ladder in a thunderstorm?”

I laugh because I don’t know what else to do. Of course Mom never asked him to hang up the lights like she told me she did.

He must read my expression because before I can answer he just sighs and says, “Your damn mother. Well, I am glad you’re fine, baby.”

He squeezes my hand and looks toward the doctor. The doctor hands me a glass of water with a straw. “Just a little at a time Harper. We don’t want you to get sick by drinking too much. My name is Dr. Summit. You hurt yourself pretty good there. Severe concussion on the right side of your head. Your wrist is sprained but luckily not broken from the fall. A couple of bruised ribs but other than that you seem to be in good shape. We were worried for a while there when you wouldn’t regain consciousness, but that’s common with a severe concussion. I am glad, as I’m sure your family is as well, that you awoke with no other injuries. I just need to check your vision now to see how your brain is healing.”

I nod as he takes a light to my eyes and has me look in all directions. “Everything seems good,” he says. “You’re responding normally to light. We’ll just want to do an ultrasound and continue to monitor the baby to make sure everything is fine with him or her too.”

“What?!” I yell, causing me to have a coughing attack from the pressure on my throat.

“You’re about twelve weeks pregnant, Harper.” He deadpans, “I am sorry I thought you knew.”

I shake my head, holding in the tears.

“The baby was fine after the fall and during your short coma. We just want to ensure the baby is still fine after you’ve woken up and your heartbeat fluctuated slightly. I want you to stay here for at least twenty-four more hours so we can monitor the concussion and the baby but after, that there is no reason you can’t go home.”

“Thank you, Dr. Summit,” I muster between sips of water. He nods his head and leaves the room.

My dad squeezes my hand, obviously as astonished from the news as me. “Don’t worry I won’t tell your mother. But you should probably let that man of yours know.”

“Dad,” I huff. I rub my fingers along my temples, but that just makes my head hurt more. “I know he has to know, but I just can’t tell him right now.”

My dad looks over to Ivy and then back as he pats my knee. “I’ll let you two talk about this. I think this is more of a discussion for the two of you. I’m going to call your mother to let her know you’re awake.”

I watch him leave before bursting into tears. What the fuck? How did this happen? I wanted kids, but I never wanted to be a single mom. I can’t be a single mom. How am I supposed to take care of a child? I can barely take care of myself. I mean I can’t take care of myself. Just look how I fucked up my life in the last year. And shit, I can’t tell my mother she will try to auction me off to the highest bidder to ensure I am not a single mother without a job. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Ya done having an argument in your head yet?” Ivy asks.

I glance over to her and give her a death stare. She puts her hands up in surrender, “Harp you know I am behind you one hundred percent and whatever you need me to do for you I will. You want me to move here and help you get through this so you’re not alone, I will. You want me to kick Easton in the ass and tell him he needs to get his shit together and get you back? I’ll do that too. But don’t think you are alone for one minute in this.”

I am speechless, and I don’t know what to do, well, except cry. So, I do. I cry my heart out as I hear her get up and then sit next to me on the bed, wrapping her arms around me. I don’t think I have ever had a friend like her and that thought alone makes more tears come. She doesn’t speak a word, just comforts me as I let the tears fall.

After all this time, the thing I wanted more than anything, I finally have, yet I can’t find any happiness behind it.