Fumbling through the front door, he held January’s fragile neck on either side, pulling her to meet his lips. “God, woman, I’ve missed you.”

She pulled away. “I need to say something, and I know it’s terrible timing and I’m running the risk of taking us back to a dark place, but I have to say it.”

“Okay. I’m nervous, but go ahead.”

“You really hurt me, and a part of me is still angry. You pushed me away at the first bump in the road.”

He linked their hands and pulled her against him. “I know. I don’t know what to say except that I’m sorry. I swear I’ll never do anything to hurt you again. I love you. From here on out, I will be a perfect gentleman.”

“You?” She smiled and lifted up on the balls of her feet to place a kiss on his lips. “I hope not.”

He led her through the living room, walking her backward as he navigated to the spot in front of the fireplace that he intended to lay her down and take his sweet time kissing every inch of her body.

Stopping abruptly, January teetered backward before he wrapped an arm around her back and pulled her upright. Staring down at the obstacle that had nearly taken her down, he silently berated himself.

January stepped sideways and glanced down at the large box leaned against the bookshelf. The picture of the crib he’d picked out was taped to the outside.

Fuck. He’d gotten her back to his place, only to slap her in the face with reminders of Nadia.

“Shit. I’m sorry.”

“No,” she said a bit loudly and snapped her head back around to meet his eyes. “It’s fine. You’re going to be a father. If we’re going to do this, then I need to get used to it.”

Looking down at her hands, January’s shoulders slumped forward. “I owe Nadia an apology. I behaved terribly. She didn’t deserve that.”

“Why do you owe her anything?”

“She didn’t tell you?” January bit her bottom lip. “I may have yelled at her for being at dinner with another man while she was pregnant… in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Michael had to drag me out.”

He chuckled, trying to picture January making a scene. “Really?”

She nodded. “I’m sorry. She’s a part of your life, and I need to accept that.”

“Are you really okay with this?” Brecken ran his hands up over her arms, squeezing above the elbow. “I‘ve gone back and forth, trying to figure out what to do, and the only answer I’ve come up with is that I want both. I want to be a good father and I want you.”

“You’re going to be a great father,” she said, moving closer and running her hand over his chin. The confidence she had in him made him almost want to believe it himself. He hoped like hell she was right.

“Move in with me.” The words tumbled out of his mouth, and she pulled back with wide eyes.

“What?”

“Move in with me,” he said again, reaching out and squeezing her hand. “I love you. That hasn’t changed.”

“I can’t move in with you. That’s crazy. We’ve only known each other a short time and you’re about to have a baby.”

“Are you really blaming this on a baby? I saw how you were with Martin and Sylvie’s son. You’re a natural.”

Her eyes went a bit wild, and he backtracked. “You know what I mean.”

She nodded, but still looked panicked. “I think we should take this slow. Things will be different after the baby is born. You may feel differently.”

“No. I won’t change my mind about wanting you. I want to start our lives together.”

She didn’t answer him. Instead, she kissed him slowly and tenderly. Pulling away too soon, she walked quickly to the kitchen and grabbed her purse. “I should go.”

“Now? You just got here.”

“You’re bulldozing me, and I need time to think. A few weeks ago, you were running out on me and telling me you couldn’t be with me because of the baby, and now you’re inviting me to move in? I’m sorry, but I need time to think.”

He nodded reluctantly when all he really wanted to do was grab her and keep her there until she agreed. She needed time, and he could accept that. “Let me call Edward, he’ll take you home.”

The elevator ride down was slow and torturous. The night had bombed. Edward pulled up to the curb as they walked through the lobby. The black town car gleamed under the streetlights.

“I love you. You know that right?”

She nodded and lifted up on her toes to kiss him on the cheek. “I love you, too.”

* * *

The rest of the weekend went by without a word from January. He’d called her several times, but his calls had gone unanswered and unreturned. The brush off had left him feeling anxious and out of sorts.

“Looks like you’re settling in,” Brecken said as he walked into Bob’s new office. “If there’s anything else you need, let me or Nadia know.”

“‘Preciate it,” Bob said, sitting at the desk. “When are we meeting with D&R?”

“They’ll be here next week. Dan was hesitant about the idea, but I think once he meets you and hears your plan, he’ll be on board.”

“Exciting times,” Bob said with a grin. “I think this is going to be a great year for all of us.”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Now if I can only get the rest of my life in order.”

“Uh-oh. Let me guess, woman troubles?”

“How’d you know?”

“Married three times.” Bob held up three fingers on his right hand. “I know the look of misery a woman can induce on a man.”

He shook his head. “I think I did this one to myself. I asked her to move in with me, and she took off like a bat out of hell.” His stomach burned at the memory.

“So you proposed?” Bob leaned back in his chair, placing his hands on the armrests.

“No.” He thought back to the exact wording he’d used in the conversation. He’d played it over and over in his head. “I told her I loved her asked her to move in with me so we could start our lives together.”

“Forever, though? You asked her to move in with you forever and not as some temporary arrangement?”

He nodded. Of course forever. He wasn’t playing around. If she gave him the chance, he wouldn’t let her go ever again.

“So, you proposed without a ring.” Bob smiled. “I may not be so great at the part that comes after the vows, but I’ve learned a thing or two about proposing.”

“Fuck.” Brecken leaned against the doorframe. Bob was right. He had done exactly that, and he was the biggest idiot on the face of the damn earth.

“Listen. Get a ring. It doesn’t matter what else you do. Write it in the sky or whisper it in her ear, but there’s gotta be a ring. Women react to the ring.”

Mumbling a thanks to Bob for the advice, he ambled to Nadia’s desk, only to find it vacant.

“Where’s Nadia?” he hollered through Tina’s office door.

Tina looked up from her computer and straightened her glasses. “I think she had a doctor’s appointment.”

Shit. The appointment he’d demanded she make, and he hadn’t even remembered. “Thanks,” he said, heading out the door. He checked her schedule on his phone and directed Edward to the doctor’s office a few blocks away.

Inside, a twenty-something nurse looked up from a file. “Can I help you?”

Brecken looked around the small waiting room. “I’m here for an appointment.” The woman smiled patiently up at him. “I mean, my, uh, Nadia Sinclair.”

“She’s with the doctor now. Let me have one of the nurses walk you back.”

The door opened, and a woman in maroon scrubs led him through a maze of cubicles and closed doors. The nurse rapt twice on the door labeled Exam Four and poked her head in. “Nadia’s husband is here.”

He withheld his rebuttal of being referred to as Nadia’s husband, already uncomfortable enough walking into the room where she laid back on the table with her legs spread wide.

“I didn’t realize you’d gotten married, Nadia.” The doctor stood and removed his gloves, reaching out a hand.

“She didn’t,” he said keeping his eyes glued to the doctor and away from Nadia. “I’m the father.”

The doctor scrunched up his eyes, the wrinkles around them making them appear tiny, and looked to where Nadia lay.

“I hadn’t gotten to that.” Nadia’s voice was too high pitched, too nervous.

“You haven’t told the doctor you’re pregnant?”

There was a long moment of heavy silence, and then the doctor cleared his throat. “Why don’t I give you two a moment?”

The doctor slipped from the room, and he waited for the click of the door before turning his gaze to Nadia.

“What the hell is going on? I thought you made an appointment to make sure that you and the baby are healthy.”

The gown draped over her crinkled as Nadia sat up slowly. “Why did you come?”

“What do you mean, why did I come?” His voice rose with each word. “I’m the father, Nadia. I told you I’d be here for you.”

Tears welled in her eyes, and Nadia covered them with her hands as sobs broke out. “I’m not pregnant,” she cried out between sniffles. “I never was. I didn’t want you to find out this way. I thought eventually you’d forget about her and remember how perfect we were together and come back. You just needed time to remember. We’re perfect for each other.”

Torn between anger and sadness, he balled his hands into fists. “Are you fucking kidding me, Nadia?”

“Breck—“

“No. Shut up.” A hollow feeling spread through his chest. He wasn’t going to be a father. Slowly, he turned cold eyes in her direction. “I’m going to walk out this door, and I never want to see you again.”

“But—” She reached out toward him, and he stepped back.

“Are we clear?” he said through gritted teeth.

She bobbed her head up and down and wiped her nose. He turned, walking with purpose out of the room and through the maze of offices.

He wasn’t going to be a father.

* * *

He found himself at January’s door before he could talk himself out of it. She might not want to see him, but he needed her. Needed to be reminded of everything that was good in the world.

She opened the door, hair wet and robe wrapped tightly around her.

“Hey,” she said happily, her eyes lighting up when she saw him. “Come in.”

“I know I should have called,” he said, but she threw her arms around his neck, and his voice trailed off.

“I’m sorry,” she said, muffled against his ear. “I thought I needed time away from you to figure things out, but I swear to God, I’ve never been more excited to see someone in my entire life. I guess that’s my answer, huh?”

He swore he fell a little more in love with her right then for putting a bright spot in a shit day.

“I have something for you,” she said, pulling away and jogging toward her bedroom. “There’s beer or soda in the fridge, make yourself comfortable. I’ll be right back.”

He shrugged off his coat and laid it over the arm of the couch before sitting down. Letting out a deep breath, he loosened his tie and let his body relax. What a fucking day.

January returned with the largest smile he’d ever seen, holding a small package and sitting down beside him.

“For you,” she said, handing it to him.

“What’s this?” he asked, turning it over in his hands.

“Open it.”

He tore the paper and pulled out a journal. He stared down at it, running a hand over the leather cover. Turning the first page his heart dropped as he read the words written in January’s neat print letters. For you to write to your own children, knowing that someday they’ll look to you for the same guidance you wanted.

“I thought you might want to journal to your own kid. Write down everything you want him or her to know.” She looked at him with a nervous smile.

He closed the journal and held it in one hand, staring down at it with a feeling of sadness for what he’d lost.

His mother.

His father.

A child he’d wanted against all odds.

This was the moment to tell her about Nadia. The words weighed down his tongue.

“It’s perfect. Thank you.”

And it would have been. The idea of passing on his words the way his father had done excited him. Only now there was no child.

“I think maybe the hardest part about reading his journals was facing how selfish I’d been. I may not have liked his decisions, but I should have gone back sooner and made my peace with it and with him while he was still alive. Now I’ll never have that chance. I don’t want to have any more regrets. Especially not with you. I love you too damn much to let anything come between us. We’ll take this slow, do it right this time.”

Her smile faded for the briefest moment before she reached out and squeezed his hand. “Okay.”