“Yep,” I say, picking at my cuticles. “In the top drawer of the desk in the office by the guest room. Uh huh.”

I lean back in my chair and turn my attention away from my chipped manicure and tip the cover of my Environmental Science book shut. I closes with a thwomp and I glance over at Zoe, spread out on her bed with all manner of printouts scattered around her, earbuds in and typing furiously on her laptop.

What’s going on? she mouths at me. I roll my eyes and before I can tap my phone to end the call, my dad does it for me on the other end of the line.

“Got to go,” I say, defeatedly. I have this midterm, and I’m not really great at science. It’s a requirement that I’ve been putting off, and I selected the intro class that seemed the most germane to what’s going on in the world currently. But damn, is it boring.

Zoe peers at me over the top of her laptop and tugs her earbuds out.

“Where are you going? You know midterms are this week. You’re the one who said we had to get the contraband coffee pot because we would be holed up in here and couldn’t leave even to get caffeine.”

“I know,” I say, grabbing my short spring jacket. I’m so glad my big puffer is tucked away for the winter. “But my dad left this thing at the apartment, and he wants me to grab it and bring it to him.”

“Thing?” Zoe arches an eyebrow at me and closes her laptop. “What kind of thing?”

“It’s a report, or a document or something. I don’t know. But apparently it’s important enough that he needs it right this second.” I swing my bag over my shoulder and start toward the door.

“Want me to come with you?” Zoe asks, but I can tell she doesn’t really feel like it. I don’t feel like going myself, and I won’t subject her to this, even though I know she’d come if I asked. “Isn’t this why people hire messenger services?”

“Yeah, well, my dad isn’t very trusting. There’s no way he’d let a stranger into the house. So I guess it’s up to me. He couldn’t tear himself away from what he’s doing, so I guess I have to.” I start to leave in a huff.

“And you don’t even get one of those cute messenger hats!” Zoe calls out as I lock our door behind me, putting me in a slightly better mood. I turn around and start toward the stairs, eager to just get this over with so I can come back and continue studying.

It’s hard enough to concentrate on my studying with visions of what was hiding under Caleb’s suit dancing through my head. Every time I shut my eyes, I see a ripple of tanned flesh narrowing down into a V, and inside my imagination my eyes trail lower and lower until I see his strong hands undoing his belt slowly, the smooth leather popping out from the metal loops, until he pulls out his huge dick from inside his pants.

And that feeling of regret has started to cease a little, but it still creeps in when I’m not expecting it.

Drawing up my jacket around me, I come to the door at the end of the hallway and start to elbow it open, but there’s someone on the other side who gets there first. I step back with a startle and see it’s the guy from my glass who I had the unfortunate coffee date with.

“I’m so sorry!” I say, softening up a little bit around the edges. He smiles and nods, mumbling a little greeting in response.

He’s tall but thin - not at all what I imagine Caleb was like back in school. His shirt doesn’t fit him quite right. His torso is too long for his legs, and his pants could lose about an inch. He’s clean-shaven, and he’s not bad looking at all, with sandy, dark blond hair and light brown eyes. He regards me kindly, holding the door open as we meet in the middle.

“Ava,” he says, “it’s nice to see you again.”

“You too,” I say, ducking past him. I think back to our date, how nice he was when it came to coffee, and how his face turned bright red when I said I didn’t want to join him in his room. How his whole demeanor switched.

I hear his tongue clicking behind me as I start down the stairs, feeling him still looking at me as I walk away.

My stomach flips over as I get to the first floor, rushing to get out of the building. I’m unsure of what he’s thinking, but I don’t like how he keep oscillating between nice as a peach and pissed off at me. Whatever he’s thinking, I take it as confirmation that I did the right thing turning him down.

Of course, I don’t know what not turning him down would have entailed. I guess some of my classmates have sex with people they don’t really know, who they meet at a party or an art show on campus. Hell, I know Zoe’s done it in the past, though she really doesn’t do it much anymore.

But last night, at the party...I’m one of those people now, at least partially. I’m the girl who does sexy stuff with a random stranger, aren’t I? A sexy, tall stranger who tore at my panties and had me dripping wet for him...

I struggle to push the thoughts out of my head, making my way to the subway on the corner to grab an uptown train to dad's apartment. I figure that I could take a cab, but at this time of the afternoon there’s probably enough traffic that the subway would be faster.

Plus, I like the subway. I like the swaying of the train, the sound of the conductor announcing the next stop. I know despite the changes I have to face in my life, the stops on the subway will always be the same, even if sometimes a few stops have to be skipped.

I make it onto the train just as the doors ding and start to slide closed. Squeezing on, I take a seat near the door. It’s miraculous that there’s a seat available.

I lean my head back against the wall like I always do, and close my eyes, letting the gentle sway take me away. But leaning my head back makes me think of Caleb...how Caleb softly caught the back of my head last night when I rested my head on the wall behind me, unable to do anything else.

What was that wonderful feeling I had deep in my stomach, and why haven’t I felt it before? It was so good and so light, and all I’m doing now is trying to push it away and forget it ever happened.

But I can’t. I close my eyes softly and slip the fingers on my right hand around my wrist. I can feel his presence there. I can taste his mouth on mine.

The train stops with a jerk and halts in the dark tunnel. The lights overhead dim and flicker, finally going dark, and the only lights illuminating the train are from the walls of the tunnel. It’s like I’m back in that hallway again with him, where no one can see us but we risk everything. It’s a rush, and I feel the blood in my body swiftly go to my head, that ache forming again between my legs.

He was bold enough to take what he wanted, and I was enraptured enough to give it. Zoe was right. He knew what he was doing, and even though I didn’t know what I was looking for, he gave me what I wanted...what I needed.

The train jerks forward again and I try to think about other things. This document I need to pick up and deliver to my dad, even though it’s almost five and if he had a normal job he would be packing up his things to go home now. Instead, it’s like he’s just starting his day.

I try to focus up on more important things, like my Environmental Science exam. Zoe’s right, I swore that I’d lock myself in the room and not leave until I knew every last thing there is to know about climate change, sea levels, and all the species that just had their conservation status changed from endangered to vulnerable (the last part is for extra credit).

But my body keeps bringing me back to last night. I toy with the idea of letting myself just go along with where my body wants me to go, but my mind keeps pulling me back to reality, forcing me to abandon my fantasy.

I have more important things to focus on. My classes, getting into a good grad school. Maybe if I weren’t twenty one and still a virgin, it wouldn’t be such a big freaking deal and I could let myself go down this path in my mind.

But I can’t stop, because I’ve never met anyone like him before.