My arms splay out on the desk in front of me as I collapse. Caleb, behind me, runs his hands down my chest and to my waist, my hips, my ass.

Biting my bottom lip, I smile.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.” Caleb pulls away from me slowly, and I hear his pants zip back up behind me. I turn and perch on the edge of his desk as he tenderly helps me back into my shorts.

I’ve never met someone willing to see me for who I am, and that’s my fault. I’ve never felt safe enough to tell someone my secret and my fears that come along with it.

But now, I feel safe.

Caleb looks sexy and handsome in the darkness of the office. He’s wearing casual clothing tonight: a dark-blue polo shirt and black slacks, and everything just fits him so well. I’m a dork, so when he left the bedroom last night to sneak into the shower, I checked the tag on one of his shirts to get his size. I wanted to treat him to something new, but I didn’t recognize the brand. When I looked it up, I discovered that just a polo shirt would set me back about $400. I gasped when I saw the price. Maybe I’d just take him to my favorite falafel cart, instead.

My mom and dad always wanted to provide for me and make sure I had an easy life. Dad is covering my college tuition, and he’s promised he would pay for grad school too. But I want my personal living expenses to be paid for by me. I don’t want them footing the cost of nights out with Zoe like a lot of the parents of the girls I go to college with do. A lot of them don’t like living in the dorms, so they live in deluxe luxury apartment buildings in Midtown. But I like it in the dorms. It might be nicer if I had more friends there, but they’re close to the academic buildings and the library, which is why I want to be there.

“What do you want to talk about, Caleb?” I regard him in the moonlight bathing his office in a warm glow. His cheeks are a little bit less scruffy than they were when I met him. He looked so sexy with the beard, and it matched his growl the first time I met him. But now that he’s shaved, the sharp lines in his face are more distinguished, and I can see all of him better.

“There’s this event I have to attend, and I was hoping you could come with me.” Caleb hooks a hand behind his head and walks over to the big window looking uptown. “It’s a wedding for an old associate of mine. He’s getting married in about six months, and I’d like you to be my date.”

“Six months?” I turn the idea over in my mind. I guess I wasn’t thinking that far to the future. Deep down inside, I guess I assumed me and Caleb wouldn’t last that long. He turns around to me.

“What do you say?”

“I would love that,” I reply. His sexy smile lights up his face. It was the first thing I really liked about him.

But Caleb’s smile quickly turns into a frown when his eyes unlock from mine and slip past me, out to the hallway. The office floods with light, and I realize a light behind me has been flipped on.

“Just stay here,” Caleb says, walking past me and putting a hand on my shoulder as he does. He leaves the office and goes out into the hallway.

I sink down into his chair, my thoughts racing. God, it would be so embarrassing if we were to get caught by someone. I sit in his chair and look down at my fingers, starting to pick at my nails like I always do when I’m nervous.

Caleb comes back into his office and closes the door softly behind him.

“What’s the matter?” I say.

“It’s nothing,” he says, his fists clenching up at his sides. “Really. Let’s go.”

I look past him and get up slowly from the chair, and I see that it’s Dad out in the hallway.

“Does he know I’m here?” I ask, my heart racing. I know what he would say. He’d ask why I’m not studying, first, and then he would ask why I’m here. He would make me admit the truth, even though he already knows what the truth is.

“Yeah, he does, Ava. I told him.” He walks toward me and puts his hands on my shoulders. “I told him. Because I’m not hiding you away. I’m not making you a dirty secret. Fuck, no. I’m going to bring you out into the light, even if that means your old man hates my guts. I don’t give a fuck about that.”

I swallow hard. “It’s not that simple,” I say. “He isn’t going to be mad at you. He’s going to be mad at me.”

“He would never be mad at his baby girl. Do you know how much he talks about you? How proud he is of you? Sweetheart, I’d heard a little about you before I met you. I never saw your picture, and I didn’t know who you were when I met you at the party, but I always heard about Murray’s daughter and how fucking proud he was of her.”

I choke up a little and my heart clenches up. His hands on my shoulders are warm to the touch, and I look up at his eyes, genuine and clear as he continues.

“When you told me your name at the party, I was so thrilled to meet you. You were the fucking most perfect thing I’d ever seen. In my whole life. Did you know that I almost didn’t go to the party?”

Tears start to prick at the corners of my eyes. I don’t want to ugly cry, but the way Caleb is looking at me is making me feel something deep inside me. Something warm, something I don’t understand.

“That’s right,” he continues. “I almost didn’t go to the party. I had a blind date with someone Mike set up for me. She was in town for one night on business, she’s some book agent from London or something. But I told you I was bored with all that shit. You want excitement? Look at Ava Jones, because you’re the thing in my life that’s making me excited now, that’s going to make me excited tomorrow. You’re new, you’re exactly what every cynical fuck in this town is looking for. And I told her at the last minute something else came up and I couldn’t make it. And then I saw you. You were the last thing I was expecting, but the only thing I needed. The only thing I need.”

“Caleb...I don’t know what to say. That’s very nice, but we would have met anyway. The very next day, when I had to bring that document over for dad. We would have met then.”

“You’re right, Ava. But I would have done anything for that one extra night with you. And I’ll do anything now to fight for us. I don’t care what your old man says, if he’s mad at me or if he swears he won’t do business with me anymore. I don’t care about that even a little bit. Fuck this, I’ll take you away from all of this, I’ll quit this bullshit job. I’ll sell the apartment I live in and we’ll live in one of my investment properties. But you don’t want that, do you? You don’t want to be hidden away high up in the sky, do you? You could live with you dad in a penthouse; you could live on your own in a brownstone I know daddy would buy for you in a second. But you don’t want that. You want your own life. Every woman I’ve ever met wants to earn her way into this world with sex. You’re the only one I’ve met who’s trying to get out. And that’s the most beautiful thing about you.”

“But I don’t want to disappoint dad. He is so hard on me. I don’t want to sound like a baby, but he is.” Tears prick at the corners of my eyes. “He doesn’t want me to end up like him, or like my mom, for that matter. He’s afraid I’ve inherited the worst of both of them. Too cautious, too cold, and too distant. If I want to be independent, then he wants me to be independent a hundred times more than that. And that’s why he’s going to be so fucking pissed off at me when he finds out.”

“Sweetheart, I swear, he is not mad at you. He is mad at me for corrupting his sweet young daughter.”

I choke out a laugh, struggling against the lump in my throat.

“I guess you did turn me into a complete slut in the past few days.”

“Slut?” His eyes widen and he hugs me. “Enjoying sex doesn’t make you a slut. But if you really want to be, you can be my little slut, doing all kinds of depraved things for me every night.”

“Caleb,” I laugh. “I’d better go smooth things over with dad.”

“You can do this, honey. Just tell him the truth.” He gives me a reassuring hug and I make my way out into the hall.

Dad’s always talked about work, when I’m lucky enough to see him. I was always daddy’s little girl. He was always sweet and kind to me, but by the time he and my mom split up, I was old enough to care for myself, or at least I thought so. By 17, I thought I was so grown up. Now, just a few years later, I feel like a scared young girl again.

“Dad?” I don’t see him in the hall and I make my way to his office, where he’s standing up facing an old wooden bookcase. I don’t know why he’s here or what he’s looking for.

“Hey, Ava,” he says. He’s so cold, and he doesn’t turn around to look at me.

“Dad, what are you doing here?” I ask, sitting down carefully on the edge of one of the chairs facing his desk. His office is about the same size as Caleb’s, but it feels smaller because of how crammed full of old things it is. The desk is large and imposing wood, and one wall is lined with bookcases. He doesn’t have any pictures of me or his brother and sister, my aunt and uncle whom I’m very close with. I scan my eyes along one of the walls to the few photographs he does have. There’s a picture of him with the current mayor and a picture of him with a few New York State senators.

I sigh as I sink back into the chair. He’s still not facing me, and I feel like an utter disappointment. I shake my head and look down.

“Ava,” he says, “I work here. That’s why I’m here. My question to you is why you’re here.”

“Dad,” I manage to squeak out. “It’s Saturday night. I didn’t think you’d be at work.”

“Exactly,” he says, turning around and pacing over to the window, still not looking at me. “Why are you running around with one of my associates on a Saturday night?”

I feel like he wants to humiliate me and doesn’t even know it. I don’t want to say it out loud. But I remember what Caleb said. It’s not slutty to just like sex, is it?

“Caleb and I are dating, dad.” I say it fast, and without thinking. As soon as it’s out, I feel like a freaking weight has been lifted from my shoulders. “And I’m sorry if you don’t like it.”

“Like it?” He turns around, and I feel like I’m in high school again, breaking my curfew. I was never out with boys in high school, though. If I was ever out late, it was because I was at a diner by myself eating a hot fudge sundae and trying to relax with some comic books instead of the novels I always had to read. Something just for me. And if I ever lost track of the time, it wasn’t because I was off somewhere kissing a boy like my other classmates were.

“Ava, I just don’t want you to get hurt. Caleb is not a good guy.”

His words hit me deep in the heart. He’s being so cavalier, so casual about telling me the man I’m falling for is not a good guy.

“I know he’s had a checkered past when it comes to women. But I think he’s changed. Really.” I choke the words out, struggling with myself, struggling with the room to get my words to compete with dad’s.

“I’ve seen the way he treats women. When you work with someone, you get to know them. And I’ve seen so many women come and go. You know just last week a young girl not very different from yourself came through here, and he had his secretary tell her that he was out of the office in a meeting to avoid talking to her. Is that your idea of a good guy?”

I exhale. He’s right. That’s not nice. But I’m sure Caleb had a reason for it.

“He’s told me about his previous relationships. That’s not the real him. Do you know the heartbreak he’s been through?”

“Right, that fiancee he had last year. She was with him for his money, just like most of them are. They just want to be taken care of. These women are gullible. He thinks he can buy them, and when he’s had his fill he dismisses them. The last thing I want is for my own daughter to go through that.”

“Dad, I can make my own decisions.” I’m getting defensive, and it feels awful. My chest rises and falls, and I can feel my insides get shaky. My stomach turns over and I swallow the lump in my throat.

Getting up, I walk toward the door and let myself out.

“Ava, I just want what’s best for you.”

“And maybe I’m the best person to decide that.”

I walk toward the exit, passing by Caleb’s office. He comes out and tells me to wait, but I tell him I just need to be left alone to think.

I walk past the elevators and don’t hit the button, instead taking the stairs.

* * *

I walk back to the dorms and text Zoe to let her know I’m on my way back. I texted her last night to let her know I wouldn’t be home that night, but I didn’t explain.

See, that’s not me. I don’t leave things open ended like that. I usually tell her exactly where I am and when I’ll be back.

I groan as I think about the fact that I left my Environmental Science book out on my desk, thinking I’d be back in no time to continue studying. I never thought this detour would take this long.

I finally get back to the dorm and Zoe’s there sitting on her chair with her feet up on her desk. She’s wearing a short black skirt and a white flowy tank top, and her long blonde hair is down in a wavy, big blow out. She’s painting her nails bright cherry red, and there’s a guy sitting nervously on her bed. I think he’s trying to see up her skirt.

When she sees me come in, she hops up and tells the guy she’ll text him later.

“I don’t want to interrupt anything,” I say as he leaves.

“It’s fine. He was gonna do my toes next, but I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself.” She gives me a cheesy wink and I collapse onto my bed, scrambling to get under the covers and pulling them up over my head.

“Hey there,” Zoe says, sitting on the edge of the bed. “What’s the matter?”

“I just completely blew it with Caleb,” I say, but it’s muffled by the blankets. Hopefully Zoe didn’t hear me, and it won’t be real.

“You said you blew Caleb?” she says, yanking the covers down to my waist. I put my fingers over my face and peek through them.

“That’s not what I said.”

“But you aren’t denying it. Finally!” She gets up and waves her hands in the air before sitting back down on her knees. “Tell me everything!”

So I tell her my story, of how I went to see dad yesterday, and how I got intercepted by Caleb, everything up until what happened an hour ago. And how just when things were getting good and getting difficult and messy and complicated, I ran away.

“You have two men who just want to make sure you’re okay. You have your daddy, who’s always loved you, and now you have Caleb, too.”

“But what if dad says not to trust Caleb?”

“That’s something you have to figure out for yourself, honey. No one can make that decision for you.”

“Dad said people don’t change. What do you think?”

“Well,” she says, “take a look at yourself. You’ve changed, haven’t you?”

I can’t help but smile.

“Caleb really is amazing,” I say, remembering the moment in the park and how reassuring he was. “He makes me feel like my craziness isn’t crazy at all. In fact, it’s almost as though he likes it. He likes calming me down. I was so worked up, he told me to relax, and miraculously it actually worked.”

“You’ve never met anyone like him before, have you?” Zoe’s face lights up as her eyes move from her hands to meet mine.

“No,” I say. “I haven’t. It’s like that first night all over again. I have something I want, and I push it away.”

Everything starts to come into focus for me, and I wipe my eyes with the backs of my hands, sitting up in my bed. It would be early for me to sink down under the covers and just give up. It would be easy for me to open up my books and cram for my exams. “I can’t keep going on like this. Letting fear dictate my life. I can’t.”

“This is about your mom, isn’t it?” Zoe says, patting my foot through the blanket. “You won’t end up like her, not if you don’t want to. You won’t be alone. Unless you keep pushing Caleb away.”

“You’re right,” I say. “I have to go talk to him. Running away from him wasn’t right.”

Zoe gives me a big hug and I grab my bag, dashing through the door

It’s my turn to go get what I want.