Penny wraps her fingers around her glass of bourbon. She holds it up to toast. “I’m not sure what I should say.”

I’m not sure why she’s here. The ten minutes I bought myself changing in the bathroom did nothing to illuminate her motivations.

I should probably tell her to go fuck herself.

But there’s this doubt lingering in my gut.

I need to be sure.

I clink my glass with hers. “To commitment.”

She lets out a nervous laugh. “To forever.” She brings her glass to her lips and downs half of it.

It’s good bourbon. Three hundred dollar a bottle top-shelf shit. Rich. Oak. Leather.

It might as well scream the manliest fucking drink around.

That was why I got into it. Seemed like a man’s drink. Like most seventeen-year-old boys, I was desperate to prove I was a man.

Penny sits on the couch and crosses her legs.

She smooths her ivory dress.

She looks every bit the bride to be. Glowing, nervous, happy.

But she’s in my hotel room.

That’s not a good fucking sign

Her honey eyes fix on mine. They fill with nostalgia. “You remember the first time we snuck some of Daddy’s bourbon?”

“I said I loved it, chugged a glass, spent the night throwing up.” Fuck, that was miserable.

She laughs. “You made it half an hour.”

“You still went out with me.”

“I liked you.”

“Was it the dry heaving that did it?”

“No. It was you. All those things that are still you. The intensity in your eyes. The way I can always tell you’re thinking something deep and meaningful. The way you never give up on what you want. You’re principled and uncompromising to a fault. And you’re… You were everything I wanted then.”

What the hell is she getting it?

“Sorry. I’m getting nervous.” She takes a long sip. “Only twenty hours to go now.”

“It must be scary.”

She nods.

“Frank is good for you.”

Her expression gets contemplative. She stares into her glass like it contains all the secrets to the universe.

I take a seat next to her.

She turns toward me. Finishes her bourbon and drinks me in instead. “Where’s Leighton?”

I try to find a lie and come up blank.

Penny’s gaze darts around the room. The clean dresser. The sparse floor. The utter lack of Leighton’s bright pink suitcase. She studies my expression, looking for cracks. “She left.”

“She’s just—”

“Is it over?”

“I don’t know.”

“Because of me?”

“Is that what you want?”

Her brow furrows. “Of course not.”

“Then what the fuck are you doing?”

Her fingers brush my thigh. It’s a quick thing. Then it’s not. She rests her entire hand on my thigh. “Ryan, I…”

I freeze.

“I miss you.” Her eyelids press together. She leans in. She leans close enough to kiss me.

I wrap my fingers around her wrist. Pull her hand back.

She jumps back. “Oh. I’m sorry.” Hurt flares in her expression. “That was… I… I don’t know.”

Bullshit.

“I wasn’t—”

“You were.”

Her cheeks flush. It’s not a blush of desire. It’s embarrassment. “Don’t tell Frank.”

“I don’t give a fuck about Frank.”

“But—”

“You do this a lot?”

“No. Never.”

I believe her. Somehow, I can tell she’s being honest. She learned her lesson destroying me. Decided not to do it again.

Maybe I should be bitter.

But I’m not.

“You’re scared. You’re panicking. But I’m not gonna help you run away from your fiancé,” I say. “If that’s what you want, find someone else.”

“I don’t.”

“You sure?”

“No. What if I’m wrong? What if he isn’t enough? If I’m not enough?”

“How do you feel now, when you think about him?”

“Happy.”

“When you think about celebrating your ten-year anniversary?”

Her lips curl into a smile.

“Seeing kids in boat shoes and Dockers playing soccer on the weekends.”

“They’re playing soccer in their boat shoes?”

“Yeah. They want to dress like daddy.”

She laughs. “The Dockers too?”

“Of course.”

“How are they running?”

“They aren’t. They suck. But they’re eight. They’re gonna suck no matter what.”

Her laugh gets louder. “That’s absurd. But I see it.”

“You love him?”

“Of course.”

“What else do you need to know?”

She stares at her empty glass. “You’re right. God, I’m sorry.” She stands, moves to the counter, wraps her fingers around the bottle. “I told myself I was coming here to make things right between us. But I guess I was—”

“You wanted validation.”

Her lips curl into a frown. “How is it so obvious to you?”

“I know you.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“You don’t have me.”

“You’re here.”

“This is my room.”

She laughs. “True.” She turns and stares into my eyes. “What happened with Leigh?”

“We’re not there, Pen.”

“You two—”

“No, me and you. We’re not there and we’re never gonna be there. I’m always gonna love you. But I can’t be this person for you. I can’t be your friend. I’m glad I’m here. I’m happy for you. Really, I am. I want you and Frank to have a big, beautiful life together. I want you to soar.” My shoulders relax. “But I don’t want anything to do with it.”

The words hit me someplace deep.

I want her to light up when she whispers I do.

I want her and Frank to make a billion babies.

And I don’t want a fucking thing to do with it.

Those French-manicured nails release my heart.

I’m done with Penny.

And not in some I’m better off without her break up song kind of way.

I don’t want her to die in a fire.

I want her to burn bright with passion and love and joy.

I can see her big, beautiful life and it makes me feel good.

I don’t want her anymore.

I don’t miss her anymore.

I don’t need a single part of her.

“I gotta go, Pen.” I stand. Move closer. Plant a goodbye kiss on her cheek. “Congratulations, really.”

Her smile gets sad. “Thank you.”

I walk her to the door. “You deserve it.”

“You really mean that?”

Yeah, I do.

She tore my fucking heart out.

But it’s still beating. I’m still here. I’m still alive.

And I feel so much fucking better wanting the two of them happy.

“Are you and Leigh gonna be okay?” she asks.

“I don’t know.” I close the door behind us. “I hope so.”

“Me too.”

I walk Penny to the elevator.

I say goodbye to her.

To her hold on me.

To this whole fucking phase of my life.

This is it. The end of the Penny chapter.

I just hope it’s the beginning of the Leighton one.

No.

Hope isn’t enough.

Hope hasn’t ever done shit for me.

Somehow, I’m going to make this right.